I've set a challenge for myself. I'm going to watch at least one episode of whatever indie promotion I can get my hands on that's readily available on Youtube or any other free site. It can't be a big promotion like WWE or NJPW. Not really wanting to cover TNA/GFW/iMpact/etc but if I am asked, I will. There is a criteria on how I'm going to be judging these things, as it's really mostly on first impressions:
The venue. I figure this would be a big selling point for small shows as the bigger ones have gone vanilla with their locations.
The crowd. If the fans are digging two guys doing somersaults around the ring, then maybe I can warm up to it, too. Also factoring in what sort of people are in attendance too, like if it looks like an older audience, then I expect a more mature program. Tricky to explain, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
The wrestling. Obviously. I don't expect the super-athleticism we get from the WWE, but I still expect to enjoy the choreography. Also will factor in mannerisms of wrestlers and what little I know about psychology. Expect me to approach this as a literature fan, where I'd expect certain things from certain characters. On that note...
The characters. How interesting are these guys outside of a flip and a dive? I truly believe a company can make a basic guy look like a great working class hero type if they put the effort in, so this will matter to me a lot when watching the show.
The production. Do I expect TV quality? Nah. But I do expect something that would make the program stick out a little from mainstream programs. If it's a comedy wrestling thing, then I don't expect the same quality I'd get from one that's focus is on hardcore, unless of course I should expect a clown to go through a table.
So how am I going about this?
Will do one episode, and that's it. (Unless it has my interest, then I may do another.)
Will focus on narrative over ring-skill.
Will pay attention to commentary, as it should be their job to bring new viewers up to speed on storylines.
This is interesting and I do hope you get on small promotions and leave the Ring of Honor/TNA's out of the line-up. There are a lot of indie promotions I haven't watched and have great reviews, with PROGRESS being one that comes immediately to mind.
Reality of Wrestling is as good as any to start with. I'll leave my suggestions here for the future:
- Championship Wrestling from Hollywood - This is the NWA show, where Magnus aka Nick Aldis is the NWA World Champion and is on a run to defend the title against former World Champions or World Championship contenders, with James Ellsworth being one of his future opponents.
- Dramatic Dream Team - A japanese indie promotion known for being really over the top with everything they do. This is the promotion where Kota Ibushi fought a blow up doll and Kenny Omega a 9-year old girl. There is a guy that literally takes his dick out and rapes you as a finishing maneuver. Seriously... https://gfycat.com/BronzeIdleBorzoi
I can't remember the order of the shows they did, but I assume UWF does some manner of SEO and this was the top result. It's the best indy ever, because it shows exactly why WWE has been king since before I was born, and will be until the day I die.
ROW Tag Team Champions: The Heavenly Bodies (Desirable Dustin & Gigolo Justin)
ROW Diamonds Champion: Kylie Rae
ROW Television Champion: Abel Andrew Jackson
ROW Texas Champion: Mysterious Q
Current Roster
Abel Andrew Jackson
Ayden Cristiano
Brock Baker
Bryan Keith
Cameron Cole
Cedric Pain
Connor Hollomon
Clay Roberts
Diego de la Cruz
Dustin
Gino
January
JJ Blake
Jeisan Boudreaux
Jonathan Vega
Justin
Mysterious Q
Ransom
Rex Andrews
Rob Barnes
"Ruthless" Ryan Davidson
Sean Studd
Shawn Hendrix
Startek
Terrale Tempo
Tyree Taylor
Van Harrison
X
Women's Roster
Hyaneyoung
Ivory Robyn
Jada Keys
Kayla Lynn
Kiera Hogan
Kylie Rae
Laynie Luck
Miranda
Reyna
ROW opens with a video montage of wrestlers doing things backstage or in the ring similar to what WCW had before it closed. From what I gather, the theme music is different this episode compared to the others - a smooth R&B-like diddy.
We're greeted by standing commentators Matt Topolski and Brad Gilmore. Brad cuts off Matt's introduction and asked him if he subscribed to the Dynamite newsletter. Big announcement coming from JJ Blake aka "The Dynamite Adonis" later tonight. More breaking news - this week the Texas Heavyweight Championship will be on the line as "The Franchise" Mysterious Q defends against former ROW Heavyweight Champion Ayden Cristiano (this is not in the Youtube Preview).
"The Thoroughbred" Studd vs. Terrale Tempo
Worth noting that Studd is WWE HoFer Big John Studd's son. This match felt all kinds of slow, with a few okay spots like Tempo flipping himself from the corner turnbuckle to the ring apron and Studd's chokeslam finisher looked good. Crowd wasn't very into it, though a few kids were cheering on Tempo here and there. Studd had no heat for what was really a David vs. Goliath match. Every single move looked SUPER SAFE, including one moment where Studd's head "hit" the steel stairs (bad camerawork there). For me it was a serviceable fight, but a bad choice for an opener. When I think opener, I think "hey, the crowd is already hyped for the show to begin, let's keep that momentum". Didn't happen here. I would have put this match second to last on the card.
After the match, cameras focus on kids booing the holy hell out of Studd. Great idea to put the children in the front row. If anybody is going to give a reaction, it's them.
Rob Barnes Interview
Interviewer Ashley Bull (who has outstanding mermaid-colored hair) stands by with Rob Barnes. He talks about a potential match with Cameron Cole but Cameron is here with a mute guy named Startek who looks way more hipster than Corey Graves. Apparently they all belong to the same stable, and Cameron is offended Rob started an interview without them. Rob pretends he didn't ask for the interview (and wanting to fight Cameron), but that Ashley asked Rob personally for an interview, and even calls Ashley Cameron at one point "Now is not the time, Cameron! My name is Ashley..." I couldn't help but chuckle at that. They leave without Rob. Fairly funny and not meant to be a serious ordeal.
GM Sharmell Is Shown Something On Her Laptop
Scene cuts to Hyaneyoung (had to put a face to a name since nobody said her name) showing Sharmell on a laptop how her foot was underneath the rope... and how is this not a standard in mainstream wrestling by now???? Like really, everything in the business is under a microscope so it'd make perfect sense for someone cheated out of a win to show evidence to authority. Anyways, I marked out at seeing Booker T's titles hanging on racks above the two women. Sharmell said she'll think about giving her a rematch though she obviously took exception at her saying how she demanded it.
Gino Training For His Match Against MVP
ROW Heavyweight Champion Gino is running the ropes in a training ring. Flag of Texas is essentially a backdrop, in case you forgot this is shot in Texas (Side note: You have no idea how much this state is in love with itself). Commentary tells viewers he is getting ready for his match against MVP next week. Far out. Weird cut to Gino sitting in the ring and getting asked about how he's preparing for the match. It's just another match for him. Hard to get a bead on this guy. He didn't show any intensity, nor did he really come off as humble with facing someone obviously a big threat to his title. I got more character from Studd just standing around than I did with the Heavyweight Champion. Not good.
JJ Blake's Mysterious In-Ring Segment
Nice dig at the ring announcer from commentary as they introduce viewers to "The Dynamite Adonis" better than how he did. Made Blake feel important. Business Suit Lawyer Alex with one hell of a stooge Yes Man persona as he continuously calls him Mr. Blake and told him how everything was already in order. There's a table with papers and a briefcase in front of them. The Dynamite Adonis works the crowd by calling them pathetic idiots with miserable lives. It's hammy but based on who's all in the crowd this was alright for me.
He says that it'd be fitting to make his own...(???) the briefcase on the table gets its own music when Blake opens it up...and it's a brand new Television Championship Belt complete with a bold red "FITE" in the center, because ROW is on the FITE App. Commentary reminds viewers that JJ Blake didn't win the TV Championship, but apparently he bought his own belt (Dynamite FITE Wrestling Championship Of All Television, he dubs it). I thought this was hilarious and a perfect thing for a heel to do. Tells the crowd he'll defend this belt at anytime, anywhere, including now! Commentary is losing their shit, saying how it's an unsanctioned title and isn't for real. Fun segment.
JJ Blake vs. A Jobber The Ring Announcer Introduced Through A Mouthful Of Cheeseburger, I Assume
LE$, some musician, is in the audience. Announce booth calls the white guy Will Lockhart, "The Third Sibling", but I have no clue to what group he's referring to, since it doesn't match up with anybody on the Wikipedia roster. It goes without saying this fight is 100x more athletic in the first minute of the bout compared to Studd vs. Tempo. Some great lines from the commentators: "That isn't a title, it's a belt. That's not a title, is't a strap." "It's a Championship Match, Topolski". The Blake End (lol) puts Will away for The Dynamite Adonis to retain his championship. Minor altercation between LE$ and JJ Blake seemed promising but was immediately stopped. Commentary gets another shot in as the show ends by calling Blake's belt "The Shiniest Participation Trophy You'll Ever See". Golden angle.
In hindsight, thank god Studd vs. Tempo didn't close the show/video. I didn't expect there to be just two matches, even with it being a Youtube Preview of 24 minutes. But a quick look at the previous episode 196 only had one match and it started the show so hey I don't know I take what I can get.
First Impressions
Venue: Super Small Arena. Imagine what WWE runs, but so tiny there were only a few rows of chairs in the audience. Not exactly a colorful setting, but it works. I think I spotted a few tables wayyy in the back. If there's some bar or restaurant off-screen, this was probably a better venue in person than on-screen.
Crowd: Composed mainly of children and what I imagine are their parents. They were definitely in the fore-front at least, getting plenty of camera time. Not a wild bunch, shockingly enough.
Wrestling: Let me rip the band-aid off here. It's not good. Not compared to what the average WWE fan is used to. Studd vs. Tempo was so safe I half expected them to be bouncing around on a trampoline while doing their moves. Almost heartbreaking because 1. It's an HOFer's son and 2. the Big Boot starting the fight was not bad. Boy was it slow though and I started to think they were both gassed long before the finish, even Tempo. Agility wasn't strong in either match really but I wasn't overtly disappointed with Blake vs. Lockhart. Again I find myself using the word serviceable, because the kind of people I see in the crowd makes it clear we weren't getting a barn burner. Eh, two matches in 20 minutes, though.
Characters: A mixed bag. On one hand, JJ Blake was a lot of fun, Studd was hit/miss but still very Kevin Nash-like in what he did and Rob Barnes/Startek/Cameron Cole were an interesting bunch. But I could have slept through the Heavyweight Champion's promo, and it's against possibly the biggest draw he'll ever face. Super letdown by that and Tempo who came to the ring fine enough but didn't give enough reason for me to cheer him on other than he was the smaller guy. I can see a pattern here in how family-friendly every character shown is, so overall it gets a wavy thumbs up from me.
Production: Impressive for something that is clearly for some fighting/martial arts App for our phones. Best way to describe it is Raw/Smackdown 2000s in HD. No fireworks, unfortunately, but I thought the camerawork was top notch (minus Studd hitting the steel stairs). Lighting was solid. Backstage bits were minimal but definitely didn't take away from segments. Best part of the episode for me.
