Meltdown 152: Stetson Hayes vs Hijo Del Vejigante

[Hyorinmaru]

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[Spidey Revivey]

This Is Rasslin'
Premiere Date: July 24, 2018
S1 - Ep. 01: Welcome to The Rope Break Ranch
Only on the WZCW Network
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The opinions expressed on this program do not reflect those of The WZCW Network and any affiliated partners. Viewer discretion is advised.


Filmed on location in Fort Worth, TX
One Week Before Meltdown 152


The Minutemen, WZCW's on-the-ground film crew, pulled up to the ranch in a gray and red van. They readied their equipment and began recording as an older brunette woman stepped outside and waved.

Angie: Thanks for comin' all the way out here! You've got no idea how much this means to South.

A camera panned out to the cow pastures surrounding them. Another followed Angela inside.

There, in-between his fourth Shiner of the evening, sat her ex-husband. When Stetson Hayes saw the group coming in he turned beet red. Angie smiled wickedly.

Stetson: Whas all this?

Angie: You got company, South. Be hospitable. They here for your wrestling show.

Stetson: Woman don't call me South. You know how I feel 'bout nicknames.

Minutemen Key Grip: We're here to umm document your career for the WZCW Network. The company is trying to branch out and get more personal with the talent they've hired, and they wanted to start with you. In your contract there was an article about being filmed. We hope this isn't any inconvenience.

Angie: Hear that, Stetson? You're going to be a reality star.

She crossed her arms and gave her ex a shit eating grin.

Stetson: You mean to tell me WZCW is gonna put a camera in my face and follow me when I'm doin' stuff?

The film crew stood at the doorway, awkardly clutching the boom mic and cameras.

He stared at them behind his can of beer.

Stetson: Idn't that already muh job? Y'all wanna make sh▓▓ complicated hell just tell me I gotta be a rassler don't call me no f▓▓▓ing reality star and glitter my nads while yer doin' it. Alrighty then come on in and lemme show y'all around!

Angela, Stetson, and The Minutemen went inside the den. A bear's head was mounted above the plasma screen TV. On opposite sides were nine-pointed bucks, and on their side were the stuffed faces of bobcats. Across from them, gophers. In the kitchen area opposite the taxidermy was a gun rack with various rifles, and below those rifles were miniature bullet racks for individual shells. The couches were made of leather and had blankets of unknown Native American design. Pictures of family members adorned the walls - two in particular stood out from the rest.

Spoiler

Stetson: This here is mah daddy, Ol' Pop Beuford, and his daddy, Granpappy Hayes. Granpappy was a regional promoter right here in East Texas, God rest his soul. Did aight. His big ticket was Pop. Man could fold steel if you asked him to. Nah, none of that negatism or whatever runs in my family. We work hard for our spot on the card. Pop Beuford was champ'n longer than some of y'all were born. Never cared for all the Hollywood types though, so he stayed a Texas man. I bet if he was still in his prime, he'd wanna do something about those pencil neck geeks now. Thas why I'm makin' my stand in WZCW.

He beamed proudly at the photographs, but the sound of a can opening woke him from his daydream. The cameras turned around to see a young man in a romper enjoying the beverage.

Stetson: WHAT I TELL YOU BOUT DRINKIN' MAH BEER!?

He pulled his keys from his pocket and lobbed them at the teenager, who ducked and spilled the Shiner Bock on the counter.

Stetson: Well don't drop the ▓▓▓damn thing too!

Dakota: This isn't even your house, dad. Poppa Beu is vacationing in Guam! Don't gotta front on your family.

His son exited the room. Hayes sighed, clearly embarrassed. He threw his hands up and started for the back door.

Dakota Hayes sips quietly on a beer of a different brand. When asked about his relationship with his father, he shrugged.

Dakota: He's a poser. Before you guys came in we were watching Riverdale. He says he's into the Southside Serpents because they remind him of Sons of Anarchy, but he fangirls over Betty and Jughead like a fourteen year old chick. Total Bughead.

Angie: Where you headed, South?

Stetson: To find the doc who pulled you outta yer momma. Goin' to belt 'im square in the mouth.

Angie: You're an ass▓▓▓▓.

Stetson: And you're the ******** dat won't leave me alone. Ain't you got a home to get to?

Angela is smoking a pack of Capris, clearly agitated.

Angie: He's been like this for as long as I've known him. Used to find it sexy, here's a guy that can take control, knowwhatImean? I had a lot of growing up to do in my early days. Least I got Dakota out of it, even if he ain't got the sense God gave the goose.

She flipped Stetson off and left in a huff. Hayes faced the cameras, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. Exasperated, the Texan tried to calm down by talking to the film crew.

Stetson: I need to clear my head. Y'all come out back with me.

____________________​

South loaded his four-wheeler with a cooler. After strapping it in, he drove it out into an open field behind The Rope Break Ranch. The Minutemen followed on foot, and by the time they met up with the cowboy, he had a small campfire going. For some inconspicuous reason he sat in a camping chair. As the cameras rolled, his tone became more serious.

Stetson: I came to RassleZone Champ'nship Wrestlin' to cut the legs from under those Saturday Morn' Toons they got working for 'em. Done made the place a madhouse. Folks need normal hard-workin' folks like me to remind them of whas real.

