Sam's Posting Rules - How To Imitute Me Exuctly

[Uncle Sam]

I'm trying to think of what my posting rules are. Here is what I've got so far:

1. Spell Raw as RAW, Smackdown as SmackDown!, Impact as iMPACT!, Wrestlemania as WrestleMania, NWO as nWo, etc. etc. If you're going to post on a wrestling forum you might as well go the whole hog.

2. Use as many polysyllabic words as possible. It makes you appear more intelligent than you are actually are and reduces the chances of the people who post in txt spk understanding you and attempting a, uh, "rebuttal".

3. Speech marks and apostrophes are interchangeable. I've got to get my kicks somehow - this is how I do it.

4. Use dashes and semi-colons instead of commas. It hides the fact that my arguments are shit. Kind of like how Will just uses lots of words; just much more efficient.

5. Make some sort of comparison that is so irrelevant that it somehow becomes relevant. For example, my comparison of CM Punk and Die Hard. I still think that was pretty apt actually. Bad example.

6. Use just too many commas. Not sure what's a clause and what isn't? Better to be safe than sorry. Careful not to "justinsayne" it though.

7. Use non-fluency features - these are your "uhs, ums and ers." It'll make you a man of the, uh, people. They can't talk too good, you see. Relate to them.

8. Make everything up as you go along. I'm not really incredibly fickle, it just helps to say I am when everything I'm typing is something I've never thought about before in my life. I am quite fickle though.

9. Always use italics, never bold or underline. You'll remind people of when you used to post all in bold. Besides, intonation rules.

10. When in doubt, post a big picture of something. Game over, man. Game over.

I'm sure I'll think of more in time.

 

[Uncle Sam]

11. The first letter of every word in a title - capitalise it! I used to worry about what I should and shouldn't capitalise. Not Any More.

 

[Барбоса]

Care to elaborate on your policy on swearing? When is it applicable?

 

[Uncle Sam]

12. Swear only when it won't send your opponent, as it were, into a fit. Some posters see a swear word in your post as a starter pistol for them to go on a 10,000 word rant over what a cunt you are - and I don't have time to read all that. That said, if you're not talking directly to someone, swear your heart out. Cunt is a personal favourite of mine.

 

[gd]

No smilies has to be added.

 

[Uncle Sam]

13. No smilies. If you're not good enough to imply emotion in your post then get out of my fucking face. They love me on Facebook:

"Heyyyyy Sammmm wannna gooo doooo sumthin on frydayyy nightttt!?!?! xxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo"

"Yeah, OK. I guess."

 

[HBK-aholic]

It actually depressed me when that post ended.

 

[Uncle Sam]

People say my Facebook posts come across as sarcastic. Odd, considering they're usually either "Yes," "No" or "Do I have to?"

 

[DirtyJosé]

Best way to express your disagreement with another poster, or to otherwise imply disappointment?

 

[Барбоса]

I find that I follow all of Sam's rules already.

However, seeing as I am not as good a poster or as funny as him, there must be more rules that have yet to be revealed

 

[Uncle Sam]

Best way to express your disagreement with another poster, or to otherwise imply disappointment?

14. Avoid serious disagreements, unless Jake gets banned or Slyfox becomes a moderator. People seem to not think so but I'm one of the most agreeable people on here. Judging by The Cage, one of the least secretly prejudiced as well.

A good, firm "I disagree" is always good in unavoidable confrontations, as is "And to think, at one stage I thought you could have been the next Coco The Monkey. How wrong I was." or something to that effect.

In an actual argument, oversimplify your opponent's argument. However, never do the whole "i am doin an impreshun of sum1 I disgree wit an so fur sum reesin implyin dey kant spell" thing that everybody seems so fond of. An old fashioned "So you're saying you hate all black people?" sort of sweeping statement is always good.

As a final resort, I have the pictures of everyone who ever posted their picture on the site ready to rip the piss out of if anybody really gets on my bad side. It's a sort of nuclear option.

So, to answer your question: red rep.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I find that I follow all of Sam's rules already.

However, seeing as I am not as good a poster or as funny as him, there must be more rules that have yet to be revealed

15. Try and be funny. Don't try too hard, mind. Not everybody will think you are. We call these people "Americans."

 

[Uncle Sam]

I saw Sly viewing the thread just now. Doing the daily sweep of threads where his name is mentioned I suppose.

 

[Ferbian]

We call these people "Americans."

Canadians never seem to think lightly when I mistake them for American's (TM especially)

 

[Uncle Sam]

Probably the same people that insist Americans be referred to as "United States Americans."

 

[Ferbian]

Probably the same people that insist Americans be referred to as "United States Americans."

I don't know, I pissed TM off pretty badly when he insulted me and I called him a second rate American citizen. (that was PURELY towards TM to piss him off, not to generalize the Canadians)

 

[Барбоса]

Be funny so that an American will laugh?

Is that not considered "anti-funny"?

 

[Uncle Sam]

It's selling out is what it is.

 

[Барбоса]

It's selling out is what it is.

I suspected as much

 

[LigerBomb]

based on these rules I'm well on my way...

 

[Uncle Sam]

14. Always capitalise correctly/to the best of your ability.

15. Use elipses (...) sparingly - they are the most overused technique on the internet. To indicate interuption, the trust double dash (as I call it) is always more--

SAM, YOU CUNT!

 

[Uncle Sam]

16. Steal Jake's opinions and good lines. It's a time saver.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

16. Steal Jake's opinions and good lines. It's a time saver.

Like? The only one I've seen you use is the one about opinions, underwear and changing them weekly.

You really shouldn't steal my opinions, I watch nothing properly.

 

[Via Armbar]

We don't need people acting like Jake. One of him is dangerous enough.