History of Armageddon with KB

[klunderbunker]

We only have five WWE PPV series to go. That blows my mind harder than a drunken prom date. Up here is Armageddon which was the final show of the year. I’ve already done some of these shows and I’ll put them up before I do the first new one, which is 2002. This show tended to be a throwaway PPV but there were some ok ones if I remember correctly. Not much else to say so let’s get to it.

Armageddon 1999
Date: December 12, 1999
Location: National Car Rental Center, Sunrise, Florida
Attendance: 15, 749
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

First off, who in the fuck named that place? I get the whole naming it after the company but you couldn’t come up with ANYTHING better than that? Anyway, welcome to the last show of 1999 and of the 1900s in the WWF. Austin is gone and Big Show shocked the world as he won the world title at Survivor Series.

This show is famous for two things. First of all, Vince wrestles a 30 minute match. Second, there is something here that you’ll never see on a WWE show again. Other than that there isn’t much here but this is an historic show so let’s get to it!

The opening video more or less doesn’t exist. Ok then.

Tag Team Battle Royal

Dudleys, Godfather/Mark Henry, Headbangers, Edge/Christian, Hardy Boyz, Acolytes, Mean Street Posse, Too Cool.

The Dudleys are out first and yell at Edge and Christian. They all get in a fight before the rest are here. The last man standing wins a tag title shot at the Rumble for his team. The Hardys get a big pop. Terri is with them and is ****ty and undesirable as ever. I love the Posse. I always did. Too Cool gets a solid pop too.

Wow the entrances took awhile for this. It’s individual elimination mind you. Rodney is out. These are hard to call so I’ll more or less be waiting until the end of things. The third member of the Posse keeps going in to cheat. Ok apparently if one guy is eliminated the partner is too. Headbangers are out.

Henry and Godfather are out. Like I said there’s no way to talk about what’s going on here since everything is just a mess. Edge and Christian get both of Too Cool out. It’s Edge and Christian, Dudleys, Acolytes and Hardys. In other words, the four best teams are left. D-Von and Christian go through the ropes and fight on the floor. D-Von pulls Edge out so it’s down to three. There was an affinity for the DDT in this era.

Jeff gets a What’s Up before it was named. Jeff’s crotch is the Promised Land apparently. Jeff takes 3D on top of that but Matt puts the Dudleys out so it’s Hardys vs. Acolytes. Jeff is up after all that inside of a minute. Sure why not. Bradshaw and Matt go out at the same time so they just let us have the other two go at it instead. Bradshaw goes back in anyway so guess how this goes.

Not as you would expect actually as Jeff puts Farrooq out but it’s not seem. Ok never mind as Matt is allowed back in. This needs to end like now. And so it does as Farrooq LAUNCHES Jeff out to win.

Rating: D+. Fast paced but boring as are most battle royals. The constant cheating etc at the end just got annoying too. This wasn’t very good but the crowd popped for most of the entrances so there we are. Not terrible but nothing great at all as this could have easily been done on Smackdown or Raw.

Lillian is with Kurt. Both are incredibly young looking here. He talks about the match he and Blackman lost to the Dudleys, leading to this.

Steve Blackman vs. Kurt Angle

This is Angle’s second PPV match or so, so guess what’s going to happen. Oddly enough they say he’s a REAL athlete. Kind of an odd thing to hear in a kayfabe company. Steve’s music cuts off the Three I’s speech. After a fast start, Blackman misses a middle rope headbutt to give Angle control. Crowd is bordering on dead here.

Angle is REALLY green here. He busts out a perfect moonsault which to this day has never hit. In a cool moment, Blackman puts Angle in a bow and arrow and gets counted down for two. I never would have thought for that. What is with the amount of DDTs here and lately? That’s just odd as hell.

The fans think this is boring. And now they think Angle sucks. Well they’re into a boring match so that’s a good sign for Angle. Blackman misses a Vader Bomb and Angle gets two off of it. This is a really basic match but it’s not bad. Angle wins with a belly to back suplex of all things. Post match Blackman beats him up with his knunchucks.

Rating: B-. You have to consider that Angle was a total rookie at this point. By today’s standards, this is awful. For a guy that’s been there a little over a month, this was fine. Angle was getting experience here and it helped a lot for him. This was ok but nothing that special. Still though it’s fun to see him this new.

We see some chick getting dressed behind a screen. She’s very curvy so I’m betting on Mae. We see a clip of Moolah shoving Ivory into a pool on Heat. Back to the shadow chick and it’s BB. She was a nurse character who had big boobs and was boring as hell otherwise. Cole talks to her and can’t talk.

Greg Norman, a golfer, is here. Tiger wasn’t a big deal yet.

Women’s Title: Miss Kitty vs. Jacqueline vs. BB vs. Ivory

This is an evening gown in a pool match. Mae and Moolah are referees. OK that’s fine. If they want to be involved in a non wrestling role, great. Just keep them out of the ring. This was a big deal because Kitty doesn’t wear underwear. Seriously, who wants to see Jackie in her underwear? And people wonder why no one takes this company seriously.

The other three force Ivory into the pool. They’re just splashing water on each other. Jackie falls out of her top much to my pain. Yeah she’s out already. King of course is loving this. Ok so the attempted murder begins already. And BB is out. Ivory tries to get her top off and fails. Kat gets booed for stopping her.

And Kat performs a Greco Roman Zipper Lock as JR calls it to get the win and the title. Post match she says they made her wear underwear so she strips anyway, and for the first and more or less only time in WWF history, there is legit nudity as you see her boobs clearly. This was SHOCKING at the time and gives new meaning to the term Pay Per View. Slaughter runs out with a towel to cover her up. Mae takes her clothes off and Sarge does the same thing.

Rating: A+. Just for having the balls to do something like that. This was a very different era.

Rikishi and Viscera are fighting the Hollies. Rikishi is a total newcomer here who for some reason was made top heel in about 9 months. He’s still Rikishi Phatu here. He was a serious character here, so this was a decent promo.

Hardcore Holly/Crash Holly vs. Viscera/Rikishi

Simple idea here: two guys calling themselves super heavyweights vs. two super heavyweights.¬¬ He’s hanging out with Too Cool already but is still serious so it’s bearable. Rikishi is just killing them both here. Tag for Viscera and it’s the same result. This is as much of a squash as you could ever ask for.

They get Viscera down though so there you are. Damn Hardcore could throw a dropkick. Hardcore hits a DDT but since this is pro wrestling and he’s a Samoan, you can guess how effective that is. Anyway, the I guess faces double team and just massacre them as Rikishi hits his AWESOME over the shoulder piledriver.

When he was debuting, this guy was all kinds of awesome. And then Viscera accidentally kicks him in the back of the head and literally sits there and watches him get pinned. Rikishi is up a second later which looks stupid as hell. The big guys fight afterwards and of course the Samoan wins for a bit before the big pull apart.

Rating: C. Seriously, what did you expect here? Again, this was a way to get Rikishi some in ring time and that worked fine. The ending set up his first feud so that gave him something to do. Nothing wrong here but it could have been on TV somewhere. Hard to really complain though as it’s like 4 minutes long and not bad or anything.

So we’re 45 minutes into this and I don’t think the title match or the HHH vs. Vince match has been mentioned at all. That’s odd.

Lillian is with Val. That’s a nice combination as they’re likely the two people from this era that I wanted to see naked the most. He says he’ll win the European title and hits on Lillian in Spanish which I understood. Hey I took like 12 years of Spanish so I’m glad it worked to an extent.

European Title: British Bulldog vs. D’Lo Brown vs. Val Venis

Bulldog is the champion here. Yeah he was so obsessed with the world title that once he realized no one cared anymore he settled for the European Title. The Posse is with him of all people. Brown and Venis are both good so maybe they can make the terrible Bulldog (at this point) look decent. Long throws the Posse out. Well you knew there would be one triple threat somewhere on there.

Brown busts out a Taker Dive to take both guys out. The more I see of him the more I like him. Oh and Val is a face now. This is your standard triple threat match, complete with all of the double teams and constant reminders that the champion doesn’t have to be pinned to lose the title.

Brown goes for what would have been a SWEET springboard DDT but he slips and Venis takes over. Bulldog lets them fight, showing some intelligence for the first time in his career. In a cool spot, Brown and Venis do a double team Bulldog suplex. And of course the partnership is over in like 4 seconds.

Good to see that some things never change. Brown gets a NICE sunset flip powerbomb from the middle rope for two. That was nice. They’re doing a good job here of keeping things moving here which is nice. Bulldog hits the powerslam into the ropes so Brown can make the save for Venis. The Sky High and Low Down hit but Venis splashes Brown while he’s still on Bulldog for the pin. That would have hurt. Solid match.

Rating: B. I usually don’t like triple threats but this was pretty solid I thought. They worked pretty well together and while the title change didn’t mean much, it was still cool to see Brown and Venis out there despite the fact that their usefulness was coming to an end. Fun match though. Just keep in mind that those are two favorites of mine in there.

X-Pac makes rules for the cage match he has with Kane. Kane can’t escape but Pac can. Those are the rules mind you.

Kane vs. X-Pac

This is the blowoff to their feud that kept going and going. Tori is sexy to me and always has been. Pac has reached the point of annoying here so that explains a lot. No idea what I meant by that so don’t try to figure it out. Kane goes to the floor and gets Pac first thanks to Tori. Yes of course she turns on him eventually. A

nd of course Pac can’t do a damn thing to Kane. King spends the whole match making sex jokes about Kane. I could care less here even though Kane is one of my favorites. After Pac can’t do shit to Kane, here come the Outlaws with bolt cutters. The X-Factor hits on a chair they throw in and Kane is cuffed to the cage.

Many chairshots follow until Tori gets in the ring. X-Factor for the woman that he was sleeping with in kayfabe secrecy. Kane of course breaks the cuffs as Pac is leaving. In a cool spot, Pac is climbing down and Kane catches him on his shoulders and walks him back into the cage. I like that. After slamming the cage door on X-Pac’s head, Kane goes up to the top of the cage and hits his clothesline. A Tomestone gets the three and X-Pac is DEAD. Decent match, GREAT finish.

Rating: B+. Now THAT is how you end a feud. Kane had been trying to get his hands on that little twat waffle for months and he finally did. This is what matches like this should be like. I loved the ending here as Kane looked like a freaking monster and that’s what he was supposed to do. Great stuff.

We get a music video about Chyna vs. Jericho. Tonight is their second match.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna

We get a nice thing as Miss Kitty is wearing something close to what Chyna is wearing and both have titles that they hold in the same way. Not bad. This of course is the whole man vs. woman thing all over again but with Jericho instead of Jarrett, making it far better right off the bat. We start mostly on the floor with Chyna being slammed onto the table with a front face suplex.

Chyna hits the Andre spot as she’s tied in the ropes. She has a bad thumb so he goes for it of course, hitting the world’s first dropkick to the thumb. The cocky cover gets two. It’s been all Canadian here. Finally the Lionsault is (of course) blocked to get us closer to even. I cannot get into this match for the life of me. Actually the whole show fits that description. It’s been pretty good but I just can’t get into it at all. It’s picking up though which is odd as it was good already.

Chyna reverses a belly to back from the middle rope. Ok that’s what she was supposed to do but it didn’t exactly work. It got the closest two count I’ve ever seen though. Jericho gets the Walls and she taps. A bit odd since there wasn’t a lot of back work but I can go with it.

Rating: B-. Good match all around but like I said I’m just not into this show for some reason. Chyna wasn’t as good in the ring as she’s made out to be and you have to keep in mind that she was in there mainly with Jericho and Jarrett. How hard can it be to have passable matches with them? Either way, this was good stuff and the first title reign for Jericho. The first of ten. That’s freaking scary. They would become co-champions in awhile.

Jericho is with Cole and gets a POP. Yeah it was inevitable. Chyna comes up and legit shakes his hand. Ok then.

Tag Titles: Rock N Sock Connection vs. New Age Outlaws

Foley has the blue shirt on. That’s just odd looking. Fans are INSANE for the Rock. And now let’s talk about how Road Dogg used to be a Marine and knows what real war is like. We’re getting sympathy/cool facts about heels…why? Billy Gunn is worthless. He truly is. He and Rock have a staredown and Billy takes his shirt off.

Rock, having a brain, hits him while it’s over his face. Seriously, why am I supposed to give a fuck about this guy? Not bad so far but still just not that good. The Outlaws were on their last legs here and while they were still getting pops, they were about done. Shake Rattle and Roll gets countered by the Claw.

And we’re all on the floor now. Let’s hit the crowd since it’s still 1999. I’ve never gotten why Rock had his feud with Billy Gunn. Seriously, who booked that? Let’s go to the floor again since we haven’t done that in the last 40 seconds. In something you won’t see often, Road Dogg just punches Rock down in the corner. That was even weird to type let alone see. Dude, you won’t pretend to ass fuck the Rock! It was pretty obvious that the titles weren’t changing.

Seriously, Rock and Mankind not in the Rumble but fighting the Acolytes? Seriously? Yeah no way that was happening. Rock’s punches were always cool. I like them. Foley gets the quiet tag despite acting like it was hot. So more or less Foley is winning on his own here. He follows that up by pressing A and B at the same time and steals Road Dogg’s finisher. And there goes your referee. The Claw is put on but here’s Al Snow with Head to break that up.

Foley takes a bunch of hard shots to the head but keeps kicking out which is getting a solid reaction. Other than that the crowd seems a bit uninterested. Rock comes in and finally gets us a pop. Rock beats them up by himself but here’s Al Snow for the CHEAP DQ! He gets a Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow for his troubles.

Rating: D. This just wasn’t that good and the crowd wasn’t into it at all. I think the ending was obvious and it led to Al Snow vs. Rock. Why? Anyway, this wasn’t worth much at all and it came off as just weak. The Outlaws were slipping and it didn’t work at all.

We recap Boss Man vs. Big Show. In essence, Boss Man pretended that Big Show’s father died. In fake reality his dad died a few days later. At the funeral, Boss Man showed up and attached the coffin to a car and dragged it away with Show riding along on it. Oh and he got his mother to admit that Big Show was a bastard. Sure why not.

WWF Title: Big Boss Man vs. Big Show

Should be a big match. This is for nothing more than to make Show’s reign not look transitional which it totally was. You have to remember that Show is still in shape and kind of slim here so he’s completely lethal. Prince Albert is with Boss Man here. He’s chokeslammed through a table in like a minute but it lets Boss Man get a step shot.

The fans think this is boring. To you new fans, here’s an idea of what Big Show from this era was capable of. He kicks out of a cover and NIPS UP. You read that right: The Big Show Nipped Up. A huge boot and the chokeslam end this in like 3 minutes. Show looked AWESOME here.

Rating: B. This is what it should have been. Big Show destroyed him and looked great doing it. He shrugged off weapons and everything Boss Man threw at him like it was nothing. This was great and it came off great. Total dominance and I loved it.

We recap HHH vs. Vince, which has been DX beating up Vince’s family and associates and culminating in the wedding. For those of you that don’t know, Stephanie was supposed to marry Test, but HHH came out and showed a video showing she was drugged and married in one of the most ridiculous moments ever.

This leads us to HHH vs. Vince where if HHH loses there’s an annulment. Oh and if HHH wins he gets a rematch for the title. Now if you don’t see the ending coming a mile away, you’re an idiot.

HHH vs. Vince McMahon

There are over 35 minutes to go when the music starts. That’s just not a good sign at all. Stephanie comes out first in a leather jacket and a pink top. She was ridiculously hot with straight hair. Sweet damn that’s an awesome song. This is of course under hardcore rules. This is about the best HHH has ever been as a heel as he was having great matches and was as evil as you could ask him to be.

You really felt like he was the horrible man he was built up to be. That’s always a great sign. Wow it’s weird hearing that he’s 28 here. HHH runs at him with the hammer but Vince has powder. So what if it completely missed his face? Vince just throws punches, all of which sound painful as hell.

We get a joke from Ross saying they’re from Idaho. In case you don’t get that, the term for hitting someone harder than you should or legit is called potatoing them. I love how they just left the Spanish announce table in pieces like that. We’re in the crowd now and it’s all Vince.

They’re in the area just outside the arena and you can’t see a damn thing. We’re back at ringside now and it’s basic stuff so far. And here’s Mankind with a shopping cart full of weapons. Ok then. The weapons of choice are a garbage can and lid. HHH gets knocked into the audience and wouldn’t you know it he lands in front of Stephanie. What a coincidence! She can’t act. That’s all there is to it.

Vince goes into the cart of weapons as someone is shouting in Spanish. I think it translates to GET US A NEW FUCKING TABLE! We’re up by the set now which is a military theme. HHH hits him in the head with a sandbag. Yeah it’s that kind of a match. SICK shopping cart shot to the head. I had a flashback to Supermarket Sweep there so this show rocks now. And yet Vince’s hair is still perfect. That’s damn impressive. Vince gets slammed into a helicopter.

In a SICK spot, a machine gun on a pivot is swung around to slam into his head. Fucking OW. I can’t really criticize the lack of wrestling here as there’s only one wrestler in it. We’re in the back now with HHH dominating. Vince can’t find HHH. That sounds like a really boring game.

We’re outside now and Vince is just walking around looking for him. HHH tries to pull a Rikishi and run him over. For some reason the announcers sound surprised that HHH was driving. They fight on the car for a bit as Ross is of course freaking the fuck out. We fight on a limo now and Vince gets slammed on it.

Back in the arena and HHH climbs up a scaffold. This isn’t going to end well is it? Vince falls and while it’s ok it’s not great. Holy shit chant comes out of course. Finally we get some damn blood. My goodness we’re near the ring! HHH gets a mic and talks to Stephanie. This is rather amusing actually. Vince comes back like a damn Night of the Living Dead zombie.

WE GO BACK INTO THE RING!!! HHH raises a pipe over Vince’s head but stops to use a hammer. Good. I’m glad the hammer didn’t have to feel left out. That wouldn’t have been nice. HHH does Suck It to Stephanie. Nice imagery. A low blow saves Vince. Vince gets the hammer and has HHH in the corner and here’s Stephanie saying she wants to hit him.

Naturally Vince winds up getting it as Stephanie still can’t act. She’s still face here until they hug. Oh HHH got the pin. This was the start of the McMahon-Helmsley Era which dominated the storylines until the end of 2000. Crowd reacts to the hug. I have no clue how they’re reacting but they’re reacting. Seriously why is JR surprised about this? They’re the damn McMahons. Damn she looks great here.

Rating: B-. All things considered, this was good. When I say that, you have to remember that Vince isn’t a wrestler so this more or less had to be a massive freaking brawl the entire time. Now when I say time, keep in mind this went HALF AN HOUR. This needed about ten minutes cut out to really be good as it just got repetitive at the end. Still though, this was solid brawling throughout and entertaining so I’ll give it that. Too long though.

Rating: C+. Good show overall. As usual with this era there’s some stuff that makes limited sense but you take that with the territory. A lot of the stuff, including the tag match for some reason, never clicked at all. Even still though, entertaining show that’s worth checking out but not worth going out of your way to see.

There really isn’t any great match, but there isn’t anything that bad either. The tag match is on the Allied Powers DVD if you really want to see it for some reason and I think the main event is on Vince’s DVD. Good but far from great show. Entertaining though.