It's clear this show is geared more towards children, but not in a way that's insulting to them like tossing in clowns, superheroes, etc. might. I think that's an incredibly difficult group to reach, really. Kids will obviously imitate the cool moves, so I think it was smart for ROW to not focus on the big things and to play it mostly safe in the ring. Characters are still hammy as you'd expect for this demographic, including the announce team. But is it watchable? Sure. If you're looking for a break from a smash-style approach to wrestling, and wanna see a company ran by Booker T and his wife, here you go.
May do another one of these where I see the full show.
You made it sound like a really low-budget WWE style promotion. I didn't know Studd's son was in the business, that was neat and being in Booker's promotion is the right way to sign with WWE in the future. I always dig that "son of famous wrestler" gimmick, yet they don't use the cliché rivalries one would expect. Call me simple minded, but I dig that.
All in all, I see ROW isn't really something worth my time. It seems like a great school for wrestlers to learn, specially playing to a camera and being safe in the ring, which to me is actually something I dig in a match - simplicity. I don't need the thousand flips, just a good set of punches and a good selling to keep me entertained.
I am more intrigued to see your opinions on PROGRESS really! Keep up.
UWN Tag Team Champions: Pac 3 (Dan Joseph & Dylan Bostic)
NWA World Heavyweight Champion: Nick Aldis
Other Accomplishments
Red Carpet Rumble Winner: Tyler Bateman
Percy Pringle III Memorial Cup: Dicky Maier
Current Roster:
Bad Dude Tito
Bateman
Big Duke
Coach Flex McCallion
Dan Joseph
Danny Rivera
Dicky Maier
DJ Hyde
Dylan Bostic
Dylan Drake
Eli Drake
Eric Watts
Espiritu
Hobo
James Morgan
Jarek 120
Jervis Cottonbelly
Joey Ryan
Jorel Nelson
Kratos
"Pistolero" Julio Pedroza
Julius Coleman
Kevin Martenson
Leo Blaze
Nick Aldis
Mike Camden
Peter Avalon
Raul
Rojelio
Rocky Romero
Ryan Taylor
Sasha Darevko
Tim Storm
Timothy Thatcher
Todd Chandler
Ty Matthews
Will Rood
Will Cuevas
YUMA
80s-esque United Wrestling Network moving graphic starts presents the show. We move in to a cold open interview with Denise Salcedo (unlisted on their Non-Wrestler page) talking to two semi-finalists for the Percy Pringle III Cup Tournament: Royce Isaacs (unlisted from roster) and Andy Brown (another unlisted, I see a pattern here...). They're to compete this episode and she wanted to know what it would take for them to reach the finals. Brown calls himself "The Dying Breed" and Isaacs takes a moment to poke fun at Denise's outfit for being hipster. Nice lampshading there, as he's wearing the same thing she is, but more ridiculous as it's big and white. Says he is the most talented person he knows, so he doesn't know where that leaves Andy Brown. Ends the segment by telling Brown "Don't forget your shine box". Goodfellas reference? Derogatory remark because Andy is black and shining shoes was a common job for impoverished minorities? I don't know, but I'm curious to see where this goes.
CWFH intro is similar to ROW's but with a lot more movement. The music is what you're likely to find in royalty free rock. It all has a Saturday Morning vibe to it. Hard to explain, you'd have to see it to understand.
Ni w/Ichi vs. Ray Rosas
Ring announcer botches by saying it's Ichi that is wrestling. This was a squash match that had a failed Twin Magic moment with Ichi coming in but Ray Rosas hits an Adios Amigos aka CM Punk's Go To Sleep on both men and pins them in unison (wasn't really a pin but whatever their legs were in the air). The major story here is that Ray Rosas was betrayed by his friend Peter Avalon (Holy shit a name that's on the roster) and is working himself up the ranks to confront him. Ni and Ichi were practically a tag team of Eugenes and were uncomfortable to watch.
United TV Champion Scorpio Sky w/Chris Bey vs. "Rocket Boy" Dmarco Wilson
Alright I'm going to get this out of the way now, because obviously it's going to bug the shit out of me as the hour goes by: The state of this company's wiki roster is atrocious. Even a champion is unlisted. I figure this promotion is more Frankenstein than an actual clean-cut program, so I'm going to let it go now. I include a roster for something remotely resembling familiarity, but don't expect any of the names that are there to be on this episode. Part of me is thinking to remove the list altogether, but I took the time typing all that out...
Dmarco Wilson is already in the ring. Scorpio hands his title over to Chris (who's wearing a Bey is Bae shirt that parodies the old Raw is War logo) and welcomed everybody to another edition of "The Sky Box". Gets its own title graphic for a second. He gestures to his friend, saying he's here with his new guest host, Chris Bey and the Onion Pizza Band. Course, his friend is just ??? and so is the rest of the crowd. He turns his attention on his host- woops guest, Dmarco, and asks him what it is he's carried to Scorpio's ring. A skateboard without wheels, axle, etc. Calls him Jabroni Hawk, in case The Rock impression wasn't catching on enough. Says if Dmarco thinks he can beat Sky, than Dmarco is higher than the referee's pants. Alright, you got lucky with that joke, Sky. Gives a Final Thought: Skate away if you see Sky's name in the marquee again. Cheap shot leads to the match. Two things:
1. Dmarco Wilson is a quick one.
2. He woke the crowd up after a pretty bad segment.
Still, can't have the newbie beat a champion. Did a good job on getting heat on Sky though, so I didn't mind this fight ending with the more interesting guy losing. "The Best!" "The Best!" "The Best!" "The Best!" is also a great catchphrase for a 4x champion, which Sky is.
I looked Chris Bey up by the way, and this picture was the first in Google Images. Don't say I never did nothing for y'all:
Bateman Interview
Denise Salcedo is back with a new guest, Bateman, and Jesus Christ take back what I said about ROW's StarTek looking like the definition of a hipster. Handlebar mustache...cane...eyeliner...that weird shaved haircut...top knot...one colored eye contact...a fucking braid...total carny. Maybe I should keep a hipster counter while I'm at this. Anyways Bateman is asked about Dicky Maier, who pinned him at Milestone, and is fighting him tonight. His lines are pretty good: "The thing about the Devil, is that you can capture him once in a while, but you can't hold him." "You're a boy in a Man's world, and tonight I'll show you I am the main Man around here..." but it's not very intimidating, probably because I feel his lines don't quite match his voice or his look.
Kevin Condron & Richie Slade vs. Spirit And The Stars
So Kevin came out in a headscarf and sunglasses and vaped the entire way. Laughed my ass off. SATS are masked luchadors. Story is Kevin & Richie are an unlikely alliance from the PP3 Tournament and SATS were jumped by Howdy Price (not sure on name) and The Rancheros and had their masks removed, but they got them back before the episode aired. Nice Gorilla Monsoon discussion about how he'd take to Kevin wearing scarves in his matches. Guy named Thomas, Kevin's "social media manager", got up on the apron to record the match via phone and this gimmick is perhaps too good for what is essentially a random tag match. The red masked Spirit and The Stars (fuck names) botched to high hell but his black masked partner wasn't bad. A double dive to Kevin & Richie leads to Kevin throwing Thomas in the way to absorb the attack. Afterwards Kevin is crying alligator tears and it's clear this guy will be going places in the future. With Kevin distracted on the outside SATS double team Richie with a cutter followed by a standing shooting star press leading to the pinfall victory. The match took a backseat for me as I was completely enthralled with Kevin Condron's starletesque gimmick.
"American Thunder" Dicky Maier vs. Bateman
To give the vaudevillian from Hell his due, Bateman's entrance sold him as a sinister threat without being over the top. Something that took me too long to notice, though: the crowd the cameras are focused in on the most are wayyy too reserved. They don't look bored, and they're not on their phones, but they do seem just to be chilling and eating popcorn like they're at the movies. The bulk of noise and chants stem from behind the main camera, and it's only a few guys doing it. Why anybody would pay for seats they'd know would get the most exposure on-screen and just sit quietly is a little confusing. Even the ROW kids knew to go nuts. Anyways, Bateman hits the Death From Above, some standing forearm/elbow drop to the chest, gets Bateman the win. I hated this finisher. It looked all kinds of lazy. The Discus Elbow Smash he did prior was WAY more devastating a maneuver than him just dropping an arm down for the pin. Besides that, I am warming up a little to the character, but his appearance still leaves me thinking he's trying too hard. After the match he sits for a moment on the bottom rope (never seen someone do that), and leaves looking pissed. Maybe he realized his calling card looked like shit.
Kevin Condron Wants To Talk
We get backstage interviewer Denise Salcedo once again, but before she can tell us how 2018 is a big year for UWN, Kevin Condron pops in, blows a ton of vapor smoke into her face, and snatches the mic from her. Please let this show just be Kevin from now on. He's angry, stating he's been there for over a year and deserves a shot for the Heritage Championship. "NIKKO, COME HERE!!!...plz?" Nikko is there, and is told that a very ugly man, Bad Dude Tito, is on the posters here and that needs to change. Kevin is here to take the belt off of him. Kevin is about to beg Nico for the chance to face Tito for the belt...and Nikko says "why not?" while eating some Cheetos or some cheesy looking snack, cutting Kevin off. Kev doesn't say another word, but hands him the mic, pats his shoulder, and happily walks off. Okay, this guy is Tyler Breeze if Tyler Breeze was too good to hold his own selfie stick, and he's sooo goddamn likable even when he's the heel. He's just fun and by far the highlight of this show.
Nikko Marquez Interview
You know, Denise Salcedo gets a SHITLOAD of screen time for somebody not on their wiki roster. She's standing by with CWFH's minority owner Nikko Marquez (same guy Kevin Condron just got done talking to) and asked him who would be facing Bad Dude Tito next week. For a minute I thought this would be a title match, and was legit confused because they just announced Condron a few seconds ago. But I rewatched the segment and it holds up. Next week Bad Dude Tito isn't going to just fight, but wrestle. And it'll be against an olympic wrestler named Jeff Cobb. Holy shit, they're getting Matanza next episode.
PP3 Semi-Finals Match: "Uptown" Andy Brown vs. Royce Isaacs
The trophy is seen, and it's The Undertaker's Urn. Kinda curious how they haven't been sued for the obvious reference, but eh. Some backstory on the PP3: The winner can challenge for any title the company has. A few notable names from the tourney's past included Eli Drake and Ricky Mandel. Isaac's knee pads pissed me off the entire match because they were right below his knees. Also, first time they've went to a break during a match, and I had completely forgotten how much I hated WWE doing that. Least they only did it the once here. When he was in the driver's seat, Royce Isaacs audibly shouts "Oh, you're quiet now..." at the crowd, doing a good job getting heat. Valiant effort from Andy, but this was really Royce's win since the beginning. An X-Wing German Suplex, a Full Nelson Hold lifted into a German, gets him the 3. Royce advances to the Finals and I'll never know what he meant when he told Andy to get his shine box.