He paused to admire the fire. Dusk had set on the ranch with the sound of coyotes in the distance. The cowboy adjusted his hat and continued.

Stetson: Believe it or not, I don't see this Heejo like the rest. Maybe cuz he ain't been on TV same as me. From what I hear, he's a man tryin' to do right by his family and live up to his daddy's name. Ain't nothing wrong with that. I'm doin' it meself. Thas what a man does, he goes out there and makes his Pop proud. No sir, no problem with that at all. We're cut from the same cloth.

Hayes picked up a stick beside him and prodded the campfire. A chunk of timber flopped on its side and the flames gave a crackling roar.

Stetson: But I'm aware of what the media gonna do when they see us scrap. Good ol' boy like Stetson Hayes up against lucha Heejo...by gawd we know how some y'all react to that nowadays don't we? Turn it into somethin' it ain't. Truth of the matter is fightin' Heejo is bad for my image.

He opened the cooler beside him and pulled out a Shiner. Stetson took his time drinking the brew and watching the fire. When he finished, he tossed the can onto the burning logs where it charred immediately. He looked back up into the camera, his teeth clenched.

Stetson: And that makes me bull p▓▓▓▓in' furious. It ain't fair to throw me to the wolves like that. These politics gonna stir up the good folks at home that only wanna see a fight. No, we gotta make a thing outta nuttin'. Gonna...gonna make one side look bad in front of millions, and we know which side that'll be. Gonna try and catch me saying something about his people storming The Alamo...but I won't. I could make a mess outta how they got rapists and drug dealers over there inchin' to get into my 'Merica...but I won't. I could ask to see his green card or if he even speaks English...but I won't. Maybe I'll ask him how to pronounce his Scrabble f▓▓▓▓ed name...what is that, some kinda hot sauce?...but again, I won't. I respect cultures that ain't mine. Mainstream media want to twist it and I won't get tricked into the race baitin'. I'm no dummy - I didn't make it to the 8th Grade for nothin'!

He got up from his blue camping chair and tossed the stick into the fire.

Stetson: I'm as mad as a clown on bath salts. Got to concentrate. Already know how shifty these luchadors can be on the circuit. Fought a few myself - in auditoriums, bingo halls, carnivals, whathaveyou. So I'm gonna proceed in my debut with caution, 'cuz thas what real people do. We don't run off on wacky escapades like some of these saddle stains. Nuh-uh, won't see any grandstandin' with me - more than I can say for a purdy mask. Bet Heejo had costume designers and all them artsy fartsy folks make his wardrobe. You see what I got on?

He tugged at his black tank top. There were Axe body spray stains near his chest.

Stetson: This is what I'll rassle in. I don't need yer makeup rooms or yer peacock clothes. All a man needs is a fist and a face to apply it. And when I lock my opponents in the Texas Cloverleaf, I want them to know it's called a Texas Cloverleaf. No Pokeyman names attached to my ars'nal, no sir. And I ain't in the pun bidness neither. I'm in the tap bidness. When that hand smacks the mat over and over again, I need 'em to know two things: A. I'm Stetson Hayes and 2. They won't be walking right afterwards courtesy of this here Cloverleaf. Heejo may need to worry 'bout my submission more'n your average man from what I hear. With what my buddies down south are telling me, he got a bad limb. If that rumor's true, we may just have ourselves a hoedown when I find which of his legs will dance for me.

South reached into the cooler again and had himself another beer. He belched and rubbed his belly.

Stetson: Ohio is a thousand miles from the Border, amigos, so this ain't goin' be no war. It's gonna be a respectful fight among men. Just hope he does the right thing and don't cheat.

____________________​

As they traveled back home, Angela waited on the porch with a cake server in her hand.

Angie: You gonna invite your paparazzi in for some of this ice cream cake?

Stetson: The f▓▓▓ she still doing here...wait when we get cake?

Angie: While you were out playin' Davy Crockett I went to Wal*Mart. Now you want to be a good host or you want me to act an ass on TV?

The cowboy cussed, turning his attention to the cameras.

Stetson: Yer more than welcome to have a piece of cake if you can stomach her company. She knows how to break your balls so abandon hope, ye who enter.

Angie: See that wasn't so hard. Now let's celebrate your new job like normal f▓▓▓▓ing people.

When asked about his relationship with his former spouse, South rolled his eyes.

Stetson: She's play actin' in front of the cameras. Everybody from here to the Arkansas River knows she wants another tumble in the Hayes. Part of me kinda likes tha attention, even if her words got salt to 'em. That's what makes whoopie fun though, knowwhatImean?

____________________


On The Next Episode Of This Is Rasslin'​

Stetson: What'n tarnation...

In the cupholder of his truck where his smokes used to be stood an e-cig. He picked it up and examined it. When he realized his truck had been occupied by someone other than himself, he yelled like a wounded bison.

Stetson's dad took a can of smokeless tobacco from his back pocket and put a finger of dip between his bottom lip and front row of teeth.

Pop Beuford: He's a softie, my youngun. Outside of rasslin' he's the most tenderhearteded person you'll ever meet. Timid boy, really.

Hayes threw the vape across the yard. It landed near a cow, who gawked at it with mild interest.

Stetson: DAKOOOTA!!! I'm gonna rip yer f▓▓▓ing fingers off! Your days of bein' a mistake'r numbered, boy.