 

[klunderbunker]

Armageddon 2000
Date: December 10, 2000
Location: Birmingham-Jefferson Civic Center, Birmingham, Alabama
Attendance: 14,920
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This was another request. To call this a one match show is an understatement. That being said, the one match is a 6 man Hell in a Cell match for the world title. There’s also a Kane vs. Jericho last man standing match here to fill in some time. Other than that there isn’t a ton on the card but it looks ok. It’s your standard late Attitude Era stuff so it should be at least ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video shows all kind of destruction set to a nearly creepy song.

The Cell is hanging above the ring here but not in its usual high up place. It’s like ten feet above the ring which is kind of odd looking. On Heat Foley promised that if there was a major injury he would resign as Commissioner.

Vince is here and Patterson/Brisco welcome him. Vince has a cane for reasons I don’t remember.

Hardy Boys/Lita vs. Radicalz

Radicalz are Saturn, Malenko and Guerrero and this is under elimination rules. This is because Malenko, a ladies man at the time, won a date with Lita due to beating her in a Light Heavyweight Title match. It also resulted in Lita looking AMAZING in white bra and panties. Matt made the save in the bedroom in a funny bit. I haven’t seen that in years.

Eddie is in his old school attire with the half singlet. Jeff does a big dive to take out Perry and Eddie. Fans are all over Eddie as the heels control early. The fans are way behind Lita. Granted if you believe certain rumors lots of people have been behind Lita. And in front of her. Uh on top. Beneath too. Jeff puts out Eddie with a Swanton and Saturn takes a Whisper in the Wind but a Death Valley Driver ends Jeff. I know that came off really fast but that’s all that happened.

Saturn goes out to a Twist of Fate and it’s Dean vs. Matt and Lita. Terri gets speared down by Lita and Malenko gets Matt with a rollup. This makes sense as they’re the most important people to this angle. She uses her lucha stuff to try to get a quick pin but she’s in over her head here. Dean punches her in the boob (it’s kind of hard to miss) and hits a top rope suplex to more or less end her. He pulls her up though and I have a feeling I know where this is going. Never mind as the Cloverleaf ends it. Lita says she knows she can beat him.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but this should have been Dean vs. Lita without the other four guys. I guess they were ok and at least they went out without having it to mean much. This wasn’t much though but it was fast paced enough to get something decent going. It’s cool to see Lita put up a fight against a man though which was one of the major points here.

Kurt is warming up and is interrupted by Lillian. He asks her about Bulgarians and various other foreigners. Oh it’s because of him beating them in the Olympics. Angle was the best pompous jerk ever.

We get a HIAC moment as Jack gets backdropped through it and the ring.

European Title: Hardcore Holly vs. William Regal

Regal is a goodwill ambassador here so he tries to be nice but more or less fails. He would become Commissioner before Mania. Regal makes some cheap Alabama jokes but gets cut off by Holly. And here we go immediately. Something tells me this is going to be short. That would be Wikipedia which has the match time on it and it’s under five minutes. Regal takes over and hits a nice top rope suplex which is the move of the night apparently.

We get a Bow and Arrow which is something you never see anymore. Regal uses some very cool old school stuff at times which is fun for people like me that love stuff like that. Holly hits his dropkick and a Falcon’s Arrow but doesn’t cover. Top rope legdrop gets two and that’s more or less it as Holly has hit all of his stuff and didn’t win. For absolutely no apparent reason, RAVEN comes in and hits a DDT on Holly for the pin. I don’t remember a feud or anything at all with Raven in it but whatever.

Rating: D. Boring little match here that I guess was supposed to start up something about the Hardcore Title or something like that but apparently it didn’t mean much since I don’t remember it at all. This was really short and Holly is really bad so it’s not like there was a point here or anything. Just a filler match.

Rikishi isn’t worried about Angle and HHH breaking their three man alliance. Who thought he should be a main event heel?

Ah apparently Holly beat Raven on Monday. Yeah Ross and Lawler should have known that.

Chyna vs. Val Venis

This is RTC stuff. Billy Gunn can NOT come out here according to Chyna. It’s on in the aisle and Chyna is dominating easily. The feud started because Chyna was in Playboy and the RTC objected. They were a parody of the PTC which is a really annoying organization that hates TV because it’s evil and corrupts kids. Chyna gets a DDT for two. The referee tells them two minutes and we go back to even.

Ross calls Ivory Lilith Crane which is rather accurate. Powerslam by Venis sets up the Money Shot which misses. Chyna had been IC Champion at this point so this really shouldn’t be that huge of a one sided match. Ivory gets chased on the floor and gets caught by Val in a Fisherman’s Suplex to end it.

Rating: D. Total TV match here and not a very good one. The blowoff would come at Mania where Chyna destroyed Ivory to win the Women’s Title. She left the company like three months later and no one really cared. This went nowhere at all though and really should have been on Raw or Smackdown.

More HIAC stuff, this time of Foley lighting the board on fire.

Stephanie is worried for HHH. I’m worried for people that have to watch her try to act.

Before the show, Taker is in the empty arena and tells Kevin Kelly about his thoughts and history in the Cell. He literally talks for five minutes, complete with clips from the two more famous Cell matches he was in.

Vince and the Stooges come out. This was during the Linda divorce thing. Vince is worried about the six guys in the match tonight and wants the match called off. This of course takes like 5 minutes also.

We recap Jericho vs. Kane which started over Jericho spilling coffee on Kane and saying something about a burn.

Kane vs. Chris Jericho

This is a last man standing match. They start in the aisle and fight to the back where there is no camera, making the fans rather annoyed. Ah there they are in the back. A big shovel shot misses Jericho and we’re out in the arena now for more than 8 seconds. Nice jumping elbow from the top puts Kane down. The more I see of him the more I like him after a match for Superstars against Yoshi Tatsu. It was just a clinic on how to have a wrestling match.

Teddy Long is the referee which is weird to see. Kane is mad at Jericho over Kane not being able to be handsome due to the HORRIBLE burning and scars. I love continuity issues in wrestling. Pretty much all Kane at this point. JR and King have a weird moment as you have to wonder about two guys that spend that much time together. They started the jokes, not me.

Jericho goes for a spinwheel kick and gets caught. That’s relatively awesome. Lionsault of course misses and Jericho is in trouble again. The top rope clothesline gets a 6 for Kane. Jericho says screw you and gets chokeslammed for his troubles. Since Jericho is getting massacred here I’d bet on him to win. How can you have neutral corners in a one on one match?

Jericho gets up just in time to beat the count off of that to stun Kane. The current world champion, which still feels weird to type, grabs a chair. Jericho blasts him in the balls. Sometimes that’s all you need to do: just blast the dude down south. Missile dropkick puts Kane down but Jericho pulls him up. Lionsault onto a chair onto Kane and I wonder how much that would actually hurt Kane. If Jericho was holding the chair it definitely would but I’m not sure here.

Kane sits up at like 8 and beats the crap out of Jericho. Blonde dude gets thrown to the floor and his head smacks the mat on the ground which looks awesome but painful as hell too. We head up to the production area and Kane goes through a table. The set of the PPV is more or less a war zone where everything is a wreck. One of the things there is a massive wall of barrels which Jericho knocks onto Kane, which he could be on his feet underneath, for the win.

Rating: C+. Pretty good here but nothing really all that great. There are FAR better last man standing matches even on Raw. This was ok though with Jericho never being beaten down long enough to make his comeback unrealistic. They did a decent enough job of passing about 20 minutes though. Not a lot of chemistry here though.

Foley isn’t having second thoughts about making the match.

HBK is at WWF New York and is pretty clearly intoxicated. This is less than three years after his back injury and just under two years before he comes back. He can barely talk and picks Taker to win the match tonight.

Quick recall of the thumb tacks at the second match, which was a brand new spot at the time.

Some XFL players are here.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Right to Censor vs. Dudley Boyz vs. K-Kwik/Road Dogg

K-Kwik is R-Truth and the RTC (Buchanan and Goodfather) are the champions here oddly enough. The Dudleyz had pretended to join the RTC but wound up putting Richards through a table. This appears to be one fall to a finish. Truth and Dogg do a rap to the ring and it’s awful. Buchanan and D-Von start us off and the champion dominates. I’d expect more or less a mess here for the most part.

Yep there’s nothing close to a structure here other than two guys in there at once more often that not. Bubba does Road Dogg’s dance in a funny bit. The fans want tables already and a very fast moving K-Kwik beats up Edge. This isn’t much at all. Everything breaks down and Truth goes for an over the top rope dive but gets caught in a shoulderbreaker.

What’s Up to Edge and it’s Table Time. This time though they just hit RTC with it. They TOTALLY mistime 3D as it ends in a downward spiral instead of a cutter. The one on Goodfather isn’t much better as the cutter barely connects. Spear to Bubba gets two as D-Von is down on the floor thanks to Steven. Unprettier gives Edge and Christian the tag belts.

Rating: D+. Total mess here with no need to have Road Dogg and Kwik in there as they just made things too complicated. Four teams are just too many and this never went anywhere. The tag titles hopped around all the time back in this era and it didn’t really matter what happened who had them here. Nothing that bad I guess but it just never got going at all.

HHH rants at Stephanie about having to be champion, which he wouldn’t do for well over a year. He also forgets when he beat Foley.

Speaking of that we have a clip from said match, which is very underrated.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn is THE ONE here and somehow has even fewer people caring about him than he did back in the Outlaw days. Hmm I wonder who is going to win here. No point to this match is given but I’d bet on it just being a title match for the sake of having a title defense, which is fine if they get it on the far better Benoit. Nice drop toehold on Benoit and that’s about all that’s nice from Gunn.

JR gets in one of those creepy lines by saying Benoit hangs with everybody. Benoit goes after the knee and it’s one sided so far. Hopefully it stays that way so that Gunn doesn’t get to go on offense. Benoit puts on a Figure Four and Gunn’s selling is awful. He doesn’t even move until he goes for the reversal. He raises a shoulder to avoid the pin but other than that there is nothing from Gunn at all.

The headbutt misses as this has been a very boring match. Gunn uses a gorilla press and his knee is fine apparently. Same with a Jackhammer. Oh wait he’s limping so everything is ok. Fameasser gets two, signaling that Benoit will in fact be winning the title here. Crossface goes on but Billy makes the ropes. They botch the hell out of something and the fans boo loudly. And there’s the Crossface to give Benoit the title completely clean.

Rating: D. Even with Benoit in there this was bad. Gunn was just so totally worthless most of the time and this was no exception. He was botching stuff all over the place, he wouldn’t sell the knee and the ending was just out of left field because he wouldn’t sell the knee. Thankfully though they got the belt off of him and Benoit would move on to Jericho and then Angle, so all was right with the world.

Austin talks to JR and says you can’t prepare for a HIAC match and that he hasn’t slept. The prize is the title but he’ll take revenge when he can get it.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Ivory vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is worthless at this point and can’t do a thing in the ring other than look good. Molly is very attractive at this point, wearing the blue outfit and having the blonde pigtails. The blondes fight while Ivory just kind of stands off in the back. Trish is a heel at this point too. Molly takes them both out with a cross body and then Ivory steals the pin on Trish after Molly hit a powerbomb on her. This barely broke two minutes. T&A comes out to go after Molly but Crash and the APA, who T&A had injured, returns for the big beatdown.

Rating: N/A. Molly’s hotness was very underrated back then. That plus Trish was a great combination. But this is the next to last match on the card? Really?

Taker threw Foley off the Cell.

Rock talks about being ready to do whatever it takes to win the match.

The match was basically three feuds: Rock/HHH, Angle/Taker and Austin/Rikishi being thrown into one match. Today this would be the Elimination Chamber. Vince doesn’t want it to happen and for some reason doesn’t just call it off since he’s, you know, the boss.

WWF Title: HHH vs. The Rock vs. Undertaker vs. Steve Austin vs. Rikishi vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is champion here. I remember the buildup for this and the question being who would take the huge bump. It more or less came down to Rock or HHH as Taker was too big, Rikishi was too big and Austin/Angle both had far too bad necks to take the risk. Rikishi is just so freaking worthless that it’s amazing. Angle comes out third which is kind of weird. If I remember right Chyna made fun of his attire here as he complained about his package looking too small. Rikishi is mad at Angle for beating him up on Smackdown due to that alliance being broken. I think this is the debut of Rollin as Taker’s theme song. Rock walks straight in as Angle is staying outside for awhile. There are like 6 referees in there keeping people from fighting each other before the match starts. Austin gets a HUGE pop since we’re in the deep south. He throws Angle in and we’re on.

The match has to end in the cage. I’ll do what I can to keep track of what’s going on here but don’t count on much. Angle vs. Taker, Samoan violence and Austin vs. HHH if you’re curious. Lawler evaluates the talent in there at a billion dollars. And people wonder why the USWA went out of business. Leaping knee takes Austin down. We’re just standing around at the moment as we wait on the big thing to happen, likely involving vince. Rock beats on Angle in the ring while the other four fight on the floor.

And now there’s no one in the ring. Ok then. Ah make that Angle/Rock again. This really would have been perfect for the Chamber if it had existed at the time. They overhype everything here as it’s decent but really just a lot of punching so far. HHH gets rubbed into the cage by Austin. Lawler: Don’t rip his nose off! This really isn’t that interesting at all. A bloody HHH hits the Pedigree on Rikishi and Rock saves. I think that’s the first cover of the match.

Finishers a go-go in the ring and everyone saves. After some more basic stuff, Vince and the Stooges come down with a freaking hay truck and says he’s going to tear the cage down. There goes the door and you know what’s coming now. Foley comes down and runs the three guys off, saying the match is going to happen. HHH is outside and Austin follows him.

They fight up by the cars and everyone else comes up there too. Austin hits him with a boom camera and winds up going through a window to bust him open. Pedigree on Rock onto a car. Isn’t the point of a Cell match for the to stay in the Cell? Rock is bleeding….kind of. Ah that’s more like it. Ross oversells everything here, making it sound like it’s the best match ever or something like that. HHH takes a slingshot into a car in a cool looking spot.

Taker and Angle go back to the ring area and it’s all Taker. A chair shot busts him open as HHH and Austin climb the cage. They fight on top and HHH teases the big drop. Angle comes up too to get away from Taker. Stunner on the roof and Taker is up there now too. Rock and Rikishi are the only two not up there at this point. Angle is bleeding now and HHH climbs down to HUGE booing. Austin follows which makes sense.

And here come the Samoans. Taker gets a chair on top somehow and hits a SICK shot to Angle’s head. The fat man hits Taker though and stands tall. It’s just hard take him seriously in that thong though. Rock is on the floor as I don’t think he was ever up top. Angle gets down and it’s the two big men left. They slug it out near the edge over the truck and in the words of Mark Madden: FLY FATASS FLY! Austin stops dead to see what the thud was, as does Rock. Austin’s face is the most interesting part here actually.

The roof goes off as Austin and Rock slug it out. You knew that was Mania right there. What we didn’t know was that it would top off the best PPV of all time. Rock actually wins the fight and sets for the elbow. Cue HHH for the save as I wonder how we never got the triple threat with these three guys. Rock Bottom to Angle but Austin saves. Stunner to Rock and we get a back flip, but HHH takes out Austin with a neckbreaker, allowing Kurt to put his hand on Rock to retain and shock everyone kind of, ending the show.

Rating: B. This was good but a far cry from the other Cell matches. Like I said, this was perfect for the Chamber but this was still a big match. The first half or so is really weak until we get to all the finishers, but even then we were waiting on it to turn into the big war. Vince and the truck did that and once that happened it really took off and was the match I think they were shooing for. It’s good but it’s not a classic. Meltzer allegedly said it was a match of the year candidate. Must have been a very weak class that year if that’s the case.

Overall Rating: D+. The main event is good and worth seeing for the spectacle, but other than that this show is really pretty weak. It’s painful to sit through as we’re just waiting on the last match to start which took forever to get to. There’s some ok stuff but for the most part nothing of note happens here.

A lot of this stuff should have gone on Raw and you kind of have to wonder what the point was in having a lot of this stuff on PPV other than it being filler. It’s ok, but it’s nothing you would want to watch again save for maybe the final match. Watch that, but otherwise not worth the time unless you really love this era.

There was no Armageddon in 2001 so we're off to the Brand Split era.

 

[klunderbunker]

Armageddon 2002
Date: December 15, 2002
Location: Office Depot Center, Sunrise, Florida
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

This is kind of a weird period for WWE as the brand split is kind of new and HHH isn’t Raw champion surprisingly enough. We have double braded shows still with main events of Angle vs. Show for the blue guys and Shawn vs. HHH in a Three Stages of Hell match. Other than that there isn’t much, other than a Benoit vs. Eddie match which I think will be ok. Just a hunch of course. Let’s get to it.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Booker T/Goldust vs. Lance Storm/William Regal

The Canadians are champions and this is under elimination rules. The Dudleys are only 15 time tag champions here. They’re also recently reunited, having gotten back together at Survivor Series. The Dudleys and Unamericans (Regal/Storm) were pre-determined to start the match in a four way coin toss somehow. Storm and Bubba get us going here with Storm hammering away.

Ray channels the POWER OF AMERICA and beats down Storm with a corner splash and it’s off to Christian vs. D-Von. We get a rundown of the city structure of Dudleyville as Regal comes in now. Goldust vs. the British dude with the British dude hitting a suplex for no cover. Christian tagged himself in, ticking Regal off. Is there a reason why you would want to come in? I’d chill on the apron until it’s down to two teams.

Jericho comes in and is sent right back out again by Goldie. Back in Jericho reminds Goldust that he’s THE KING OF THE WORLD and it’s off to Christian as Goldie is in trouble. What’s Up to Christian as some Dudleys are here in case you didn’t get that one. Everything breaks down and we have Christian vs. D-Von left in the ring. 3D to Christian but Regal got a blind tag. After a weird confusion, Regal gets two on Ray (illegal man) but it’s called a pin anyway. Five seconds later Goldust gets a powerslam (seriously?) to Regal to get us down to two teams. That was an incredibly confusing sequence.

Ok so it’s Christian/Jericho vs. Booker/Goldust. The good guys (Booker/Goldust) hammer on Jericho with Booker being legal. Hook kick gets two for Booker and it’s off to the armbar. Christian is down on the floor I guess. Maybe he’s off finding a good deal on Turtle Wax. Either way he’s not in the corner but he pops up in time to break up a pin attempt on Jericho.

Off to Christian who avoids a forearm, sending Goldust to the floor. Jericho gets a British flag to Goldust’s back to take over again. Back in Christian gets an abdominal stretch and a chant saying he sucks. Jericho comes in and goes down quickly but Christian makes a nice save to break up the tag. I would have thought that would have worked. In a surprising moment, Goldust wakes up and beats the champions down with ease. Ross calls a chokeslam (kind of) a sidewalk slam. Ok then.

Off to Booker who gets the Jack Brisco sunset flip out of the corner for two. He hammers on Jericho but the falling sleeper (looked awful) takes down Booker for two. Here come the Walls but Jericho gets rolled up for two. Axe kick misses and there are the Walls. Goldie pops up out of nowhere and hits a bulldog to take Jericho down.

A belt shot by Christian doesn’t work and a missile dropkick gets two on Jericho. Lionsault misses so Booker stops for the Spinarooni. Axe kick gets two and everything breaks down again. Belt shot and Lionsault get two on Booker and Jericho is ticked. So ticked that he walks into the Bookend and we’re done with new comedic champions.

Rating: B-. Pretty fun match here as they sped through the first two eliminations so we could get to the two top teams. Goldie and Booker were funny but they lost the titles in like three weeks to the Unamericans. They knew how to have a fast paced tag match out there and the whole thing worked rather well. This was somehow almost 17 minutes long and it feels like about seven, which is a great thing.

