WZCW Presents: All-Stars 2
Copeland: Good evening ladies and gentleman.
Before we go any further, we are reminded that the titantron is translating everything that is being spoken in English for the duration of the show into Japanese.
Copeland: Tonight is a very special occasion: it is a time when the greatest wrestling company in the world opens up its doors to the entire universe and allows any man, woman or robot to compete on this very stage. Last year, we saw a lot of talent come through and even get a contract on the official WZCW roster. It was an extremely fun and entertaining event that inspired this second show, thus making All-Stars an annual exclusive to WZCW. On this night, we look to achieve much more than we did last time and hopefully not destroy the city that so kindly hosted us.
The crowd chuckles at the reference from the ending of All-Stars 1.
Copeland: Ladies and gentleman... welcome to All-Stars 2!
As Copeland clears off the stage and the chorus hits, the pyrotechnics go off to deliver a spectacular show of fireworks with the crowd rowdy as ever. As the fireworks finish, we see Copeland get back up on stage as the song still continues.
Copeland: And now, introducing your announce team for tonight: S.H.I.T., Saboteur & Action Saxton!
All three men appear on the stage with Saboteur jumping around excited as Saxton waves to the fans. S.H.I.T. just walks down to the ring without any interaction as the other two clap the hands of the fans. All three men take their positions to a still cheering audience.
Saboteur: Ah yes! The Tokyo Dome! I love the atmosphere of this Japanese audience, don't you Saxy?
Saxton: And yet I'm stuck here doing commentary with you! I can't go three hours without delivering the pain to those mothasucka's, especially if the mystery competitor is Ricky Martin.
Saboteur: I'm actually more worried about S.H.I.T... does he even know what to say?
As they say that, they see S.H.I.T. standing in the ring doing absolutely nothing, waiting for his cue. Saxton shrugs as we transition back to Copeland, still on the stage.
Copeland: Thanks guys for being here tonight... and although I am officially the "Host" of the 2nd All-Stars event, there is someone else who should be taking the credit for organising the show. If it wasn't for this man buying the exclusive rights to the All-Stars show, this wouldn't have even happened. Everybody, please welcome the man who made this possible, from Japan; "Mr. Incredible..."
The crowd begins to cheer loudly.
Copeland: DOUG CRASHIN!
The crowd roars and are on their feet for Doug Crashin, a legend in Japanese wrestling (despite his record in actual WZCW). He walks out, decked out in his signature Armani suit with the biggest smile on his face, a rarity for Crashin. Everyone is cheering loudly with Saboteur/Saxton having their jaws wide open at who the "organiser" for the event is.
Saboteur: Bah Gawd: that's who contacted us to work tonight as commentators?
Saxton: He's our boss and gets more cheers than us? It's gotta be opposite day.
Copeland hands over the mic to Crashin as he disappears, leaving the stage to Crashin. Everyone in the audience gives a big cheer for Crashin as he raises the mic to talk.
Crashin: It's good to be back home!
They cheer once more for Crashin.
Crashin: But yes, it is true. I purchased the rights to hold this event in Japan tonight because I felt like I needed to give back to the fans. Ever since I took Steven Kurtesy's crash course in developing inner peace, I've become a new spiritual man and I feel like I needed to reverse the bad karma in the wrestling world. So I decided to host the biggest event of WZCW that really isn't WZCW in what I consider my home country of Japan... and what's more is that I've purposely left a spot open in the main event this evening for a 6th competitor. Well, guess who is coming back for one more match?
The Incredible One... DOUUUGGGGG CRRRRAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHIIIIINNNNNNN!
The crowd roars in approval as Doug drops the mic, waves to the fans and heads into the back.
Saxton: I thought that fool was on the forever injured list.
Saboteur: That might be the forever alone list but I digress here, a Doug Crashin appearance was the last thing I thought would happen tonight... and I've had my fair share of dreams... and nightmares. Ugh, it makes me shiver.
Saxton: Well Sabsy, I've had this one recurring dream that's been haunting me. Saxton never has no dreams that come back without being kicked in its cloudy meatsacks!
Saboteur: What was it like, partner?
As Saxton begins to ponder, the screen goes all blurry and fades away into a dream-like state.
Saboteur: That was really vivid... like, REALLY vivid. However, it's a good thing that was only a dream because they're not real.
Saxton: Exactly, that never happened.
Saboteur: Yes, that never happened.
Both Saboteur and Saxton slowly turn their heads to the camera, staring blankly and looking very convincingly that the match between Leonard Pierce and Yellow never happened... at all... right?
S.H.I.T.: ERROR... ERROR!
S.H.I.T.: Program start. The following contest is a 3 Way match. First fall gets the win.
Claude walks out onto the stage with a microphone, seemingly singing his entrance music, when in reality he is miming along.
S.H.I.T.: Introducing first, from Germany, Claude*Dreiz!
He walks his way down the ramp, getting up close to the fans but acting disgusted if they touch him. When in the ring, he finishes his song with a flourish and forces the referee to remove his flashy ring jacket.
Saboteur: What's wrong with him? He's lip-synching.... But there's no music.
Saxton: Somebody didn't link their entrance music from Youtube properly on their All-Stars application.
S.H.I.T.: Scanning... From a nice place is in the middle of the woods, where there's almost pure silence, in Maine. It really is nice. You should visit sometime. He can take you there, Mr. Lakes.
He looks around getting up and looking in the face of the people around him, before stepping into the ring...getting sort of comfy with the ref...he's a friend, right? He puts his arm around him, because he's such a good buddy and just waits for his opponent.
Saxton: I wanna go there. I hear it's a nice place. .....Sucka.
S.H.I.T.: Scanning... From The Mean Streets and possibly Africa or that place where Nordic Warriors come from once, Colby Congo.
Colby runs out onto the entrance ramp, complete with arm tassles that reach all the way to the floor and a tribal mask, he claps three times into the air with pyro, runs down to the ring, stops at the bottom of the ramp to give his mask to some lucky child, does a lap of the ring, runs into the ring and does some sort of shitty tribal dance.
Saxton: Look at this h*nky. This h*nky thinks there's h*nkies in Africa. He also thinks he's some other h*nky that's dead.
The bell rings and almost instantly Mr. Lakes heads towards Colby Congo with his hand extended. Claude slows down to let whatever might happen play out. As soon as Lakes reaches Colby, Colby sucker punches him and knocks him out. Claude takes a step back worried.
Saxton: My vacation home!! Sucka, he just wanted to say hello!!
Colby begins to prance around and raise his arms in the air while going in circles. Claude grabs the mic he came in the ring with and charges Colby with it. But before he actually hits him, he drops it and instead rakes him in the eye.
Saboteur: That won't work. This guy can see stuff.
Saxton: I can see stuff too. Like that fool scratching that other fools eyeballs.
Colby staggers around the ring, as he does so Mr. Lakes passes him by with his hand extended and a long, creepy smile on him as he heads towards Claude.
