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Old 09-26-2017, 12:06 AM
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klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...klunderbunker is a World Heavyweight Champion...and is being held down by Triple H...
Default Week of 9/18/2017 - 9/24/2017 (Thursday - Sunday)

Thursday

Impact Wrestling
Date: September 21, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

It’s time for whatever this promotion is called this week, though I would recommend MMA Pro Wrestling at this point as the American Top Team fighters are the undisputed top stars of the show. Lashley’s release has been revoked due to getting in a big fight with Moose to end last week’s episode. Let’s get to it.

In Memory of Bobby Heenan.

We open with a recap of last week with Johnny Impact becoming #1 contender and the MMA fighters beating down Moose.

Here’s a mad Johnny Impact to open the show. He wants Eli Drake out here right now for his title shot but it turns out that Drake is in Mexico defending the title (because GFW thinks we still believe this is live every week). Instead it’s KM and a referee to interrupt. KM doesn’t want to hear this but Johnny still wants to fight Eli because he saw the champ’s car in the parking lot. KM: “YOU FANS IN THE IMPACT ZONE SUCK!” And this man is a professional ladies and gentlemen. After some insults, Johnny agrees to put up his #1 contendership right now.

Johnny Impact vs. KM

Johnny kicks him in the face at the bell and gets two off a standing shooting star. KM drapes Johnny over the top rope to take over and hammers away at the head. A sitout full nelson slam gets two but Johnny is right back with a leg lariat. KM takes a knee to the face and the breakdancing legdrop gets two. The countdown 450 puts KM away at 2:59. KM might be the most worthless member of the roster.

Pagano is ready to do bad things and tells someone that they know what to do.

Ava Storie vs. Taya Valkyrie

Taya throws her down without much effort and the beating is on in a hurry. The Road to Valhalla (a great name for the double chickenwing facebuster) is good for the pin on Storie at 1:19.

Taya says lucha royalty has arrived and she wants the Knockouts Title. Cue Rosemary to say there is laughter in her head. The Hive thinks it’s funny that Taya should get a title shot first. How dare anyone think Rosemary would lose without help from the evil bride or the champ’s speed bump of a cousin. Sienna comes in to turn this into a big brawl with Allie and Taryn Terrell following her out soon thereafter. Gail Kim finally comes in for the save to clean house.

It’s back to Mexico where OVE is refusing to leave until they get a fair title shot. A spy calls someone (presumably Konnan) to say they’re coming. Post break Konnan tells his women to show OVE a good time until LAX is ready. This is little more than an excuse for strippers to dance. LAX comes in for the showdown and a match is made for next week.

We meet some names in Global Forged. As usual, none of this has a chance to sink in because we need to get to whatever is next.

Gail, Allie and Rosemary want a six Knockouts tag. Rosemary wants the blood and gore, which seems to excite Allie more than you would expect.

We recap Trevor Lee stealing the X-Division Title last week. Petey Williams really isn’t cool with that and he wants to bring some prestige back to the title.

Bound For Glory is coming to Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.

Video on Grado performing at an indy show in Cleveland on his first assignment as a member of Joseph Park’s sports management group. It’s a fairly well attended show and Grado says he was well paid. I think you know where this is going.

El Pagano/El Hijo Del Fantasma vs. Eddie Edwards/Ethan Carter III

So yeah, Carter is just kind of a face now. Eddie starts fast with a sitout F5 to Fantasma and it’s off to Carter for some right hands in the corner. Carter makes the mistake of going after Pagano though and Fantasma kicks him in the face to take over. A running corner dropkick from Pagano gives Fantasma two, followed by a running Blockbuster to give Pagano the same.

Carter runs over both luchadors but Pagano breaks off a hot tag attempt. A quick TK3 drops Pagano and now the hot tag brings in Eddie to clean house. Everything breaks down and a modified 1%er plants Fantasma, followed by the Blue Thunder Bomb. There’s no count though as the referee decides to enforce the rules for a change. Cue fellow AAA wrestler Texano to powerbomb Eddie, giving Fantasma the pin at 6:36.

The beatdown is on until James Storm makes the save. The announcers point out that Carter and Storm were bitter rivals just a few months ago, making this story all the less logical.