First Impressions
Venue: Another cost-effective small arena, which is fine. Garbage bags lined the barrier, and I think they had Christmas lights on a few columns and walls. Wrestlers entered through an archway and left through red curtains. All in all, another basic venue with a few more noticeable cuts than what Reality of Wrestling made. Not impressive in any way, but not something that made me hate it.
Crowd: Composed mostly of an older audience. They weren't that excited, and so neither was I. At one point a ticker graphic hyped the next show and in bold letters "Free Admission" covered the screen. Really said it all.
Wrestling: An average affair not worth writing home about. Technically it was better than ROW, but then again I understood why ROW wasn't going nuts with their moves. There was no reason these guys couldn't let loose a little. The only fight that held my interest was Scorpio Sky and Dmarco Wilson, and even then I don't think it's good to have some newbie character steal your champion's thunder.
Characters: Kevin Condron was excellent. Bateman was just a weird combination of dark carny steampunk but I understood what he was doing and in the end warmed up to it. Dmarco Wilson also had me interested with his throwback grunge skateboarder thing and I hope he uses the board for RVD levels of fun in the future. Scorpio's Rock impersonation was horrid, but he does have The Look of a champion. So does Royce Isaacs to be fair, so for me this was probably the strongest thing about the program.
Production: Frankensteinesque. On one hand, the intro looked good, the lighting did a fantastic job covering up how small the place really was, and it even had some decent smoke for Bateman's entrance. But backstage segments were all in one spot, and I hated that. ROW at least knew when to change it up. Theme songs weren't too generic but neither were they memorable, so they were better than ROW in that regard. I can't help but think the garbage bags that lined the barrier are a bit too lowgrade for what this is trying to present itself as.
Flippy Counter: 9
I'd say this type of show that appeals to the casual fan who might bring their kids along and not worry about anything risque. Judging by the (eh) roster and overall production, you're not likely to see women fight or faces getting bloody. Know how I said at the beginning the intro felt like a Saturday Morning show? This whole episode felt that way. Some decent characters, but nothing that really sets itself as an alternative to WWE.
I didn't really get the NWA stuff like I thought I would, Prince. I have been keeping up with it on Youtube though so I'll definitely review it piece by piece.
I'd say not progress for no other reason than the entire fucking Britwres scene needs to be doused in petrol and torched right now. By which I mean it's full of pedophiles and rapists.
Progress is no exception, seeing as they book Strangler Davis on a regular basis.
Anton Voorhees
Bat Manuel
Berkeley Brawler
Big B
Brittany Wonder
CAUTION
Cereal Man
Drugz Bunny
Ean Hancement
El Chupacabra
Funny Bone
Johnny Butabi
Ken
Manny Faberino
PONG
Richard Shhhnary
Rob Hands
Ryu
Scott Rick Stoner
Shotzi Blackheart
Virgil Flynn III
Zangief
Anthony Butabi
Coach Nuggs
Doc Atrocity
FONG
Gregory Iron
James C
Jean Pierre
Joey Nuggs
Katarina Leigh
Laura James
Nurse Ratchet
Paul London
Steven Tresario
Super Beast
Current Champions
The Golden Gig Champion: PONG
Intergalactic Tag Team Champions: The CAUTION (Anton Voorhees & Ean Hancement)
Other Accomplishments
The Best Athlete in the East Bay: Cereal Man
The Dixie Carter Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl Tag Team Tournament Trophy: Ken (w/Stoney Montana)
Cold open to a static shot of the ring and the crowd. Somebody is welcoming the audience to the show, but since it's on Twitch and it's live it is sorta muffled. This set is everything you'd expect from an underground event: seedy venue with graffiti adorning the walls. Plenty of cigarette/weed smoke from attendees. Sloppy ring with a canvas that seems made of cut up garbage bags with the center all duct taped. After ROW and CWFH, this is a refreshing change. Guy brings out another guy (it being live, and their equipment being one step above cups on a string, I'm surprised I could understand anything they said). His music is the theme to the forgotten 80s TV sitcom Perfect Strangers, a lovely upbeat rock ballad. He tells everybody it's fucking good to be back home in Oakland, California. The two have a drink and a chaser before starting the show properly. If anybody has a question, raise their hands. So a few did. One asks what kind of weed Perfect Strangers likes. Silver Planet I think he says. This is clearly what would happen if Cheech and Chong had a wrestling show. Few more bits of Q&A that doesn't really add anything but does tell me that this is not going to be a serious ordeal. I expect a laid back "get high" kind of thing here, and I'd toke to get more out of this, but I'm dry so...
Auctioning a few books for $1. One is about cats. This is by far the weirdest start to a show I've seen, but it's amusing. Gets bumped to $3...$4...FIVE DOLLARS?!? Sold to a man in a nice leather jacket.
Match begins by introducing a referee first. He's wearing a green and black striped shirt. Aight the refs here have some personality. Cool.
Coach Joey Nuggz vs. Richard Shhhnary
Coach comes out with a "I'm a Nuggs Guy" t-shirt (Paul Heyman Guy parody?) and literally has a discussion with commentary while he's in the ring. Coach has this aging pothead thing going for him while Richard is a librarian, complete with a strap of books, even shushing fans. Commentary is audibly heard throughout the arena, opposite of what modern mainstream promotions do. Oh shit Shhhnary hits Coach in the head with one of his books...he's down and the ref is counting the pin...he's up at two. So one thing is for certain: this wrestling isn't an athletic endeavor. It's more performance art than it is a combative sport. This made the Studd vs. Tempo match from ROW look like an NXT main event, is what I'm getting at here. Referee doesn't call for a disqualification but did go for a ring count when they went to the outside. Coach Nuggs uses Shhhnary's stack of books by positioning them near the fallen Shhhnary, stepping on them and somehow using them as leverage for a diving elbow drop that ends the match. This would have been the absolute shittiest thing I've seen if it weren't for how commentary and the crowd were treating it like such a dangerous stunt. Gotta give them credit, I laughed way harder than I should have for this.
Commentary is running down a list of various tag team match types (6-man, etc) and says this year they're going to focus on tag team wrestling. Okay then.
Stoner Brothers Segment
Commentary Guy wants to bring out his brother Rickie to the ring because there was an incident at the last show Stonerversity. I think I'm figuring this all out. Guy at commentary is Scott Rick Stoner and his brother is Rick Scott Stoner (these names are great). They're identical twins. They ask Big B to come out as well, and he does to a cool Ozzy(?) song. He's wearing one of those black faceless ghost reaper-like masks. He rips it off to get the crowd amped, though it does so with minimal effect. He's clearly on something. Stoner Bros also ask for Stevie T (Steven Tresario) who has some sweet trap music and a banded up goatee. The Brothers give fans some backstory - 4 years ago they set the two up as a tag team, and they've done well. Their names are on some whiteboard but they're going to get bumped because they've graduated. They're given Stoner Letterman jackets, and it's exactly what you're imagining. They chant in unison, and strike a "raise the roof" pose. There's a shaking of hands and the Brothers leave. Stevie T & Big B are about to as well but "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson plays. "That Handsome Devil" Riv and Junk Yard Cat come out . Riv is oozing charisma - practically pole dancing on the ring post as he gets in the ring. They want a fight. "Your accent changed three times in that promo!" - Stevie T.
"That Handsome Devil" Anthony Rivera & "Junk Yard Cat" Joey Smokes vs. Hayward Heat
The referee this match has an orange vest on because he's here for community service. Chuckled in spite of myself. Silly exchange between Big B and Riv: "I AM BIG B!" "WELL I AM BIG D!" "I DON"T CARE FOR YOU, BIG D!" Riv chews up the scenery unlike any wrestler I've ever seen, doing the most extra provocative taunts imaginable. One funny spot was Riv trying to make the tag...to Stevie T. Welcome To Hayward - tag team finisher is some weird Gutwrench + Cutter combo on The JYC is good for 3 as Big B & Stevie T are the winners. Way more athletic than I was led to believe with the show's opener, but probably way too many tags being made to stay completely interested. Standouts were Anthony Rivera and Stevie T for sure. I'll be damned...Booker T's theme music is played as they celebrate.
Commentary shoot the shit til announcing Picture Time!!!
Coach Nuggz Is Back In The Ring For Picture Time!!!
He takes pictures for the fans. What did you expect for Picture Time?
Manny Faberino Comes To The Ring
Manny comes out to "Seventeen" by Winger. Manny is billed at 17 years old and living at his Mother's House. Has this intriguing "I'm my mom's favorite wrestler" gimmick about him and I dig it. He takes a moment of silence for his savior, Guy Fieri. There's even a fucking ringbell going off for this segment despite Fieri being alive. Poor taste, but eh it's what you'd expect in this place. He wore a cowboy hat to the ring (got a Tremors chant), and told the crowd he was supposed to face Cowboy Sam Owens, but it's not going to happen. "We were going to have a duel, and I was gonna shoot him, and he was gonna die, and then I was gonna say Bury Me With My Money, and two people were gonna laugh, just like they did just now..." Funny stuff.
He admits he's there to kill time...but Cowboy Sam Owens's music hits. He doesn't come out, but Manny dances along, getting a "DAN-CING" chant (you'll never get that in any of the dozen Dance-Offs WWE does). New music plays and it's an old Russian diddy. Manny does this hybrid Texas Two-Step followed by the Can-can and now I know I'm staring into another universe. "Holy shit!" chants. He goes to do a flip, lands directly on his head, and he sells the pain. I'm adding that to the Flippy Counter anyways. It gets blamed on Charlie Chaplin, an invisible entity in Hoodslam. "Charlie Chaplin" chants makes me wonder if I did hit a joint before watching this, and I just can't remember. Anyways the green striped referee is there wearing the cowboy hat, checking both Manny and Charlie for foreign objects to start the match.
Manny Faberino vs. Charlie Chaplin
"I'm only 17 and you're like 200!" Crowd starts clapping in unison, and by some divine decree this match has changed to a Dance-Off. A man is dancing off with nobody there. Camera sells the ghost by jerking side to side, up and down erratically. The crowd is eating this up, with another chant "Charlie's Dancing!" Manny is jealous and lashes out with a Cutter, and pins him..for a two. "You Got Served!" chants now. "Wanna see somebody get served?" Manny does Scotty 2 Hotty's The Worm, Charlie strikes. Commentary does A HELL OF A JOB selling all the rapid fire reversals, missed clotheslines, etc. Camera sells Charlie Chaplin dive to Manny "I hope he doesn't dive on me!". "You sick fuck!" chants for Chaplin. Both Charlie and Manny to the top rope..and Many executes a Superplex to the outside, his back hitting the ring apron loudly. "What the fuck!" chants. Double Count Out to end the match.
Fight continues to the parking lot, and the fans follow. Manny climbs a big rig and throws Charlie Chaplin off. Crowd is unglued. Manny is downright remorseful acting like he just killed him. He looks visibly sick, and high tails it back inside and through the curtain. Charlie Chaplin is on an invisible stretcher with an invisible ambulance (crowd makes Weeooo Weeooo noises) but He's Back Up!!! Gets a round of applause. This was...a lot. A lot of fun? A lot of cringe? Yes.