Saxton: Don't you dare cheap-shot him too, fool.
Saboteur: Or else what?
*Saxton gets up and pulls out nunchaku and spins them*
Saxton: SUI!!! Sui-sui-sui-sui.
Returning to the match... Claude cheap-shots Lakes. He begins to drop Elbows on the downed man as Colby is still rubbing his eyes on the outside. One more elbow from Claude Dreiz, this one with some theatrics and taunting. But in comes Colby Congo, all fired up. He lands several punches on on Driez. Knocking him on the mat with each one. He starts to dance in a tribal manner after each fall. He eventually begins to run the ropes, knocking down Driez with clotheslines each time.
Saboteur: Shouldn't those shoulder spikes be illegal?
Colby keeps the momentum rolling with more clotheslines as Mr. Lakes returns to the fray. He doesn't fare too well though as Congo simply mows him down like Driez. Congo grabs Mr. Lakes and tosses him with a Belly-To-Belly as Driez, keeps running the ropes. He tries a clothesline of his own to Colby, but he simply no-sells. Colby grabs Driez by the hips and hits and Inverted Atomic Drop. He the turns him around and does a regular Atomic Drop. Then he grabs him again and German Suplexes him.
Saxton: There goes his Sex-Drive.
Mr. Lakes gets up and staggers and as he bumps onto Colby, he delivers a hard Discuss Elbow, finally making the big man stagger. Driez supports himself with the ropes as Lakes also bumps into him. But instead of attacking, he recomposes himself and once again extends his arm. Driez finally accepts.
Saboteur: Looks like these two are doing a Crossover Combination.
Both men now begin to attack Colby simultaneously. Blow for blow, Colby seems to stand no chance. Driez and Lakes look at each other and nod before running the ropes for momentum. But as they return......
Saxton: Sweet Foxy Cleotapra!
Saboteur: Where's the mute button?
S.H.I.T.: ERROR. ERROR. SYSTEM CRITICAL.
Driez and Lakes fall back as the amazing roar continues. The primal scream is so great, it blows Mr. Lakes out of the ring. Again. Driez gets blown onto a nearby turnbuckle. S.H.I.T. is seen twitching his neck as sparks fly off his head. After it all ends, Colby stands tall in the ring and looks on at his carnage. The announce table is shown to be a total mess.
Saboteur: The announce table is a total mess!
Saxton: Fool, the narrator just said that. Ah, maaan. He spilled Action Saxton's Diet Soda.
Lakes rolls around on the floor covering ears from the painful Bellow. Meanwhile Driez is leaning on the turnbuckle, grabbing his chest in awe. Colby? Well Colby begins his dance again. He eventually turns his attention to Driez and charges. Driez freaks, but that doesn't save him. A heavy Shoulder Tackle hits it's mark. Driez spatters all over and drops out of the ring.
Saboteur: Dude... Overkill.
Colby dances once again as the unstoppable force seems.... Unstoppable. He begins to run the ropes. And runs them. He's running.
Lakes and Driez are dead on the outside.
Saxton: SUCKA, go grab a fool!! It's a 3 hour show, dammit!!
Mr. Lakes finally gets up and heads to the ring. He stands in front of the running Colby. Who is still running. Eventually, Colby gets tired and slows. He sees Mr. Lakes and looks at him. Lakes extends his arm.
Saboteur: Duh, not again!
Colby looks at him for a bit and then punches him. Leaving him stunned for a full minute as Colby dances, again. Then a scoop slam in the center of the ring sets up.... More dancing. But that quickly goes nowhere as suddenly, Claude Driez falls from the top and hits Mr. Lakes with a Stage Dive. In one single motion, he hooks Colby's legs over his shoulders and.... One-Hit-Wonder!! He goes over to cover Mr. Lakes... 1.. 2... Kick-out! A desperate Driez, realizing he finally has control of the match gets up and heads over to Colby. But finds him on his feet already. A hard scoop slam lands Driez right next to Lakes.
Saboteur: Let me guess.
Saxton: More dancing ....sucka....
Colby begins to run the ropes and after more dancing seems ready to attack. He springs off the ropes for a Lionsault, but lands on his feet besides his now rising opponents. But.....
A smaller, but still powerful Bellow drives enough fear into Lakes and Driez to make them lie down. Now Colby finally springs off and hits the Lionsault.
Both men are pinned.
S.H.I.T.: Winner. Colby Co-co-co-
The ref raises Colby's hand and he prances around the ring again. His fallen opponents show no real sign of lofe. He gets out of the ring and sprints up the ramp, pumping his fist. And the crowd.
We are backstage where All-Stars "Host" and backstage interviewer Sebastian Copeland is standing with a smile on his face and a mic in hand, ready to interview the next person.
Copeland: Wow, I haven't done these in a while but I have here one of the competitors competing in the next match who could probably use a shower and a fashion change, please welcome Sexton Tempest.
We see Sexton walk onto the scene and before Copeland can ask a question, he takes the mic off Copeland. He then rubs his hand through his thick chest hair and sticks his tongue out.
Sexton: You see this? This is what defines sexy. My opponents are not sexy, therefore they aren't going to beat the sexy Mr. Tempest. Yeah...
Sexton slaps his arse and throws the mic back at Copeland, who is thoroughly confused.
Saboteur: Tag Team action up next. Wonder if we'll see any contenders for the title?
S.H.I.T.: The following is a tag team contest scheduled for one fall!
S.H.I.T.: Introducing, first in a combined weight of 460 lbs. They are the team of Jackson Brown and Jackie Chan Lee; Rush Hour!
Saxton: Well, I can’t wait for this tag team action, sucka!
Saboteur: Look it’s Jackie Chan.
Brown and Lee appear on the stage together, Brown trying to mimic martial poses and Lee attempting to do the doggie , both doing a terrible job. But once they see how bad they’re both doing they agree to just dance along together to the music. So, they both hit the ring and once they are inside the ring they each get on top of the turnbuckles. Jackson is doing the robot and Lee is standing on one leg. They then get off the turnbuckles and high five energy.
Saxton: Saboteur, I like this sucker’s energy.
Saboteur: I don’t care. I just want some action.
Just as S.H.I.T goes to announce the next team, he completely freezes.
Saboteur: Is he sleeping? Can we do that?
Saxton: No fool, but I can fix this. However we might get suspended for this.
Saboteur: THEN DON'T DO IT!
Saxton doesn’t listen to his partner and instead takes off his shoe. He then tries to throw it to S.H.I.T to wake up, but Saboteur gets the shoe and puts it in the trash. Meanwhile in the ring S.H.I.T. wakes up again and starts to announce again.
S.H.I.T.: And their opponents first from, The Land Where Sexual… ness was invented. Weighing in at 263 lbs. He is Sexton Tempest!