Johnny Impact is looking for Eli but runs into Fantasma and Texano. They don’t like him being in AAA so they want to fight him here, with Impact being willing to put up his #1 contendership tonight.

Kongo Kong vs. Mahabali Shera

Josh: “This is like Godzilla vs. the other big thing!” Shera hammers away but gets powerslammed down for his efforts. Kong throws him around a bit more before having to block a slam attempt. A running splash staggers Kong and a springboard….I guess clothesline that was left short puts Kong down for two. Back up and Kong scores with a headbutt, followed by the Cannonball. The top rope splash ends Shera at 3:49.

Eli Drake is in Mexico to find Johnny Impact but it turns out Johnny isn’t here. That gravy train is coming down the tracks to run Johnny over and no one is taking this title from him. As usual, Drake is one of the best things about this promotion by several, several miles.

We look at Lashley and the MMA guys beating Moose down. Moose isn’t happy.

Texano vs. Johnny Impact

For the #1 contendership. Felling out process to start with Texano slapping him in the chest, only to be taken down with some right hands to the face. A running knee to the jaw and the standing shooting star give Johnny two so Texano bails to the floor. Back in and Johnny hits three straight flip neckbreakers for two but the 450 misses. Texano gets in an enziguri to put Johnny on the floor and we take a break.

Back with Texano sending him into the steps and a variety of other things in lieu of actual wrestling. Texano grabs a reverse Figure Four, which goes as far as a submission hold from a heel is going to go. Johnny is back up with an Asai moonsault to the floor but loses another brawl. Back in and Texano hits some chops/clotheslines in the corner but Johnny scores with the Flying Chuck. The sliding German suplex sets up Starship Pain to give Johnny the pin at 14:35.

Laurel Van Ness is in the crowd looking for a man.

Sienna, Taya and Taryn go into Karen Jarrett’s office and demand a match next week. Karen is smug (ala Stephanie McMahon again) and the match is made.

For our main event, we go to AAA where Drake defended the title against Bronce.

GFW World Title: Eli Drake vs. Bronce

Drake is defending and clotheslines the much smaller Bronce down to start. A middle rope hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb so Drake can start choking away. The pop up Big Ending gives Drake two as this arena, which doesn’t seem to be anything huge, already feels entirely better than the Impact Zone. Bronce gets two off a hurricanrana but the Gravy Train retains the title at 4:35.

A Victory Road ad takes us out.

Results
Johnny Impact b. KM – 450
Taya Valkyrie b. Ava Storie – Road to Valhalla
El Hijo Del Fantasma/El Pagano b. Ethan Carter III/Eddie Edwards – Sitout powerbomb to Edwards
Kongo Kong b. Mahabali Shera – Top rope splash
Johnny Impact b. Texano – Starship Pain
Eli Drake b. Bronce – Gravy Train

Friday

Nothing.

Saturday

Nothing.

Sunday

No Mercy 2017
Date: September 24, 2017
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., Corey Graves

I don’t remember being this excited for a B pay per view in a very long time. This show is all about the double main event with a combination of Brock Lesnar defending the Universal Title against Braun Strowman and John Cena vs. Roman Reigns in one heck of a big time match. That should be more than enough to carry this show so let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Elias vs. Apollo Crews

No real story here as this was just thrown together for the sake of a Kickoff match. Elias sings a little ditty about Los Angeles but gets cut off by Titus Worldwide and Crews in particular. Elias shoves him away without much effort and grabs a headlock to keep Crews slowed down. An armbar has Elias in some trouble and Crews snaps off a dropkick to take over. Elias sends him to the apron though and knocks Crews outside as we take a break.

Back with Elias still in control until Crews punches him in the ribs and slowly slugs away. Crews fights out of a reverse chinlock and scores with the standing shooting star. An enziguri staggers Elias but he sends Crews into the corner, setting up Drift Away for the pin at 8:54.

Elias goes after Crews again but Titus makes a fast save.

The opening video looks at the two main events and talks about how everyone has the potential to show no mercy.

Intercontinental Title: Jason Jordan vs. The Miz

Jordan is challenging after winning a six way on Raw. Miz gets a bit too cocky to start and walks into a series of suplexes for his efforts. A cheap shot to the ribs has Jason in trouble though and a DDT gets two. The dueling WHO’S YOUR DADDY/LET’S GO MIZ chants starts up as Jordan slugs away, only to get sent outside for a breather. Back in and we hit the YES Kicks to Jordan with Cole and Corey arguing over who invented them.