The new champions say the people believed in them and that Goldust isn’t the weak link.

Earlier today the new backstage interviewer, some guy named Josh Matthews, talks to Brock who says he’ll make an impact tonight in the Angle vs. Show match.

Edge vs. A-Train

A-Train is freshly renamed here. I think this is Survivor Series fallout. Oh never mind. Actually it was an attack on Smackdown as A-Train is trying to get noticed I guess. Edge has a torn MCL which doesn’t need surgery. A-Train also injured Rey and put him out so this is also a revenge match. Train takes over with power to start but gets sent into the post shoulder first. Edge goes for the knee of course but you can’t do everything right I guess.

Train gets a powerslam for two and the power beating is on. Off to the chinlock as I guess three minutes of action was too much for Train. Edge hammers him into the corner but can’t get very far with it. After a near fall Edge hits a pretty cool move with a spinning Edge-O-Matic off the middle rope. Something off the top jumps into a bicycle kick so Train goes for a chair. That fails and a top rope cross body gets two. Chokebomb gets two. Train grabs the chair again but a spear hits him, surprisingly only for two. And never mind as a chair to the bad knee of Edge ends this in a DQ.

Rating: D+. WWE was in a weird place here as the Smackdowns were incredibly and were giving up 10-15 minute awesome matches so they had to have matches like these somewhere. Pretty much nothing here as Train was awful as usual and Edge was good but not a miracle worker. The ending sucked too.

Edge destroys Train with the chair post match.

Show rants about not being able to get respect from Brock and wants to demand something from Stephanie. Heyman says not so fast because Stephanie will feel intimidated and things will go bad. He wants to do it himself and does his slimy agent thing to make Show agree.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Basically Edge, Eddie, Benoit and Angle had a four way feud going of “I’m more awesome than you” so there’s your backstory. Eddie is a tag champion here along with Chavo. This specific match is due to the AWESOME fatal fourway elimination match from earlier in the month where Benoit eliminated Eddie but then Eddie got Benoit eliminated too. Winner gets a title shot at some undetermined point in the future.

We hit the mat quickly and neither guy can really take over. Eddie grabs a headlock on the mat and that goes nowhere. They speed things up again and Benoit gets a backdrop to set up a chinlock. Off to a short arm scissors by Eddie who the fans think sucks apparently. Benoit does the Backlund/Davey Boy Smith counter to it for two. They trade chops and it’s back to the mat again. The uncultured swine known as the fans think it’s boring of course.

Eddie sends him to the floor and hits a big top rope cross body to the floor. He might have hurt his knee but there are no signs of it other than quickly grabbing it. Benoit’s knee is worked on and we hit the mat again. Various leg locks are applied but Benoit gets to the rope for the break. Back to the knee again as Eddie is firmly in control. They slug it out some more and down goes the Canadian again.

Benoit finally wakes up and snaps off some Rolling Germans which is a five volume set this time, finally drawing some appreciation from the crowd. Benoit wants the headbutt but Eddie rolls away. Eddie gets more Germans for his efforts, bringing the total to seven. In a semi-funny bit, Eddie busts out some Germans of his own. Frog splash gets a close two and we hit the floor again.

Eddie and the referee argue a bit and here’s Chavo for the interference via a belt shot. That only gets two and Chavo isn’t happy. Lasso From El Paso doesn’t work so Eddie hammers on the knee even more. Benoit chops away and hits a BIG powerbomb to set up the swan dive again. Chavo interferes again and the distraction is enough for Eddie to go up and get shoved back down again, allowing the swan dive to hit.

Eddie reverses the cover into the Lasso which is reversed into the Crossface. In a reason why Benoit is better than you, Eddie is about to grab the rope so Benoit switches arms and cranks on it for the tap. And the fans still don’t care because they suck. Go watch TNA’s nonsense at this point (they did suck in 2002) while the big boys have their matches.

Rating: A-. It’s Eddie vs. Benoit. Were you expecting anything less than a great match? This was their run of the mill awesome stuff with the psychology working pretty well. Benoit would go on to have his masterpiece with Angle at the Rumble while Eddie feuded over the tag titles in great matches. Fun times on Smackdown at this point.

Heyman comes in to see Stephanie who says the suspension on Lesnar is still lifted. Paul tries to convince her to ban Brock from ringside and that doesn’t work.

Now we get to the famous part of this show. Dawn Marie was dating Torrie’s dad and then said she wanted Torrie. If Torrie would sleep with Dawn, she would drop Torrie’s dad. Torrie went to the hotel room and the footage is unveiled tonight. There’s no gimmick to this. They’re flat out saying they had sex. Dawn said she was marrying Torrie’s dad anyway, which actually happened before they literally killed off Torrie’s dad’s character. It says a lot when softcore porn is the more interesting part of the wrestling show.

Here are Dawn and Torrie’s dad and Dawn implies a bunch of stuff. Torrie isn’t here tonight because she’s embarrassed or something. And remember, these girls are ATHLETES. Here’s the footage and it’s just Torrie having her clothes taken off and they kiss. This takes forever to get through and while it’s sexy, it’s nothing you won’t see on network TV today. Torrie, ever the ****, wears a leather jacket with a bra underneath. Torrie’s dad stops the footage and we’re done. Clearly the 10 minutes or so this got total was better than say, a Chavo (awesome at this point) match.

Kane vs. Batista

Evolution isn’t quite here yet but it would be here in less than two weeks. Flair is with Big Dave who is still pretty green here. Battle of the big men so it probably won’t last long. Kane knocks him to the floor and counters a slam into one of his own. Spear gets two for Batista. They slug it out a bit and Kane takes over again, only to be sent right back to the floor.

Flair tries to interfere and that goes absolutely nowhere at all. The chops don’t work but Batista makes the save again. Back in and a big boot and sideslam by Kane set up the top rope clothesline which misses. Batista can’t get him up for the Batista Bomb and the fans begin to boo. There’s the clothesline but there’s no referee due to Flair. Chokeslam is countered into a bad spinebuster for two. Chokeslam hits but Flair interferes again, allowing the Batista Bomb to end this.

Rating: F+. Batista would get better but you wouldn’t believe it here. This was pretty freaking awful as Batista couldn’t do anything and Kane at this point isn’t the guy you want carrying a green monster. Flair was rather annoying and it’s pretty clear that his training isn’t working. Pretty awful here.

Angle is looking for Brock’s dressing room.

Time for Cena and Buchanan to rap. Cena has only been rapping for about a month here so he’s still rather annoying with it. Who would have believed that in like four years he would be the biggest star in wrestling? Yeah nothing special here but it ate up a minute or so.

We recap the Women’s Title feud which is fallout from Victoria winning the title from Trish at Survivor Series. Jackie is here in this also because for some reason promoters think ANYONE in the world cares about her.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline vs. Victoria

Victoria has the T.A.T.U. song still which was AWESOME. Trish and Jackie hammer away at each other while Victoria chills on the apron. Slingshot legdrop gets one for Victoria and it’s a big brawl. Stratusfaction doesn’t work on Jackie as she and Victoria catch her in a double belly to back. Everyone keeps breaking up pins and then brawling as you would expect. Top rope cross body by Trish is rolled through for two for Jackie. Chick Kick doesn’t put Victoria down. Jackie messes up what was supposed to be the setup for Stratusfaction so Victoria hits Trish with the belt and pins Jackie to end this.

Rating: D-. Just a big mess here as they were blowing moves all over the place and it wasn’t even five minutes long. Jackie just didn’t need to be there and the three way spots didn’t work in the slightest. Really bad the entire way through as they had no flow to it at all and the whole thing didn’t work at all.

Angle butters up Lesnar and tries to get him into his corner for the main event. Brock says Angle won’t regret getting Brock’s suspension lifted but won’t say if he’ll be there or not. Angle plays a tape of Heyman screwing Brock over and leaves.

We recap Show vs. Angle. Brock was champion but Show legit injured him at a house show so they did a title switch that no one wanted to see. Angle won the aforementioned fourway on Smackdown to get this shot. Brock had been suspended which was lifted since then.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. big Show

Angle tries to go for the knee and that gets him nowhere at all. Show throws him over the ropes and onto Heyman so Kurt pops back into the ring and dumps Show to the floor. Angle tries to dive on him and that totally fails. Normal idea here of power vs. someone that can’t do anything because of the power. Crowd is DEAD. Sidewalk slam gets two for Show.

We’re just waiting for Lesnar to make the run-in here. Final Cut gets two. Show does his usual power stuff as the fans chant USA. You know, because Show being from South Carolina means he’s not American right? Bear hug goes on so Kurt bites him. There’s a sleeper by Angle, which is the move of desperation more often than not. Show actually goes down to one knee and that’s about it. Kurt gets a really bad tornado DDT and both guys are down.

Kurt goes to the knee and a running boot to a kneeling Show takes him down. Missile dropkick gets two. Moonsault press TOTALLY misses as Angle’s feet hit Show’s shoulder and that’s about it. Powerbomb is countered into an Angle Slam for two. Ankle lock goes on which is reversed into a chokeslam which is reversed into the ankle lock. Down goes the referee because this is a main event.

Heyman throws in a chair but both guys are down. The fans want Brock, probably because they want this match to end. Chair is punched away so Angle does the intelligent thing: he swings it again and connects for two. Ankle lock goes on and Show taps but there’s no ref. A-Train comes in and hits the backbreaker to Kurt. There’s the chokeslam but Brock runs in for the F5. Angle gets the pin for the title, which he would hold until Mania.

Rating: K. As in Kurt, because he was the only thing worth seeing in this entire match. Show was slow, fat, terrible and did NOTHING. He was out of place for almost every move and the whole thing was Kurt doing his masterful work until Brock came in to make the crowd care. Show was a paper champion and everyone more or less knew it, which is why everyone wanted to see Brock. Anyway, this was pretty weak but you can’t blame Kurt for not trying.

RVD is at The World (WWF New York) and picks Shawn to retain the title.

Shawn won the title in the first Elimination Chamber which I’ve ranted on enough already. Basically Raw became the DX Reunion Tour even though they hate each other at the moment. Here’s your music video for the night.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

This is 2/3 falls remember. The first is a street fight, the second is a cage and the third is a ladder match. Flair is thrown out before the match starts. Shawn jumps him to start and it’s a brawl in the street fight. Here come the weapons in the form of a trashcan. Shawn tries a pescado but lands on….nothing. Ok then. Clothesline takes Shawn down and the Game takes over. Another trashcan shot misses and it’s table time already.

Shawn takes over and we head into the ring. Middle rope trashcan shot doesn’t work. That has to hit eventually. Cross body is rolled through for two and HHH’s good leg is messing up now. Another table is set up on the floor but the Game can’t suplex Shawn through them. Jumping knee to the face hits but the knee hurt some more. Here’s a chair but Shawn counters a backbreaker into one of his own through the chair for the first big weapon spot of the match.

HHH gets sent into the corner and we head back to the floor again. Trashcan lid to the back of the Game as I guess they’re reverse channeling Summerslam. Chin Music is blocked and HHH hits a DDT on the leg which was kind of different. Lawler points out something here: Shawn has a bad back so HHH works on his knee and HHH has a bad knee so Shawn works on his back. And these two are supposed to be the ring generals right?

There’s a chop block to Shawn and the Game starts Flairing it up. Figure Four goes on for a very long time but of course Shawn doesn’t quit. Shawn finally gets the rope and HHH cracks him over the head with a trashcan lid and we’re back to the floor now. Up towards the entrance they go and HHH finds a barbed wire 2x4. HHH pulls it back to hit Shawn in the head but stops and lights it up in a conveniently placed fire.

And never mind as Shawn gets a kick in and hits HHH in the head with the fire instead. Trips is busted. Back to the ring and HHH gets a Raven drop toehold onto the chair. DDT hits Shawn and both guys are down. Pedigree is countered and there’s the forearm and nip up, even though HHH takes his head off with a clothesline. Chop block sets up the Pedigree and HHH goes up 1-0.

The cage is lowered as HHH sets up a table in the ring. Ok maybe he just slides it in. Pin or escape to win here. HHH gets a big chair shot as the cage is put into place. The table goes up in the corner but we’ll get to that later. As Lawler says the Chamber isn’t a cage match, Shawn is launched into the cage, busting him open. HHH rakes him against the cage but Shawn manages to reverse HHH into it and here’s the first comeback.

Thesz Press by Shawn which is vintage now apparently. Trips tries to climb so they fight on top of it. Here’s Flair again because that’s cool I guess. HHH has him set up more tables but the distraction lets Shawn climb down a bit. There are four tables stacked in a 2x2 structure under these two. They climb back down and the fans are REALLY ticked off for it. Instead of climbing out like an intelligent person, Shawn drops an elbow for no cover.

Superkick is loaded up so Flair climbs in the cage. Shawn beats him up and busts him open as HHH is taking a nap or something. This is a total mess here by the way. The street fight was ok but this cage stuff has been weak. Pedigree is reversed and Shawn hits the kick on Flair. Sweet Chin Music to HHH also but hey, it’s not enough to cover him and get us to the third fall where HHH could be down long enough to climb up and win the fall right? Instead he sets up a table and splashes HHH through it to tie this up. Horrid, horrid cage match.

The cage is raised up and it’s time for a ladder match for the title. They’ve got about 8 minutes to have a ladder match. Think about that for a minute. The ring is cleared out other than the ladder and the guys as this needs to end NOW. Ladder shot to HHH takes him down (with him falling before it hit him but whatever) and a suplex onto the ladder keeps him down.

Splash off the ladder misses. By the way after being in the figure four for about 3 minutes earlier, his leg has been fine for the last 15 minutes. Shawn’s selling was always questionable to say the least. Pedigree hits but Shawn makes the save. HHH makes the save also but shoves Shawn through the tables (three of them or so) this time and we’re finally done with HHH getting the title back.

Rating: D+. This….was bad. It was pretty easily the worst HHH vs. Shawn match I’ve ever seen. HHH was legit hurt out there so let’s make him world champion while Shawn is barely able to move too. Yeah, this is the right idea for a PPV main event in a triple gimmick match that gets nearly 40 minutes right? The cage and ladder stuff was just absolutely dreadful. The street fight is ok but overall, this was rather weak indeed. And yet somehow, this was a breath of fresh air compared to the upcoming Steiner feud.

Overall Rating: C-. Not the best show here. It’s not horrible, but definitely nothing I’d ever pop in again. Shawn vs. HHH just didn’t work, namely because they were out there too long. Between that and the lesbian stuff taking up twelve minutes or so, an extra match on here could have helped tremendously. Overall, this didn’t do it for me and while there’s some ok stuff, it didn’t hold up for the most part. Take a pass here.

 

[klunderbunker]

Armageddon 2003
Date: December 14, 2003
Location: TD Waterhouse Centre, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We continue this series with 2003’s show, which something tells me won’t be all that good. The main event is Kane vs. Goldberg vs. HHH for the Raw world title. This is Raw only so we’re not going to see much else other than that of note. This was a bad time for the company as the whole show on Raw was about HHH and there wasn’t much else to say. Benoit was on the rise though and that guy named Cena was making some noise on Smackdown. Anyway let’s get to this.

Foley has some authority here which I don’t remember at all.

Lillian sings the national anthem. Oh ok this is right after Sadaam Hussein was caught. That explains it.

The opening video quotes the Bible a lot.

Booker T vs. Mark Henry

Henry is getting a big heel push here which would be over soon. He beat Booker at Survivor Series to eliminate him from that match. Henry won a street fight also so we finish the feud with a regular match of course. Booker goes straight at him and that fails pretty quickly. Teddy Long manages Henry because they’re both black I guess. Henry tosses him to the floor and Booker fires off a kick. That gets him rammed into the steps so I guess that was a bad idea.

Booker manages a plancha to the floor and Henry is rocked a bit. Back in and the missile dropkick gets two. Henry gets him in position for the World’s Strongest Slam but I guess falling all the way down is too much for him so he settles for a backbreaker. Bow and arrow goes on and Henry is dominating. Off to the chinlock now to waste some time. Booker keeps slapping the mat but that’s not a tap because it’s not the planned finish I guess.

Oh now it’s a bearhug for rest hold #3 in a row. I guess the resting took too much out of Henry. Henry takes him down again but misses a legdrop to give Booker a breather. Booker gets in some kicks and the axe kick gets two. Henry gets a spinebuster for two as Henry is spent. Leg drop hits as Ross blames Henry’s lack of experience. Are you kidding me? Another slam gets two. And out of nowhere Booker gets a kick to the ribs and the second scissors kick to end it. Totally random ending.

Rating: D+. Not bad but Booker was in against someone that he couldn’t carry for the most part. Henry is someone that doesn’t need to be out there for nearly ten minutes, especially in the opening match. Not much here as for the most part it was pretty dull. Also the ending being all insane didn’t help.

Bischoff tells Christian and Jericho that they need to beat Lita and Trish tonight. Jericho is apprehensive about this which would lead to his face turn. They’re interrupted by Foley’s music in the arena.

Here’s Foley complete with a cheap pop for saying Orlando. There’s a petition to bring Austin back apparently and there are a lot of signatures on it. Stacy comes out as a cheerleader to celebrate with Foley for getting that many signatures. Even Foley does a cartwheel. Here’s Evolution to complain though, in the form of Orton and Flair. Orton vs. Foley was teased forever but they didn’t pull the trigger for a long time. Orton says Austin is gone and Orton wants the IC Title. Foley takes off his shirt and is refereeing the IC Title match, which is RIGHT NOW.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton

Rob takes him down quickly and Orton heads to the floor. Back in and we get some surprisingly decent chain wrestling, resulting in a standoff. Rob gets a shot to the ribs and a cross body off the top for two. Spinwheel kick puts Orton on the floor as Rob has been in control nearly the entire match so far. Big dive takes Orton out again as Rob threatens Flair a bit.

Slingshot legdrop gets two. He tries to go up again but Orton manages to shove him off, flying into the railing in one of his signature spots. Out to the floor and Orton gets that awesome dropkick of his. Back in and Orton chokes away with Rob making a hilarious face at the same time. Foley pulls Orton off Rob and Flair is TICKED.

Orton takes over with his usual stuff. Well usual for this time at least. It’s so weird to see him with only a few tattoos and normal looking skin. There’s the chinlock just to confirm it’s an Orton match. Big clothesline by Orton but he poses instead of covering. Seated dropkick gets two and it’s chinlock city again. Rob grabs a rolling cradle out of nowhere for two.

Split legged moonsault gets two. Orton hits a move of his I’ve always loved: he puts Rob on his shoulder like for a powerbomb and steps forward, pulling Rob down into a neckbreaker. Love that. Oh look here’s another chinlock. I know that’s a cliché for him but it’s true. Rob fights out of it after WAY too long and hits his spin kick to take over.

Off to the floor again and with Orton draped over the railing, Rob hits that spinwheel kick off the apron. Elevated DDT coming back in gets two. Knee drop by Orton misses and Van Dam gets a rollup with his legs for two. Rolling Thunder hits and there goes Flair whose hair is DRENCHED. Spinning kick takes down Randy again and it’s Five Star time. Flair has something in his hand but Foley takes him down. Orton dropkicks Rob off the ropes and there’s the RKO for the title.

Rating: C+. Pretty good here but Orton clearly didn’t know how to work a long match, although to be fair he still pretty much doesn’t. Van Dam is a weird guy to have carry you so Orton had to do a lot here. Foley would get spat on the next night and leave until the Rumble and then wrestle against Orton at Mania and Backlash. Either way, not bad here but not a classic.