Sexton struts on to the entrance ramp, putting his hands behind his head and thrusting his ample crotch forward, before swiveling in time to the music. The Men in the audience boo relentlessly at the sight of such a sexual presence, but the Women, who want to hate him, want to boo can’t help but stare in awe at the obviously terrible Human being, feeling betrayed by their own lusts. Sexton knows this, and he makes sure the Men know that their Women deeply crave him as he walks down to the ring; he climbs into the ring and starts thrusting vigorously at as much of the audience as humanly possible.
Saboteur: I like his thrusting.
Saxton: I agree on that, brother.
S.H.I.T: And his partner from Your Mother’s House, Under Her Blouse. He weighs in at 235 lbs. He is K-Oz!
K-Oz walks down the ramp with a bag of chips in hand making rude gestures to the crowd even taking away and knocking down signs before rolling into the ring. He climbs the turnbuckles and begins throwing chips at the crowd in anger.
Saxton: Hey, man I’m hungry so throw some over here.
Saboteur: You better share some or we ain’t friends no more.
However, K-Oz throws an empty bag of chips to the announce table. Both men are now deeply sad. So, Saboteur grabs a bag of chips, but doesn’t share.
Saxton: Sab, you better share some.
Just then the ref rings the bell and the match is underway. All 4 men are still in the ring confused on who starts this match. Rush Hour plays rock, paper, scissors to decide while K-Oz and Sexton playing air tic-tac-toe. Lee wins for his team, so it’s Jackson starting while the other team gives up and decide Sexton will start for his team.
Saboteur: We should try that in one of our matches.
Saxton: What? Paper, rock, scissors?
Saboteur: No! Air tic-tac-toe, because I’m a BOSS at that!
Jackson does a pose like Superman and sticks out his chest. Sexton then starts to hump the air. Jackson is so disgusted by Sexton’s actions that he turns around to vomit. When he does turn his back that allows Sexton to go for a quick roll up that only gets him a one count. Jackson actually claps at smart plan while he stands up. Then both men go for a collar and elbow tie up. Jackson grabs hold of Tempest and delivers a powerslam. While Sexton holds his back Brown grabs hold of Tempest’s head and delivers in order to deliver DDT.
Saxton: That fool is skilled.
Saboteur: He won’t if he gets anywhere near my Subway.
Instead of grabbing him again Brown decides to wait for Tempest to get up. Jackson runs for a clothesline, but can’t hit because Sexton ducks. Once, Jackson turns around he gets nailed with a dropkick. This time it’s Jackson who gets picked up by Tempest and gets hit by a suplex. Tempest drags Jackson over to the corner and tags in his partner. K-Oz and Tempest attack Jackson’s ribs with some body blows until the ref’s 4 count. Sexton gets out to the corner. Now, Oz hits a dropkick onto the chin of Jackson which takes Brown to the outside floor. Oz runs to the other side of the ring and back to hit a suicide dive. As soon both men are outside the fresh Lee runs towards Jackson to protect him from an attack. Tempest also goes to the floor to help his teammate. With that both legal men are able to return to the ring unharmed.
Saboteur: I would have let them fight. Violence is cool.
Saxton: No. That was some teamwork. I’m proud of them, fools.
Very fast Jackson tags in the freshest man in this match, Lee. Lee comes in and hits a flying clothesline to Oz. with Oz down in the mat Lee attempts the teams first cover. 1… 2… Kickout! Lee then waits for Oz to get on his knees and hits a spinning heel kick. Jackie waits once more for Oz and tries another spinning heel kick, but gets his leg caught by Oz. He then tries a roll-up counter. 1… 2…. Kickout!
Saxton: What a competitive match we got here.
Saboteur: Look I’m using Tout!
Saxton: You know the winner of this match could get signed and have a match for our titles.
Saboteur: I’m paying attention to the match, so shut up Sax.
Just as both men get up Oz grabs hold of Lee and hits him with a German Suplex. Oz goes for a pinfall, but Jackson comes in to interrupt it when the ref counts to two. The ref makes Brown go back to his corner, but the ref is arguing too much that he doesn’t see Sexton come in illegally. Tempest has brought in a kendo stick and tries to stab Lee’s eye. So, Oz picks up Lee and Sexton runs over with the Kendo. However, Lee moves and instead stabs K-Oz’s eye instead. The ref finally turns around and sees Sexton in the ring. Unlike Jackson, Tempest is going to his corner. Lee then calls over Brown and Brown comes in to hit a Clothesline from Hell onto Sexton.
Saboteur: He just stabbed his partner! Is that even legal!?
With the clothesline Jackson takes Tempest outside and makes sure he stays. While in the ring Oz is still covering his eye and has his back in the air. With that opportunity Lee goes up the ropes and possessions himself just right. Lee then hits the Dragon Flip onto Oz’s back. Lee then turns Oz around and goes for the pinfall. 1………….. 2………… 3!!!!!
Saxton: They did it! What a match.
Saboteur: I’m going to Tweet and Facebook it now.
S.H.I.T.: Here are your winners, Rush Hour!
Both men are now outside the ring and are seen hugging. It can be heard clearly that Jackson tells Lee “This can be the start of something new!” While inside the ring there are crew members attending to Oz’s eye. Meanwhile, Sexton instead is leaving his harmed partner, because it was his fault.
We see Doug Crashin walking the backstage area, strutting in style as he walks past some girls and he smiles at them. They wave back in respect but Crashin seems to think that this is a gesture of flirting. He goes over to them.
Crashin: Hello ladies... my name is Doug Crashin, the most wealthiest man in all of wrestling and the greatest wrestler Japan has ever seen... I...
As soon as this happens, a security guard runs up to Crashin.
Guard: Sir, we need you...
Crashin: Not right now.
Guard: But sir we have a security bre...
Crashin: Can't you see I'm talking here?
The security guard shakes his head as he runs away back the way he came. Crashin turns around and the ladies are gone.
Crashin: Damnit... cock-blocked again!
Saxton: Before we get to the next match, Sabsy... I gotta ask: how can you hear while wearing that goofy ass mask, sucka?
Saboteur looks back at Saxton.
Saboteur: Hey, I got skills man!
The music blares as Krypto shoots out of the ground. He’s astonished by the lights, camera, and action everywhere.
S.H.I.T.: From out of this world, weighing in at 200 pounds, he is WZCW’s resident alien, Krypto!
He doesn’t even know how to react. Sprinting down the ramp and around the ring, he high fives all the fans he can before sliding into the ring and awaiting his opponent.
Nathan walks out as the lyrics pick up; he has the Canadian flag draped over his back, chastising those in the front rows of the arena, as the Japanese boo him mercilessly.
Saboteur: Listen to these people Saxton; the Japanese really hate this guy.
S.H.I.T.: His opponent, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, weighing in at 231 pounds… Nathan St. John!
St. John climbs up the steel steps and gets into the ring; seemingly unimpressed by Krypto. The two men ready themselves as the sound of the bell starts the match.
