A Definitive Rundown Of Each Candidate From Diamond Dallas Page

Discussion in 'The 1st WrestleZone Forums Election' started by The Doctor, Dec 9, 2011.

  1. The Doctor

    The Doctor Great and Devious

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    Please note that "each candidate" may or may not be accurate, as I copied this list from Jiggles and if he didn't do each candidate then he's to blame. Fuck you, Sab.

    ABC Party

    Poppycock - Has a strangely appropriate name. Whenever I read it I think of Grandpa Pickles. Choosing him would lead to lots of stories about having to walk fifteen miles to deliver an infraction, as if we didn't get enough of this from D-Man already.

    hatehabsforever - While his username indicates dedication, it may be wise to actually wait until forever has come. If his hate for the Habs drops off at all between now and then, I wouldn't suggest voting for him. Sticking with it is the most important quality a mod can have.

    Dagger Dias - Quality > Quantity. Don't vote for Dagger.

    Amarillo Del Bosque Verde - Good dude, and he's also a former dextronaut. I recently downloaded Psychonauts. I'm not sure if these facts are related, but they should be. This guy also used to wrestle in ECW and WWE as Psicosis. This makes me wonder if he'll bring lucha rules into the Board Room. Could our next mod election be a torneo cibernetico? Time will tell.

    The Killjoy - He spits in the face of people who don't want to be cool. His definition of "cool" is "people who like TNA". I haven't watched TNA in a year but I regularly get first in the Fourdown prediction contests. If he were elected he'd probably pull off his face to reveal that it was Lord Sidious all along. Is it worth the swerve that will likely piss off thousands of fans just to confuse a bunch of fat internet marks?

    Mike "The Kid" Killam - If you're on the main page, you probably suck. He had a Mega Man avatar once though, so I'm ok with this.

    theIHwrestling - Just in case we forgot that Wrestlezone Forums was a wrestling website, here comes this guy to remind us with each post he makes. This type of forward-thinking and helpfulness is exactly what a mod needs. I approve.

    The Sign Guy - I was just going to post a Scott Steiner video, but instead I'll just make this point: His fingers will probably be too greasy from the jumbo tub of fries he just ate to infract anyone, and he'll probably emulate Kurt Cobain within a month and leave a gaping hole in the staff, among other places.

    JWGunslinger - Look at that name. I'm assuming the "JW" part stands for John Wayne. I've also heard it said that "JW" are his initials. This means that John Wayne has an account on Wrestlezone Forums. While I am honored that we are graced with such an icon on these humble boards, the Gunslinger part of his name has me worried. I fear he may be the type to literally shoot first and ask questions later. I don't think the administrative team needs blood on their hands.

    Muffin Top Merkley - A fine choice. This man knows his videogames, is respectful and kind, has a significant other who is much the same, and he also has multiple images of himself on the toilet floating around on this very website. He's also Canadian, just like my best friend Laura. What more could you want in a potential candidate?

    Ba-Bomb - Unless he's a red Bob-omb, stay far away. Then again, judging by his name's spelling he's probably a Goomba in a poor disguise. I wouldn't trust a Goomba with a position of power. He could be in the middle of infracting someone when BOP! And we'd be short a staffer.

    La Resistance

    The Crock - He has a very accurate name.

    Jericoholic4Life - Ah, J4L. Apparently the one time I said something mean about him was enough to warrant a nomination in the feud of the year category. I'm honored. But honestly, everything I said there is true here too. You're barely better than you were in prison, you weren't particularly good to begin with, and you have an unwarranted sense of self-importance. On the plus side, you can summon up your army of clones to deal with any troublemakers, so maybe a vote for you wouldn't be misplaced.

    Milenko - Milenko doesn't learn very easily. I feel he's in this for the bold name. I'm surprised he knows what to do in this election. Luckily, I'm here to enlighten him. An election is a formal decision-making process by which a population chooses an individual to hold public office.[1] Elections have been the usual mechanism by which modern representative democracy operates since the 17th century.[1] Elections may fill offices in the legislature, sometimes in the executive and judiciary, and for regional and local government. This process is also used in many other private and business organisations, from clubs to voluntary associations and corporations.

    Harthan - A former WZCW mod, whose run was sadly short-lived. an intelligent and interesting fellow, though he isn't without his dark side. I remember several years ago he refused to give up the secret of his username. Would you want someone you elected to represent the general public holding back vital secrets like that? I think not.

    awesome_miz - Jannetty.

    David French Party

    Coco The Monkey - If I may be serious for a moment, Coco the Monkey would be an excellent choice. He is a visionary, a contrarian, a man/simian/delicious hot drink not content with sitting and watching the world burn. No, this man likes to stoke the fire, get people talking, and that is what I think this staff needs. If you are tired of business-as-usual, then Coco is your man/ape/plant extract.