Rob Hands & "The SideShow" Joe Killmeister vs. "The Master" Ken & Victor von Richter
Rob is ripping off Psycho Sid, complete with music, attire, and mannerisms. Joe is a bearded clown. Ken is Ken from Street Fighter and Victor is a DBZ fighter, complete with scouter. Court-appointed referee has returned. Killmeister stepped completely on top of Ken and gave him an elbow drop + pin and I don't recall seeing that combination. He also has a creepy clown laugh, so bonus points there. Rob Hands sold an invisible "Fireball Ki" from Victor. Victor also gave a good Spear to Hands, followed by a Jackhammer. Killmeister with a Double-Armed DDT, commentary referencing Cactus Jack. Samoan Drop to Rob Hands ends the match with Ken holding Victor down onto mini-Sid for the win.
This time is probably as good as any to point out nobody is a face or a heel on this show. They're just doing their thing. No story, or minimal at best. Just characters. Admirable, but I'm not into the guys nearly as much knowing that.
More shooting the shit, referencing Bill Nye getting high. They have no idea what the next match is, but they'll wait for the music to hit. It's Tony (???).
This Guy Has No Tag Team Partner
So somebody named Tony, Joey, whatever gets on the mic to tell the crowd he was ready to fight tonight but he has no tag team partner. Sort of the same setup they did with Rob Hands not knowing who he was teaming with, but this way is a bit more of a mystery. "Everybody in the fucking back already paired up." Says he'll be back March 15th in gear, inviting somebody to team with him. Says he doesn't want a loser though. Leaves. This felt like a colossal waste of time, getting no reaction from the crowd.
Commentary tries to get the fans interested by asking them if they're all high yet. They're quite awake, raising what looks like blunts and the like. This show is a trainwreck. Anyways, on to the next tag team match.
The Deacon Barista & The Berkeley Brawler vs. Boyz N The Hood & Big Baby Powder
Hey green/black striped ref is back and holy hell Barista is a Starbucks employee equipped with a thermos. He came out to a slow acoustic version of Saliva's "I Walk Alone". Berkeley Brawler looks like a caricature of an Upper Class white classic hipster complete with scooter, glasses, and manbun (ehh I'll put him higher than ROW's Startek but way, way lower than CWFH's Bateman). Truly a marvel. Sings along to his music in a Pee Wee Hermanlike way. Barista sings with him long after the song is cut. Hood is a gangsta type with a mask and Baby Powder looks like a sleazy Vegas manager pimp hybrid...who is shilling baby powder. They come out to a remix of the COPS theme. Berkeley & Barista have matching cummerbunds (a sash) and they raise it up in the air like they're tag team titles. So apparently the cummerbunds are on the line now, the commentary says. Ref wears Bruce's bling. Oh, Big Baby Powder's last name is Johnson, as in Johnson & Johnson, lol. Barista to do a Barista Bomb...but needs help from Berkeley. Berkeley Brawler puts Baby Powder into a sitting STF move called The Brawlerer and gets the submission win.
Commentary talks about Hayward Heat doing well against Junk Yard Cat & Riv. They're just going over who won the previous matches. I assume they do this because the fans are all kinds of fucked up and probably forgot. More shooting the shit, which is fine because 1. This place can't afford backstage segments I guess and 2. Interactive. Fans like it.
Main Event: The CAUTION vs. The Squad: Hip Hop Harry, D-Rogue, and Kenny K
I wish I knew what the ref did to be doing community service. If commentary told me, they did so with alcohol in their mouths. Here is a very strange ensemble of cats, Anton Voorhees and Ean Hancement aka The CAUTION. They carry around a giant plastic trophy and have a "valet" with them, Khan, a guy dressed as Britney Spears in her flight attendant costume (and he's killing it, to be honest). He rips his clothes off and is in somekind of semi-nude glittery bodysuit ensemble and this is the loudest reaction so far. They all dance and commentary talks about how these are his life decisions, motherfucker so take it how you want. Sorta progressive for a show I totally expect tits to pop out at. The Squad are thugs but not exactly gangstas, and they're getting in people's faces and flipping them off. Commentary did a shit job here saying their names, pretending they're Bruce Buffer with stressing syllables. Your audio is an abortion guys, please keep in mind you're streaming on Twitch.
The Squad jump The CAUTION to start. Looks like the flippy counter is going to get a workout because there are already 4 flips in the first minute of this match (yet somehow they don't come off as athletic, weird). Bunch of Superkicks and I'm finally seeing the indy that gets a bad rep. Oh Hip Hop Harry has a Zack Gowen thing going for him, and I'll let you guess what I mean by that. The CAUTION have a cool spot where they grab hold of one guy and "Britney" gets on top of him to strike a pose ("It's Britney, Bitch!"). Series of elbows by The CAUTION and the ref has no idea how to handle this match so they're just doing their thing. (Side note: Twitch has a chatroom, and one of the guys stated that Hip Hop Harry won a Battle Royal in this fed due not being able to be eliminated...I shouldn't laugh, but I am.) D-Rogue ...he looks like Manny Faberino...actually I'm sure he is but he's wearing a hoodie..I can see how this could be a jab at wrestlers with alter egos.
Nice rollup spot where individual break the cover by rolling one guy over, making the pin change for the opponent. A ball of humanity. D-Rogue Manny rolled Ean Hancement up in a backslide pin for the win though I'm not even sure he was the legal man. The CAUTION lost their trophy cup though it was never up for grabs.
Britney is asked to sing. Said he didn't know they had a title. It was just a prop. Says they'll be back on top next time and now for some singing. Antony takes the mic. "Please sing, Ean!" chants. Ean will sing...wait no. He's too upset "He's lost his smile!" and walks out. Kinda kills the mood as the other two walk out right after. Weird note to end on, but commentary cracks jokes and makes it a bit better. They plug their program which was a fantastic idea for something this underground.
Ends with Perfect Strangers theme playing.
First Impressions
Venue: Now we're seeing something different. Looked like some kind of warehouse, with chickenwire behind the commentary team showing a few wrestlers waiting in the wing, the ring composed of garbage bags and duct tape. Art on the walls is mostly video game logos and references. Standing room only, with dead arcade machines and various boxes strewn around. Cannabis flag acted as curtains in a doorway for the wrestlers to enter/exit. Eh, this place has its own identity.
Crowd: Alive. They were definitely into this show, chanting on the guys they liked and booing appropriately for the ones that aren't meant to be liked. Say what you will for how awful hardcore wrestling is, but its fans don't need a beach ball to be entertained. They were drinking, toking, what else have you. Not a large crowd (fifty people at most), and not necessarily a rowdy one, but vocal enough for me to want to join them. There were no barriers between them and the performers.
Wrestling: It was abysmal, but everybody including the wrestlers were in on how bad this was, so how the hell can I judge something this self-aware?
Characters: Even the referees were characters here. Standouts for me were Manny Faberino, Anthony Riviera, Joe Killmeister, and The Deacon Barista. Place was packed with colorful characters, to be honest.
Production: Two cameras were present- one held by a guy near the ring, a little shakily, and the other static bit farther from the action. The music from the "wrestlers" were songs people have heard before, glad to see some familiarity. Lighting was horrendously blinding in some parts, making the more Caucasian wrestlers look like the ghost of Sheamus. Audio was the worst part, it being in a small building with commentary muttering through microphones. I think they did a stellar job killing time between segments and matches without commercials, but still wasn't their best feature.
Flippy Counter: 10
If you're a traditionalist, leave Hoodslam alone. It's tongue-in-cheek humor, poking fun at wrestling while being a wrestling show. It's for adults who are into weed culture and video game characters. Surprisingly, I didn't really get an old-school ECW feel for this program. There was barely anything hardcore in it, and nobody bled. Tits did not come out, and neither were there any women there to be eye candy or moan through a match. Worst it got was Fuck Bombs. They do have Katarina Leigh aka Katie Lee Burchill aka Winter on their roster, and I'd be lying if I wasn't curious to what her role is in this place. All in all, I did have fun watching this. It's not a serious program. Expect the worst wrestling imaginable, so bad that the people doing it know its bad. But it was entertaining for a stoner show. I think this was a B event, and there are bigger events than this scheduled, so will I journey back to this weird universe? Not sure. We'll see.
I don't know if it would perk your interest, but I've seen a lot on twitter about WrestleCircus and how good it is. I myself have never watched it but I know it's streamed on twitch. Will send you the link if you want/need it, I plan to check it out myself soon.
Glad you guys are getting a kick out of this. I didn't think I'd enjoy doing this sort of thing at first, being completely new to independent stuff. But so far for better or worse it's been a good experiment.
I was 1/3 done with The WCWC but then they uploaded a new episode on Youtube. So this is as good as time as any: In case any of you haven't caught on yet, I am reviewing the most current episodes/shows that I can find.
WCWC Tag Team Champions: The Bonu$ Boyz (Clutch & Sugar Brown)
WCWC Oregon Championship: VACANT
WCWC Oregon Tag Team Champions: 4 Minutes of Heat (Ricky Gibson & Eddie Pearl)
Defunct Championships:
WCWC Lightning Division Championship: Eric Right
Current Roster:
Adrian Matthews
Alexander Hammerstone
Anthony Greene
Beast The Butcher
Caleb Konley
Cameron Cole
Clutch
Damien Drake
Dan Joseph
Darin Corbin
Dicky Mayer
Dillon Divine
Ethan HD
Gangrel
Grappler 3
Jacob Austin Young
Jeremy Blanchard
Joey Ryan
Kassius Koonz
Marcus Malone
Matt Striker
Matt XStatic
Mike Camden
Mikey O'Shea
Morty Lipschitz
Mr. Tubb
Richard Syncyr
"Rock God" Ricky Gibson
Stone Hendrix
Suede Thompson
Sugar Brown
The Grappler
Wes Brisco
Title card featuring, well, the title (WCWC), episode, air date, AFD flag, and the station it's on, which is KPDX. Hurt my wrist with how much of a throwback this is. Logo spins out and we are welcomed by a host (didn't give a name) in a green screen'd control room while mute video footage "plays" from over his shoulder. An instrumental of Muse's "Uprising" is also playing as he speaks. Tells us last week they saw The Bonu$ Boyz defend their titles again and Dicky Mayer went the distance with Ethan HD in a Time Limit Draw. Wow. Don't see that these days. They shake hands. The big time main event also saw Dante's Rejects (Gangrel, Beast the Butcher, Stone Hendrix, & Lucy) vs. Matt Striker who found partners Alexander Hammerstone & Jeff Bloom. The team of former Northwest Champions defeated the goths. This Week: Matt Striker vs. Wrecking Crew member Mike Camden. Also last week an ongoing feud between Eric Right, Richard Syncyr, and Damien Drake continued and clip shows it was an all-out backstage brawl complete with Drake getting stomped in the locker room. Mikey O'Shea came to Drake's aid. This Week: O'Shea defends his title against Darin Corbin.