They circle each other before locking up, as St. John pushes Krypto backwards against the turnbuckle. He reaches out and slaps him across the face. Krypto retaliates by shoving the larger man backwards. The two men lock up again, but Krypto ducks and uses his speed to behind St. John; he trips him up with a leg sweep and floats of into a headlock, but St. John uses his savvy skills to reverse the hold.
Saboteur: Krypto tries to take down St. John, but I don’t think he can out wrestle his opponent here.
Saxton: I don’t know if a direct approach is gonna work on a guy like Nathan St. John.
St. John whips Krypto into the ropes off of a headlock, and follows up with an arm drag transitioned into an armbar lock. Krypto reverses into a hammerlock and tries to take St. John to the mat again, but he counters and pushes the alien away. Krypto tries to hit a clothesline, but St. John ducks and hits a German suplex, folding him up like an accordion. He get on top of him and starts pounding away with rights and lefts until the referee shoves him away. He walks around the ring, taunting the Japanese audience which incites massive boo’s. He turns around only to be met with a punch in the face by Krypto, who starts to build momentum. He whips St. John into the ropes and follows up with a kitchen sink to the abdomen; flipping him onto his back. The alien follows up with a dropkick to the face. St. John gets to his feet only to get knocked down again as Krypto connects with a series of clotheslines. He whips him across the ring, but Nathan reverses it and takes him down with a shoulder block.
Nathan hits a backbreaker and wretches away at Krypto’s neck. He fights out of the hold and kicks St. John in the head. He hits a hurricanrana which sends him across the mat. Frustrated, St. John rolls out of the mat only to be met with a baseball slide to the face which sends him sprawling on the outside; Krypto plays to the crowd before running and hitting a suicide dive to the outside as the crowd explodes!
Saboteur: What a move by Krypto in this back and forth match.
Saxton: The kids got talent but that jive sucka St. John is one tough customer.
He rolls St. John back into the ring and hits a spring board kick off the second rope, and goes for the first cover in the match. The referee counts 1……2…… but Nathan gets the shoulder up.
He elbows Krypto in the gut, punches him, and them slams him to the mat with a full nelson suplex. He takes the time to recover before hitting him with another backbreaker. He drags Krypto over to the ropes and starts to choke him against the bottom as the referee’s count forces him to break the hold. He stretches him out further wrenching his back.
Saboteur: This is a smart strategy by St. John: wearing down the high flyer, and equalizing that speed.
Nathan follows up with a dragon suplex with bridge, sending Krypto over onto his neck. The referee counts 1…. But the alien kicks out at one and a half. St. John hits a jumping cutter and goes for another cover; 1...... 2…… and again Krypto gets the shoulder up!
Nathan yells at the ref; getting a little frustrated.
Saxton: That sucka can’t get frustrated; he has to stay on him. That Krypto’s tenacious.
Nathan again targets Krypto’s back has he takes him to the mat and applies another stretch, but he reverses with a quick roll up, but only gets a half count. Nathan takes the alien down again and starts hammering away with punches. He whips Krypto hard into the turnbuckle, his back giving way as he falls to the mat. He follows up with another German suplex. He hits a spring board clothesline and goes for another cover 1………2…….. but Krypto gets the shoulder up again.
Saboteur: And Krypto still won’t go down! What’s St. John going to have to keep this guy down?
Saxton: This sucka’s got heart; and that’ll take him a long way in this company.
St. John pounds the mat in frustration; he drags Krypto over to the ropes and begins to work over his back some more. The alien screams in pain as his back is contorted. He tries to drag himself away but Nathan is relentless. St. John takes him down to the mat, driving his knee into his kidney with a bow and arrow hold. Krypto begins to fade, but the Japanese audience begins to rally behind him.
He gets to his knees, and begins to elbow St. John trying to break free. He clocks him in the head, and takes him down with a tilt a whirl head scissors take down. St. John is reeling as he follows up with a monkey flip. Krypto gets his opponent in another head scissors and throws him towards the ropes. He then pumps up the crowd, with the Japanese fully behind him. He climbs the ropes gingerly, his lower back killing him. He measures St. John and goes for the Shooting Star, but Nathan rolls out of the way at the last second! Krypto eats nothing but canvas as his body crumbles.
Saboteur: Oh my God, what a move; Krypto just went for everything, and he just crashed and burned!
Saxton: Damn, that jive m’sucka could see that move comin’ a mile away, and he baited him.
St. John staggers to his feet, and begins to stalk Krypto. The normally polite Japanese crowd waits on the edges of their seats; the anticipation building. The alien stands and gets hit with a clothesline, Nathan whips him into the ropes and hits a spinebuster!
St. John gives the “it’s over” taunt, and locks in the Sharpshooter! Krypto struggles in vain, but the pain is just too much to bear, and he taps out! The referee calls for the bell, as Nathan St. John stands victoriously.
S.H.I.T.: Here is your winner by submission, Nathan St. John!
Saboteur: What a textbook match by Nathan St. John, wearing Krypto’s back down until he had choice but to tap to the Sharpshooter.
Saxton: Krypto showed a lot of heart in this match; that sucka’s gotta bright future in this company.
Nathan St. John continues to gloat to the Japanese; raising the Canadian flag high above his head.
We see Crashin walking around again, strutting as usual but this time away from the camera when he is stopped by an unidentifiable person.
Crashin: Can I help you?
At that moment, we see four other men sneak up behind Crashin. The camera cuts out as another man knocks out the camera man.
S.H.I.T.: The following contest is a singles match between two members of an inferior species, possibly two different species, set for one-fall
The Lights go out in the arena. A faint sound comes in the form of the crowd as they whisper to themselves about whom is the one to come out to the entrance ramp
S.H.I.T.: Making his way to the ring, from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing at 205 pounds, El Genio Verde
A green light comes on. As the music plays, the masked evildoer known as 'El Genio Verde' makes his way down the ramp, all the while adjusting his mask. He pays no attention to any of the crowd members other than one particular in the front, middle of his left side. This crowd member is one dressed similar to El Genio Verde himself, except in blue. He then slides under the ropes and takes no time to climb the second turnbuckle screaming the phrase "EVIL" several times, before throwing his cape off to the side of the ring and doing a back flip off the turnbuckle.
Saboteur: Esto va a ser gigante. En una noche donde la única cosa más gigante-er es el tamaño de sujetador de Hollywood Jameson.
Saxton: This ain't the Spanish announce table, my Google translator addicted partner. As far as this guy goes, I'd say I'd trust this guy as far as I can throw him, but I was able to whip suckas his size when I was still a newborn.
The Green Lights switch to a more normal light, if a tad dim. Making his way to the ring is a man dressed in a raven's costume. He stops at the top of the ramp to get a good look at the crowd. While the referee is looking at this, El Genio Verde takes this time to replace the top turnbuckle pads with his own personal ones. The man in the raven costume flaps his wings as he walks to the ring, taking the steps up and climbing through the ropes.
S.H.I.T.: and his opponent...from Charleston, West Virginia, weighing at 196 pounds....Hrafn.