We recap Christian/Jericho vs. Trish/Lita. This was a long story but a pretty good one at the same time. Jericho and Christian tried to hook up with Trish and Lita respectively with a secret bet being that whoever got to sleep with their respective chick first wins a single dollar, Canadian. Trish started to fall for Jericho and then overheard the whole story behind the bet.

The girls came out and held up the Canadian dollar that Christian put down for the bet. They actually beat up the Canadian guys and Eric made an intergender tag match. Jericho however started to feel bad about all this, beginning his face turn. This was a really good story and it worked all the way through Mania.

Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Lita/Trish Stratus

JR says that Bischoff is like Hussein. No, he isn’t. Jericho and Trish start us off and Jericho tries to explain. A right hand slap misses but the left connects. After all those years of Trish being the best female wrestler in the country, Trish becomes a slap fighter. Jericho spanks her which wakes Trish up a bit so she starts firing off some headscissors and dropkicks.

Christian tags himself in and wants Lita. Lita at least tries some more leverage and speed moves which is what she does in her regular matches so it makes sense. A slam puts Lita down and it’s off to Jericho. Then he stands on her hair and pulls her up. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Lita counters a powerbomb into a rana and it’s off to Christian. There goes Lita’s top which makes Christian far more popular.

Lita manages to get a low blow in and there’s Trish. THANKFULLY she wakes up and fights like she’s capable of doing, snapping off her forearms and the Chick Kick. Stratusfaction doesn’t work but she ducks to avoid a charging Christian and he goes to the floor. Lita crotches Jericho but the Stratusphere doesn’t work. Christian gets two but the Matrish sends Christian into Jericho for two. Lita snaps off a rana which she does better than almost anyone. Jericho checks on Trish and Christian rolls her up for the pin.

Rating: C. All things considered, not too bad here. Once Trish remembered how to wrestle this got a lot better. The men vs. women matches can work and this got close as the girls weren’t out there using nothing but chokes and slaps as they used their regular stuff and it worked pretty well. Not a great match or anything but for the purposes of this it was fine.

We recap Shawn vs. Batista. Shawn was the last man standing in the Survivor Series match and was making an incredibly comeback but Batista ran in and drilled Shawn with the Batista Bomb and Shawn couldn’t get up from that. Eric and Shawn blamed each other for Austin being gone as per the stipulations of the loss. Batista said he cost Shawn his job and Shawn said come get some, hence the following match.

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

Batista hadn’t been back long after a triceps injury so this is one of his first major singles feuds. This is Shawn’s 68th PPV match. That’s a pretty awesome number, especially when this is Batista’s third match on PPV. Flair is with Batista here again. Shawn snaps off some punches in the corner which don’t do much damage but they’re something I guess. More of them land and Batista is getting annoyed.

Shawn fires some kicks into the leg and tags Ric on the floor. Back in the ring Batista gets his hands on Shawn and the pain begins. Suplex gets two. Big Dave works on the back which is still the focal point of Shawn every time he’s out there. There’s the forearm but Batista kills him with a clothesline after the nipup. To the floor we go and Shawn eats steps.

More back worth by Dave, this time in the form of a backbreaker. Shawn starts his comeback with a bunch of strikes and there’s a second forearm/nipup. A two handed choke by Batista is countered into a DDT to put both guys down. The big elbow hits and the fans are into it all of a sudden. Chin music is countered into a spinebuster though and there’s a second one. Batista Bomb is countered out of nowhere and Shawn hits the kick, falling on top for the pin.

Rating: B-. Not terrible but I wasn’t feeling the ending. I get the theory of it, which is Shawn can’t go toe to toe with him and needs to use his experience to get that one big shot in to take Batista down, but that doesn’t mean it worked. Not a bad match but Batista was still getting the hang of things and it showed. Shawn helped him through a lot of this, and that’s the point of a veteran.

Maven vs. Matt Hardy

Maven comes out while Batista is still in the ring and Big Dave is MAD. This is still Matt Hardy V 1.0. Today’s Matt fact is that his fingernails go quickly. They start it out on the ramp as Batista and Flair are still in the ring. Matt throws Maven into the ring and Batista kills him with some clotheslines and various other attacks, finishing it with the Bomb. Make that a pair of Bombs. No match due to the attack. This match was added on Heat so it’s not like this is some huge match that they’re taking from us. Matt counts a pin of his own which doesn’t count.

In the back Batista is still freaking out. See what I mean about the whole show being around one set of people? Flair tells him they’re walking out with title belts tonight.

Raw Tag Titles: Tag Team Turmoil

Gauntlet match more or less, with two teams starting and the winners advancing to face the next team. There are six teams total and we start with La Resistance vs. Rosey/Hurricane. The Dudleys are the champions coming in. Rosey takes over on Conway to start but it’s off to Hurricane very quickly. Out to the floor quickly which goes nowhere so back in for a full nelson by Conway.

Swinging neckbreaker gets no count because he’s under the ropes. Dupree comes in as we talk about France in Iraq. Never let it be said that Vince passes up a chance to cheer on AMERICA. Hurricane gets a face buster to escape and there’s a double tag. Rosey cleans house and throws out Dupree. A super splash off the shoulders of Rosey off the second rope ends Conway.

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade are in next, running through the crowd and stealing a rollup pin in maybe 20 seconds.

In next are Storm and Venis with the new guys taking over on Jindrak who escapes to bring in Cade. The fans tell Storm he’s boring which is a point to his character at this point. Storm speeds things up a bit but double teaming by the heels takes the heel down. Wait, actually I guess Storm and Venis are good guys. Works for me I guess. Storm avoids a splash in the corner and here’s Venis.

Val cleans house, destroying both guys with relative ease. He was always a pretty steady hand so that doesn’t really surprise me. Lance hits a Cactus Clothesline to take himself and Cade out. Val tries a suplex to bring Jindrak back in but it’s the Warrior at Mania 5 ending for them.

Team number five are the Dudleys, the reigning champions. The Dudleys take over and it’s a Tree of Woe for Cade. They’re only ten time champions here so this is a LONG time ago for them. Off to D-Von and Jindrak with Jindrak hitting a clothesline to get two. Jindrak isn’t that good at stomping. Cade goes up but mostly misses an elbow. Double tag and Bubba cranks it up. Everything breaks down and D-Von and Jindrak trade rollups. Dropkick misses and 3D ends Jindrak.

The final team is Steiner/Test. Bubba may have hurt his shoulder. Double team on Bubba but he manages to take Test down. Suplex sends Bubba flying and Test works on his arm a bit. We finally get something normal going with Steiner vs. Bubba. Steiner drops the elbow and actually covers, getting two. Fujiwara Armbar by Steiner and it’s off to Test who works on the arm even more.

Up to the corner and Bubba shoves Test off and ACTUALLY HITS THE BACKSPLASH!!! I’ve never seen him hit that ever and shockingly enough the guy he hit it on is now dead. Double tag brings in Steiner and D-Von. Neckbreaker takes Scotty down and another one to Test gets two. Double teaming occurs by the challengers and Test gets a sidewalk slam for two. Test accidently kicks Steiner but Test gets a full nelson slam to D-Von for two. Nice move by the Canadian to send in the belt as a decoy and then he gets a chair shot with the referee distracted. Doesn’t work as a Bubba Bomb gets the pin on Test but nice idea.

That would be the end in theory but here’s Bischoff to announce that there’s a final team, who have used their favor for winning at Survivor Series. Yep it’s Flair/Batista. This lasts about 90 seconds and the Dudleys get in maybe two punches combined. Batista gets the powerbomb on D-Von for the titles.

Rating: C-. Hard to call these because they’re more or less just a bunch of Raw matches thrown together into a 20 minute match. It’s ok but if you’ve seen one of these you’ve seen the vast majority of them. It really does show you how weak the division is when the Dudleys are the only realistic team that could win in there. Nothing great but I’ve seen worse.

We hear about Christmas in Baghdad a bit and we get some clips of a press conference about it.

Raw Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Ivory

This is a bonus match. Molly is champion and there’s no story to this whatsoever. The thing with Molly at this point is she’s a virgin and she’s frustrated all the time. From what I remember she was a virgin until she was married in real life. That’s rather cool. Molly is sent to the floor as no one cares about this at all. Ivory hits a flip off the apron to take Molly down again.

Back inside as there’s nothing going on here at all. You can tell this is the food break match before the main event and that’s fine. You have to have one of those I guess. Armbar goes on by Molly as we talk about anything but this match. JR apologizes for having nothing to say because he doesn’t have any notes for it. Molly hits a Muta elbow for two. Ivory gets a rollup which is reversed into one by Molly for the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a match really here. Was there going to be anything of note here at all expected? It’s just a bonus match so it’s not like you can really complain here. Neither of these chicks would wind up doing anything else in the division for more or less the rest of time, so there you are.

We recap the main event. Goldberg beat HHH at Survivor Series on a broken ankle. You would think that would end the feud but HHH said we’re not done yet. Then Kane just kind of jumped in for no apparent reason. A triple threat was made and we get a music video out of it.

Raw World Title: Kane vs. HHH vs. Goldberg

Goldberg is champion. The first minute is literally just standing around yelling at each other. Way to use that PPV time guys! The first shot hits after about a minute and twenty seconds and Goldberg gets double teamed. After a solid beating, Goldberg gets a shot in via a clothesline but Kane takes him down with ease. Goldberg fights them both off for a bit and knocks HHH to the floor.

Kane sits up and it’s time for the showdown. After the taller one takes over, Goldberg gets a spinning neckbreaker but HHH comes back in before he can capitalize. The top rope clothesline is countered by a slam but Goldberg actually can’t get HHH up for a gorilla press. Spear is loaded up and the crowd gets up for it, only for Kane to kick his head off and hammer away on his fellow member of the bald brotherhood.

Double suplex to Goldberg and HHH applauds Kane, who hits a powerslam on Billy Boy. HHH tries to steal the pin and we knew we’d get here eventually. HHH gets knocked to the floor but Kane clothesline Goldberg on the top rope. JR calls it bowling shoe ugly as HHH pops Kane with a chair to prevent a chokeslam. Goldberg gets the chair and goes to Pillmanize HHH’s ankle like HHH hired Batista to do.

Kane saves the Game for no apparent reason. I guess this doesn’t have a password system. Out to the floor and we load up the announce table. Goldberg fights Kane off and tries to Jackhammer him through the table, but HHH gets a chair shot in to break it up. Kane chokeslams the other bald dude on the table but it doesn’t break. HHH drops an elbow to put him though it though and pops him with a chair also.

Kane sees HHH holding the chair and isn’t happy. Then again Kane is never happy so that works out well. Kane actually lets HHH live, only to be sent into the steps as soon as he turns his back. Pedigree on the floor doesn’t work and Kane goes all evil again. Back in the ring and Kane hits some of his signature spots. The big clothesline looks to set up the chokeslam, but HHH gets a thumb to the eye to break it up.

DDT puts Kane down but Kane sits up. Neckbreaker doesn’t get a cover either so Kane sits up again. They fight to the floor as Goldberg is still down. Pretty weak chokeslam on the ramp so only Kane is left standing. Everyone gets back in the ring and Goldberg spears Kane down for two. Everybody punches everybody and Goldberg takes over. Another spear to Kane and one to HHH as well. Cue Evolution and we keep going. Goldberg and Kane choke each other to huge booing and there’s a low blow to set up the chokeslam on Goldberg. Batista pops up to pull Kane out so HHH can steal the title.

Rating: D+. This ran twenty minutes which is really not something that you want to do when you have three people that work more or less the exact same style. Not a very good match here as this got old quickly. It’s also rather boring to see the same stuff over and over again in three ways. This really needed a different guy besides Kane out there to change up the styles and it would have helped a lot if that had been the case.

Overall Rating: D. Really weak show here with nothing at all being very good. The total Evolution dominance isn’t that interesting either as it’s all the same stuff over and over again all night long. I’ve seen worse shows, but at the same time things just dragged on this show. This is another example of a show that would have been ok as an In Your House, but as a regular PPV, this wasn’t very good at all. Nothing to see here.

 

[klunderbunker]

Armageddon 2004
Date: December 12, 2004
Location: Gwinnet Center, Duluth, Georgia
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Well since Uncensored isn’t done downloading yet I’ll knock this one out I guess. It’s a blue show this time as the main event is JBL vs. Taker vs. Eddie vs. Booker for the belt. I remember thinking this show looked awful on paper back then and it’s not much better here. We also have Cena vs. Jesus for the US Title. There are more jokes there than I can count so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the end being here for JBL.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam vs. Rene Dupree/Kenzo Suzuki

The more famous guys are the champions here. They’ve been champions for like two days here so this is pretty new territory. Suzuki was rather annoying and never went anywhere and Dupree was the same only he had some minor success. This is a rematch from Thursday so there’s your brief title history for the day. Rob and Kenzo start us off. Technical stuff to start but Kenzo tries to speed it up and that just doesn’t work well at all.

Off to Rey who hits a springboard cross body for two. Off to Dupree as the challengers take over. Rey tries to do his speed stuff but Rene kicks him in the face to take over. Nothing wrong with simple offense like that. 619 is loaded up but Suzuki makes the save. Rey almost gets a sunset bomb to the floor and with an assist from Rob he pulls it off. Dupree gets caught on the railing and Rob does the spinning leg to the back.

The champions get some decent double teaming stuff to take Dupree down and there’s Rolling Thunder but it’s broken up. Rey tries a seated senton to Dupree and totally misses him to the point where the crowd goes half silent off of it. Kenzo is back in now and stomps away on Van Dam. After a solid beating Rob gets a spinwheel kick in to bring in Rey. The challengers get a nice double team into a Stunner across the top rope into a more or less reverse powerbomb to Rey.

Torrie comes out to take care of Kenzo’s wife Hiroko but Kenzo has Rey down anyway. Knee drop gets two. Rey almost escapes to make the tag but Suzuki makes the last second save. Dupree comes in and there’s the required USA chant. Bow and arrow hold goes on and Rene makes another last second save to break the tag to Rob. Rey escapes a suplex and tries to dive between Rene’s legs but he gets blocked.

Solid tag formula stuff going on here as they’re keeping one guy down for a very long time which is the right idea out there, especially in a match where they have a lot of time like this one. The destruction of Rey continues as even after getting a big kick to Kenzo, Rene makes the save. A slam sets up the French Tickler which gives me nightmares to this day. Rene gets ranaed into the post and there’s the hot tag. Split legged moonsault gets two. There’s a Rolling Thunder/Slingshot Legdrop for two. The champions speed things up a lot and a sunset flip attempt sets up a double 619. Five Star ends Rene for the pin.

Rating: B-. Not bad here as they 17 minutes they had didn’t feel that long at all which is always a perk. This is what Smackdown was about back in the day: long matches where you can get stuff together and have a solid match. Old school formula stuff here with some high flying and speed in there also, making this a good match and a solid opener. Unfortunately this is one of two matches that go over ten minutes all night.

There’s a boxing match tonight between the Tough Enough finalists in a Dixie Dogfight. Daniel Puder says he’s going to win and I can see why he NEVER talked.

Here’s Angle who has a match later tonight. This is the Hometown Hero thing known as the Kurt Angle Invitational. The idea is he picks “random” people to have I think it was a three minute match with them and if they survive, they get his medal. Kurt’s opponent for tonight: Santa Claus.

Kurt Angle vs. Santa Claus

In case you care, from what I can find that’s Big Vito in the costume. Angle calls Tazz an elf, literally cracking him up. This is of course like 30 seconds long and the Slam sets up the ankle lock but the line of the whole thing goes to Cole who sums it up perfectly: “Kurt Angle is fighting Santa Claus at Armageddon.” Seriously, think about that and see if you don’t chuckle a bit.

Also if you’re interested this Invitational would go on for a long time before Eugene returned to win it in July. Also during it Matt Striker debuted and was exposed as not actually being sick when he took sick days to wrestle, leading to him quitting his teaching career.

The other Tough Enough finalist says he’s tired of being told he’s not very good. His name: Mike Mizanin.

We recap the Tough Enough thing which was FAR weaker than this past season. Nick from the Spirit Squad was also in the finals as was Ryan Reeves, who is more famous as Skip Sheffield. This also included a moment where Puder had a match with Angle where he shot on him and had Kurt in a kimura and would have snapped his arm had they not called a fake pin by Angle.

Mike Mizanin vs. Daniel Puder

This is a Dixie Dogfight, which is a three round boxing match with one minute rounds. The fans pick the winner. Puder had an MMA background here and Miz was a reality star. What do you think is going to happen here? Teddy comes out for no apparent reason. We have to do the boxing commission stuff because EVERYONE cares about them right? And yes I know it’s the law. That’s the point. The song for both guys is Getting Away With Murder, which is filed under “stuff you will NEVER hear again in WWE.”

They have headgear here. I’ll set the countdown to “we want wrestling” at 20 seconds. They treat this like a legit boxing match due to the athletic commission. Both of them flail away and they’re going to be gassed in maybe 40 seconds at this pace. Miz actually slugs it out and Puder slips a bit. There’s a one minute rest period between rounds because three minutes aren’t enough for this thing.

Puder hits a rabbit punch and this is idiotic. You can’t really blame these guys for it. In short, THEY’RE NOT BOXERS. Puder hammers away to end the round. Miz is spent. They don’t know what they’re doing, they don’t have any skill in this (not their fault mind you) and no one really wants to see this. Snow and Tazz point out how stupid this is because THEY’RE NOT BOXERS. Miz fires off punches but can’t do anything.

Puder pops him to end this FINALLY as the fans boo it out of the building. They boo Puder less though so he wins. Total and complete waste of time. Remember that Puder has an MMA background, so this should have been domination, making the fact that it was close at all rather stupid. He would win the competition overall and be gone in September. Miz on the other hand would pin John Cena in the main event of Wrestlemania. The moral of all this: QUIT PUTTING NOT WRESTLING STUFF ON WRESTLING PPVS!

They do interviews post match and Puder says he’s an MMA guy, totally missing the point of this. This ate up nearly 15 minutes of PPV time. Clearly no other match could have needed that time right? Again: not the guys’ fault. They didn’t know what they were doing and got thrown out there by an idiotic company.

Booker and Eddie both want to beat JBL but they both want the title. They have to worry about Taker though Eddie says he’ll get JBL and Booker can take care of Taker. Booker suggests they team up, drawing a big pop. Taker comes up behind them and they’re a bit scared. He leaves and they argue because they got each other in trouble.

WWE 24/7 is coming. I’m drooling at the thought of that.

Basham Brothers vs. Hardcore Holly/Charlie Haas

Not a title match but rather just a tag match. Crowd is dead. I always liked the Bashams because my uncles are named Doug and Danny so the names were always easy to remember. Haas is all ticked off for reasons we’ll get into later in the show. Holly and Doug start us off. It’s an even numbered year so Holly gets a push around this time. Off to Danny who doesn’t have much better luck.

Charlie comes in and uses some technical stuff to take over. He works on the arm but Doug takes over with a hard kick to the back. The Bashams drop a bunch of elbows as the fans chant boring, which is rather true. Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long. Ice cold tag to Holly who cleans house and since the Bashams are short he can’t hit his dropkick like he usually does. Top rope clothesline gets two. Powerslam gets the same and here are Dawn Marie and Jackie to check on Charlie, starting a brawl. The Bashams switch and Holly gets rolled up for the pin.

