Meltdown 152: PC Stevie Broon vs Randy Studd

Discussion in 'WZCW Roleplay Board' started by Hyorinmaru, Jul 13, 2018.

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  1. Hyorinmaru

    Hyorinmaru Sit Upon The Frozen Heavens
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    RP Deadline is Tuesday July 24th at 11:59pm PST

    **EXTENSIONS AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST**
     
    #1
  2. Tastycles

    Tastycles Turn Bayley heel

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    Randy Studd Diss Track, Take 54, Recorded at "Record your own track for $50 an hour" studio on July 24 2018.

    Yo! Yo! Yo!
    It's Randy Studd and I'm coming in your ears,
    Just like I do to women after a few beers,
    I'm young, and I'm virile, and I'm ready to bang,
    And all the girls love, how low I hang.

    Yeah
    Uh Huh
    Yeah
    Uh Huh

    Yo! Yo! Yo!
    It's Randy Studd, and I'm rapping for you now
    I've got my roll of hundreds and I'm ready to plough
    I'm seeing all the honies knocking on my door,
    But I'm already inside with another four.

    Yeah
    Uh Huh
    Yeah
    Uh Huh

    Yo! Yo! Yo!
    It's Randy Studd, for whom the ladies thirst,
    But I got a problem to deal with first,
    You see there's a Little Scottish Copper
    And I've got to beat him improper


    [Tune of Whoop, whoop it's the sound of the police]
    Broon, Broon
    I'm coming now for a piece
    Broon, Broon
    I'm coming now for a piece
    [/Tune of Whoop, whoop it's the sound of the police]

    Broon wants to arrest and he wants to catch,
    I just want a quickish match
    So once I've beat him black and brown
    I can take my ladies out to the town.

    Yeah
    Uh Huh
    Yeah
    Uh Huh

    Yo! Yo! Yo!
    So I'll beat him here, and I'll beat him there
    And I'll make Studd's life matter, anywhere
    Cause he's wearing a kilt in bad tartan
    But I don't wear skirts, cause I'm a real man.

    [Tune of Whoop, whoop it's the sound of the police]
    Broon, Broon
    I'm coming now for a piece
    Broon, Broon
    I'm coming now for a piece
    [/Tune of Whoop, whoop it's the sound of the police]

    PC Broon, you don't belong in Randy's ring,
    It's a waste of my time to do this thing,
    I think you should go back north of the border,
    And do your job and restore law and order.

    Deep fried mars bars, neeps and tatties
    Shortbread, haggis but they're still not fatties,
    Cause you're as toothless as a terrapin,
    When it comes to arrests for possession of heroin.

    Hibs or Hearts, Celtic or Rangers
    Different colours for the same dangers,
    Sectarian violence and racist chants,
    But PC Broon's in his string vest and underpants.

    [Tune of Whoop, whoop it's the sound of the police]
    Broon, Broon
    I'm coming now for a piece
    Broon, Broon
    I'm coming now for a piece
    [/Tune of Whoop, whoop it's the sound of the police]

    So I'll beat Broon now and I'll beat him easy,
    And that'll learn them to say big Studd is sleazy,
    Call all cars and get back up for Broon,
    Because the mayhem is coming for him soon.
     
    #2
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  3. Dave

    Dave Administrator
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    PC Stevie Broon
    In...
    Bin there, done that!


    Me: YOU ARE JOKING ME, BOABY!?

    Boaby looked at me with a fearful look in his eyes – a look that ah had come to appreciate during a career in law enforcement. This time, however, the urge to rip Boaby's heed off wasn't an option – like it usually would be with your run-of-the-mill junky bam. Boaby was one ae the good guys in life, just trying to make ends meet whilst working a menial job. Beyond that, he was also mah gaffer and ah definitely still needed this job. For a while at least. That said, the urge to smash his wee face in wi' a box ae Birdseye Fish Fingers was beginning to build. Ah stood in the freezer aisle of Glasgow's 8th most popular supermarket and felt the blood rush to mah brain.

    Me: Boaby, this is everythin' ah've been working towards! Kingdom Come is the biggest show ae the year – it's a once in a lifetime deal, mate! Ah cannae miss it!

    Boaby: Stevie, you know I'm really sorry about this. Truth be told though, I've already let you off to go to Italy, France and a weekender in Newcastle. It's only been 4 months since you started and you've had all that time off. I know it's not ideal but there's other factors at play here...

    Ah looked at Boaby with a confused look on mah face. 'Other factors', he says? There wisnae any other factors when he woke me up at 3 in the morning one Tuesday night because a fucking pigeon had been nestin' in the ceiling lights and set off the fucking intruder alarm. Ah could sense mah face going red in anger and ah bet Boaby could sense it too.

    Boaby: You know it's like around here just now, Stevie. People are saying that I'm giving you preferential treatment. You haven't done a back shift in nearly... Well... Ever! You've never did a back shift. Plus, Janice can't pick up that shift because somebody keeps trying to steel her wheelie bin. I would have said to Pedro but he's out with the D&V, if you know what I mean? I'm sorry, Stevie, I just can't let you go.

    With that, Boaby offered me a pat on the shoulder, a sincere half-smile and left. There is was, everything ah ever worked for in WZCW was gone. Wins against two Champions in as many weeks meant nothin' now. Because of a missin' wheelie bin and Pedro stuck to the pan, Stevie Broon would be missing Kingdom Come. Somebody was gonnae pay for this!