Saxton: I best not hear a peep from you referencing that damn kid's show about the girl who can see the future.
Saboteur: You mean this isn't her? I guess I brought my autograph book for nothing.
The match starts as the raven enters the ring. El Genio Verde stands close to the turnbuckle, but makes sure not to be too close to it. As the bell rings, El Genio Verde charges at Hrafn. Unfortunately for El Genio Verde, he's met with a front dropkick. Hrafn takes a good look around the arena to check out the reaction before picking up El Genio Verde and gives him a giant swing, He almost throws him into the turnbuckle, before El Genio Verde catches himself on the middle rope, kicking Hrafn off. While Hrafn gets up, El Genio Verde takes this time to run the ropes and give him a headscissors takedown, laying Hrafn down in the middle of the ring. El Genio Verde gives the villain laugh, as he picks up the legs of his opponent and gives him a leg drop to the groin. He goes for the cover. 1...2… Kick out by Hrafn. He looks at the ref, frustrated, but not willing to waste time, rolls out the ring and heads towards the crowd member dressed in a similar fashion to him. They seem to be conversing, Blue handing him a bag labeled 'Evil Inventions'.
The Ref and the recovering Hrafn goes after him, the ref busy with El Genio Verde, taking away his inventions, placing them at the side of the ring. During this time, the man in the audience helping El Genio Verde reaches from under his seat, and pulls out a beaver, throwing it at Hrafn.
Saxton: I can't believe what I'm seeing. This just makes a brotha sick.
Saboteur: I know! I had high hopes considering he came as a Saboteur cosplayer, even though I think he screwed up with the costume. I have to say, I've lost faith in him. If he was gonna throw a beaver, throw it in the Nathan St. John match.
The Beaver, still latched onto Hrafn, is forcibly pulled off by Hrafn, giving time for El Genio Verde to take the climb to the top of his "helper" in the audience, before delivering a diving cross body to Hrafn, which El Genio Verde calls "Green Missile". El Genio Verde wastes no time in picking up his opponent and throwing him back into the ring. As El Genio Verde climbs the turnbuckle, Hrafn still has enough energy to get up, so El Genio Verde gives a springboard clothesline, keeping him down. The ref slides back into the ring, and once again, El Genio Verde goes for the pin. 1… 2…
Kick out once again from Hrafn. Hrafn stands on his knees in confusion of how resilient his opponent is, but gives a good look at his custom turnbuckle pads and hatches an idea. He picks up his opponent and attempts to Irish Whip, however Hrafn manages to hold on and throws El Genio Verde to the turnbuckle.
The Turnbuckle explodes.
El Genio Verde is sent falling back, before meeting a head butt right to the back of the head by his feathery opponent. El Genio Verde, still dazed from both an explosion in his face and a head butt, gets up but eats a huge clothesline from his opponent. El Genio Verde, still fighting to get up, puts his leg up, trying to press himself to stand, but Hrafn runs the ropes, uses the knee of El Genio Verde as a step and delivers a shining wizard. Hrafn takes this time to show off to the fans in the Tokyo dome, who respond with applause. He points towards the same turnbuckle which exploded in the face of his opponent, and ascends it.
He sits at the top like a bird in a nest, waiting for El Genio Verde to get up. As El Genio Verde makes his way to his feet, he turns around to see Hrafn jumping towards him with the turnbuckle clothesline called the "Nevermore". El Genio Verde, thinking fast, pulls the ref in the way, and dodges it. Hrafn falls head first onto the mat, taking the ref with him. El Genio Verde takes this time to retrieve from his bag, one of his "Evil Inventions". He stands near one of the three remaining turnbuckle covers that did not explode yet. He pulls out a very large ray gun labeled "the shrink ray". He points it at the head of his opponent, however instead of shrinking his opponent, or even his head, it only slightly shrinks the giant head mask he's wearing. The pull-back of the shrink ray however, sends him back towards the turnbuckle, sending El Genio Verde flying to the mat, face first and his shrink ray to the outside of the ring.
Saxton: If El Genio Verde means The Green Genius, he's sure as hell not livin' up to his name right now.
Hrafn sees the opportunity and goes for the pin. The ref starts to wake up, seeing the pin and counts 1…2… Kick out from El Genio Verde. Hrafn doesn't give up though, and manages to lift his opponent to his shoulders, giving an airplane spin to his opponent. The audience counts in Japanese as he spins around ten times, twenty times, thirty times, forty times, before stopping at fifty times! He pins the dizzy and worn-down El Genio Verde once more.
1....2..... Kick out once again from El Genio Verde, still finding some strength in him. Hrafn turns away from his opponent to get up on the turnbuckle. The opportunistic El Genio Verde makes his way up and run towards Hrafn, punching him off the apron. Hrafn stands up, but El Genio Verde once again runs the ropes and delivers a Corkscrew Plancha to Hrafn on the outside. Both men are down for a moment, but El Genio Verde rolls back into the ring and get the ref to start his count.
1... 2… 3…
Hrafn slowly makes his way up.
Hrafn grabs a hold of the ring apron, using it to pull him up.
6… 7… 8..
Hrafn rolls back in the ring and the match continues. El Genio Verde, growing annoyed at the resiliency of his opponent, puts his opponent in a triangle choke hold, which he dubs "The Brain Drain", keeping his shoulders up to make sure that he accidentally doesn't pin himself. He makes sure to wear down the head, but Hrafn makes it clear that he is not planning on getting up, slowly making his wing to the ropes.
The ref counts El Genio Verde to let go of the ropes. 1… 2… 3…, and El Genio lets go of his opponent for now, but gives a kick to the head of Hrafn once more, to make sure he won't fight back. El Genio Verde picks up his opponent and drags him to one of the already exploded turnbuckle sides, giving him one more punch, before giving Hrafn a tornado DDT, El Genio once again goes for the pin - 1… 2… – but Hrafn once again kicks out.
Saxton: This Hrafn kid and this El Genio Verde are just fightin' way past their bodies can endure tonight.
Saboteur: Man, your accent is really coming out tonight...I didn't even realize you had an accent. It's Raven. Raven.
Saxton: I know how to say 'Raven', dummy. That's how you pronounce it.
Saboteur: "Dummy"?I loved Sanford and Son. That was my favorite tag team.... Why can't they have a match, too?
Determined that it will work this time, El Genio Verde once again picks up his opponent and heads to one of the already exploded turnbuckles, going for another Tornado DDT. However, this time, Raven pushes himself off of El Genio Verde's grip, and gives a head butt to El Genio Verde. He grabs El Genio Verde by the throat, trading places with him as Hrafn ascends the top, while dragging El Genio Verde back down to the ring. Once he reaches the top, he pushes off El Genio Verde, flapping his wings before delivering his finishing move, the diving clothesline, The "Nevermore". He goes for the cover.