Alright two things here: this lasted less than two minutes, and was super rapid fire. I had to pause several times to understand who was doing what. I like that the show wasted no time updating the fans on what is going on in WCWC, but this was way too quick. I don't feel like it was the host's fault though, whoever he is.
We get a full-screen opening video of various wrestlers fighting in the ring set to Muse's "Uprising". A translucent "West Coast Wrestling Connection" scrolls down diagonally. Impressive quality.
Richard Syncyr and Eric Right head into a locker room. Syncyr sits down and opens up his rolling luggage. Everything goes to black and Eric shouts,"Richard, what was that?" Lights come back on and Drake's Robinesque mask is on top of dude's luggage. Scene goes dark again and now Drake is standing behind Eric with his hair in his face and hoodie up. Eric is all WTF but lights go back out again and Drake is gone. Eric laughs, crumples up the mask, and says "The fly dances in the spider's web". This was a silly supernatural segment, but the line was cool albeit cliche and the delivery was a-ok. It'll take getting used to but I could enjoy a less-than-normal wrestling show here.
Marcus Malone & Julian Whyt vs. The Fit Club
Malone and Whyt's theme, "September" by Earth, Wind, and Fire, is the thing of dreams (side note: Marcus Malone was the guy in that pic with Chris Bay I used for CWFH). Malone & Whyt have matching rainbow tights. Dillon Divine & Matt XStatic are Fit Club and everybody here got the jobbers' entrance of being in the ring already. Blake Chadwick and Christian Cole are the commentary team and they're here with Darin Corbin as a guest. The story, if you want to call it a story, is that The Fit Club is looking to one day fight the Tag Team Champions (which every fucking team should want to) and Malone & Whyt are a new upstart team ready to make a name for themselves. There are a shitload of arm holds in this match. Whyt did a standing Shooting Star Press and dude looks little heavy so I was surprised there. Great double team action leads us to A FUCKING COMMERCIAL BREAK the moment it gets interesting. I guess they have an old-school mentality here for telling a story, and taking a break right when there's progress to make it more exciting. Not a fan, not for an opening match.
Commercial has Morty Lipschitz with Adrian, seeming like they're shooting a promo...and some masked guy with a cape, plaid jacket and wrestling singlet is making weird noises and talking to some shrubbery that has eyes and a mouth. He comes over where the two are and roasts Morty about how that wasn't an interview (this is followed by a series of donuts, I guess to mimic subtitles). Poppy Gato (?) takes over the interview. Tells him what all Voodoo Doughnut provides, like it's open 24 hours, does weddings, etc. Morty and Adrian talk to themselves after that and there's the Poppy Gatto whatever guy on top of the building screaming about Voodoo Doughnuts being open right now. This was the dumbest goddamn thing I've seen wrestlers do outside the ring. This hurt, and it's gonna hurt for a minute.
Oh hey we get another Voodoo Doughnuts commercial. The Grappler asks for a burger, gets one but the buns are doughnuts because of course they are. He eats it in the most comical, unfunniest way (audio is screwy with guy talking again though he's clearly ravishing the burger) and he slaps money in the tip jar telling us how that was the best burger he ever had. Papi Gotto dudebrother says it's the Voodoo Maple Burger with Bacon and it's only around for a short time at Brunch Box. Wait, this wasn't Voodoo Doughnuts or is it??? Remember those Ren & Stimpy cartoons with the wacky sound effects and royalty free classical music? These commercials have that and that sort of vibe but it's just not good. This hurt, and it's gonna hurt all day.
Thank GOD we are back to the match. Marcus gets a hot tag and is pretty exciting, a superkick here, a splash here, a splash there, commentary giving him the rub by saying this was "Shades of his grandson, Carl Marlone!" (???) A quick Divine Shine, some lift-into a sit-out slam, by Dillon Divine ends this match. We get to here their theme, "She's A Maniac" by Flashdance. Divine gets into the face of a grizzled older fan, and I'm fairly sure that fan could have kicked the shit out of him if this were for real. Commentary, while not awful, were not as exciting as previous commentary teams have been for these independent wrestling reviews. In fact I'd say they were pretty boring, and what makes it worse is that they had a guest, Darin Corbin, a contender for the Legacy title, there with them and he wasn't all that colorful either. Up next: an old rivalry, Alexander Hammerstone vs. "The Gentleman Brawler" Eric Right compete, but first, commercial.
Mikey O'Shea Interview
Wait, no. They said commercial break, but what they meant to say was Mikey O'Shea is backstage with interviewer No Name. (side note: You know, usually we see interviewers who are young, attractive, fits that Millennial mold, etc. This one is a lady who, while still attractive, is up there in years and it's plain to see) Thoughts on first title defense. It took him two years to get it. Darin Corbin walks into camera shot and then interferes with the interview itself. He's eating a doughnut, and gee I wonder where he got it. Darin tells him he'll be the shortest Legacy Champion in "Dub-Cee" history...cuz he will end this reign. "You're eating a Voodoo Doughnut before our match...?" "They're delicious." "...I'm going to beat the ever-loving Hell out of you tonight." Alright admittedly I liked this even with the lame bakery plug they did 3 times in the first 15 minutes of this show. Probably because I'm pretending Mikey just hates Voodoo Doughnuts because it's making everything this show is doing look a little shitty. Whatever. I'm a Mikey O'Shea fan for today.
"Rock God" Ricky Gibson (picture whatever Rocker from the 80s and you've got him down) is here to sell us...pizza. Alright, it's not doughnuts so maybe this won't be- fuuuuucking sonovafuck! He goes up to them to ask for "the usual" followed by "a Combo Supreme". If you know anything about ordering "the usual", then you know why this was mind-boggling. Shots of them making pizza. Ricky WOOOOs and eats his Flying Pie's pizza. Alright, this was nowhere near as bad as Voodoo Doughnuts, but that doesn't make it good or entertaining. I'm getting some Southpaw Regional Wrestling flashbacks, but I'm not chuckling.
Capital Pawn has Marcus Malone in a mute role. He's got this sweet Jimi Hendrix thing going for him, so I assume that's his character in the fed. This is the most subdued commercial featuring a wrestler by far. There's a tag team title and he's looking at jewelry...wait hold on. Is this him pawning a championship? Who green lit this idea? Unintentionally hilarious. Capital Pawn's logo has wings, a crown, and two glocks. I feel I wouldn't be safe going into this place.
Another pizza commerical, but nobody I'd recognize as a wrestler so nothing to really note except two different pizza commercials in the same advertising block. Doughnuts- 2, Pizza- 2.
Beautiful outside shot of the location, Camp Withycombe National Guard Armory.
Last Week: Damian Drake Assaulted
So they played the same video from the start of the show, but now there's audio. Why did the guy have to give us a recap if they were just going to play this same clip again? I hate when shows do this. I get that maybe folks are just now tuning in and need to be brought up to speed but this argument is a dying one with the advent of DVR, Tivo, etc. I did forget to mention Damian is getting pummeled with some billy club looking thing from Eric. "I want to tell you something, I want to tell you something - You are NOT a superhero!" then we get the same clip from before with Damian's mask, black out, Damian, black out, fly dances in spider's web, etc. This is all brought to you by Columbia Hobby. Yeah, we're not getting away from these plugs anytime soon, guys. Strap in.
Eric Right w/Richard Syncyr vs. Hammerstone
Eric Right is in the ring. I suppose I get the need to make some cuts here and there, but I do hate seeing this happen. Walking to the ring is the easiest way to tell viewers what kind of character the wrestlers are. Anyways, at least we get it with Hammerstone, complete with a gif of fiery explosion for the internet. Also time to point out that the music that's blared is obviously not being played in attendance, it is being pumped into the videos for Youtube it appears. Morty Lipschitz at the commentary table. Please please don't get interrupted by the Poppi Donut guy. So Morty's a lawyer and that's as much of a character I've gotten so far. Hammer looks like sorta like Chris Hemsworth in Thor, and even has a little hammer on his tights and yeah it is right there near his personal hammer. Somewhat decent but short "Eric Sucks" chant. Morty, being a lawyer, is asked if Eric Right may be experiencing schizophrenia...yeah think about how incredibly stupid this question is for Morty. He saves this with "I"m not a medical person, but..." So Eric is losing his shit like Hogan lost his shit with seeing Ultimate Warrior in a mirror. Instead of just having Eric think Damian is fucking with him, fans get to see Damian fuck with him, making him not crazy, but commentary treats it like he is seeing things, therefore we are seeing things and we're losing our shit - buy pizza and doughnuts. "Have you seen what he eats? Or who he eats?" "Giggidy". Eric ties Hammerstone up in a Tree of Woe, and mocks putting Drake's mask on. Fans wake up a little. Eric is starting to get a little crazy but Hammerstone quickly ends that by hitting a Valkyrie Missile, a Bicycle Kick. Hammerstone looks at the fallen Eric Right with confusion because Eric got up after a pretty good powerbomb before the finisher. Decent way to sell both men being powerful in their own right.
The Grappler Is Going To Rob A Bank
Quiet cut to a waist-level shot of a man walking up to the doors of what I assume is this building. There is a mask in his jacket pocket. He quietly takes it out, and puts it on. He looks into the camera before walking in. I really liked this scene. No words were needed, just a guy putting on his mask and preparing for what is in store for him. Effective and less than a minute.
Darin Corbin has a golden briefcase and is walking into Columbia Hobby (not that Pawn shop?) all sneaky freaky deaky. Yep, another one of these. He asks the front desk for protection and I wouldn't be surprised if they handed him a pistol and said have a nice day. Front desk gives him two guys in suits, one wearing a blue mask similar to Drake. Darin says "Not that kind of protection", and opens the case. It's a Raichu Pokemon card (I can't even make a joke here) from like the third > generation. "I gotcha covered" and desk man has a freakin sleeve cover. They sell comics, cards, jerseys, other sports memorabilia, etc here. See, to me this a a solid commerical, 100x better than the Voodoo Doughnut abortion. But now I'm confused to whether or not I should hate Darin Corbin because he's obviously a heel and not exactly an interesting one but he's in this and this was interesting and I like interesting. Fuck. Sponsors got me questioning everything when I shouldn't even be looking into them that much. But I'd be a liar if I didn't say these make me hate the wrestlers a little more or a little less.
Brunch Box has tag champs Bonu$ Boyz worked up over Brunch Box and all it can give them/you. They could have it delivered to them at home, work, or "when we huggin' them sleeves" they say in unison. ...that's their catchphrase? The hell does that even mean? Cuts to The Grappler saying it saves them time by not getting in traffic they can focus on business. Aww I was just beginning to like this guy.