    * * *


    Kingdom Come had kingdom came and went. Ah sat up until midnight watching the show when ah got home fae work that night. Ah put some Super Noodles in the microwave, grabbed masel' a couple ae cans ae Monster an watched the full thing – start to finish. Truth be told, ah hadn't really taken the time tae get to know anybody in WZCW but watchin' Kingdom Come showed me how far ah still needed tae go. Ah had been using WZCW as a way of relieving stress in mah personal life – pretty healthy, ah thought – but some ae the talent in WZCW was beyond that level of commitment. Ah needed to buckle doon to WZCW noo and gi' it the attention it deserved.

    Walkin' into work on Wednesday morning left me feelin' hollow, if ah'm honest. Somethin' was well and truly missin' fae Stevie Broon's life. It had felt like weeks since ah had felt the rush of excitement that WZCW or bringin' bams tae justice could bring. The days had melded into a blur and it seemed like nothin' was gonnae break the cycle. Ah needed that rush back in mah life once more! Things had been quiet in ShopSmart since the mystery of the broken window was solved. But if a life in law enforcement had taught me anything, it was that was the time you should prepare for the next big job.

    Ah walked out onto the floor ae the market and smelt the same old smells. The smell of fresh fish filled mah nostrils with the counters not far off tae mah right. Of course, eld Mary fae the desk was just as far away on mah left and had greeted me with a sultry wave as ah looked in her direction. The same old sights of people just getting' on wi' their business was nothing unusual but there was somethin' different today. Ah couldn'ae put mah finger on it just yet but somethin' was at play. Suddenly, it happened!

    From a couple of aisles doon, a blood-curdling scream that sends shivers doon mah spine and testosterone into mah brain. I rushed into action, diving to mah right and sprinted doon the aisle. Could it be Shug The Gun back to get his long-awaited revenge on me for a life time of persecution? Could it be Johnny Mayfair back at ShopSmart for round 2? All ah knew was that ah had been waiting for this for weeks! That same feelin' of doin' somethin; worthwhile was no upon me again like a tramp on chips! I turned the corner of the aisle to the scene of the crime and what greeted me was indeed a terrifying scene – a rotund hairy woman on a mobility scooter. Her top lip was hairier than mine, that's just a fact. She turned to her handler, ah assume and continued to scream.

    Scooter-Screamer: Look, Francis! They've got Nair hair removal cream on 3 for 2!

    Never before had the excitement drained from me like that, Seeing that loud monster ponder removing her 'tache was just about as disappointing as it got. Ah recoiled backwards, shaking ma head in annoyance as she grabbed as much hair removal cream as her scooter would carry. Then, it happened, the unmistakeable sound of a crash – steel on steel and a scene being caused. Ah took to mah feet again, rushing towards the excitement like a tidal wave obliterating everything in it's path! Ah raced past Mary on the Customer Service Desk and out into the foyer. There, the scene began to unfold. Two shopping trolleys had collided with a stern looking man standing over one. It was tipped over and his BBQ was lying on the cold, damp bricks. 'This is it', ah thought! It was finally GO TIME!

    BBQ-Man: I'm really sorry about that, I wasn't watching where I was going. Are you okay?

    Nameless Woman: Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks. Do you need any help getting it back up?

    BBQ-Man: Nah, I think I'll manage. Sorry again!

    BBQ-Man picked up his trolley and the BBQ fell right back to the bottom of the trolley as if nothing had ever happened. Ah could barely believe what ah was seeing. Could it be that ah was wrong about everything. Maybe it was time to let a brave new Glesga take over and people like Stevie Broon were a forgotten remnant of a disturbing past that people would rather ignore. Since when had grit and the murky underworld been replaced with mobility scooters, hair removal cream and fucking good manners?! This was Glesga, for fuck's sake!

    Ah moved back inside the shop, questionin' everything that ah had ever worked for. Could it be that ah was the one in the wrong all this time? Maybe ShopSmart wasn't the hive of debauchery, lies and deceit that I thought it was in those first few weeks. The mystery of the broken window had gripped me like nothing before but maybe that was it. Maybe I had scratched the surface but now that I had dug a wee bit deeper, all that was left was... hollow.

    Ah thought about missin' WZCW and Kingdom Come. Everythin' made sense in WZCW. There was me and a guy across the ring that deserved a goo doin'. It was simple but effective. Moreover, AH was effective. The wins against Mancini and Titus had proved it, ah was doin' the Lord's work in that ring.

    Randy Studd was next on the agenda for yours truly and ah would be lyin' if ah said ah wasn't excited about the prospect. Here's a guy that went all the way to the finals of the Elite Openweight League. Despite what was goin' on at ShopSmart (or wasn't as the case may be), I know excitement would come ma way again. Studd would prove to be a worthy challenger but mah wins against Mancini and Titus had given me momentum. Momentum that ah wasn't about to-

    Suddenly, mah train of thought was interrupted. Big Janice from the freezers was standing in front ae me wi' a worried look on her coupon. The same Janice that screwed me oot of a match at Kingdom Come. The same Janice that stood between me and mah first title in WZCW. She's lucky that ah didn't wrap the Glesga Kiss on her right there and then. But the look in her eyes said she needed me and ah was nothing if not a man ae the people...

    Janice: Stevie! You need tae help me! It's aboot mah wheelie bin!

    It wasn't perfect... But it was a start.

    The mystery continues soon...
     
    #3
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