But wait, the referee is distracted as El Genio Verde's helper from the audience jumps back onto the apron. The ref tries to get him out, but the helper tries arguing with the ref. Hrafn, stands up from the pin to try and get the guy down himself, but the dazed, but recovering El Genio Verde gets up, allowing him to give two kicks to the back of the leg. El Genio Verde turns him around and gives him one more kick, this time to the stomach. Hrafn, falls face first onto the mat. El Genio Verde drags him to the middle of the ring, and flips Hrafn over, onto his back. He looks towards ascending the turnbuckle, to hit his finishing move, Discordia, but grabs his leg. Realizing he likely can't make the jump, he hatches an idea as he turns to one of the unused exploding turnbuckles. He limps his way over to the turnbuckle, climbing up the bottom rope, followed by stepping up to the middle rope, and patiently waits Hrafn to get up. El Genio Verde mocks Hrafn's wing flapping as Hrafn slowly manages to get up.
Once completely standing up, he steps onto the top rope, and places his feet on the exploding turnbuckle pad. The pad explodes, giving El Genio Verde the momentum he needed to reach his opponent, and hit his finishing maneuver, the pinning Hurricanrana, Discordia.
1… 2… 3!
S.H.I.T.: Human Females and Human Males, here is the winner of the match, El Genio Verde. On a related note, the referees would like to note they are replacing the missing top turnbuckles and replacing the exploding turnbuckle not used with an official WZCW one as well.
The crowd boos as El Genio Verde celebrates.
Saboteur: See if it were the psychic girl, I would have won this. I think this is highly unfair.
Saxton: A deal's a deal, sucka. While I can't say I approve of the Mexican villain's tactic, he at least lived up to his name tonight with that Turnbuckle idea. What else has tonight have in store for us?
We quickly cut to the backstage area where Doug Crashin is unconscious in a pool of his own blood. Multiple weapons such as chairs, kendo sticks and ladders are spread out everywhere. EMT's and staff personnel are on the scene already attending to the fallen Doug. We see Sebastian Copeland arrive on the scene, looking very worried. He goes up to one of the staff members, looking for answers.
Copeland: What happened here?
Staff: One person saw a group of men come out from nowhere and jump him, assaulting him with these assorted weapons before fleeing the premises before they could get help. He's knocked out and we're taking him to the closest hospital ASAP. I'm sorry sir.
Copeland has an angry, upset and concerned mixture of emotions, unsure of what to make of this situation.
S.H.I.T: The following tag-team match is scheduled for one fall.
The Tokyo Dome crowd quickly covers their ears in pain as the sounds of sirens going off wear thin on their sense of hearing. Unfortunately, it’s about to get worse as Mr. Morality emerges from backstage with a microphone in hand and his friend Benjamin Meldon at his side.
Mr. Morality: Let me stop you right there, robot. Using a robot to complete work that should be done by a human is morally unacceptable! You are stealing a job from a human being!
The robot-friendly crowd rains a chorus of boos upon the team as the duo begins to walk towards the ring.
Mr. Morality: Of course you’ll boo us, we’re in one of the most immoral cities in the world! Sexual perversion runs rampant, there is whoremongering, drug using, and consumer worship every which way we turn! Tokyo, Japan is a modern day Sodom!
The crowd boos even louder as the two gentlemen in shirts and ties enter the ring.
Mr. Morality: So allow me to introduce your saviors. My name is Mr. Morality, and this is my accomplice Benjamin Meldon, and together, we are THE MORALITY MINDERS!
As soon as those words leave his lips the lights go out. There is an ominous silence in the arena for a few seconds until it is violently broken… with funk.
The crowd explodes out of their seats and immediately starts dancing and cheering as everyone’s favorite astronaut dance crew emerges on the stage in a flash of blue and gold light.
S.H.I.T.: And their opponents, weighing in at INVALID WEIGHT FORMAT, the human team of Sin Cobra and AKIman, Dance Party 95.
AKIman and Sin Cobra begin doing a synchronized disco routine on the stage as the crowd claps along with the rhythm. They shimmy left, they shimmy right, they grab their crotches and point to the sky, and then they start doing a two man congo line down the ramp. The two finally reach the ring, take a look at each other, and with a nod they jump into the ring. AKIman gracefully clears the top rope, but Sin Cobra manages to tangle himself up between the bottom and middle rope as a giant pyro display goes off on the stage behind him.
AKIman bends down next to Sin Cobra to see if he’s okay. Sin Cobra is, fortunately, in top shape and AKIman helps his partner to his feet… until they are attacked from behind by the Morality Minders.
Mr. Morality: Your dancing promotes premarital sex, and that is immoral!
Mr. Morality whacks Sin Cobra over the head with the microphone as Benjamin Meldon throws punches at AKIman. AKIman easily overpowers Meldon, however, and makes his way over to Mr. Morality. Mr. Morality sees the big man coming and quickly escapes to his corner, exiting the ring and taking his place as the non-active wrestler. Sin Cobra crawls over to his own corner and rolls under the bottom rope. Seeing as there are two wrestlers in the ring and two wrestlers out of the ring, the ref calls for the bell to signal the official start of the match.
Saxton: I don’t think either of these teams can hold a lavender scented candle to the WZCW Tag Team champs, but I’m still feelin’ like these fools can give us a fight so mean it’s like two suckas fighting over a plate of pork and beans!
Saboteur: Or pancakes!
AKIman gives Mr. Morality a cold stare, still upset for the pre-match attack on his partner, but his glare is broken by Benjamin Muldon whom throws an elbow in AKIman’s back. AKIman grabs his back in pain as he turns around only to meet a knee to the gut. As AKIman turns away in pain, Muldon hits the ropes running and slams into AKIman with a shoulder block… but AKIman doesn’t go down! Muldon hits the ropes again and comes back at AKIman with another shoulder block but AKIman still doesn’t budge. Muldon hits the ropes one more time, but before he can connect with a shoulder block AKIman steps out of the way and nails Muldon with a shuffle sidekick. Muldon drops like a sandbag and AKIman covers him. One. Two. Kick out!
AKIman stands up as Muldon tries to roll away from AKIman, but he’ll have no such luck as AKIman lifts him to his feet by the collar of his shirt. AKIman dangles Meldon in the air as Meldon struggles to breath. AKIman mercifully drops him and starts to wind up for a punch, but Meldon drops to his knees and starts to beg! AKIman is bewildered by this behavior as Meldon is groveling at his feet, and begins to kiss AKIman’s boot! AKIman looks back to Sin Cobra for some guidance, but while he’s distracted Meldon crawls between AKIman’s legs and dives to tag in Mr. Morality. Unfortunately for Meldon, AKIman has the awareness to grab his ankle, causing Meldon to crash to the mat well short of Mr. Morality’s reach. Meldon tries to crawl away, but AKIman maintains a tight grip of Meldon’s ankle and he pulls the despicable man up by the leg. Meldon tries to plead with AKIman again, but AKIman has heard enough talk as he uses his free hand to punch Meldon square in the gut before dropping him on the ground.
