Austin Ray Shawn...

Henhouse

Occasional Pre-Show
... while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me.
I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks with your Twitter account, I have a lot of things I want to get off my breast.

I don’t hate you, Austin. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people on Wrestlezone.com #TylerIsNexus

I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s two things you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing Nick Paglino’s ass and getting women to like you.

You’re as good as kissing Nick Paglino’s ass as Mark Madden was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Justin though. He’s a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.

Whoops! I’m breaking the fourth wall!

I am the best commenter in the world.

I’ve been the best since day one when I logged into this website. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Martyn Nolan replied to one of my tweets once. That’s right, I’m a Martyn Nolan guy. You know who else was a Martyn Nolan guy? Nobody. That's how god damn indie I am. And Nolan has sort of split just like I’m sort of splitting. But the biggest difference between me and Martyn is that people are going to care when I leave.

I’ve read so many of Mark Madden’s bitter rants that it’s finally dawned on me that they're just that, they’re bitter rants. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost two years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this comment, in this forum, even on Twitter! Nobody can touch me...except Steev, he's sexy.

And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not given good rep. I’m not one of Booker T's fave five. I’m barely noticed. I don't get to be in Wrestlezone Award Shows. I’m certainly allowed to be a columnist, because I'm only ten. I’m not on the poster of Wrestlezone Forums. I’m not on the signature that’s produced at the start of Chair Shot Reality. I’m not on weird American talk shows that I've never actually heard of.

This isn’t sour grapes...I don't even like grapes that much when they're sweet but the fact that Mike Killam has his own column and I don't makes me mildly nauseous!

Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are giving me good rep right now, you are just as big a part of me staying as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are giving me the attention that I so desperately crave. You’re the ones that give me your fickle support for five minutes in order to make me feel important. And then at five in the morning in my mother's basement, I'm sat reading all your replies and smiling in a disturbing manner because I'm too lazy to go get a real job.

I'm leaving with Austin Ray Shawn's mother's phone number on July 17th and hey, who knows, maybe I'll go give it to people at Pro Wrestling Torch. Maybe I'll go back to Wrestling United.


Hey, Miz In My Pants, how you doing?

The reason I’m staying is you people. Because after I’ve posted this post, you’re still not going to know I exist. I’m just another attention ****e. The ****es are going to keep posting and I understand that. Crave Online are going to make money despite themselves. They're a multi-million pound company who should be a multi-billion pound company. You know why it's not a multi-billion pound company? Because Crave Online operates with US Dollars, not Pound Sterling and they surround themselves with wishy-washy TNA-Hating Manchester United-Supporting YOLO swagfags (In a non-homophobic way) who are going to try and be witty on every article Wrestlezone post and I’d like to think that maybe this company will better after all of these annoying commenters are dead. But the fact is, it’s going to be taken over by even more nine year olds.

Let me tell you a personal story about It's Damn Real alright. We do this whole (Non) Distribution of pornography thing -
 
10/10.

Despite nobody on the forums knowing who Austin Ray Shawn is, this thread is still one of the best I've seen in a long time.

Fuck you for hating on Mike Killam, though. That guy is the real best in the world.
 
Let me tell you a personal story about It's Damn Real alright. We do this whole (Non) Distribution of pornography thing -
Is this about that time he posted that video of a monkey fucking a frog?

A time when IDR and I disliked one another. Seems so long ago. Maybe one day, I'll make similar peace with Dagger...

...Nah.
 
So for the guy that wrote this, his shoot parody characters are presented as the following:

Nick Paglino: Vince McMahon
Mark Madden: Hulk Hogan/Vince
IDR: Vince
Justin Labar: The Rock
Mike Killam: The Rock
Martyn Nolan: Paul Heyman
Miz In My Pants: Colt Cabana
Austin RayShawn: John Cena
Henhouse: Idiot (CM Punk) :rolleyes:

I actually enjoyed reading this by the way, and like many have said, you better not have provoked ARS to make an account on the forums, I can't imagine the crap he would write here.
 
Ugggh cant believe I just got done reading that. That wanna be CM Punk rant was horrible. It's what happens when shame eats a great big bowl of stupidity for breakfast. Stupid shit like that is why I avoid the comments section like the clap.
 

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