Rating: D. So basically this match was on PPV to further a match later in the same show with Haas as a guest referee. I’d probably call this exhibit A against brand split PPVs as not only was this match boring but there was more or less no point to having it be on a PPV. Not much here and it would have been bad on TV also.

Ad for the Royal Rumble with the West Side Story theme. It’s a dream with Vince saying that isn’t the Rumble he had in mind, but still, wow.

We recap Cena vs. Jesus which is the end of the Cena vs. Carlito feud. Carlito debuted and stole the US Title from Cena and then Cena went to a club and was stabbed, allegedly by someone sent by Carlito. It was originally going to be New Jack of all people but would up being Jesus, who had pants that went up to Urkel levels. This is a street fight grudge match with Cena’s regained US Title on the line.

US Title: John Cena vs. Jesus

Cena debuts the spinner US Title here. He goes straight at Jesus and pounds him down into the corner. Jesus gets a rake to the eyes and Carlito throws in a kendo stick which goes into Cena’s back. That would be the last offensive move by Jesus for the rest of the match. This is psycho Cena and the fans are WAY into him. Carlito keeps trying to distract Cena and it doesn’t work at all.

Into the crowd they go and this is apparently falls count anywhere. Cena has that look in his eyes here and is totally dominating. He stops for a drink from a fan which would result in a heel turn for R-Truth but it’s a different time I guess. They go over to a railing and Jesus is just trying to stay conscious at this point. Garbage is poured over Jesus. It’s weird to see Cole being all face all the time.

They head back towards the ring as Cena has a bandage on his back. Jesus is busted open. There’s a headbutt as they head back to the ringside. Cena goes under the ring and pulls out a trashcan lid and something made of steel. The lid goes upside Jesus’ head and the steel sign does the same. The FU ends this massacre where Jesus got in one total move. Cena didn’t go down to his knees with the move yet here and it looks better.

Rating: C. Well Cena got the dominance but it got boring after a bit as you knew Cena wasn’t going to be hurt in the slightest. There was no drama to it and it went on a bit long, to the point where it was repetitive. Not horrible but it was almost like a videogame with how bad the beating got. Kind of fun though.

Cena hits Carlito with his chain post match.

Jackie (the hot one, not Moore), complains about Dawn being out there earlier. She’s Haas’ fiancé here. Horrible acting ensues.

No video on Gayda vs. Dawn Marie. Gayda is Haas’ fiancé and he might be sleeping with Dawn. There’s a match tonight and Charlie is the referee. That’s what I’m here for I guess: recapping bad feuds.

Miss Jackie vs. Dawn Marie

This is your usual mess of a match as neither chick knows how to do much of anything other than look good. Dawn controls for the most part and there’s the rolling over the referee thing. She rolls Jackie up for the pin with tights after like a minute and 45 seconds.

Post match Haas says that he’s sleeping with Dawn and he’s leaving both of them. Oh and Jackie is bad in bed. He gets on his knee with the engagement ring in front of Dawn but asks why she’s such a ****.

The Divas Search is back as a PPV special. Oh dear. Actually this is just a highlight video of it and it’s on PPV. Wow.

Show is coming to the ring and Joy Giovanni kisses him.

Big Show vs. Kurt Angle/Mark Jindrak/Luther Reigns

This is about Show vs. Angle but the other two are in there to make Show sweat a bit I guess. Angle and company beat up Show on Smackdown to set this up. Team Angle has to tag. Show vs. Jindrak to start. This feud has been going on for awhile and had resulted in Show being shaved. Jindrak is kind of like Rick Rude, obsessed with his physique. Show gets all ticked off and destroys Jindrak like a villager at the lack of mercy of a dragon.

Jindrak tags Angle in and Kurt isn’t all that thrilled with the idea of it. Angle stares him down and that goes badly for him as well so it’s off to Luther (for admin). Luther hammers away and that fails also. This is MONSTER Big Show here so more or less there’s nothing that can hurt him in the slightest. Reigns and Jindrak hit a double shoulder to finally take him down for two.

Angle has no problem coming in now that Show is down and Taz uses the eternally stupid line of “now they’re the same size.” NO THEY AREN’T. SHOW IS STILL BIGGER AND TALLER THAN ANGLE. Can’t stand that line. Off to Jindrak now, who is NOT the same size as Show. Double suplex actually works and here’s Angle again. He throws on a front facelock which actually manages to slow Show down for awhile.

And never mind as Show lifts him up with one arm. Luther slows Show down again and the beating by Angle continues. The heels tag in and out a lot and double teaming keeps him down for awhile. Jindrak puts on a long chinlock but Show wakes up and the beating begins. He cleans house, hitting an Alley-Oop to Jindrak. Angle gets the worse Slam you’ll ever see to Show to take him down. Show is totally spent but manages to get up and beat down everyone, finishing Jindrak with an F5 of all things, much to Cole’s shock.

Rating: C. Eh not bad here but nothing all that great. Show vs. Angle would have likely been the better option here as it’s not like Angle can’t take someone down on his own, especially a giant. Either way though, not anything great here but given who Show was in there with, I’ve seen far worse.

Video on Christmas in Baghdad from last year to kill some time.

Funaki interviews himself about his Cruiserweight Title shot. Spike comes up and points out how stupid this is. Funaki makes a knock knock joke of all things. I give up.

Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Spike Dudley

Funaki won a battle royal on Thursday to set this up. Spike is heel here. Technical stuff to start with Funaki working on the arm a bit. Funaki gets him to the floor and hits a baseball slide for two. Funaki slams him off the top and gets a low dropkick for two. Spike goes up and is caught rather quickly with Funaki trying to suplex him down to the floor. That of course fails so Spike lifts him up and drops him down off the top and onto the floor.

That and a running knee strike get two. With Funaki on his knees Spike throws on an abdominal stretch. Fireman’s carry into a gutbuster gets two for Spike and now to the stretch again. The fans flat out do not care. Funaki makes a comeback and gets Spike in the Tree of Woe and gets a double stomp off the top in the same move, actually waking the crowd up a bit.

Funaki makes his comeback, hitting a bulldog and a shoulder-ziguri for two. Spike misses a charge in the corner and Funaki goes up and still no one cares. Top rope cross body gets two. Tornado DDT is reversed and Spike gets a headbutt to the ribs to take him down. They totally butcher a pinfall reversal sequence and Funaki gets down in time for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Just boring beyond belief here with no one caring in the slightest. Weak match overall as no one wanted to see this match, let alone in the second biggest spot of the entire card. Really didn’t like this, although it did manage to make me doze off for a bit which is a good thing indeed.

We recap the world title match. JBL had kept escaping with the title time after time and Eddie, Booker and Taker had all been cheated out of the title, setting up a fatal fourway where JBL will have to beat one of them. This gets the music video treatment.

The Cabinet says JBL will keep the title. He walks to the ring and this takes WAY too much time but to be fair we have a ton of it.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T vs. Undertaker vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

One fall to a finish here and if the Cabinet (JBL’s stable) shows up, JBL is stripped of the belt. No car for JBL here. JBL chills on the floor and lets Taker beat them up. He tries to steal a pin on Booker but Taker breaks it up at the last second, mainly due to the referee being out of position. They surround JBL and the beating begins. Taker beats on him and gets two off an elbow but Eddie and Booker double team the zombie to huge booing.

The double teaming continues as JBL is chilling somewhere else. Booker and Taker go to the floor so JBL jumps Eddie. Suplex gets two for the champ. With Taker down, Eddie and Booker work on Bradshaw for awhile now. The usual arguments begin though as neither guy is cool with the pin going down. Taker gets a DDT for two on Booker. Everyone to the floor now as the big guys fight.

They switch off and Booker goes into the crowd. We load up the announce table but Taker counters Bradshaw’s powerbomb attempt through it. Taker and Eddie go into the ring and a big backdrop gets two for the deadman. Off to JBL and Booker in the ring now and shockingly enough Bradshaw speeds things up. Booker saves Eddie as this is kind of all over the place, which to be fair is the point.

A spinebuster sets up Old School on Booker but Eddie makes something resembling a save. Old School connects on the second attempt and a modified Downward Spiral gets two as Eddie saved it. Taker is dominating here, dropping the leg on the apron but JBL takes Taker’s head off with the clothesline. Only the referee is in the ring at the moment. Bradshaw and Booker get in the ring and JBL chokes him with some tape.

Eddie pulls out a ladder for no apparent reason which goes upside Taker’s head. JBL brings the belt in but Booker kicks it out of his hand. He takes over, kicking everyone out of the ring and hitting Eddie with a scissors kick for two. They go to the floor again and Booker hits something like a superkick to Taker to put him down again. Bradshaw powerbombs Booker onto the table and drops an elbow on him to break it down.

“Last Ride” puts JBL through the other table so only Taker and Eddie are still conscious. Eddie plays possum and manages to escape the tombstone but isn’t so lucky with a chokeslam. Taker, every the genius, doesn’t cover though and wants the Last Ride. Eddie picks up the belt though and hits Taker to escape the powerbomb. Frog Splash hits but Eddie wants a pair of them. Taker of course kicks out before two and a half because two finishers from a former world champion and a belt shot isn’t enough for a pin right?

Eddie gets the ladder in and hits a low blow to Taker. He drops a third frog splash off the ladder but hurts his knee on it. JBL manages to make a last second save though but then gets sent into the ladder. Three Amigos hit but Booker makes the last second save. Scissors kick takes down JBL again but Taker saves. Snake eyes and big boot take down Eddie again and a leg drop gets two.

All three guys get chokeslams and you would think THAT would end it but here’s Heiden Heidenrich for the save before JBL takes a tombstone. Seriously, just end the match so you can anally violate Cole. Boss Man Slam puts Taker down and JBL covers Eddie and Booker for two each, leaving the dead Taker alone for some reason. He sits up but Heidenrich pulls him out again as JBL hits the Clothesline to end this. The crowd dies quickly after the pin.

Rating: C+. Not horrible here but it could have been 8 minutes shorter and it wouldn’t have suffered. The lack of a story was fine for the most part because you can only do so much with four guys and that much time as far as psychology goes. JBL would thankfully lose the title to Cena, three and a half months after this. Not bad but JBL was the lamest of all lame duck champions.

Overall Rating: D-. When one match is particularly good and that’s the tag match that opened the show, how much credit can you give this thing? The relatively short matches and the really pointless ones at that hurt this show pretty badly and the ending being something that no one wanted to see didn’t help anything. Weak show that no one was interested in at all means nothing to see here.

 

[klunderbunker]

Armageddon 2005
Date: December 18, 2005
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

You know I was trying to think of some background to this show and it occurs to me that nothing really happened in 2005. There was One Night Stand and that’s about it. This is a Smackdown show with the main event being Taker vs. Orton inside the Cell. Other than that, there really isn’t much. Batista is world champion and a tag team champion with Rey but he’s in a non-title match. Weird. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Taker vs. Orton and how this is the beginning of the end for Orton.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Matt Hardy

This is one of the issues with watching these older shows: I don’t remember this feud at all. Apparently JBL interrupted an interview and Matt made fun of him for leaving a lot of tag partners, allegedly out of fear. Jillian Hall is with JBL and looks awesome in a white pantsuit. This was during the I WILL NOT DIE phase for Matt for which JBL bashes him for. The man could talk when he got on a roll and he does here.

Matt comes in through the crowd and the fight is on. He hammers on JBL on the floor and rams him into the apron a few times, but gets his head caught in the ropes as he comes back in which chokes him badly. JBL, ever the nice guy, kicks him in the head while he’s caught in the hold. Big clothesline on the floor puts Matt down again.

Back in the ring he drops a bunch of elbows on Matt and by a bunch I mean like 8 of them but doesn’t cover. And people wonder why he lost the belt. Matt grabs a DDT (called a swinging neckbreaker by the idiot known as Michael Cole) for a quick two. When Tazz has to correct you, it’s saying a lot. A shoulder block by JBL gives him the advantage again and pounds away even more.

He sets for a belly to back superplex but Matt knocks him off and gets a moonsault press for two. Thankfully Matt hit it or we would have had an earthquake in Rhode Island. Bradshaw gets the buckle cover off and whips Matt into it. The big clothesline ends it a few seconds afterwards.

Rating: C. Nothing special here and I have no idea why JBL who was world champion for most of the previous year is opening a very low level PPV against a career midcarder but like I said, it was a weird year. Just a semi-squash here that was pretty pointless overall, especially since it was only put on the card two days prior to this.

We get a clip of Melina screwing Batista to try to convince him to not kill MNM on Friday. Naturally Batista got done screwing her and killed them anyway, winning the tag titles in the process. Dang Melina needs the blonde highlights back.

The Mexicools will cancel their match with MNM tonight if Melina will screw them. She declines.

Clip of a past HIAC match, in this case Foley going for a little ride. Then another ride. That first one is one of those things where it still blows my mind that he even lived.

MNM vs. Mexicools

MNM is John Morrison (Nitro here) and Joey Mercury. The Mexicools are Super Crazy and Psicosis. See, they’re Mexicans and they ride lawnmowers. That’s their gimmick. Mercury vs. Psicosis to start us off. Off to Nitro who doesn’t do any better so it’s off to Mercury again. Ok make that Nitro. Yeah it’s Nitro. Not that I can’t tell them apart mind you. They’re just tagging in and out that much.

Psicosis misses a charge but gets a punch to Mercury’s stomach off the top. Spinwheel kick sends Mercury to the floor and here come the dives. Crazy uses the referee as a launching pad to dive onto MNM in a nice spot. Psicosis loads up the guillotine legdrop but Melina crotches him to shift momentum. Psicosis gets a sunset flip but a blind tag breaks up anything he’s about to get going.

Clothesline gets two for Mercury. Psicosis gets a nice headlock takeover/headscissors to take both guys down. No tag though as Mercury brings Nitro back in. Nitro takes Crazy out which is a smart move because when Psicosis breaks free for a tag attempt there’s no one to tag. Nitro grabs a Cravate and Psicosis still can’t make a tag. Mercury almost jumps into a boot in the stupidest spot ever but he catches himself which is a sigh of relief from me.

Psicosis gets an enziguri and it’s hot tag to Crazy. He sends MNM into each other and fires off some dropkicks for everyone. Tornado DDT gets two on Mercury. Nitro and Psicosis go to the floor and Crazy hits the moonsault after kicking Melina to the floor. Nitro makes a last second save. Crazy gets up and walks into the Snapshot (3D position but Mercury holds him there and Nitro hits a DDT) for the pin.

Rating: B. I know that’s probably high but I really liked this. The Mexicools were flying all over the place at times but it was never to the point where it was just high spots and nothing of actual significance. MNM was good too and Melina in that tiny skirt of hers helped too. Really fun tag match and I’d like to see them get a long match (this was about 9 minutes).

JBL is giving an interview to WWE.com.

Booker is asked about his fourth match in the best of seven series for the US Title. He’s up 3-0 at the moment but Sharmell doesn’t want him to talk about it. Booker says he’ll win and then Sharmell insults the hotter Krystal.

We recap Booker vs. Benoit. Booker turned heel to cheat and win the title and Benoit got a rematch, only for there to be a double pin. This results in a Best of Seven series like they did in WCW but that might have been a best of five. I don’t think it was though. Booker won the first three but only one clean.

US Title: Booker T vs. Chris Benoit

If Booker wins he’s champion but if Benoit wins the series continues. Technically this is a title match I guess. Sharmell has a broom with her for the sweep thing. Long feeling out process to start. Heel kick misses for Booker and here comes Benoit, sending Booker to the floor with a chop. They go to the mat and just guess who wins there. Crowd is totally behind Benoit.

Booker gets a hammerlock to take Benoit down but gets reversed into a Crossface attempt. Booker makes the rope though and clears his head on the floor. Back in a Sharpshooter doesn’t work so Benoit just works on the leg like only he can. Benoit knows what he’s doing to keep the crowd into it as he changes up the holds he’s using. That’s so helpful because it keeps things from getting dull.

Booker rakes the eyes to escape and hammers away in the corner. Benoit fires off some chops and snaps off a German for two. A knee sends Benoit to the floor and they chop it out until Benoit gets rammed into the post. Off to an abdominal stretch in the ring by Booker. Benoit escapes and a double clothesline gives both guys a rest. The Canadian hits a German on the American for two.

Benoit unleashes some awesome suplexes and we get Three Amigos, a month after Eddie passed away. That gets a nice reaction from the crowd as well as a two count. Time for Rolling Germans and he goes up for the Swan Dive but Sharmell’s interference stops it. They botch a move out of the corner but to be fair it was next to impossible. Booker was setting for a superplex but Benoit tried to jump over into a German suplex off the ropes. He slipped off but again, not exactly an easy spot.

Booker gets a missile dropkick for a long two and everyone is shocked. Crowd is into this one. Benoit chops away but walks into a superkick. Sharmell gets a low blow and the axe kick hits, but only for two. ERUPTION for that kickout. Bookend is countered into the Crossface in the middle of the ring but somehow Booker crawls to the rope. More rolling Germans and Booker is just done. Swan Dive hits but SOMEHOW Booker gets out. This is great stuff.

Booker tries a left hand for some reason but gets caught in a Crossface attempt. They hit the mat and the referee goes down. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter and Booker taps but there’s no referee. Sharmell hits him with the broom and Benoit doesn’t even blink. Booker gets up to try another Bookend but Benoit gets a DDT to counter and Booker taps to make it 3-1 in a great match.

Rating: A-. Just a great match here as Booker went all out to try to beat Benoit but the back against the wall aspect was enough for Benoit to survive. Booker was DONE at the end and looked like he fell out of a building. The only thing really holding this back was that it didn’t end the series. Booker would win the series but Orton would be a sub for him for the next two matches and would ultimately win the title for him in match 7.

MNM is on WWE.com.

Another Cell moment is Rikishi being thrown off.

Here’s Teddy with network executive Palmer Cannon. Teddy thanks the fans for helping Smackdown win at Survivor Series. That’s all he has to say but Cannon, the epitome of useless, brings out Santa Claus with his elf. And it’s Vito and Nunzio. Well at least Nunzio, who is handing out coal. Yep it’s Vito.

He runs down the crowd and says they’re tired of giving. Instead, they think they should get title shots for Christmas. And cue Boogeyman. After the slowest walk this side of Taker, he gets in the ring and “sings” a Christmas song about beating them up, which he then does. Why couldn’t we get more Booker vs. Benoit instead of this? He leaves Vito and a bunch of worms in the ring, which of course we have to keep zooming in on.

We get a clip from No Mercy where Orton channeled his inner 7ft bald dude and put Taker in a casket which he then lit on fire. Orton then got “haunted” by Taker. It’s as goofy as it sounds too. Of course we saw all of the images in Orton’s head because that’s how WWE rolls. This turns into a full recap video for Taker vs. Orton, which would be due to clear the ring I guess. Basically Orton realized he did too much so he tried to get out of the match by retiring but Randy’s dad got involved and that was enough for Randy I guess to keep going.

The Ortons say they’re not worried because Randy is the master of mind games.

William Regal/Paul Burchill vs. Bobby Lashley

They have to tag. No real story here other than Lashley needs villagers to eat. He’s beaten both of them in one on one matches so this is the next challenge. Burchill starts and that doesn’t go well at all. Bobby pulls Regal in also and beats them both up with ease. Regal gets a kick in and cheats a bit on the floor. Just a bit though so don’t judge him. The British dudes use their technical stuff as we’re just waiting on Lashley to take over. Top rope knee gets two for Burchill. Lashley wakes up and mauls them both, ending Burchill with a Dominator.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here that was there to give Lashley a chance to look awesome. Granted Burchill and Regal didn’t mean anything at this point but the beating looked good. Lashley wouldn’t ever become the superstar they were hoping for but nice try at least I guess. No idea why this was on PPV though. Easily could have gone on Smackdown.

