Shipping Out to Basic

Discussion in 'The Bar Room Archives' started by GI Cake, Jan 30, 2016.

  1. GI Cake

    GI Cake Thank God For Sodamy.

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    So six months ago I was a big old fat turd. I had a job sitting in a guard gatehouse playing xbox and getting fatter and doing fuck all with my life. Student loans and a cripplingly low GPA held me from continuing college. I decided to make a change, to try and turn shit around enlist in the Army. I heard they'll help with tuition, a ton of kickbacks in health insurance, and I'd get paid far more than what I'm getting as a security guard.

    But as it turns out, I was too fat for the Army. I never been "too fat" for anything in my life. But I was too fat to enlist. A whopping 255lbs on a 5'10" body was apparently "too fat" it was a dagger formed out of snickers wrappers right in the heart.

    So for the past six months I've been actually making a change in my life. I started running/walking twice a day, doing push-ups at work and at home, just keeping my fat ass moving. And worst of all I had to cut out all of the junk food and eat right. Six months later, I'm down 55lbs and finally made it to the tape standards for the US Army. I'm going in as a Private First Class in Military Intelligence with a 4 year active contract.

    A part of the reason why I'm writing this is to pat myself on the back and fish for compliments, but another part of this is because for better or for worse you guys have been one of the few message boards I've really enjoyed for years now. I'll plan on coming back after basic to share my stories or at the very least help people who want to make a change in their life.

    Oh fuck, I forgot to make a witty joke or two. Someone cue up a fart noise.
     
    #1
  2. Dowdsy McDowds

    Dowdsy McDowds Sally was here

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    I just made my first 'Pancake's mom' joke yesterday and not sure whether to now feel proud or guilty.

    Best of luck with the future.

    *farts solemnly*
     
    #2
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  3. Rainbow Yaz

    Rainbow Yaz Sing about me, I'm dying of thirst
    E-Fed Mod

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    No one cares ass munch.
     
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  4. Reflection

    Reflection is a happier and wiser man

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    And this is something that will make you feel much better about yourself, because you are doing something meaningful with your life and the experience will remain with you for the rest of your life. All the best to you.
     
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  5. Spidey

    Spidey Should've Reinstated The Fox
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    Well I'll be goddammed. Mohammad did fuck a 9 year old.

    Teach them as you have taught us.
     
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  6. Dirk

    Dirk Ayatollah of Coca-Cola

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    Take care of yourself and watch out for all those Privates.
     
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  7. One Punch Doug Crashin

    One Punch Doug Crashin I AM INVINSIBLE!

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    Edit: Fuck nvm....
     
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  8. JGlass

    JGlass Unregistered User

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    Don't kid yourself, you've never made a witty joke a day in your life.

    Seriously though, good for you, glad to hear you have a direction. I hope everything goes well for you.
     
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  9. GI Cake

    GI Cake Thank God For Sodamy.

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    That's not what your mother said last night.

    Ooo zinger!
     
    #9
  10. Bernkastel

    Bernkastel Reaper of Miracles
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    Good for you man. I think we have talked about this before and I am happy that you are fulfilling this chapter in your life. Now go out there and kick some ass.
     
    #10
  11. George Steele's Barber

    George Steele's Barber Advertise Here $9.95/month

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  12. Fire Marshall Bill

    Fire Marshall Bill Let me show ya somethin!!!

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    Have fun. I already did my 6 years.
     
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