Jordan catches one of them in another suplex and a Saito suplex is good for a near fall. Some rolling northern lights suplexes give Jordan a bridging two and Miz bails outside again. Back in and Jordan slaps on a Crossface for a bit, only to miss the running shoulder in the corner. Another suplex drops Miz and now the shoulder hits but Jordan has to go after Bo Dallas. Curtis Axel gets in a cheap shot though, knocking Jordan into Miz for the Skull Crushing Finale to retain at 10:10.

Post match Jordan says he’s love a rematch and thinks Miz sucks, just like the chants about his father.

Long recap of Bray Wyatt vs. Finn Balor. Bray targeted Finn for thinking he was a false idol with the Balor Club. Bray beat him on Raw but then lost to the Demon at Summerslam. Now Bray wants to win again to show he can beat Balor himself.

Bray Wyatt vs. Finn Balor

Bray jumps him before the bell and sends Balor into various hard objects. The referees come out to check on Balor and start to take him to the back until Bray says that Balor is a coward who is scared of the monster in front of him. Of course those are fighting words and the brawl is on early. Sister Abigail is broken up and Balor sidesteps a charge to send Bray outside.

Back in and Bray catches him with a superplex to stay on the bad ribs like a good villain should. Finn’s shoulder is sent down into the apron as Bray is picking him apart piece by piece. Bray gets caught in the ring skirt though (That’s still a thing?) and Balor kicks him in the chest. Back in and Balor goes up, only to have Bray do the spider walk to scare the heck out of Finn.

The Sling Blade puts Bray down but he pops back up for a shot to the ribs and the backsplash for two. A double stomp gets Balor out of trouble but he takes too long going up top. Bray pulls him back down and hits a heck of a clothesline for two more. Back to back suplex throws have the ribs in more trouble (good psychological sense) but he takes too long on the ropes too. Balor hits the running corner dropkick and the Coup de Grace is good for the pin at 11:55.

Asuka debuts at TLC.

Sheamus and Cesaro say they’ll win.

Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose

Rollins and Ambrose are defending. Ambrose sends both challengers outside to start but gets run over from behind by Sheamus. Cesaro rams him hard into the steps and comes up (well, he’s still on the ground but you get the idea) holding his arm. Back in and things actually slow down a bit for the referee to check on the arm so you know it’s serious. Cesaro’s boot to the face gets two and he cranks on the arm for good measure.

Dean fights up and sends him into the post though, allowing the hot tag to Rollins so house can be cleaned in a hurry, starting with the springboard clothesline and a catapult into the post. There’s the low superkick as Cesaro is bleeding from the face, due to LOSING BOTH OF HIS FRONT TEETH WHEN HIS HEAD SMACKED INTO THE POST! AND HE’S STILL GOING! Sweet goodness someone get this man a…..what the heck should he get? Sheamus is ticked off (must be a dental enthusiast) and grabs three straight Irish Curses to take Seth down.

It’s back to Cesaro (now less bloody) for a big boot to take Ambrose off the apron. Rollins slugs away anyway and avoids a charge to send Sheamus into the post. One heck of a backdrop sends Cesaro outside and the hot tag brings Dean back in. Ambrose clotheslines Sheamus outside and, while still favoring the arm, hits a suicide dive. Back in and Seth has to save Dean from a double Razor’s Edge, only to have Cesaro kick him to the floor.

That means a Sharpshooter and Crossface for Dean, who somehow makes the ropes. The double Razor’s Edge gets two and Sheamus can’t believe the kickout (fair enough, as that should be a heck of a finisher). With nothing else working, the super White Noise is loaded up but Rollins is there for a hurricanrana….which is blocked through raw power.

Sheamus gives Ambrose the regular White Noise and Cesaro superbombs Rollins onto Dean for the most ludicrous kickout I’ve seen in months. Dean collapses before a Brogue Kick can connect so Sheamus tries again, only to hit Cesaro by mistake. The wind-up knee knocks Sheamus into Dirt Deeds to retain the titles at 15:57.