We throw it to Josh Matthews at the FRIENDLY TAP! Oh no. Oh not this. The owner is former referee Tim White and he’s not happy. He keeps drinking and drinking until Josh talks about the last match White refereed which was inside the Cell with HHH vs. Jericho. We get a clip of said match where White got hurt, ending his refereeing career.

White is still drinking and won’t say anything. He finally says that the Cell ruined his life and everyone left him. He took his pain out on everyone he cared about. He mentions his medical problems and starts crying. Then he pulls out a rifle and staggers off camera where a gunshot is heard. This is exactly what it sounds like.

In January it was announced that he had somehow missed and shot himself in the foot. Less than three months after Eddie died, WWE had a series of videos up on WWE.com called Lunchtime Suicides. Every week, White would try to kill himself in a different way. He failed each time, ultimately shooting Josh Matthews, who was something of a host for these videos. I kid you not: this actually happened.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud vs. Kid Kash

Just Juventud now and he’s champion coming in here. Yes, they’re really just going on like nothing happened at all. Another pointless Cruiserweight match here with no real story. By no real one I mean Kash probably pinned him recently or something like that. All Juvy to start and he gets a standing rana for two. Fujiwara armbar goes on for a bit so Kash hits the floor. Juvy hits a plancha to keep up his advantage.

Kash manages to ram his shoulder into the post a few times to take over. Hammerlock slam gets two. Kash hammers away for a bit but misses a charge into the corner. Juvy can’t capitalize though and Kash keeps the advantage. Shoulderbreaker gets two. A springboard moonsault by Kash eats knees and here comes Juvy.

The champ chops away and uses really basic offense. Sunset flip doesn’t work for Kash and Juvy kicks him in the face for two. Loud END THIS MATCH chant starts up. You can tell that’s not a good sign. They go up to the top rope and Juvy hits a super rana but might have hurt his knee. Kash wants time out but gets caught by an enziguri for two. They trade some escapes and Juvy hits the Juvy Driver for two. 450 misses though and the Dead Level (brainbuster) gives Kash the title.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t exactly bad, but dude no one cared at all. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a crowd beg for a match to end like that. This is what you get when you have no story to speak of and use guys that are just there instead of having characters or stories or anything like that. Just not interesting at all, but it was fine from a technical standpoint.

Lashley is on the website now.

Ad for the Rumble, which was the really weird Roman theme. No idea why they went with that but then again Mania never made a lot of sense with its ad campaigns.

We recap Kane/Big Show vs. Mysterio/Batista. They’re each show’s respective tag champions and this is supposed to be some big epic clash. A lot of this stemmed from Survivor Series and the fallout from the whole brand split war. Batista is world heavyweight champion and more or less unstoppable. He and Mysterio won the titles two days before this. Naturally it’s a non title match.

Batista/Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show/Kane

Rey has 619 cut into his beard. Batista vs. Show to start us off. Show throws him around a bit so Big Dave fires off right hands. Something resembling a shoulder block takes Show down but he gets up and hits what could be called a superkick that was pretty awesome all things considered. Off to Kane who Batista can work with a bit better. Sidewalk slam puts the Animal down and Kane goes up. He channels his inner Flair though and gets slammed down.

Off to Rey who stomps away and this a standing moonsault for one. Kane no sells some kicks so Rey tries to hit and run. A middle rope axehandle staggers Kane and Rey gets a springboard dropkick to send him to the floor. Batista takes his head off with a clothesline and Rey loads up the 619, only for Show to make the save. He rams Rey’s back (somewhat injured coming in) into the post.

Back in the ring and Show chops away at Rey. That sound makes me cringe. Kane comes in and Rey is able to get some shots in to set up the sitout bulldog. Show knocks Batista off the apron though to break up the tag. Batista pops back in and everything breaks down. Big Dave takes down the monsters and hits a spinebuster on Kane. Show and Batista fight to the floor and Rey hits the 619, only for Kane to catch the West Coast Pop and chokeslam Rey into dust to end it.

Rating: C. That’s it? This could have been the main event of any given Raw or Smackdown and there was nothing interesting going on for the most part. It’s not bad or anything, but there’s no appeal hear at all. The lack of anything being on the line really hurts this because in short, this changes nothing. MNM would get the titles back by the end of the year, making this whole title reign pretty pointless.

Video on Tribute to the Troops or whatever they’re calling it this year, which is the next night.

Another Cell moment is Shawn’s destruction by Taker. Still the best one ever.

The Cell is lowered.

The Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

This is the final blowoff from the Mania match. Taker of course won there, Orton won at Summerslam and this is the rubber match. Orton has his papa and Taker’s urn with him. Orton tries to run to start and Taker tries to close in on him. Taker gets a shoulder block and Orton heads to the floor. We get a headlock inside the Cell. Orton gets a hip toss and dropkick but can’t keep Taker down.

Taker hammers away and we go to the floor. He tries to harpoon Orton into the Cell but Orton escapes and takes over back inside the ring. Taker is like boy no you didn’t and grabs him by the throat, throwing him into the corner. Taker hammers away as they have a ton of time so the slow start is fine. Orton’s ribs go into the post and Taker keeps up the attack on the floor, mainly working on the ribs and chest.

The Deadman finds a chair and cracks Orton over the head with it. Orton is busted so Taker keeps pounding him with the chair. Taker rakes his face across the cage as Cole makes the cheese grater comparison. Orton finds a chain somewhere but gets his head rammed into the steps before he can use it. It’s so weird to see Cole as a face. Taker gets the chain and chokes away at Orton who is back in the ring now.

This time Taker is able to get the harpoon thing, sending Orton’s face into the cage. He gets the steps but Orton fights back out of desperation. There’s blood on one of the posts. Orton tries to get the steps but Taker kicks them back into his face. Back into the ring and there’s a chair in there. Orton grabs an “RKO” across the top rope but it’s more like just clotheslining him onto it. Close enough though.

It sent Taker to the floor into the cage though and Orton finally takes over. This time the steps show works. Now Orton gets to rake Taker’s face into the cage in a nice bit of evilness from earlier. Taker is busted open now and Orton chokes away with the chain. Big chair shot puts Taker down for two. Taker gets up again though and hammers away on the floor, firing off headbutts.

I love that look Taker gets on his face when he’s losing blood and he’s staggering around. Taker gets a running charge and climbs up the steps, hitting more or less a flying hip attack into Orton against the cage. Back in the ring now and Taker walks the ropes, only to miss an elbow. He must be fired up tonight to bust out moves like that. Orton grabs a table and sends Taker to the floor via a boot. Bob grabs Taker’s hair through the cage to hold him in place next to the wall.

Taker is like oh no you didn’t and rams Bob into the cage via a small hole in it. Taker drills Randy as Bob is bleeding (BIG issue here as Bob has Hepatitis, which is a disease transmitted by blood). Orton gets something resembling a powerslam to ram Taker into the Cell. Apparently you can pin people on the floor now as Randy gets two. Back in the ring and Taker gets his jumping clothesline for two. Old School hits this time, followed by a Downward Spiral.

Taker is getting all ticked off now and hits the Snake Eyes/Big Boot combo. Leg drop gets two. Chokeslam gets two due to a foot on the ropes. Taker gets a running knee in the corner but misses a running boot. Orton hits a low blow with the chain. He sets up the table brought in earlier and hits a splash mostly through it. That gets two as the table is thrown to the floor.

Orton, ever the genius, goes up for ten punches in the corner. DOES NO ONE WATCH TAPE OF TAKER MATCHES??? He deserves the Last Ride but gets out of it and Taker punches the referee by mistake. RKO out of nowhere but there’s no referee. Another referee opens the door to count and Bob comes in to get on our nerves. There’s the Last Ride to Randy but Bob makes the save.

Taker beats up Bob and rams him into the cage. Taker loads up the Tombstone on Randy which is reversed into one by Orton. Seriously, the guy never learns. That gets two and Taker sits up and is MAD. Orton keeps knocking him down and Taker keeps sitting up. After a bunch of punches Taker can’t sit up. He’s playing possum though and grabs Randy by the throat. Bob comes in again with the urn but Taker gets it, clocks both Ortons with it and a pair of Tombstones ends this.

Rating: A-. Now this is what the Cell is supposed to be. They beat the tar out of each other and this felt like a war. Taker going all insane and beating everyone down at the end as Orton just couldn’t stop him was perfect and showed that Taker is just better, which is the point of the final match of a feud. Well done and you NEVER get a decisive ending to a feud like this anymore, or at most maybe once a year.

Taker climbs the Cell to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. Where in the world did this come from? With two great matches in the main event and Benoit vs. Booker plus a nice surprise in the tag match earlier in the show and the worst match being a three and a half minute squash, how can you really complain? I liked this and it worked rather well. Good show and worth checking out actually.

 

[klunderbunker]

Armageddon 2006
Date: December 17, 2006
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 8,200
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

Just three to go so I think you know what I'm going to do here. Anyway this is a very weak show with the main event being Booker/Finlay vs. Batista/Cena. No titles or anything but just a tag match. And people wonder why Armageddon was considered the weakest of all the PPVs. However, there is a saving grace match here as there's a fatal fourway ladder match for the Smackdown tag titles which is AWESOME. Let's get to it.

The opening video is more or less exactly the same thing that you would expect it to be. They never really changed this other than changing the participants in it.

Kane vs. MVP

This is the ultra rare inferno match. There's fire around the ring and you set your opponent on fire to win it. MVP is doing the big free agent thing and Kane is his first major feud. It's a tag team feud at the moment with Kane/Taker vs. Kennedy/MVP with Taker vs. MVP happening later. Kane lost in a cage match and that set up this one.

The flames keep going up and down. You might even say big flames popping. Kane kicks him in the face and hammers him into the corner to start. MVP gets his feet up in the corner and thinks of going up but stops due to fear. Kane puts him in a wheelbarrow position and climbs the corner, only to get slammed on his face. Kane sets for a superplex but MVP knocks him off. The flames go up a second after he hits but it looks cool either way.

MVP stays on the top for a bit before coming off with a cross body. He instinctively covers but then settles for hammering away. Kane goes down and then sits up almost immediately. Big boot puts MVP down and there's the chokeslam. The big bald takes the turnbuckle off and tries to light it on fire but the flames go down. The second attempt works but MVP uses the distraction to take over.

He tries a baseball slide to put Kane into the fire but Kane gets up before it hits. Kane takes over again and a corner clothesline hits. The side that got put out is back on now. MVP climbs the corner and Kane shoves him to the floor past the flames. Kane is like cool and dives off the top over the flames too. They fight to put each other into the “five hundred degree flames” and Kane grabs him by the throat and puts him into the fire for the win.

Rating: C-. This is hard to grade but it wasn't incredibly interesting. I mean, they couldn't have near falls but rather near burns here. Not horrible for the most part and not even bad, but at the same time what can you really expect from something like this? I'm pretty sure this ended the feud for the most part.

The Divas are having a Christmas party and Teddy comes in. Santa is here for later apparently. There's a naughty or nice lingerie contest because everyone brings lingerie to work right?

We get a lot of replays of the previous match while they clean things up.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Dave Taylor/William Regal

Londrick are champions here. Before the match gets started here's Teddy. He makes this a ladder match so here are some ladders. Regal FREAKS but Teddy isn't done. He adds two more teams to make it a fatal fourway title match.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Daven Taylor/William Regal vs. MNM vs. The Hardys

MNM lost the titles to Londrick and are returning here since Nitro (Morrison) is on Raw. The Hardys are also on Raw but who cares? Jeff is IC Champion and they're not Boys anymore. The crowd is WAY behind the Hardys. The heels are sent to the floor so it's Londrick vs. the legends. Matt and London take over but Kendrick and Jeff come back. Spin Cycle takes out London and appropriately enough the Brits come back in.

Matt and I think Nitro pick up ladders and the fight goes to the floor. The Hardys come down the aisle with ladders as Regal and Taylor try to keep them out. Just about everyone is back in now and there's a pair of ladders. Poetry in Motion hits Regal and Taylor takes a Snapshot. Double superkick puts Regal down again and things slow down a bit.

The champs and the Hardys go at it, including Matt throwing Kendrick into a ladder HARD. Jeff goes up but London makes the save. London goes up but the Hardys save. Nitro tried a springboard move to take him out but the ladder was already down so the spot landing looked sick. Mercury is almost up there but London/Kendrick/Hardys pick up the ladder and shove Mercury over the top onto Nitro.

Poetry in Motion is attempted but London moves and Jeff crashes into the ladder. With everyone down, Kendrick makes a run but Matt saves. Neckbreaker puts Kendrick down and London hits a suplex on Regal outside. Matt gets put on a ladder leaned against the ropes so Kendrick hits a double stomp to the ribs.

Now we get to the famous part of this match. MNM sets up a see-saw thing using a pair of ladders. They put Jeff on the top and set for a double suplex but Matt makes the save. Jeff dives off and the ladder is slammed into Mercury's face, absolutely destroying his nose. I've never seen more blood so fast. His nose was shattered and he would be out for a few weeks and would need 20 stitches.

Due to the injury it's now a seven man match with the Brits in control. Half nelson release suplex sends London into the ladder. Taylor holds the ladder and Regal goes up but comes down due to fear. Taylor goes up instead but Kendrick comes in for the save. Mercury is already on his way to the hospital. Matt comes back in and hits a Twist of Fate to Taylor. Jeff sets up a ladder on the floor and tries to dive into the ring but Nitro hits a baseball slide to take out the ladder, sending Jeff's throat into the ropes.

Nitro rides a ladder down onto Regal as a ladder is set up in the ring. Kendrick makes a save and takes Nitro down again. Matt throws Kendrick off the ladder and London has to make the save. Matt backdrops London off but the ladder falls. Jeff vs. Nitro on a ladder now and Jeff gets a big old sunset bomb and the Brits are back. They take everyone down and up they go.

Kendrick gets up there and pounds away on Regal but Taylor pulls him down again. Everyone is down and London starts crawling for the ladders. Matt is up again and goes for the same ladder. There are two ladders next to each other. Matt gets knocked down and London pulls the titles down to retain after a war.

Rating: B+. I wanted to give it an A- but it just didn't feel right. It's an excellent match and a great four way ladder match, despite it becoming a three and a half way part of the way through it. Londrick gets a big win here which they need and the fans get all fired up. Definitely the best match of the night (seriously, can you imagine something topping it later?) but it didn't hit that level of the TLC matches.

Boogeyman vs. The Miz

Miz is undefeated here and still has the shorts. Miz says he's going to give Boogeyman a Reality Check. HOO-RAH! Boogey takes over to start and Miz hits the floor. Miz gets a Stunner to Boogey's arm and goes up. He jumps into a sloppy chokebomb and we're done. This was more or less a TV match.

Boogey puts worms in Miz's mouth post match.

Chavo dedicates the upcoming match to the injured (and mostly blonde) Vickie. Benoit hurt her somehow and tonight Chavo is going for the title for revenge. Chavo was fighting Benoit at Survivor Series and Chris got knocked into her, causing her neck injury. Vickie slapped Benoit and he growled at her.

US Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Chavo hammers him to start but Benoit is like man I'm crazy and grabs a suplex. He stomps on Chavo but can't get the Sharpshooter. Chavo is sent over the top and the fight goes to the floor. That doesn't last long so the Canadian hits a German to the American back in the ring. Benoit goes up but gets crotched and caught in a superplex. Pretty good stuff to start off here.

Chavo beats on him outside a bit including ramming the ribs into the post. Camel clutch goes on (JBL says Gory, Chavo's grandfather, invented it). Benoit fights out of it into a belly to back but Chavo reverses into a cross body for two. Sorry for all the play by play here but there's almost nothing to make fun of here. Crossface attempt almost hits but Chavo makes a rope.

There's a European uppercut to the back of the head. That's a new one. Into the Tree of Woe we go and Benoit's back gets worked some more. Electric chair doesn't work but Chavo loads up Three Amigos to a very limited response. Benoit counters it into Rolling Germans. By Rolling Germans, I mean eight of them for a standing ovation. Can't say I blame them either.

Chavo gets put in the Sharpshooter and here's Vickie to get involved. Benoit says don't do it and she drops the title she brought in. Chris sets for a Sharpshooter to her also and gets rolled up for two. There's the real Sharpshooter and Chavo taps to keep the title on Benoit. He would finally lose it at Backlash about four months later to MVP.

Rating: B. I was really liking this until Vickie got involved. Benoit never seemed like he was in any danger and more or less just shrugged her off to keep the title. Vickie would get better but here she was just loud and annoying with no heat. Good match with a bad ending, namely due to her.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Jimmy Wang Yang

Helms is champion. Feeling out process to start as we're told how awesome Helms is. He won the title at the Rumble and would hold it over a year overall. JBL is accused of not liking Yang because he's Asian. Moonsault press misses but Yang lands on his feet. The quick change allows Helms to get some shots in but a dropkick to Helms stops that cold.

Spinwheel kick into the corner misses and Yang goes to the floor. Baseball slide sends him into the railing as we hear about how a bunch of countries are watching the shows. I still don't get why Vince doesn't let them go on at the same time local time. I mean, is anyone in Morocco going to care if it's on tape delay? Headlock goes on to give them a breather.

Helms keeps the advantage until we go to the floor. Yang hits a big dive and JBL gets in the great line of “this card is as loaded as a Freebird on a Saturday night.” Rather boring match so far. The fans agree with me and JBL gets all annoyed at them for it. Say what you want about him but the man had pride. Yang starts a comeback but they go up and Helms hits a neckbreaker off the top to put both guys down.

Helms goes up again and jumps into a spinwheel kick which didn't look like it felt all that nice. JBL is ranting about the Confederacy now. Yang tries another moonsault with a bit of a corkscrew to it this time. It misses though because Helms has to keep the title, doing so in this case with a one knee Codebreaker.

Rating: B-. Pretty good but the fans didn't care and it took a lot out of the match. JBL ranting was fun though as he usually was. That being said, this was more or less the same match you would see on PPV every month this year for the Cruiserweight Title. Not bad, but just kind of there.

We recap Kennedy vs. Undertaker which is during Kennedy's awesome run where he just couldn't win the world title. This is the rematch after a first blood match was won by Kennedy with the help of MVP. This gets the music video treatment here. Could they please get a song other than The End Is Here?

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

It's a Last Ride match, meaning you have to put someone in a hearse and drive it out of the arena. In other words, it's a stretcher match with a car involved. The druids chant for the entrance of the holy....automobile. Kennedy does a promo saying he'll win again tonight. Taker's entrance literally takes over three minutes. Kennedy runs from Taker a lot and there's a referee in there despite Cole telling us time and time again that there are no rules.

They go outside and Taker sends him into the steps. Kennedy goes onto the announce table and the beating continues. I guess morale hasn't improved yet. Back into the ring and right back out again as Kennedy gets a shot in. And never mind as Taker catches him and rams him into the post to take over again. They head for the hearse but Taker gets sent into the door.

Kennedy hammers Taker into the hearse but can't get it shut. Taker fights back as the crowd is only partially interested in it. There are some people close to them cheering but the rest of the people don't sound very interested. Back to the ring and Taker hits a big boot to the side of Kennedy's head. There's the apron legdrop. Kennedy grabs the bottom rope to try to hide and you can hear individual fans shouting stuff.

