Is An Apology Necessary?

[Mitch Henessey]

Throughout our lives, I’m sure we’ve all had heated arguments, blowups, or a falling out with various people. Depending on the situation, it’ll take some time for cooler heads to prevail, and from there, both sides can move past the blame game and finger pointing stages.

If we’re talking about a formal apology, I don’t think it’s 100% necessary in certain cases. If both sides are willing to reach some sort of middle ground, and acknowledge all the mistakes on both sides, everyone should be able to move forward and put any problems in the past with no real problems. Of course, I can understand the need to hear a formal apology for certain arguments or shouting matches, if one side or the other feels certain lines were crossed, because the other person took things too far.

To add to that, and I’ve been on both sides before, but every now and then, you’ll run into a scenario, where neither side is willing to budge. Pride, stubbornness, whatever the case is, both sides will flat out refuse to break or admit any mistakes, and sometimes, it’s the final straw to end a relationship, partnership, or a friendship.

So with all that said, is a formal apology necessary? Do you need to hear the words “I’m sorry” or “ I made a mistake” to forgive and move on? For me, a formal apology is not necessary in certain cases. Although, no apology at all is the best option , if said person delivers a half ass or insincere apology.

 

[Mustang Sally]

Although, no apology at all is the best option , if said person delivers a half ass or insincere apology.

Agreed, and it reminds me of the worst apology of all: the one that someone is forced to issue.

During the Michael Vick dog-fighting mess, I remember Clinton Portis of the Washington Redskins making a remark to the effect that: "They're Michael's dogs. If he wants to kill them, let him".... and in the outrage that followed, the team demanded he apologize....which he did.

But to what end? Portis believed what he believed and no apology was going to change that. They could compel him to say he was sorry, but only for making the remark, not for the offensive thought behind it.

If a person wants to give a heartfelt apology for whatever they did, that's fine.....but if they're saying they're sorry because someone ordered them to.....or if they're doing it only for form's sake (presumably to get back into the person's good graces).....it's a waste of time, in my opinion.

In school, a guy plagiarized from me. I first found out about it when the professor announced it in front of the class. The guy later apologized to me, but in listening to him, I realized he wasn't sorry because he plagiarized, but because he got caught.

His apology was worthless and I told him so.

 

[klunderbunker]

Not in all cases no.

My dad and I used to go at it a lot and the closest thing we had to apologies was calling the other and acting like nothing happened. It was basically our way of saying "yeah that was bad and it's over now." We both knew it was there but we didn't acknowledge it and that made things a lot better long term. Sometimes you just need to cool down and realize that people say stupid things in the heat of the moment. It happens to everyone and sometimes it makes things worse by bringing it up again directly.

 

[Lowdown]

I'm with letting things cool off. Sometimes it's instantaneous, or it could take years (I can attest to the latter), but a simple apology is the best if it's required. Shake hands and acknowledge your part, then go to a neutral corner.

 

[John McCass]

In some cases, apology works as a magical tool whereas in the other cases they reignite the matter which needs to be forgotten completely. An apology can make life a merry note or even a painful drug.

It depends on the condition. If somebody has had some severe conflicts with the next person and they've forgotten the conflict then apologizing must mean reinvoking the matter. In these case, things must be sidelined. For example, I had an obsession with one of my friends a year ago. Since then, we didn't talk to each other for about a month or so. Slowly, we forgot that moment and let it go. So did he. Had he apologized (it was his fault) I must have been furious and there'd had been a cold war between us.

But, this is not the case everytime. Sometimes, apology becomes necessary given the conditions.

 

[TheICChampion]

Well, I remember this one time over 4 years ago where I was playing a card game with a friend of mine, and although I meant it as a joke, I quoted a line from an abridged series which was taken the wrong way, even though I thought he knew the quote and would find it funny as well. Boy, was I wrong. Thing is, nothing actually came of it until 3 months after, although I have no idea when the actual decision was made, when he decided to terminate the friendship because of what I had said 3 months prior, when we had last seen each other. Now, no doubt what I said was hurtful, and although I had apologized and tried to explain my mistake, it seemed his mind was made up. So, depending on the situation, even though an apology may be necessary, regardless of whether or not the person truly is sincere and remorseful, it may not matter simply because the person or people who were wronged may not be ready and/or willing to forgive.

 

[enviousdominous]

When we think "apology" we tend to think of the cheesy "I'm sorry" with a long winded explanation of why one is so sorry. While pride may keep someone from requesting forgiveness in that way, pride is also a factor in not being able to settle under any circumstances until one receives a humble apology.

We're all reluctant ambassadors unto public opinion, there are times when we have to let things slide even though they greatly upset us or we risk betraying our own character.

If someone wrongs me and refuses to apologize, though they clearly acknowledge that what they did was wrong by making proper reparations, I don't obsess over a stupid apology. If I wrong someone and I can't possibly explain my way out of an apology, I swallow my pride and risk looking like a dork-ass by ponying up a genuine apology.

On that note, human beings are pretty fucking stupid. You'll have people declare you as their arch-enemy because of an oversight on their part, realize their oversight, and still hold onto the notion that you still deserve their hatred. One apology will supposedly make them back off, but you know that that's complete bullshit. They'll take that apology and run with it as an enabler that grants them a false sense of entitlement.

Don't apologize because someone let their own idiocy consume their ability properly judge a situation, people like that need to know that you're the first of many people that they couldn't manipulate. Apologize because you yourself know that you fucked up bad, even if the other person isn't at all wise to what you did.

 

[Slash-LN]

I had a situation where I didn't feel an apology was warranted but I gave one anyway about a month after not talking after the argument took place. The person called me. I apologized. She didn't like the apology and I thought that was stupid.

So that pretty much turned me off the idea of apologizing when I didn't think one was warranted.

As far as minor arguments or whatever. I don't expect one and I don't give one. In some cases it annoys me when people apologize over minor stuff. Even more so when they know they don't have to apologize to me over minor stuff.

So yeah, I'm with the school of thought of just letting things cool down and moving on.