Meldon pops up quickly only to be met with more offense by AKIman. AKIman lands a punch to the face, a kick to the leg, and finishes the combo with a suplex.
Saxton: That’s AKIman’s signature suplex!
Saboteur: Nuh-uh! It’s his signature OTHER suplex!
AKIman looks at his downed opponent and realizes he has a moment to take in the crowd. He decides to reward their love with a dance as he starts hopping around the ring throwing his hands in the air like a maniac. The crowd roars with approval. AKIman bows to the crowd as a thank you, and then he turns to Sin Cobra who is chomping at the bits to get tagged in. AKIman points to his partner and looks to the crowd who respond with a deafening cheer. AKIman deliberately stomps to his corner and slaps Sin Cobra’s hand. Sin Cobra vaults over the top rope into the ring where he awkwardly, forcing his knee to buckle and causing him to fall forward. The crowd gasps as they worry that their current hero may have injured himself, but Sin Cobra pops up and gives them a big thumbs up much to their delight.
Saboteur: I’ve heard great things about this Sin Cobra guy’s ability. Supposedly he’s one of the most technically sound wrestlers to ever set foot in the ring!
Sin Cobra turns his attention to Meldon who is just getting to his feet in the middle of the ring. Sin Cobra starts hip hopping his way over to his opponent and hits Meldon with repeated palm thrusts. He continues to throw palm thrusts until he pushes Meldon to the ropes. He throws more palm thrusts but the ref gets between the two wrestlers and forces Sin Cobra back thanks to the rope break. Meldon barely gets a few inches off the ropes when Sin Cobra throws a kick that barely grazes Meldon’s thigh. He follows that with another kick that hardly connects with Meldon’s ribs. Meldon is still weak from the beating he took from AKIman, but mostly confused by Sin Cobra’s lackluster offense. Sin Cobra runs to the opposite ropes, gingerly hits them, and then sprints back to Meldon to attempt some sort of flipping move, but he misses terribly and crashes to the ground.
A smile crosses Meldon’s face as he realizes that he’s regained the advantage. Mr. Morality yells for the tag, but Meldon holds up a hand as if to say, “I’ve got this.” He picks up Sin Cobra and shoves his head between his legs. With a heavy hoist, Meldon lifts Sin Cobra up for a powerbomb, but Sin Cobra drops backwards and starts spinning Meldon around and around! And around. And around… and a good thirty seconds pass with Sin Cobra’s legs tightly strapped around Meldon’s neck as he continually spins in a huricanrana. Mr. Morality is stretching his arm as far as he can over the top rope, trying to tag in, but he is forced to pull it away to avoid having his arm broken by Sin Cobra’s furious turning speed. Sin Cobra’s saving grace quickly turns into his downfall, however, when he spins his head right into the opposing team’s turnbuckle, forcing him to break the huricanrana on Meldon. Meldon stumbles towards Mr. Morality and clumsily slaps his hand.
Saxton: You was sayin’? Sin Cobra managed to do nothing but hurt himself and now his opponent got a fresh man in the ring! It looks like The Morality Minders are about to crash Dance Party 95.
Mr. Morality climbs into the ring with a confident grin on his face as Sin Cobra clutches his head in pain. The captain of The Morality Minders puts his hands on his hips and poses in the ring, posing in front of the Tokyo crowd. The boos pour into the ring, but this only seems to feed Mr. Morality’s ego. He turns around to see Sin Cobra struggling to get back to his feet. Sin Cobra manages to stabilize himself but is taken down with a hard slap from Mr. Morality. Mr. Morality throws his hands boastfully in the air. Sin Cobra manages to pick himself back up, but is once again put down by a hard slap by Mr. Morality. Mr. Morality gives up his posing and starts stomping on the same knee that buckled for Sin Cobra earlier in the match. Mr. Morality cackles as Sin Cobra writhes in pain. Mr. Morality sees the weakness and exploits it immediately, lifting Sin Cobra’s weak leg up and kicking it. He pulls Sin Cobra to the middle of the ring and drops a knee onto Sin Cobra’s weak leg. Before Sin Cobra even has a chance to grab his injured leg Mr. Morality locks on the British Figure Four Leglock!
Saxton: Now this move right here is called the British Figure Four Leg Lock. Saboteur, what makes this Figure Four British?
Saboteur: Well, it’s a Figure Four Leg Lock, but it’s locked on by a British guy!
Saxton: Mr. Morality is from Virginia, fool!
Saboteur: Yeah, Virginia, England. Duh!
Sin Cobra struggles to break out, but it is hopeless as Mr. Morality has the submission locked in tighter than Scrooge McDuck’s piggy bank. Sin Cobra is pulling at his mask in agony, but he refuses to tap out! Not on this night! Not at WZCW All-Stars! Not…
Sin Cobra raises his hand to tap out, but he botches it and slaps himself in the head. In fact, he hits himself with such impact that he has a violent convulsion that breaks him out of Mr. Morality’s Figure Four! He takes this opportunity to make a quick crawl back to his corner, but Mr. Morality grabs him by the tights and pulls him back. Mr. Morality is angry that his opponent broke his hold and yanks him back to his feet. Mr. Morality is intent on doing some major damage now and throws European Uppercut after European Uppercut, pounding away at Sin Cobra’s face. Sin Cobra tries to get away, but he stumbles and Mr. Morality grabs him from behind to hit a Reverse DDT. Sin Cobra is lying on the mat lifelessly as Mr. Morality hops on him for a cover. One. Two. Nearly three when Sin Cobra gets his shoulder up. Mr. Morality is visibly frustrated as he stands up and immediately hits knee drop onto Sin Cobra’s head. He goes for another pin and gets two before Sin Cobra kicks out. Morality seems to have enough as he violently yanks Sin Cobra up by the head and neck and puts him in a headlock. He takes a deep breath before hitting a sudden swinging neckbreaker. Sin Cobra is once again lifeless on the mat. Mr. Morality, pleased with his work, readjusts his tie and claps his hands as he hooks Sin Cobra’s leg for a pin. He gets one. He gets two. He gets the ref waving off the pin as Sin Cobra gets a foot on the rope!
Mr. Morality is furious now as he stomps around the ring grabbing his head and ripping off his tie, which was obviously a clip on. He looks to his corner where Meldon is calling for a tag, but he waves him off. He lifts Sin Cobra up to his feet and hits him with multiple overhand clubs to the back, knocking Sin Cobra to his knees in the middle of the ring. Mr. Morality screams “This is the end of an era of immorality!” and hits the far rope. He rebounds and charges full speed at Sin Cobra, but stops abruptly as AKIman hops into the ring and seemingly pulls Sin Cobra out of the way. Oddly enough, AKIman doesn’t let go of Sin Cobra, and he keeps spinning and spinning around in a circle. Mr. Morality, Benjamin Meldon, Saxton, Saboteur, S.H.I.T., and everyone in the Tokyo Dome follows their spinning as their heads roll around and around.