Taker busts out a top rope superplex and the sit-up gets a nice reaction. Back to the aisle again and Taker throws him on his shoulder but Kennedy slips on a sleeper which is rather smart in this match. It's enough to get Taker in the car and shut the door but Kennedy has to drive it out still. In a Taker moment, he's in the front seat and nails Kennedy as the door opens. That's so Deadman.

They go back to ringside and Taker loads up the table. The delay lets Kennedy get a chair and hammer away. Back into the ring we go and he has the chair still. Kennedy (I keep wanting to type Anderson) cracks him in the head and Taker shrugs it off. They go up the aisle with Kennedy more running than anything else. Ken climbs the set and they're fighting on the set near the Armageddon sign which looks like a broken rock wall.

Taker hammers him down and calls for a chokeslam but Kennedy kicks him in the balls. Kennedy throws him off the set. Dead Man Flying I guess. The spot looks great but the crash pad beneath Taker really hurts the effect. Kennedy literally has to drag Taker to the car which is kind of a funny visual. Taker of course fights out just as he's about to go in and sends Kennedy into the hearse.

Kennedy comes out and they're slugging it out. JBL suggests that Kennedy just runs. In a nice move, Taker swings a chair and Kennedy ducks so Taker swings it at an angle to crack him. A pipe shot goes through the window. Taker is all fired up and Kennedy is nice and busted. They go to the top of the hearse and Taker hits a chokeslam with Kennedy bouncing a bit. A tombstone on the roof and Kennedy is dead. Taker throws him in and drives out to end this.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent brawl and the ending spot was kind of cool but I think everyone thought the roof of the car was going to cave in. It's a pretty solid beating and Taker sold things well so no complains there. Also having Kennedy win the first two times and then lose in the third match is a nice way of running a feud. It's not bad but it never really hits a good stride.

The announcers talk about how awesome that was.

Finlay comes up to talk to Booker about the match. The Irish dude says he won't double cross Booker later. It's not King Booker anymore. Booker says he won't double cross Finlay either. Queen Sharmell comes up and says stop fighting. They weren't fighting but whatever. Finlay says he has the luck of the Irish.

Ad for New Year's Revolution, which is DX as founding fathers.

Time for the Divas stuff. Santa comes out to almost no reaction. I don't recognize the voice. The contestants are Krystal (Lashley's wife), Layla, Jillian and Ashley. Gee you think the Playboy cover girl is going to win? No idea what to say here. The girls are hot and that's about it. Oh and Santa is annoying. Layla shakes her hips a lot and has some crack showing. Jillian more or less wears a swimsuit. It's declared a four way tie...and Santa strips to reveal Big Dick Johnson. Everyone other than Krystal dances with him.

We recap the main event which is mainly happening because Batista won the title and had to defend it against Booker and Finlay but they couldn't work together that well. Teddy made a tag match and Batista picked Cena as his partner. They're both world champions here. See why no one wanted to see this match and show?

Booker T/Finlay vs. Batista/John Cena

Booker is a king again now. Ok then. So we have two guys that can't get along fighting two unstoppable champions. Gee I wonder how this is going to end. Cena gets a bigger pop than Batista but it's close. Big Dave has a bad arm. Cena and Booker start us off and Cena hooks an armbar. Off to Batista as the fans are only moderately interested. I can't really blame them as there's no point to get into it.

No matter what happens, nothing major changes. The titles can't change and it's just a tag match. I'll never get the point in having just a regular match as the main event. Finlay comes in and gets a knee up at a charging Dave. Batista catches him in the air and just sets him down then slaps him. Into the corner and Batista hooks him up for what looks like a Musclebuster but he drops it like a suplex.

Off to Booker again who gets some strikes in but Batista blocks a hip toss and clotheslines him down for two. Cena in again but Booker gets a thumb to the eye. Total paint by numbers stuff so far here. Kick to the face gets two for Book. Cena fights up and there's the Protobomb and the Shuffle. FU doesn't hit so he settles for the STFU instead. Finlay has to come in to break it up and here's Batista also.

Sharmell slips Booker his scepter to drill Cena in the throat and the heels finally get an advantage. Harlem Side Kick gets two. Finlay comes in for some chinlockery and Batista tries to come in. Here's Horny who tries to punt Cena but he actually kicks himself in the head by mistake. Booker comes in with an arm hold which Cena counters into a DDT to put both guys down. Batista comes in, everything breaks down and Booker accidently kicks Finlay. Batista gets a HORRIBLE looking Boss Man slam but Finlay takes him down. Cena and Finlay hit the floor so that the spinebuster and Batista Bomb can end Booker.

Rating: F+. I know the term “this should have been on Raw” is thrown around a lot, but this is exactly the term to use here. Very boring here and by the numbers stuff. I have no idea why they thought this was a PPV main event. Nothing interesting happened and it was just there for the most part. Not interesting in the slightest at all and it was rather bad too, especially Booker vs. Batista.

Overall Rating: C-. Well what the heck was that? If I had bought this show I would have felt cheated badly. Either way though, this should have been a three hour special. I see zero reason for this to have been on PPV at all. It's not a good show or even a decent show. Some of the matches are ok but at the same time, nothing important happened here. That's the big issue here: nothing happened. Didn't like this at all for the most part and it was rather boring.

 

[klunderbunker]

Armageddon 2007
Date: December 16, 2007
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Taz

Thankfully we're back to double branded shows again by this point and we have two title matches in the main events. Jericho is back and wants Orton's title and we also have Edge vs. Taker vs. Batista for the title. Also there's HHH vs. Jeff Hardy which is almost always good. This would be the beginning of Jeff chasing the brass ring, which would culminate in the main event of next year's version of this show. Let's get to it.

The opening talks about the light (Jericho) coming to save us from the darkness of Orton. Oh and something about Edge, Taker and Batista too.

US Title: Rey Mysterio vs. MVP

MVP is champion of course. This is a respect feud with Rey saying MVP doesn't have it. Rey has one of his hoods on which looks like a KKK mask. It's got a Skelator design on it in yellow and black since we're in Pittsburgh. MVP goes for the legs immediately but Rey escapes. Rey grabs La Majistral for two. An armdrag sends MVP to the floor and the referee stops a Rey dive. The masked dude is like screw it and dives over the referee to hit a nice corkscrew plancha.

Mysterio charges in the corner but gets caught in a powerbomb position and dropped face first into the buckle for two. That looked painful. Drop toehold (one of the harder ones you'll see this side of Raven) and a kick to the head get two. The Tazmissions weird cousin goes on as the crowd is staying into this. It's hard to criticize decent matches. Start screwing stuff up already!

The Pittsburgh fans can't count as they think you start with the numbers 6 1 9. Mysterio tries to run but MVP grabs him by the back of the head to ram it into the mat. That's a theme for him here: working on the head and the neck. Rey finally gets something in and both guys are down. Rey gets up first and there's the spinning cross body for two. He tries a springboard move and slips off the ropes, hurting his groin or knee.

Springboard moonsault (it's not as impressive as it sounds) gets two. MVP takes his head (Rey's, not his own. That would be stupid) off with a clothesline. He tries what appears to be a goardbuster off the top but Rey makes the block. They fight on the corner and Rey grabs a rana out of nowhere for two. Big boot by MVP gets two. That looked great.

Rey counters a reverse inverted DDT into a mat slam for two. 619 misses and MVP heads to the floor. Rey wants to dive and manages to hit MVP with a rana which is almost countered. The referee starts the count and I have a bad feeling I know where this is going. Yep MVP just takes the countout to retain the title.

Rating: C+. Good match with a bad ending. Rey did his job well, even with a guy that I've never seen the appeal of in MVP. Probably a good choice to not switch the title here as MVP needed the title for a bit longer here (he would lose it in May I think) and Rey was going to be ridiculously over either way. Good opener.

We recap HHH vs. Jeff Hardy. Those two were the last people in their Survivor Series team and managed to come back from a 5-2 deficit for the win.

Jeff, the IC Champion at this point, says this is the biggest match of his career but that he doesn't fear HHH.

Mark Henry/Big Daddy V vs. Kane/CM Punk

Punk is ECW Champion here and is having to stick and move against the monsters. Kane is here to help even out the size stuff. Punk vs. Henry to start us off. Punk fires off some kicks and then tries to pick up the leg because faces are idiots in this company. Off to Kane whose strikes do a bit better. He gets a shot to the knee and Henry is actually in trouble. Back to Punk who gets flattened by a clothesline.

Off to Big Daddy V and the man boobs of death. Punk gets sent to the floor where Striker, the manager of V, gets in a shot. Henry pounds on him for awhile until a corner splash misses. Moderately warm tag brings in Kane who cleans a few rooms. The Big Bald hits the top rope clothesline to put Henry down but V breaks up the chokeslam. Sitout chokebomb gets two for V. I thought it was tea for two and two for tea but whatever.

V pounds away while in whale humping position. He splashes Kane and it's off to Henry for some bearhuggery. Better than buggery I suppose. V comes in for Kane to fire away but another fat boy clothesline takes him down. Kane channels his inner deadman and hits a running DDT to put both guys down (Henry in this case). Double tag brings in V and Punk and everything breaks down. Punk and V are alone in the ring so Punk tries the springboard clothesline. He lands in a Samoan Drop though and we're done.

Rating: C-. I guess this is the only thing they could put on the show. Having Punk lose is ok here because that was the point of the angle: he can't beat either of the monsters. This wasn't too bad but it could have been a main event on ECW TV. Either way, the big man vs. big man stuff got old after awhile which hurt the match a bit.

Vickie is in the back in a wheelchair and neckbrace. There's party stuff around like a celebration is going on. Edge comes in and it's for him because he's going to win tonight. Edge says she gives him the strength of three men. Remember that line as its foreshadowing.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Shawn Michaels

Kennedy says he'll win pre match. Just a respect match here as far as I can tell. Kennedy takes over to start with a lot of basic offense focused on the back. Shawn tries to clear his head so Kennedy hammers on him a lot. Shawn is like wait a minute. I'm Shawn Michaels so let me chop you and sell like I've been shot and have a bad stomach ache. Due to the back work, Shawn can't hit a suplex.

Kennedy tries a Mic Check but can't it gets countered, injuring Kenderson's elbow. Shawn, ever the psychologist out there, works on it. See how easy it is to do stuff that makes sense? Now why can so few people get that concept? Kennedy keeps trying to break the hold and finally sends both of them to the floor. That doesn't go well either as his hand is slammed into the post.

Back inside and Shawn works on the hand and the arm. Shawn grabs a wristlock but Kennedy punches him through the ropes. That's a new one. Back outside again and Shawn goes into the post. Well not really as he kind of slams against it. I don't think there's enough room for Shawn's body inside the post. A running boot to a seated Shawn in the corner sets up a backbreaker for two.

In a nice bit of thinking from Kennedy, he jumps at Shawn from the middle rope but sees Shawn get his foot up so Kennedy stops his momentum and lands on his feet, avoiding the boot. He then sets for an elbow drop but Shawn rolls out of the way. Kennedy didn't drop it right then but rather once Shawn rolled over, hitting Shawn in the bad back. Who says heels can't be smart?

Shawn starts his comeback and chops away so he can hit the forearm and nipup. At least he's putting a hand on his back for some selling. If he has a weakness, it's his lack of selling injuries later in the match. There's the top rope elbow and Shawn starts tuning up the band. I've never gotten how no one can hear the fans chanting along or hear Shawn stomping on the mat.

Either way he catches the kick and rolls up Shawn for two. Shawn gets a rollup of his own for the same. Kennedy hits a slingshot to send Shawn into the post and talks some trash. He punches Shawn with the left hand for no apparent reason and hurts it again, letting Sweet Chin Music (bad camera angle shows that it doesn't hit at all, which is really good control from Shawn) end Kennedy.

Rating: B-. I liked this one as there was enough psychology peppered through it to make things work. Kennedy reinjuring his hand was a nice touch but you kind of have to wonder why he'd use his left hand for a punch. Kennedy wasn't exactly known for his in ring abilities so this was a nice little surprise.

Orton says he's not worried about Jericho because the RKO has beaten every big name he's faced. True actually.

Jeff Hard vs. HHH

Winner gets the title shot at the Rumble. This show is stacked so far. Jeff is Intercontinental Champion here. Big HHH chant starts up before his entrance. They shake hands pre match but HHH pulls him in and shoves him away. HHH shows off his power advantage and takes Jeff's head off with a clothesline. Out to the floor and HHH gets sent into the barricade.

This feels like a big match which says a lot considering it's Jeff Hardy in 2007. Jeff tries to run the railing but slips off and gets clotheslined. Back inside and Jeff pulls back for a punch but stops, prompting HHH to shout FIGHT ME. Jeff gets slapped which ticks him off and slaps HHH back. Now it's time to get going and here comes the Game. He tosses Jeff to the floor and it's time for a beating.

Jeff gets sent into the steps and into the barrier. I guess the barrier got lonesome. Trips works on the back and blocks Whisper in the Wind by shoving Jeff off the top and into the railing again. We need a step shot to make things all balanced again! Jeff looks dead. On the floor I mean, not in general. You kind of have to make that clarification at times. Back in an elbow drop gets two.

Since this is a HHH match we get an old school move in the form of an abdominal stretch. He pulls on the rope and gets caught. I guess he's bad HHH here. Jeff reverses a suplex and this an enziguri, only to run into a facebuster and clothesline for two. A sleeper is escaped and Jeff gets a middle rope missile dropkick to put both guys down.

Jeff speeds things up a bit, likely due to an injest of speed. The slingshot dropkick in the corner to a seated HHH misses but Jeff knocks the Game to the floor. There's a big dive to the floor and the fans are starting to get into this. I can understand as it's starting to get better. Back in a top rope cross body gets two for Jeff. There's the Whisper in the Wind which gets two.

Twist of Fate is reversed into a DDT for two. Crucifix is countered into a Samoan Drop into the crucifix for two. The slingshot dropkick hits this time but the Swanton misses, getting two for HHH. Twist of Fate is countered again into the spinebuster. HHH loads up the Pedigree but Jeff rolls through it into a jackknife cover for the pin and the shot at Orton at the Rumble. HHH is shocked but not really mad.

Rating: B. Good match here as these two always seemed to be able to make things work. When Jeff was on his game (no pun intended) he was pretty solid. Wins like these made him into a legitimate title contender which would be the story for the next year. Well part of it as the other part was HHH never letting him get another pin on him, not even letting him get the title and needing Edge as a middle man.

Khali says Finlay will learn about consequences tonight.

Great Khali vs. Finlay

This is about Vince's son Hornswoggle of course. Finlay gets beaten down in the corner rather quickly and there's a hard chop. He gets sent to the floor as the idiot fans chant USA. Back inside there's a nerve hold for a LONG time. Vice Grip goes on but it's in the ropes. Horny gets on the apron for no apparent reason and is tossed to the floor. Finlay gets the club that I'm not going to try to spell and a shot to the head ends this. How was this six minutes long?

Rating: F. What in the world was the point of this? Nothing happened in this and they spent two or three minutes in the nerve hold. The Hornswoggle aspect never meant anything and the whole match was just a waste of time. Granted I think that was the point because there had been a bunch of big matches in a row so we needed a breather.

We recap Orton vs. Jericho. Jericho came back after being gone for like a year and a half and said he wanted a title match. Orton had been dominating the show for a few months so Jericho returned to give him a fresh opponent. This was the whole SAVE US deal.

Raw World Title: Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Orton still has the far better Burn in My Light song. He looks so much younger with hair and non-orange skin. Feeling out process to start with Jericho hitting some armdrags and off to an armbar. Well it wouldn't be a Jericho match without one of them. Now Jericho shifts over to the ribs but it wasn't enough arm work to make it seem stupid. Spinwheel kick puts Randy down and he heads to the apron.

Jericho sends him to the floor and there's a nice dive off the top. Back in the elevated DDT is countered into a Walls attempt but Orton counters and grabs a DDT to get two. Orton works on the back a bit and there's the chinlock required in Randy matches. Now we make sure to upgrade things with a chinlock AND a body scissors! How will he ever top that???

The Canadian fights up and breaks the hold and both guys go down off their heads colliding. Clothesline gets two for Jericho. Middle rope missile dropkick gets the same. Orton gets his powerslam for two. This is kind of a boring match. They're doing more of a collection of moves than a match if that makes sense. Jericho goes shoulder first into the post but manages to reverse an RKO attempt into a backslide for two.

Orton takes him down again and Jericho goes into the corner shoulder first again. Superplex works on Jericho's back again and gets two here. Another Walls attempt is blocked but Jericho hits a running enziguri which sends Randy to his knees. Lionsault hits knees but another RKO attempt fails. Lionsault gets two.

Out to the floor and Jericho is sent over the announce table. Back inside Jericho hits something like a top rope forearm to the back of the head. Codebreaker is countered and Orton loads up the Punt. Jericho counters it into the Walls and pulls him back into the middle of the ring. And then JBL comes in to kick Jericho in the head for the DQ, which would be Jericho's next feud. It would be about Jericho hitting him when Orton threw him into the table.

Rating: C. Wasn't feeling this but it wasn't really bad or anything. Jericho didn't click as a face when he came back and would turn heel about 8 months later. Orton was rather boring as the champion but had a decent match with Hardy at the Rumble. This wasn't a bad mathc but it felt like pieces of a good match instead of a full good one if that makes sense.

RKO post match.

Lillian (SMOKING hot here) is about to introduce the Women's Title match but here's Jillian to sing a Christmas song for us. To be fair her Christmas album actually did do well in England. If nothing else her rack was awesome. Mickie's music finally cuts her off and my goodness she looks good in yellow.

Women's Title: Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth is champion here. Mickie tries to attack the knees but that doesn't get her anywhere. Neither does a rana attempt. Beth puts on a dragon sleeper and then the double chickenwing which Beth escapes. Now the rana works and there's a Thesz Press. Neckbreaker puts Beth down but she didn't cover. And never mind as Beth hits a release fisherman's suplex for the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. The match sucked but any time you have Beth in a shirt and Mickie in small amounts of clothing, the match simply isn't a failure. The match was just a way to give the fans a breather before we get to the main event, which is all that's left. Nothing of note here and Beth dominated the majority of the match.

Taz joins Cole for commentary on the main event.

We recap the main event. Edge had to relinquish the world title due to an injury and was thinking of retiring. Then Vickie called him and they hooked up, resulting in Edge coming back in the Cell match between Batista and Taker, costing the Dead Man the title. Taker went after Vickie and tombstoned her, putting her in the wheelchair. Taker then went after Edge but Batista got involved so Taker went after him. A triple threat was made. The plan was four months in the making according to Edge, which you're told four times in the promo, just so you know for sure.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker vs. Batista

Big Dave is champion. Taker goes straight for Edge so the Canadian runs. Batista and Taker get in a fight over who gets to beat up Edge. Taker wins that one and goes after Edge but a chokeslam is avoided. Edge chills on the floor which is rather smart. He tries to steal a pin on Batista which fails but he stomps away a bit. Taker is out of the floor thanks to the Animal. Edge knocks him down again but walks into a Bossman Slam for two.

Edge sets for the spear but Batista gets a big boot up for two as Taker saves. Taker sets for the legdrop on the apron but Batista takes his head off with a clothesline instead. He loads up the Bomb on Edge but there's a low blow and Edgecution for two. Taker is back inside now and beating on Edge. Here's Old School and a Last Ride attempt but Batista spears him down, resulting in a huge crash.