"The Champion of Beards" Mike Camden w/Jeremy Blanchard vs. Matt Striker
Striker gets a special blue lights moving around entrance. Matt is still a teacher character complete with weird diamond sweater vest and diamond shorts. Total face high-fiving children and the like. "How Soon Is Now?" by The Smiths is his theme, while Mike got some decent symphonic metal stuff. Also, there are very few people that makes me think "Okay you look like a future world champion" and Mike Camden has it. Like a skinny Chris Hero. Okay we get another moment of a match picking up - this time with Blanchard getting a cheap shot in on Matt and Mike landing a clothesline before another commercial break mid-match.
Same Brunch Box commercial featuring a masked man ordering a doughnut burger. So this is what Hell looks like for wrestling fans. This is going to hurt, and it's going to hurt for eternity.
Capital Pawns with a very normal commercial up til the end where that luchador buys a revolver. Can't even make this up. RIP Paupie Gahto. Oh he also gets what the voiceover says is a Multi-Purpose Weapon. It's a chainsaw. Nothing is real.
Back to the match, which is actually pretty good. The Grappler is at the entrance. Mike Camden rolls Matt Striker up and gets an assistance by Blanchard from the outside to secure the win. Fine ending, as again both men look good in various ways without it being too cheap. Judging by skill and look Camden is somebody I would be pushing up the ranks and Matt Striker is likely their moneymaker. Story is The Grappler was suspended for putting his hands on an official for a few weeks, and decided tonight to return. Grappler is part of The Wrecking Crew with Mike Camden and just helped his boy out. Fans give Matt Striker an "at least you tried" applause. He high-fives everybody and leaves.
Bobby Gotto is back to try and get me to eat the fucking donuts again. Mikey O'Shea is there for no apparent reason but to point at Voodoo Donuts vans and look crazily at Boppy Goddo. I...I think they've cracked me. I swear on my life they're no longer shilling donuts...they're shilling the delivery vans. One is bigger than this one. But this one is even bigger than the other one. They go places around the country. This one has a music stage. "Say Ni Hao to this Taipei, Taiwan model" compact delivery truck. This baby even has a beer option. There might be a model somewhere near you, they tell me. Oh good. I'll be sure to lie in the road as it comes.
"Rock God" repeats his pizza joint commercial. Where's The Grappler with the gun?
Main Event: "Red Hair Don't Care" Darin Corbin vs. "The Irish Juggernaut" Mikey O'Shea for the WCWC Legacy Championship
"Mikey's Gonna Kill You" chants start before the bell. Okay, I realize I haven't been great at describing performers's appearance. Mainly because they generally don't stick out to me, and I figure if any of you are really interested well that's what Google is for. But here it's pretty important to tell you that Mikey O'Shea is a heavyset guy. Not Big Daddy V heavy but Samoa Joe heavy. Darin Corbin is a scrawny Jesse Pinkman-looking gent with a beard. Corbin hits a Ginger Snap aka Cutter right out of the gate. Tries to roll him over immediately for the pin, promising that whole making O'Shea the shortest Legacy Champion. But he kicks out. Irish Car Bomb (1. What a repulsive fucking name piss off and 2. This was Dillon Divine's Divine Shine finisher from the first match) and a cover has Darin kicking out immediately. Commentary sells this as Mikey O'Shea is one of the most popular wrestlers in WCWC and Darin Corbin is the most hated. Camera cut to two people with posters. One says "Cheater" and the other has Darin's face and the word "Loser" on it. The holders looked completely disinterested in the match and one was scrolling through her phone. Fans either jeer "Corbin" or "boring" and I can't tell which. Oh hey the girls with the posters are now holding them up, though the "Cheater" one was flipped over to read "Loser". Commentary reminds viewers O'Shea fought in a Bull Rope Match and may still not be 100%. To give Darin Corbin some credit, his facial expressions are solid.
One moment Darin Corbin dodges O'Shea, making him run into the ring corner. He plays to the audience "I'm SO smart! I'm SO smart!" and get clubbed to the back. A woman at ringside is loosing her shit at this, running through Commentary's vanilla lines with a wayyy too into this smoker's voice of "Oh you're SO smart, how come you done fall..." Still real to her. Darin can't get O'Shea into a Boston Crab, because [insert Scott Steiner voiceover]. The Gunnslinger (no really, Billy Gunn's Swinging Side Slam doesn't even get a fancy rename here) is good for three as Mikey O'Shea retains the title. I'll give him credit - when he climbs the ropes to pose with his Legacy title he does look like a monster. Show ends on this image.
Venue: National Guard Armory's basketball gym. There were white tiles as far as the eye could see, bleachers, and a few rows of chairs for fans to sit. There is an upper level with a gorgeous window view. Again we see no barriers separating fans from the performers. Blue velvet-looking curtains with strobe lights for an entrance/exit. Strobe lights and that metal grid thing that small promotions love putting around the entrance's frame. Black curtains stretch from wall to wall to hide people that are waiting in the wing to come out.
Crowd: Dead. Well, mostly dead. I'm willing to bet the people that did chant and boo felt stupid immediately after they started because they'd always stop abruptly. Every camera shot had these poor souls looking like they were held against their will. Several turned to their phones, being the 20 somethings most of them were, with a handful of older people who were probably vets. Worst crowd I've seen so far. I started to feel the same way they felt by the end of this show though, but the show itself had nothing to do with it.
Wrestling: Every match took the old-school approach to wrestling, and it often came out slow. With like two exceptions, everybody worked the long game. For a modern viewer like myself, it made me sleepy. Probably why the fans weren't fascinated. Wasn't as engaging as a traditional style would have you believe here, but they did do an excellent job in protecting wrestlers for a future big story. If there were some bigger event all this would lead up to, I'd say this was an alright affair.
Characters: The Grappler didn't say a word (away from shit commercials) and really sold me as somebody not to fuck with, which is odd because he had a small grey beard behind the mask and must be pushing 50. Him and Marcus Malone, Matt Striker, and even Darin Corbin had personality, though Corbin's was wasted on commentary as he just wasn't all that into it I bet. A few strike me as some who have a TON of character about them, like Damian Drake, Hammerstone, and Mike Camden, but they weren't utilized. Then again there was only one segment throughout this thing and it was just to plug the donuts.
Production: Commentary were vanilla casual - nothing they said made me interested, even when they called matches. Just a few guys not exactly shooting the shit, but close. Just annoyed me. I could have muted this and probably enjoyed it more. Camerawork was as good as it possibly could get and the only problem I have with them is their lack of uniform...the casual look was distracting and it looked like a few fans just getting shots. Lighting was fine, and they included some of those tall lighting fixtures movie sets tend to use. Audio and video was the best part, and so was music, though like I said before instead of them pumping music from speakers and such like we're accustomed to, it was played for Youtube. I guess for crystal clarity. Their sponsors almost took me completely out of this show, though.
Flippy Counter: 2
The commercials were a bit much, and I'm trying to clear my head on that. It's not entirely fair to judge a show by their endorsements. WWF and WCW did have some horrendous shit back in their day, too. But damn did it happen a lot. This was a casual promotion, nothing ever made me suspect there'd be anything even slightly dangerous going on. Children were in abundance, but weren't a fixture like ROW seemed to have them. This was a local TV wrestling show, and you have to give it some credit for being clear about what it was. For a local thing, it wasn't bad. It does have the old-school thing going for it with flashes of modern sports entertainment, like Drake. Superb video quality. Take it for what it is, and try to skip over the commercials. I couldn't, therefore I am in pain.
2) This has been one hell of a mistrial. If anybody knows enough Japanese to get me a link to the DDT episode in question:
TOKYO JOSHI PRO
“LET’S GO! GO! IF YOU GO! WHEN YOU GO! IF YOU GET LOST JUST GO TO YOKOHAMA!”
10/03/2018
Yokohama Radiant Hall
...then I will do it ASAP. Spring break is upon me and I won't have wifi for a week (spending time with grandparents that live out in the woods). Because I'm having difficulties, I'll download and review the most current Urban Wrestling Federation I can find (2017) and one other promotion. I'm skipping PROGRESS for now because I can't find an episode to watch it and I'm saving National Wrestling Alliance for a large compilation. NWA does their videos bit by bit so I want to get that all down pat with a certain saga that is brewing over there lately.
I think some of you may be interested in my thoughts with what is coming after UWF...
Defiant Wrestling
Also I'm still taking suggestions. Have to skip over a few but that doesn't mean I won't look at what you guys are tossing my way. As long as I can get to it and understand it, then sweet.
And before I forget since it's been asked to me before, I'm not into any amateur backyard "feds". I see how they have a place on the independent scene, but I need something more than two guys beating the shit out of each other while one man records.
Cuban Link - ALL of NY
Cuban Link
BC Killer
DameonSlugga
Rick Reyes
40 Glocc - Colton City, CA
40 Glocc
Brian XL
Eddie Carnage
Famous B
Lance Lude
Willie Mack
DJ Self - ALL of NY
Stevie Mack
Big Block - Atlanta, GA
Big Block
Big Business
Grim Reefer
Murder One
Ruckus
Triple C - Miami, FL
Ellement
Facade
Slymm
T-Mizzle
LEP Bogus Boys - Chicago, IL
BigBaddyDaddy
SDot
Cold opening to a Previously on UWF Street King Rasche Brown speared [no name given] to become the UWF Heavyweight Champion. Hes surrounded by his posse. 1 Hour After UWF SK grainy sideways view of the new champ entering a room where a guy offscreen is clapping. Rasche Brown handed the clapping man the title and walked off. 4 Hours After UWF Street King Rasche walked into a dark hallway and gets jumped and I kid you not they shot him with a gun several times before running away. I dont know what to say here.
Intro is a rap song with various clips of wrestlers coming to the ring and fighting. Quality is 10x better than their Previously clips.
Larry Legend is the ring announcer and hyped the place up. Its full of mostly older guys pushing 30-40.
Triple Cs/ Carol City Cartel Have Something To Say
Gunplay, Torch, Young Breed, T-Mizzle, Ellement, and Slymm are introduced via text graphic. While they talk themselves up, guys named Brisco and Beast Ortiz are on the upper deck watching down on them. Slymm is the UWF Heavyweight Champion (commentary is all ??? guess he was the clapping man). Brisco took exception to what Slymm was saying about being the champ. Fans seem to be getting aggressive so Slymm throws one into the ring. He gives the guy a spinning Gunnslinger and looked up at Brisco, asking if he wants some. Brisco & Beast Ortiz take offense and ask where Brown is.
Another gang comes to the ring, Uncle Murda (Seriously? Thats what theyre going with?) Raze, Riot, Lowlife Louie, and Uncle Murda himself come out. Slyck Wagner Brown is here too, and he got on the mic asking why the fuck did Beast Ortiz get a title match and he didnt. They both lost their fights. Beast Ortiz called him a transvestite that needs a toothbrush (somehow the bar is lowered after the on-screen killing. Fuck me.) Beast Ortiz comes down and the fight starts outside the ring.