    GD - GD's military experience makes him a popular frontrunner for any election. If he can lead an army, he can lead a forum, god dammit. However, I believe that Coco outshines him in most areas, but if I were to launch an invasion against one of the inferior professional wrestling forums out there, General Disarray would be the man heading the charge. Good work, soldier.

    JGKY - Despite his kind and impartial nature, JGKY has a scary username. I don't think people would want to post about TNA with the threat of death constantly hanging over their heads. Of course, this implies that people actually watch and want to discuss TNA. What a hilarious premise.

    CM Pancake - Run, kid. Run.

    The Champ - I would definitely not advise voting for this man. If we can't see him, how can he think to run a forum? I don't even think he's really the champ of anything at all! History has shown us that invisible moderators never work out - Why, just look at mysterio_fan.

    So here you have it folks. As a former moderator for over a year, I believe you can trust my opinion to be fair and balanced and honest and truthful and right.
     
    #1
  2. JWGunslinger

    JWGunslinger Warrior Forever

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    Maybe I should go back to using the John Wayne avatar...also I never draw first, but in the end I'm still standing Pilgrim.
     
    #2
  3. Blue Chipper

    Blue Chipper Shapeshifting Humanoid

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    Are you alluding to what I think? Brilliant.
     
    #3
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  4. Ming

    Ming Es exspectata.

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    Coco is far more derserving than anyone else.
     
    #4
  5. The Doctor

    The Doctor Great and Devious

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    As a moderator, you would have to draw second each time, as the spam posts are the initial shot. While I appreciate your skills as a gunslinger - That scene in Stagecoach where you fired into the air and the Indian fell off his horse was brilliant - and I recognize your contributions to American cinema, I just don't think the risk is worth taking. That said, I'm a big fan.
     
    #5
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  6. JWGunslinger

    JWGunslinger Warrior Forever

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    I like to think that my greatest moments were hitting the indian off his horse with the butt of my gun in The Comancheros or shooting the can above Jimmy Stewart's head and dousing him with paint in The Man Who Shot Liberty Vallance, but I appriciate any kind words.As for your position I understand and respect it, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Hopefully in the near future I convince you that I'm a risk worth taking, after all I am the Duke.
     
    #6
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  7. Paralyzer Z

    Paralyzer Z Fuck honor

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    This a 20% run down of the candidates and 80% review on their usernames.
     
    #7
  8. Remy LaCroix

    Remy LaCroix Lou Thesz' Favorite Son

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    Heh. Actually, I'm the former dextronaut Psicosis. This kid went from igneous rock, to unknown tropical fruit, and is now a manga character.
     
    #8
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  9. The Dragon Saga

    The Dragon Saga Whale in a Teardrop

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    Awesome_Miz is running, Coco stands no chance.
     
    #9
  10. The Doctor

    The Doctor Great and Devious

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    Oh yeah, the other guy was Granite, wasn't he?

    [​IMG]

    He's a good guy but I don't believe in electing building materials to positions of power.
     
    #10
  11. ABMorales787

    ABMorales787 Lord And Master
    Staff Member Administrator

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    Lord Sidious? H-A-R-S-H
     
    #11
  12. Ming

    Ming Es exspectata.

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    He must be a ninja because he was there but I didn't see him. Being a ninja... you're right, Coco's fucked unless he calls on RVD for assistance.
     
    #12
  13. Coco

    Coco Mid-Card Championship Winner

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    Nah. I'm pretty sure your undisputed number one moment was laying pipe on Angie Dickinson in Rio Bravo.
     
    #13
  14. Muffin Top Merkley

    Muffin Top Merkley Be a man!

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    Thank you, sir.

    But don't EVER speak good of my significant other again! That goes for all of you!
     
    #14
  15. The 1-2-3 Killam

    The 1-2-3 Killam Mid-Card Championship Winner

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    You would think I would respond with immediate resentment for this remark, but I totally understand. The main page has been populated by some less-than-brilliant writers in the past, and to a point...the present. I won't speak on the news bits that get posted, because that's the central responsibility of an aggregation site... But as an editorialist, I will say I've been frustrated many times with the quality of work that gets posted.

    I have been trying my hardest to put out entertaining, well-thought segments every time I post. I know I don't always hit the nail on the head, but I'd like to think that actually having a degree and experience in real entertainment journalism shines through in my work. Maybe I'm wrong...

    Regardless, I'm not running. I just wanted to clarify that I empathize with your slam, and note that I consistently try and change the way some people see our quality of work. But I am, after all...only one person.

    Except at night. At night I am the super-fighting robot...Megaman.
     
    #15
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  16. Coco

    Coco Mid-Card Championship Winner

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    Mark Madden is the only thing worth reading on the main page.
     
    #16

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