Batista tries to cover Taker but gets caught in a triangle choke and...there's the bell? Edge rang it apparently to break the hold. That's rather genius. Edge spears Taker for two. The crowd is into this now as Edge spears Batista for two. He grabs a pair of chairs but Batista breaks up a Conchairto. The Canadian goes to the floor and Dave goes up, only to get crotched.

Superplex hits Batista for two. Batista takes down Taker out of nowhere and spears Edge for fun. Batista Bomb to Taker is blocked and there are two Edges on the floor. Chokeslam to Batista and Taker calls for the tombstone. Someone resembling Edge jumps into a chokeslam. Batista Bomb is countered again as the chokeslamed Edge is down.

Batista, like an idiot, tries a tombstone. He of course takes it and the real Edge cracks Taker with a chair and steals the title. The other Edges, complete with accurate fake tattoos, would be more commonly known as the Major Brothers, who changed their names to the Edgeheads. Today they're more commonly known as Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins. Remember that strength of three men line?

Rating: C. Match was just ok and the ending really doesn't work as only one of the two fake Edges were ever involved. The stable that would form, La Familia, was awful but who cares about that I guess. This set it up and would be the main story until about the end of summer. Not a horrible match, but not really memorable or anything like that.

Overall Rating: C+. This show is actually stacked which isn't something you see all that often on here. Not a great show or anything but with Jeff vs. HHH, Shawn vs. Kennedy, the triple threat and Jericho vs. Orton, it's hard to overlook this, especially with the reputation that Armageddon has. Not worth seeing, but for its time this would have been a well built PPV.

 

[klunderbunker]

Armageddon 2008
Date: December 14, 2008
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker, Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, Taz

Well this is the final show of the series and thankfully we go out with a big old bang. The main events are Edge vs. HHH vs. Jericho for the Smackdown title and Jericho vs. Cena for the Red Show title. Also there's Batista vs. Orton in the closest thing to a major match they ever had (not counting some random title matches). Let's get to it.

In a not very interesting bit of trivia, the dark match for this show is the same match that was the dark match for the previous year's Armageddon: Jesse and Festus vs. Miz/Morrison. The more famous team lost the first time and won this year.

It's Armageddon and the same theme is used.

Matt Hardy vs. Vladimir Kozlov

Vlad was released on the day this was written. Matt is ECW Champion but this is non-title. Vlad has that rare thing called credibility here and is undefeated. The fans chant USA as is their custom because they're anti-foreigner. Hardy starts off kind of well and is then thrown all over the place because Vlad is Russians and Russians are better fighters. He throws on a key lock and the fans cheer for Hardy.

Vlad shifts off to an armbar and pulls Matt off the mat (oh the irony) by his arm which looked REALLY freaking painful. Trapping headbutts keep Matt from getting any long term offense going. Vlad gets a DDT to either the head or the arm. It looked like a regular one but it seemed like Matt landed on his arm. Back to the keylock as this isn't a very exciting match even though the fans are interested in it.

Matt manages to get up top and hit a top rope elbow to the head. Vlad gets tossed to the floor but Matt's dive doesn't work. He counters the counter though and Vlad tastes the steel. Not really but you get the idea. I doubt Vlad likes to lick posts but who knows, maybe he does. Matt goes up again but jumps into a punch for two. He goes into the corner for ten punches but gets dropped onto the post. The headbutt to the chest and a standing spinebuster end this.

Rating: C. Not a bad match but there's something out of place about a Russian monster using arm holds for the majority of the match. Matt losing was expected because he's Matt Hardy, but Vlad's push more or less stopped soon after this, mainly due to an abysmal fan response at Cyber Sunday. Nothing great here but it was fine for what it was.

Edge, Vickie and Chavo are in the back. Edge leaves to get ready and Chavo asks Vickie how they got rid of Jeff that night in the hotel. Vickie doesn't want to answer and sends Chavo for coffee.

Horny comes up to Eve and hits her with a rubber hammer. Finlay comes in to help her and Eve says it's cool. Finlay tells his son not to come out for the match later because he might get hurt. Horny is sad.

Here's William Regal with Layla to sit at ringside for the next match.

Intercontinental Championship Tournament Final: CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Why they call it that I have no idea because it's for a shot at the title, held by Regal. Punk is introduced as half of the tag champions but he and Kofi lost the titles at a house show the previous night to Miz and Morrison. There's a pre-match handshake and here we go. Mysterio might have a bad wrist but it isn't taped. Jerry does his job and talks about how having an injury taped up is a bad idea at times.

Some lone fan tries to start a Miz and Morrison chant and the arena shouts him down. Pretty basic back and forth stuff to start but they're speeding up. 619 is avoided but the GTS fails also. Rey is sent to the floor in front of Regal and Punk hits a big dive which gets two in the ring. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. Rey tries to speed things up but is caught in the Tree of Woe and Punk fires off some kicks.

He avoids a charge though and hits a moonsault off the top for two. It might have hurt his already injured wrist though and Punk capitalizes it. Punk grabs a weird kind of crossface where he puts Rey's arm behind Punk's back and cranks back on it. Rey gets to the ropes and uses what appears to be La Mistica (Sin Cara's move in Mexico) but Punk makes a rope as well.

A dropkick puts Punk on the floor and Rey hits a big dive off the top, putting both guys down. Back in a victory roll by Rey gets two but Punk counters into a rollup of his own for two. Pretty back and forth match so far with both guys mirroring each other. Punk hits a running bulldog for two. Regal is finally interested in the match while Layla holds the title up for him.

Punk puts Rey on the ropes but gets put in the 619 position. That misses again and Punk tries the GTS. Rey reverses that into a rana to put CM into 619 position. It finally connects but the splash misses. Crucifix gets two for Rey. Punk counters another rana attempt and hits the GTS out of mostly nowhere for the pin and the shot at Regal. Rey's nose is busted.

Rating: B. Rather good match here and they were moving out there. The ending is kind of out of nowhere but the GTS looked good. Rey would get the title from JBL at Mania in like 30 seconds after JBL beat Punk for it who beat Regal for it like three weeks after this. Good match here though as is par for the course with these two.

Jeff talks about spending the last year to get ready for this moment. He's been told he had to change to get what he wanted, but that's because the people are afraid of him. Tonight he'll prove everyone wrong and become WWE Champion.

We recap JBL and Shawn's issues. The idea is that Shawn is broke due to the 2008 financial crash. He had to take a job with JBL as his servant basically and give up his pride. The problem with all this was simple: Shawn Michaels is a top level WWE Superstar. Are we supposed to believe he doesn't make enough to pay his bills?

Here's JBL who introduces Shawn as his new employee. He says that the financial issues have caught up with him and he's invested his money in the stock market. See, that's the thing: he got his money being a wrestler and he has the same job now. He's still making checks now so why is this such a big issue?

It makes sense in theory but it always came off as a hole in the story to me. Shawn doesn't like JBL but he's not going to become one of those guys that you hear about who is a tragedy and going to a high school gym to wrestle for a quick payday. YOU WERE IN THE MATCH OF THE YEAR LAST YEAR AT WRESTLEMANIA. I THINK YOU HAVE SOME TIME LEFT. Anyway, Shawn shakes JBL's hand and is all sad. He always will have a lifetime job looking for his smile.

Orton says...nothing because Cody and Manu interrupt. Cody says Orton was the star of Evolution and Manu says that Orton has been waiting to prove himself as the better man for years. I can see why Manu didn't keep his job long. Everyone leaves after that in a weird moment.

Some Buffalo Bills are here.

Finlay vs. Mark Henry

This is a Belfast Brawl, which means street fight. Henry had tried to squash Horny but Finlay made the save for his son. Tony Atlas is with Henry. Striker says this has its roots in the streets of Belfast. There are wrestling rings in Belfast streets where you win fights by holding someone down for three seconds in front of 12,000 people? Henry sends him to the floor quickly but Finlay manages to send him into the announce table. Henry takes over and pounds away outside, ramming him into the railing.

No Hornswoggle out here as per his pop's request. Back in the ring the splash misses and Finlay tries to get in some offense. The Irish dude pulls out some weapons, in the form of like three trashcans. The delay lets Henry get up and Finlay goes down fast. Henry hits that move that has no name where you jump on the guy's head when he's in the 619 position. He yells at Finlay, saying you wanted a fight and now you got one.

Finlay manages to fight back with a trashcan shot and another to put Henry down. He pounds away a bit and gets two. Henry takes over again and stands on Finlay's chest but misses a Banzai Drop from the middle rope. Yokozuna he is not. There's that Irish club that I can't spell but Henry knocks it out of Finlay's hand. Henry breaks the club easily and does the same to a kendo stick.

Bear hug goes on and here's Horny. Henry casually throws him into Finlay's balls from where he came. Or did Finlay come? Not sure actually. I guess Finlay had to so Horny could. And I guess Finlay had to be Horny to come so Horny could come. I love wordplay. Anyway Henry beats Finlay down and picks up the steps but Finlay dropkicks the knee to send Henry's face into the steps. Horny slips him another stick (add that aspect to the aforementioned joke) and a shot to the head with that ends this.

Rating: C-. Eh nothing too horrible here. The weapons probably saved this as I don't even want to imagine these two trying to have a regular match. Not a horrible match here and Horny helping to win is ok. I don't mind him as a sidekick but being on the show week after week gets to be a bit much.

The Divas are decorating a tree and here's Santa-Haas. They all get presents which were already in the room. Santino and Beth come in and show off Beth's Diva of the Year Slammy. Santino tries to get a present out of the box but Boogeyman is inside. He runs for the door and there's Goldust under some mistletoe. Boogey gives Goldust a present and then the two of them along with Santa, the Divas and the drugged out Festus sing We Wish You A Merry Christmas. It's as weird as it sounds.

Kennedy says drink responsibly and don't do drugs. However, do go get his new DVD, Behind Enemy Lines III.

We recap Batista vs. Orton. They were both in Evolution and this fight is basically to decide who was the better young and future star in the team. Both won world titles and then Orton went all heel and said he was better than everyone else. I don't get why this is at Armageddon and not like at, Wrestlemania or something.

Batista vs. Randy Orton

Cody and Manu are with Orton. They fight over a lockup to start and there's no real advantage yet. Orton takes him to the mat but that gets him nowhere at all. Batista goes to the floor and Rhodes gets involved for generally evil purposes. The two of them get thrown out quickly though so we get down to a regular match. Orton sends the shoulder into the post and works on the arm for the first real advantage.

They're treating this like a clash of the titans which it really is. There's an RKO chant also. Batista snaps and tries a Batista Bomb early but Randy escapes into a neckbreaker for two. Batista tosses him to the floor and Orton may have reinjured his shoulder which was hurt earlier in the year. Back in Orton manages to get the elevated DDT for two. This is when the move made sense as the rope is under Big Dave's knees instead of his ankles, making it a bit harder to escape.

Since we were getting close to something interesting out of Orton, it's the Orton Stomp to the rescue! When you steal moves from Ronnie Garvin, you're not in a good place. Batista goes to the floor as the pace of the match has gone down into negative gears. Orton throws on a chinlock which is broken rather quickly. He's working on the neck so we hit the chinlock again.

The fans aren't sure if they want to chant boring or not. Big Dave gets underneaath the chinlock and drops back with the weight crashing down onto Randy. Batista wins a slugout but Orton uses the lethal art of kicking your feet to escape a powerslam. They go outside again which doesn't amount to much. A superplex by Orton gets two.

Spinebuster gets two out of nowhere for Batista. He's too spent to follow up immediately and the Batista Bomb is delayed. Orton gets the backbreaker for two. RKO is blocked and Batista gets a slam for two. The Animal (just a generic animal, not the Viper) is getting frustrated. Another Bomb attempt is countered and Randy gets a DDT for two. The Punt is countered by Batista putting him in the corner and ramming in shoulders and then ten punches. Orton tries to counter into something but winds up in the position for the Batista Bomb and we're done.

Rating: B-. Well the second half was better but at the same time the first half was really boring. Orton got A LOT better over the last year or so and was just dull beyond belief as a heel in 2008. A lot of this match was weak but they turned it around and got something close to a big match going. The pacing was off too though and it looked like they kept wanting to get going but it never clicked.

Recap of the Slammys from Raw on Monday. This is mainly done to set up some more of Cena vs. Jericho. They're fighting for the Raw World Title later. Jeff Hardy, Edge and HHH got involved somehow too.

Maria/Mickie James/Kelly Kelly/Michelle McCool vs. Maryse/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Natalya

Santa's Little Helper's match here. The heels are in green and are elves I guess. Maria's song is really catchy. I miss Michelle. Mickie vs. Maryse starts us off. Mickie keeps going after her and Maryse tries to pose. Off to Mickie vs. Natalya in the real fight here. Nattie is pretty new at this point. Kelly is Jewish and Striker calls her the Hot Hebrew. That sounds like a really bad coffee shop. The announcers are having a fun time with this. The match is totally pointless of course and it's off to Maria. Somehow she gets compared to John Berzerker Nord. Everything breaks down and Michelle hits the Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to end Maryse.

Rating: C+. Don't bother trying to figure out if the rating is good because it isn't, but there was a weird energy for this one and I had fun with it. Also Michelle in shorts and Maria with her energetic perkiness are never bad things. The girls looks hot and everyone was having fun in a nice breath of air before the main events. What more can you ask for?

Khali comes out for the Kiss Cam with the Divas in the ring still. Michelle runs away with her Divas Title. Instead he's going to kiss the other three. This doesn't work either so Runjin Singh says that it's because he's too much man for them. Singh has a backup plan in the form of Mae Young. This is one of those things you classify as all in good fun. Yes it's stupid, but I like it for some weird reason. The announcers are cracking up over Lawler's one liners.

Preview of Prince of Persia, which is the game sponsoring the show.

We recap Jericho vs. Cena which is a rematch from Survivor Series where Cena came back to beat Jericho for the title after being gone for like three months. Jericho never beat Cena for the most part so what do you think is happening here? Oh and Jericho is the Superstar of the Year, which he probably deserved. The rest of the video is a long beatdown of Cena by Jericho with help from Legacy.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

After some big match intros we're ready to go. Crowd is mostly pro Cena, I'd say 75-80%. Jericho outsmarts him to start and stomps away on the back and the neck. Cena is like screw this and spears him down to hammer away. Jericho fights out and throws on a sleeper. Cena might go to sleep faster if Jericho wasn't calling spot to him. Dueling chants already but the better one is for Jericho.

Cena reverses into an attempted FU but that gets countered into a DDT. Cena rolls to the floor and Jericho gets caught in another FU attempt but he counters THAT into a bulldog off the apron and onto the steps. Cool sequence there. Jericho stays on the neck which is good psychology from a master of it. Cena counters into his finishing sequence but it's WAY too early for that.

Jericho manages another counter to the FU, this time into the Walls. Scratch that as it's more like a door frame which is reversed by Cena anyway. Missile dropkick from the middle rope gets two. Nice fast paced match here so far. Throwback is blocked and Jericho hits the Lionsault for two. We go up top and Cena blocks a superplex and hits the top rope Fameasser for a delayed cover.

The ninth or so FU attempt is countered as Jericho lands on his feet and the Codebreaker gets two. Jericho charges at Cena again and this time gets caught in the FU. It only gets two and both guys are down. Jericho pulls a Bret and plays possum into a small package for two. Cena grabs the STFU but Jericho counters into the Walls. He manages to crawl through Chris' legs and grabs the STFU for a relatively quick tap out.

Rating: B+. I liked this one as they had both guys moving out there the entire time and constantly countering the finishers. Cena tried the FU about 10 times but he kept hammering away until Jericho ran out of counters and got frustrated, resulting in his downfall. Nice story being told and great execution of it. What more can you ask for from a match like this?

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. Someone jumped Hardy to keep him out of the triple threat match at Survivor Series. Edge returned and stole the title from HHH. The attack on Hardy was called the most disgusting thing of the year for some reason because it implied Jeff was on drugs or something, despite that never being mentioned ever. Oh well I guess.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

Solid heat on Edge and a solid gut also. Jeff goes straight for Edge as JR can't remember if Jeff got attacked in Baltimore or Boston. Basic opening so far with Jeff driving the action. He sends Edge and HHH to the floor and dives on the Canadian. Trips takes his head off though so it's Edge vs. HHH in the ring now. How was that never the main event of a bigger show than Great American Bash?

Jumping knee to the face puts Edge down as does a neckbreaker. Edge's bad luck continues as he gets caught in a facebuster. Jeff back in now and he gets a facebuster for Christmas also. HHH tries the Pedigree to Edge but Jeff takes them both out with a Whisper in the Wind. The Game is down and Jeff gets crotched on the top. HHH comes in to get Edge and it's a Doomsday Device with Jeff hitting a Whisper in the Wind instead of a clothesline. Edge's bump is SCARY here as he lands on the back of his head.

Pedigree to Jeff is countered again and he goes into the buckle. Slingshot dropkick hits HHH but the Edge-O-Matic takes Jeff down for two. HHH's bad luck continues in the form of a spear. Twist of Fate and Swanton hit HHH but Edge makes a last second save. Everybody goes to the floor and HHH is mostly dead.

Edge gets whipped around a lot and Jeff loads up the announce table. HHH pops up again and sends Edge onto the table but not through it. Jeff escapes a Pedigree and gets killed with a spear through the third table. Edge vs. HHH in the ring with the Canadian hitting an Edgecution for no cover. Spear is countered into the spinebuster and there's the Pedigree.

Kozlov of all people pops up and breaks up the pin before beating on HHH. Matt Hardy comes out to get rid of Kozlov. Jeff goes up but Kozlov shoves him away before the Swanton can hit. Matt and Vlad go up the aisle and only Edge is in the ring. HHH comes back in but walks into a spear for two. A frustrated Edge goes to the floor and sets for a Conchairto.

Jeff grabs a chair and BLASTS Edge with it. He wants the Swanton but HHH crotches him. That was a sick, sick chair shot and it was only with one hand. HHH grabs the Pedigree in the corner but Jeff dives off the top with the Swanton to HHH and covers Edge for the pin and his first world title. The roof blows off the place and with good reason. The LD exploded and I did too, since I slept through the original broadcast of this and the first thing I saw was Jeff diving onto HHH.

Rating: B. Solid match all around here but the point here was for the ending. That Swanton and the reaction from the crowd was excellent. The whole thing worked perfectly and the match was good. Not sure why they had Kozlov and Matt in there but it wasn't a big issue. The right man won here and that's all that matters.

The last five minutes of this are spent on a huge celebration by Jeff. Totally awesome moment for one simple reason: this has been a year in the making and Jeff felt like he finally earned it. This could have been in the main event of Wrestlemania but the shock of it was a great bonus perk. I'm not a Hardy fan but this is still awesome on every possible level.

Jeff's celebrating on top of the set ends the show.

Overall Rating: A. I really liked this show. The whole thing worked incredibly well and there isn't a bad match to be found. You get an historical moment in the title change at the end, another good match in cena vs. Jericho, a big match in Orton vs. Batista and hot women in Santa outfits. What more can you really ask for from a show? I had a really good time with this and it's worth seeing.

Armageddon is now done, leaving us with Unforgiven, Great American Bash, No Mercy and Backlash. This was a surprisingly good series with some bad shows but when it was good, it was REALLY good. The final one is probably the best or maybe 2005. Either way some of them are worth seeing but on the other hand some aren't worth seeing at all. Translation: it's just like every other PPV series.