Slyck Wagner Brown vs. Beast Ortiz
S Dott of LEP Bogus Boys (from Chicago) involved himself and aided Beast Ortiz and several others called the Phat Pack by commentary came in and start beating up Riot and Raze. A very obese one does a Top Rope Atomico sloppily on one and so the first flip of the night is by a Big Daddy V looking dude. This isnt a match I guess. Side note one guy on commentary legit called a few kick spots an ultimate toe jam and thats the worst way to hype these guys ever. And I have no idea where the crews from before went.
LEP Bogus Boys music hit and text graphic showed us the really obese one was named Big Baby Daddy. Im fucking lost in all this, help me. Beast Ortiz was by the entrance and is smacked by a trash can by T-Mizzle. Beast almost got out of dodge.
Were introduced to a 3-Man commentary. Julius Smokes, Shawn Credle, and Robbie Mireno. Robbie is a Sicilian who can catch a ho like catching the cold. Julius Smokes said Rasche Brown is Swayze in Ghost pop pop. No one knows who killed Rasche, and no one really seems to care all that much. This is a ridiculous setup, readers. Its crazy enough to go with a homicide angle, but Im all for suspending my disbelief in the name of narrative. Guess what doesnt really factor in or get any more screen time in this event? Go on, guess.
They talk while we get muted clips from only minutes ago. Weird. Legend is far behind the table in the ring and is legit lost, waiting on his cue and for commentary to stop talking.
Big Baby Daddy V is with the LEP Bogus Boys backstage. S Dott was sitting with them on his phone and they tell him to get off of it. One guy, Kage, just walked on by and they ask him if he wants to join their crew. Rap instrumental played and he accepted. Big Baby Daddy & S Dott beat him down par the course for initiation. They take his jacket and checked his pockets.
40 Glocc talks to Sun in the back of a limo. Notice that Im not cutting these segments down like I usually do for my reviews. Thats because there are no breaks, just segment-segment-segment-segment. If they dont care to mix it up and put wrestling in, why should I care to format this all prettily? Theyre pushing what I assume are drugs together and he has noticed shipment has been light lately. They need to double down and tighten up and lock it down and every other gangster platitude.
Back to that LEP Bogus Boys initiation. Big Baby Daddy V took his little weed baggie and the other has Kages boots. The leaders tell them the boots stay there with them. Can we keep the tree? Ha nope. They do keep the wallet though.
Slick talking to Uncle Murda. Murda doesnt want his people taking the L or otherwise hell find new members. Glad Murda reminded them theyre wrestlers. For a minute I forgot.
Billy Blue of NMB is with Jeez of NMB loitering outside and talking about hoes. 40 Glocc, Sun, and holy shit Famous B of Lucha Underground meets up with them. Famous B is here to fight Jeez one-on-one. It appears they were in a Five Way match and need to see how things go in a Singles. This is the closest were getting to real heat here, so buckle up.
Back to Murda hyping his posse (20 minutes in, and there hasnt been a wrestling match yet). Main Event has money on the line it seems.
Jeez w/Billy Blue vs. Famous B w/Glocc and Sun
Julius Smokes does the opposite of what a good commentator does, and it became clear in this fight. He does nothing but shit on every wrestlers appearance, and nothing he says is funny either, so it has no redeeming quality. Even the Sicilian, a hybrid of every white homie stereotype imaginable, dissed Jeez better by saying this guy so small he could do push-ups under my door. Commentary chop that ********a there are so many flips in this fight. Jeez Up, Hoes Down aka Missile Dropkick gets Jeez the win. Announcer claims him to be the survivor of the battle. Steve Mack runs in, and gives Jeez a spear. Commentary lets us know Jeez was fucking Macks girl so voila. Mack went into the crowd where theres a small bar full of alcohol.
Quick note in case I forget: There appears to be no real reason for these wrestlers to have their gangs with them. I get having them there in case someone interferes, but its obvious now that that doesnt help. Sometimes theyll beat on a guy on the outside, so just imagine every match from here on out to be a lazy Lumberjack Match. Only way to describe what this is. Why the fuck even do the turf wars shtick if you're not going to follow through with it? Infuriating.
Girl is with Torch from Triple Cs and she wanted to get out of there. I dont blame her. Theyre waiting on some money.
A shot outside (camera shot) of Bestia with Billy Blue. Blue asked for his money but was interrupted by Brisco from Opa Locka.
Cuts to DJ Self saying a lot of money is coming in. Yeah dont expect any of these characters to have range. Joker is talking with him. All the wrestlers are rappers, its stated.
Façade, some white guy with dreads, greeted Torch. Façades crew is out, being old timers and all, so hes looking for a new group. Torch will give him a chance. No initiation and Im laughing. Torchs lady friend still wants to leave.
Bestia gets in Masada, Briscos boys face for no discernable reason.
Grim Reefer has an envelop of money for DJ Self. Joker checked envelope to see if the bread is in there. He said it was. For a lot of money, that envelop looked empty.
It passed 35 minutes, so 15 minutes after the first bout we get the second match.
Masada vs. Bestia
UWF plugged their free mixtape and this is the funniest thing commentary has said all night. The wrester rappers both have valets with them who probably arent paid enough to stand around. So this fight has no heat to it except a random square up. Alrighty. Refs a ****** chants. Masada goes for an Electric Chair Drop, but Bestia reverses into a shit hurricanrana that is good against a trash can lid (though it completely missed) for the 3.
Money from the Atlanta boys came up short.
Grim Reefer with Ruckus about the money being short.
Main Event: Ruckus vs. Slyck Wagner Brown
At least there was some precedent with Masada and Bestia fighting. No clue why these two are. Ruckus is called The Worlds Stonedest Man. Lowlife Louie interferes, slamming Slyck. Murda fights Louie. Murda got slammed. Murda got right back up and gave Louie the Box Cutter (regular Cutter). The brawl spilled to the outside. Slyck executed what looked like the BK Bomb Billy Kidman used to do and it was good for the win. Announcer said East New York takes it and Im just more confused.
Back to that 90s style filter and cuts from at the beginning of this show as Murda and Lowlife brawl into an alleyway. Credits roll as they throw random shit at each other. Lowlife bleeds. They pass out as it fades to black.
Venue: Almost exactly like Hoodslam, but with seating, minus the comedy, but it had an upper floor. This place has the smallest ring Ive seen so far. Logo on the canvas. Upper deck is used to show attendees and Brisco/Beast Ortiz.
Crowd: I couldnt tell if they were all that into it half the time. They were an older crowd, older than me by quite a bit. I imagine they were fans of the original ECW crazy from back in the day and came to see how this stacked up. From how they reacted to a majority of this show, they didn't seem impressed.
Characters: There was a drug dealing gangster rapper, some arm candy, and a corpse.
Wrestling: Does this droid speak Botchy? Even Famous B was a little off his game here. This wasnt really a wrestling show, was it? No real stakes, the heat is either ice cold or killed-a-guy volcanic. No one to root for and the commentary was putting itself over the performers. Stiff with no real story.
Production: Camerawork worked on two levels: solid at times giving us overhead shots that really made it seem different and sometimes we'll get a ridiculous dirty lens. Music was a mixtape of rappers who I think are much better at that then they are at wrestling.
Flippy Counter: 22
All in all, I survived. More than I can say for Rasche Brown. This does answer the question Im most interested in with these indie promotions: Is This an Alternative to WWE? Of course it is, but I think it is for all the wrong reasons. Segments were more about running some drugs and money behind the scenes than it did for aiding the overall narrative, you know, being a wrestling show. Gangster Soap Opera with no clear direction with wrestling tacked on. I get it, theyre all thugs. But they were the most vanilla, dullest, most uninspired ballers Ive ever seen. The big angle should have been Who Killed Rasche Brown? but thats not what they gave us. I got more from the dead character from the Previous clips than I did for guys like Slyck Wagner Brown who took up a lot of screen time. The show was offensive without being provocative. I dont recommend it even for fans of hardcore wrestling, especially if said fans want to see something besides generic thug #1-14.
#12: Final Show Before Lights Out - Running Time: 59:04 (Youtube)
Current Champions via WhatCulture Wrestling Wikia:
Defiant Champion - Austin Aries
Defiant Hardcore Champion - Jimmy Havoc
Defiant Women's Champion - Millie McKenzie
Defiant Tag Team Champions - Jimmy Havoc & Primate
Current Roster:
Kyle Fletcher
Mark Davis
Amir Jordan
Aussie Open
BT Gunn
Chris Brookes
David Starr
Drake
El Ligero
Gabriel Kidd
Kay Lee Ray
Mark Haskins
Martin Kirby
Millie McKenzie
No Fun Dunne
Primate
Rampage
Zack Gibson
Ashley Dunn
Austin Aries
Jimmy Havoc
Joe Coffey
Joe Hendry
Jurn Simmons
Kelly Sixx
Mike Bailey
Prestige
Prince Ameen
Sammii Jayne
Travis Banks
Christopher Daniels
Grado
Hunter Brothers
Jim Hunter
Lana Austin
Lee Hunter
WALTER
Defiant title screen right before a hype video for The Road to No Regrets.
Camera fades into Austin Aries arriving to a building with Stu Bennet (Wade Barret) giving him a round of applause. I never realized how much I wanted these two to share a segment until now. Austin is the Defiant Champion. Great snide remarks here with Aries telling Stu how exhausting it is being champion in different promotions, something ol’ Stu wouldn’t know anything about. Stu wants to squeeze into that busy schedule of Aries’s – Newcastle, England will see a title match at No Regrets. Aries accepts but asks who he’s facing. “You’ll find out.”
Rapid fire clips of previous episodes that has led up to the go home show, and the Lights Out (pay per view. Yeah, that title match isn’t happening at Lights Out, but something called the Magnificent Seven is. More on that later. This is what plays in a few minutes time:
The Primate speared Zack Gibson twice, winning the match in record breaking time last week.
Coffey tapped to Joe Hendry’s Hendry Lock (Ankle Lock variant) with a little assistance by El Ligero.
Stu Bennet is laughing to himself as he jots a name down on a whiteboard…Christopher Daniels!
We get an image of that Magnificent 7 stipulation. Looks like a 7-Way with a briefcase on the line. Winner can challenge Aries so it’s like Money In The Bank but I didn’t hear anything about that challenge being at any time in any place. Christopher Daniels vs. Rampage vs. Primate vs. El Ligero vs. Joe Hendry vs. ??? vs.???
No Fun Dunne costs Kirby the title and that’s how Austin Aries became champion.
Millie McKenzie, their Women’s Champion (who is 17), knocked the referee out and German Suplexed Sammi. Former champion Kylie Rae interfered, superkicking Millie. She gets back up and German Suplexes Kylie. Stu Bennet punishes Millie for assaulting the referee by making her defend her title at Lights out in a Triple Threat.
We get the intro and it has an annoying white falling speck filter. It would have been so cool without that unnecessary addition. A small fire pyrotechnic gets the crowd going and we’re here with commentary Dave Bradshaw and James R. Kennedy. They tell us that Jimmy Havoc and Primate will defend their tag titles against Aussie Open. Also a little hype as tonight we figure out who the last two entrants will be for the Magnificent Seven.