We recap the Women’s Title match, which is a five way due to trying to throw in everyone they can. Alexa Bliss is defending, Sasha Banks is getting a mandatory rematch, Nia Jax and Emma won a tag match to get here and Bayley is just there because reasons.

Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Emma vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Nia Jax

Bliss is defending her right to get killed by Asuka. Emma now has new music that starts with “it’s all about me”. Uh, nothing has ever been about you Emma. Bliss and Jax are knocked to the floor without much effort and it’s a rare triple test of strength from the other three. Emma is sent outside as well to give us the big showdown, only to have Nia back in and destroy the mere mortals.

Bliss comes back in and tries her DDT on Jax, who just shrugs it off in a nearly funny moment. Banks tries a save so Nia Samoan drops her and Bliss at the same time, leaving Bayley to dive in for a save. The guillotine choke over the ropes has Nia in trouble so everyone can get together and dump her out. Nia gets right back up and grabs Emma, who slips between her legs and grabs a powerbomb with Bayley helping and Banks and Bliss dropkicking her away from the ropes.

Nia lands ON HER HEAD but thankfully seems to be alive. Back in and Banks hits Rey Mysterio’s sitout bulldog on Emma, followed by the Bank Statement on Bliss. Bayley makes a save and grabs the Bayley to Belly for two of her own. Nia is back up though and starts destroying people again, including a legdrop on Sasha for two. The monster is taken to the floor but Bliss uses the distraction to DDT Bayley and retain the title at 9:59.

Bliss says she’s a goddess.

Clip from No Mercy 2005 with Batista retaining the Smackdown World Title over Eddie Guerrero.

Long recap of John Cena vs. Roman Reigns. Cena came to Raw to face Reigns and then destroyed him in a series of promos. Reigns talked about Cena leaving for Hollywood and says he needs to win this match to really be the big dog.

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns shoulders him down to start, drawing a YOU BOTH SUCK chant. Cena actually gets out of the ring and walks up the ramp (Huh?), allowing Reigns to follow him up and get in a shot to the face to take over again. Some right hands have little effect on Reigns, who drops Cena with a single shot for two. Cena sends him into the steps for a breather but still doesn’t seem to have the killer instinct going yet.

Reigns does the same thing to him, followed by the apron dropkick. The fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here as Reigns gets two. Cena gets in a few right hands but a pair of kicks cut him off again as Cena has still had almost no offense. We hit the chinlock as the announcers are suggesting that Cena is starting to lose his big match skills and the stupid fans chant boring.

Back up and the shoulder block is cut off with an uppercut as Reigns is nailing the heel style. Cena’s finishing sequence is initiated but the Five Knuckle Shuffle is countered with another Samoan drop. The Superman Punch is countered into an STF but Reigns powers out into the sitout powerbomb for two more. Cena powers up again and hits the AA for two on a very near fall that I almost bought.

The top rope Fameasser is countered with a not great powerbomb for two and another Superman Punch gets another near fall. Back up and Reigns’ spear hits the post (CHECK HIS TEETH! CHECK HIS TEETH!) so Cena grabs the super AA for another very close two that I bought more than the standard version.

With nothing else working, Cena loads up the announcers’ tables but his third AA is countered into a spear through the table, though Cena kind of countered it with a DDT. Fans: “YOU STILL SUCK!” That’s only good for two back inside but another spear is countered into rolling AA’s for a two that I didn’t buy as much this time around. Another Superman Punch and another spear gives Reigns the pin at 21:48. Cole: “This may be the biggest win of Reigns’ career!” No Cole. No.

Cena raises Reigns’ hand and sits in the corner after Reigns leaves. The fans applaud and give him a THANK YOU CENA chant because they’re acting like he’s retiring for some reason. Cena goes to the ramp, turns around and salutes before leaving.

Miz tells Kurt Angle he wants a special MizTV with Roman Reigns tomorrow night because that win was the same as retiring the Undertaker. Angle agrees and says it’s opening the show. Translation: PLEASE DON’T WATCH MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!