No Fun Dunne vs. “The Indian Dream” Prince Ameen
An Anti-Fun Police Logo from Dunne and that’s hilarious. He kinda has an RTC thing about him, and he’s also apparently a lackey for Aries. Sweet Jesus Prince Ameen has a turban and is carrying around a magic carpet. We’re totally going there with this comedy jobber. Commentary gives a nice juxtaposition here between the characters, as Prince Ameen is all about having fun and being a crowd pleaser and No Fun Dunne is the antithesis. “We Want Fun” chants. Ameen points at Dunne’s crotch that has that “Anti-Fun” logo, then his own logo-less outfit. “He’s got the logo on his dick” is sung by the crowd in the tune of “He’s got the whole world in his hands.”  Creative. Funny spot with Ameen climbing the top turnbuckle, gets the crowd hyped for the leap, stops, goes down to Bret’s rope, repeats, bottom rope, repeats, apron, repeats, then climbs down to the floor. That fucking carpet says “A Whole New World” as he attempted to jump with it at one point. Misses. Dunne kicks it out of the ring. “You Want Fun?” Dunne mocks the crowd. “That’s What She Said” is their reply. He yells “Ameen is Done” and reacts super early to the oncoming interference.
Kirby is out poking fun of the sirens in Dunne’s theme. He rolled out in a little kids Paw Patrol car. Fucking losing it watching this. Enormous pop when Kirby started singing “Keep rollin’ rollin’ rollin’ rollin’”. He circles around the ring on the toy, and the camera stays on him. He “drives” back to the ramp and, I shit you not, raises his fist in the air a la Biker Taker. Good enough for a roll-up from Ameen for the win and a place in Magnificent Seven.
Zack Gibson Complains to GM Stu Bennet
Just now realized Stu is the acting General Manager, and that fits like a glove. Gibson felt cheated in his match with Primate. He didn’t even get the chance to take off his jacket and the referee rang the bell too early. He’s all pissed and addresses the whiteboard saying how Stu pissed away the budget on some American yank no one knows (Daniels). He goes as far as to say everyone in Mag 7 are nobodies. Stu replied that he’ll give him another opportunity as long as he doesn’t speak to Stu for a week. “Just nod.” Gibson leaves. Stu writes on the whiteboard…making the Kidd vs. Jurn match Kidd vs. Jurn vs. Scouse Monkey.
“The Gimmick Killer” Drake vs. “Bangera Bad Boy” Amir Jordan
Amir is also from India, but he wears colorful Bollywood style garb complete with an exaggerated sash. Drake is wearing a “Kill All Gimmicks” tank and I want it. Story here is Drake beat Amir at Chain Reaction, but it appears Amir’s gimmick didn’t die (wrestling is nuts sometimes). Amir flipped into the ring and does a back roll, counting that as two flips before the match began. Before referee called for the opening bell, Amir gets his music to play again and wants a Dance Off. Drake played along, even getting on one knee for the Spinnerooni, but misses with the obvious sucker punch. Jordan jumped off the top rope, hitting his leg on the canvas. This legit looked like his leg was messed up and the crowd died instantly. Drake honed in on the leg. Great selling here but the crowd is so quiet now and I figure because the selling is that effective. Made for great TV with the audience unsure if the match was blurring the lines of kayfabe, but whatever momentum this had was completely gone even after Amir stole the win be getting his feet propped up on the top rope of all things. Again, wrestling is nuts. Amir points at the temple of his heads, saying how he outwitted Drake, but he’s also limping so that kayfabe is forever blurred.
No Regrets hype image. It’ll be in Newcastle upon Tyne.
Main Event – “The Marquee Player” Jurn Simmons vs. Gabriel Kidd vs. “Liverpool’s #1” Zack Gibson
This is not technically the Main Event, but was billed as one. There’s a reason why and I’ll get to that later. Jurn is a Viking from the Netherlands and gets that fire pyrotechnic that opened the show. Kidd is a former Internet Champion who is changing his attitude. All I know about him is that he’s wearing a new speedo that says “Life Boat Man”…commentary has no clue what that’s about either. Scouse Style Jacket Zack on the mic. “A Joke I have to qualify. Primate jumped me before the bell rang.” Kick knocked Gibson out cold Kidd vs. Jurn. They fight all around the ring. Gibson gets back up. “Simmons Gonna Kill You” chants, so apparently he’s the favorite in this, and if you took a look at him you’d think the same thing. Gibson pleads with Simmons for a 2 on 1 with Jurn. They shake hands, and Jurn lays him out. Kidd piledrives Simmons and it’s a clean win.
Walter will make his debut against Travis Banks and David Starr for the Internet Championship. Starting to see the pattern here.
The Joe Hendry Show
There are two chairs on the ramp instead of the ring. Hendry does a decent heel promo as he brings Rampage out as his guest. Hendry even danced a little to Rampage’s theme (cocky heels should do this more). “Can I call you ‘Page?” Hendry said he won’t be patronizing like other hosts, and immediately goes straight into the vanilla line of questioning – “How long you been a wrestler?” tells him he doesn’t have to answer that, and it’s it on “A long time”. “Who is your favorite wrestler?” Hendry answered it himself, telling Rampage he looks up to the Prestigious One, who is Joe Hendry. “How does it feel to know Hendry is something you’ll never be?” Hendry told him to bow out if he needed to. Rampage grabbed his shirt and telegraphs “Joe…you talk too much!” ha Botchamania reference. Gets him to the ring. Almost piledrived but El Ligero gets Hendry out of there. El Ligero is piledrived. Hendry low-blows him and ran off. Not sure I like Rampage as he looked like he was corpsing out there a bit, but Hendry was money.
Another plug for No Regrets. Weird. Shouldn’t they be promoting Lights Out?
Not The Main Event: Aussie Open (Matt Davis & Kyle Fletcher) vs. The Primate & Jimmy Havoc
I haven’t really shit on a segment here in my reviews. Sure, some of them I thought were ehhh but I’ve tried to stay neutral to it, as I can see how some would like it even if I thought it wasn’t good. I can’t imagine anybody enjoying the series of events in this match, and that’s a shame, because it started like a wake up call. Both Primate and Jimmy Havoc looked like big deals for this fight, both getting a red light show with their music. Havoc is out with a steel chair in one hand, the tag title in the other, and the Hardcore Championship around his waist. Cool visual as being a WWE fan for years we don’t really get many dual champs, so he looked like a star. Jimmy Havoc taunted Aussie Open with the chair…and then hits Primate with it! Fuck that was a surprise. Havoc asked for a mic. “I’m sick of you riding my coattails” and goes on to deliver a fantastic speech about how he’s tired of everyone calling themselves hardcore. They’re low rent Jimmy Havocs. He’s dissolved this tag team. And…and then Jimmy Havoc lied down. He’s pinned and now Aussie Open are the champions.
Know how something starts off awesome but quickly turns to shit right before your eyes? Well, that’s what happened here, but we’re not done just yet because logic is going on a smoke break. Mark Haskins runs in with his own steel chair and lashes out at Aussie Open. Seems they all were teammates at one point. Havoc is back, and there’s a staredown between him and Haskins that has the crowd going nuts. But then they work together, bringing Aussie Open down and keeping Primate subdued. Havoc is back on the mic and states that just because he’s done with Primate as a partner doesn’t mean he’s done with someone he can trust (???). “We get injured and companies like this force us to compete…so there’s safety in numbers but also dominance. “Next time – Aussie Open vs. Havoc/Haskins. Even commentary is quiet, just asking “What is this?” My thoughts exactly.
I’ve made a list of grievances for this angle.
1. It’s clear as day Primate is a big deal. Last week he made history with winning in record time. Havoc claiming he’s riding his coattails doesn’t make sense even on the most basic of levels.
2. I can buy Havoc dissolving his partnership with Primate on the grounds that Havoc is above Primate, that’s a heel’s power move. But why did Havoc lie down? Wouldn’t it have been more strategic for a guy his level to just feed Primate to the wolves? It made him look stupid.
3. Havoc just showed how disloyal he is to a tag team partner. Why would anyone want to immediately work with him? More could have been covered on why Haskins will work with a guy that only a minute earlier betrayed his tag team partner.
4. A tag team champion intentionally lost the titles, formed a new partnership, and will challenge for the tag titles all in less than ten minutes. That’s madness. The booking here hurts. Havoc looks even more stupid. Fuck this angle.
Defiant Access plug.
Sure, Three's A Crowd
Stu Bennet was on the phone but got off when BT Gunn and Joe Coffey greeted him. They made a proposal. Since it’ll be Aussie Open vs. Havoc & Haskins (Jesus news flies fast here), and they already beat Aussie Open, they want in on the action. They’ve noticed how every other match is a Triple Threat. Stu said it sounded like a good idea to make this one a Triple Threat as well.
Commentary with Breaking News: at Lights Out it will be Martin Kirby vs. No Fun Dunne. Hey Lights Out getting noticed on the last show til then. Good on Lights Out. That bit of news closed the show.
Venue: Small arena similar to CWFH and it had that same steel frame entrance that has made an appearance quite a bit in these reviews. Defiant logo on turnbuckles. Lots or red and white that don’t mesh well for my tastes, but it is a combination I don’t often see, so it does have its own look. I'll give them that.
Crowd: Almost fratboyesque. They had jokes but grew quieter as the hour went on with the exception of Havoc’s betrayal. They were clearly into the show though.
Characters: Everyone played to their strengths. Standouts for me were Kirby, Stu Bennet as GM, Joe Hendry, that ten seconds of Austin Aries, and the star-studded visual of Primate/Jurn Simmons as well as Jimmy Havoc’s mic work. Everyone had their specialty and it was used almost perfectly here. A fair example of getting the most out of a roster.
Wrestling: This didn’t feel like a wrestling show most of the time, but that’s to be expected for any show that’s right before a big pay per view event. I didn’t mind it. The characters played well against one another and that’s what mattered here. It was all about filling last minute spots and they did decent enough.
Production: Lighting was superb, doing as it should to hide the number of attendants while also giving the ring the spotlight. Camera work was good, even travelling with wrestlers here and there or stayed static in the obvious places they should be. Video packages were awful and hype videos were just pictures on a screen. Audio was good by Youtube standards. Commentary was fine. Booking was fine up til Havoc, which really brought the mood down a bit. Aren’t the people behind this the same guys that rip on bigger companies pulling shit like that?
Flippy Counter: 3
This is what you’d expect from guys that love wrestling, even the dumb parts. Do I recommend it? Yeah I’d say it was a good endeavor even though it bugged me that one good time. It does have charisma, which is really what makes it stand out from places like Championship Wrestling From Hollywood and WCWC. Defiant Wrestling is worth a look if you're interested in seeing what guys like Wade Barret are up to these days. I didn't hate it.
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