Cruiserweight Title: Enzo Amore vs. Neville

Enzo is challenging and comes out dressed like Beetlejuice. Before the match, Enzo runs his mouth about taking the king’s queen (Enzo: “What is a king without a queen?” Still a king you buffoon.) and something about cookie dough. Neville wristlocks him to start and takes Enzo down with a front facelock. A backflip out of trouble just earns Enzo a kick to the leg as Neville doesn’t seem to be sweating this one too much.

Neville sends him head first into the corner and stomps away, followed by a sliding kick to the head. All champ so far and you can feel the screwy ending coming. One heck of a superkick drops Enzo again and more kicks have him reeling. Neville goes up but takes too long jawing at the fans for the Phoenix splash. The DDG gets a close two on the champ but he throws Enzo outside and over the barricade. With the referee at nine, Enzo holds up the title and dives back in. The referee takes it away, allowing Enzo to hit a low blow for the pin and the title at 9:43.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman, which is going to be a big collision. Strowman is the biggest monster that Lesnar has ever faced and he might not be enough of a beast to conquer him.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman

Strowman is challenging. Brock gets shoved down to start and a takedown attempt is shoved away. The first German suplex is no sold and Brock gets chokeslammed (Graves: “CHOKESLAM CITY BROCK!”). Braun’s running powerslam only gets two and Heyman is panicking. An elbow and headbutt block another German suplex attempt and Brock’s back gives out on an F5 attempt.

Braun posts him and sends Brock hard into the corner, only to miss a charge. Strowman gets caught in the Kimura and despite Braun grabbing the ropes four times, he settles for a spinebuster to break the hold. It’s Suplex City time with numbers two thru six having Strowman in trouble and Lesnar in a puddle of sweat. The F5 doesn’t work though and a second running powerslam plants Lesnar. A third only gets two on Brock as the fans aren’t reacting to these near falls. Back up and the F5 retains the title out of nowhere at 8:58.

Results
The Miz b. Jason Jordan – Skull Crushing Finale
Finn Balor b. Bray Wyatt – Coup de Grace
Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose b. Cesaro/Sheamus – Dirty Deeds to Sheamus
Alexa Bliss b. Bayley, Nia Jax, Emma and Sasha Banks – DDT to Bayley
Roman Reigns b. John Cena – Spear
Enzo Amore b. Neville – Low blow
Brock Lesnar b. Braun Strowman – F5

Quick Results

Monday Night Raw
Nia Jax b. Alexa Bliss – Samoan drop
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Anderson and Gallows and Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose – Dirty Deeds to Anderson
Apollo Crews b. Curt Hawkins – Toss powerbomb
Bray Wyatt b. Dustin Rhodes – Sister Abigail
Jason Jordan b. Bo Dallas, Curtis Axel, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy and Elias – Wheelbarrow neckbreaker to Axel

Smackdown
Randy Orton b. Aiden English – RKO
Rusev b. Randy Orton – Superkick
New Day b. Hype Bros – Midnight Hour to Ryder
Charlotte b. Naomi, Tamina and Becky Lynch – Big boot to Tamina

NXT
Johnny Gargano b. Tino Sabbatelli – Gargano Escape
Bianca Belair b. Lacey Evans – Alley-Oop
Lars Sullivan b. No Way Jose – Standing Boss Man Slam
Kyle O’Reilly/Bobby Fish b. Trent Seven/Tyler Bate – High/Low to Seven

Impact Wrestling
Johnny Impact b. KM – 450
Taya Valkyrie b. Ava Storie – Road to Valhalla
El Hijo Del Fantasma/El Pagano b. Ethan Carter III/Eddie Edwards – Sitout powerbomb to Edwards
Kongo Kong b. Mahabali Shera – Top rope splash
Johnny Impact b. Texano – Starship Pain
Eli Drake b. Bronce – Gravy Train

No Mercy 2017
The Miz b. Jason Jordan – Skull Crushing Finale
Finn Balor b. Bray Wyatt – Coup de Grace
Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose b. Cesaro/Sheamus – Dirty Deeds to Sheamus
Alexa Bliss b. Bayley, Nia Jax, Emma and Sasha Banks – DDT to Bayley
Roman Reigns b. John Cena – Spear
Enzo Amore b. Neville – Low blow
Brock Lesnar b. Braun Strowman – F5
__________________


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Yes
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I am
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in fact
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Originally Posted by klunderbunker
better than you.
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