Saxton: I dunno about you Saboteur, but I’m gettin’ awful dizzy!
Saboteur: Me too WHOA!
Saboteur falls backwards out of his chair thanks to the dizzying moves of AKIman and Sin Cobra! What’s more, Mr. Morality seems totally fazed by the spinning. AKIman capitalizes on this by pulling a weakened Sin Cobra and throwing him full speed at Mr. Morality. Sin Cobra connects with a crossbody that takes Mr. Morality down with Sin Cobra lying across on top of him. The ref counts one, two, THREE! Sin Cobra is oblivious to his victory as AKIman hops up and down in joy!
S.H.I.T.: The winner of the match, the human team of AKIman and Sin Cobra, Dance Party 95!
Saboteur: Hey! That’s our move! Those jerks stole it!
Saxton: Yeah, but these dudes got so much groove that it don’t even bother me!
Saboteur: Yeah… well… I’d be lying if I said there theme song wasn’t catchy.
Saboteur gets out of his seat and starts shaking his groove thang. Back in the ring AKIman pulls Sin Cobra up off the ground and explains to him that they won! Sin Cobra quickly perks up and starts jumping up and down before grabbing his knee in pain and hopping around on one leg. AKIman does the same, thinking it’s a new dance move.
Mr. Morality is slow to get to his feet, but has the awareness to realize he just lost the match. He goes over to Meldon and starts to yell at Meldon. Mr. Morality storms out of the ring and starts up the ramp when he notices Meldon isn’t following him. He waves to his partner, yelling for him to follow him backstage, but Meldon turns around and climbs into the ring and starts dancing with AKIman and Sin Cobra! The three link arms and start to Can-Can before breaking up to simultaneously do the Macarena. They finish up by doing a three man breakdance routine: Meldon does the robot, Sin Cara does a head spin, and AKIman does a jumping 360 before landing into a split. The crowd eats up every second of it and gives the trio a boisterous cheer.
S.H.I.T.: The following contest is gauntlet match!
Introducing first, from The Nearest Convention, weighing in at 130 lbs. Annie Mu!
Mu emerges from the curtain and strikes a peace sign pose, accompanied by a typical exaggerated smile. She keeps her smile as she heads to the ring and shyly eyes S.H.I.T.
Saxton: Wait a minute, that's a lady. No one told Action Saxton a lady would be fighting tonight.
Saboteur: Don't you remember Title IX? It says that women can compete in sports too.
S.H.I.T.: Introducing second, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 152lbs. Isabel Stone!
Isabel quickly walks down the ramp, giving a few mean looks to some fans. She slides into the ring and is quickly in the face of Mu.
Saxton: Another lady!
Saboteur: Yeah, didn't you read the memo we got? This is the Vixen's match.
Saxton: Well you know Action Saxton loves the ladies, so I'm just gonna kick back and enjoy this.
The bell rings and the two competitors start to feel each other out. A few quick feints and some circling leads to an eventual tie up. Stone gets the advantage and works to secure a side headlock. She isn't able to lock it in however, as Mu pushes her off into the ropes. Stone rebounds and Mu leapfrogs her. Stone rebounds again but this time she slides into Mu's feet, causing her to go down. Stone is back to her feet a split second before Mu and Stone moves to tie her up again. This time Mu is able to slip under and get behind Stone, securing a waist lock. Stone struggles, throwing elbows to little effect. Mu lifts and attempts a German suplex she releases too soon. Stone is able flip and land on her feet. As she tries to steady herself Mu runs in and takes her down with a quick clothesline. She then quickly moves into a chin lock.
Saxton: The ladies are working quickly tonight, just the way I like it. Tell me more about this Title IX.
Saboteur: Back in 1972 'ol tricky Dick Nixon passed the law saying the girls had to be offered the same opportunities in sports as boys. Little kiddie Saboteur lost his spot on the soccer team to a girl and it made me sad, but then I went home and turned on Fat Albert and I forgot all about that stupid game.
Mu wrenches on the chin lock, Stone winching in pain. She reaches back and grabs a handful of hair. She pulls until Mu lets go of the hold. When they both get to their feet Stone slaps Mu across the face. Mu responds with a slap of her own. Stone then tackles Mu and the two roll around the ring, struggling for control.
Saxton: Cat fight!
Saboteur: Where? I don't see any cats.
They continue until Stone is able to use her size advantage to gain control. She starts to rain down punches and elbows to Mu's face. Mu covers up and turns over, giving Stone her back. She quickly locks in a sleeper hold. Mu is able to reach the ropes however and the ref walks over to break the hold.
S.H.I.T.: Your winner by pinfall, Ty Burna! Ty Burna! Ty Burna!
The competitors stand confused, as does the ref. A rumbling comes over the crowd, as they are also clearly confused.
Saxton: Ah hell! S.H.I.T. is malfunctioning.
Saboteur: Don't worry about this. I can fix it, just give me a second.
Saboteur runs over to the Spanish announce table and crawls underneath. When he reemerges he has dawned a mechanics outfit, complete with a "Bill-Ray" name tag. He walks over to S.H.I.T. and examines him for a minute. He positions himself and then hits a bell clap, followed by a devastating headbutt.
Saxton: More cowbell! Tag me in sucka! I got this.
Saboteur makes a dramatic dive toward Saxton, who is now leaning over the announce table. They slap hands and Saxton runs in and hits a picture perfect crane kick.
Saboteur, who has changed back into his announcer's outfit, but has yet to leave the Spanish announce table yells.
Saboteur: Rayo Negro! He then quickly runs back to his chair. Black Lightning!
As Saxton goes back to take his seat, S.H.I.T. rises and enters the ring. He throws the ref to the side and walks over and hits a simultaneous head chop on both Stone and Mu. The ref rises and calls for the bell. A second ref runs down the aisle and the two have a conference.
Saxton: Man, I ain't waiting for these suckas! I'm gonna go get some popcorn.
Saboteur: While they wait how about an informative story? I know! How about the story about where babies come from. You see kids, when a mommy Saboteur and a daddy Saboteur love each other very much they do a special hug, and then they write a letter to the Vlasic pickle company and then Vlasic sends that stork along and he delivers a special package full of delicious pickles, and maybe a baby if you get lucky. Now when Action Saxton wants a baby, the story is a bit different. Saxton goes down to the hardware store and buys a box of trash bags, because Saxton is a real man...
Saxton: Shut up sucka! Those jove turkeys in the ring done figured out what to do. Looks like S.H.I.T. is feeling better too.
S.H.I.T.: Due to outside interference the referees have ruled this a double disqualification. As a result of the fall, the next competitor will enter the match and it will continue as a triple threat! The winner of the triple threat will advance!
Saboteur: What a turn of events! We now have a honest to Morgan Freeman triple threat match.
Saxton: All right. Action Saxton loves when three ladies go at it.
S.H.I.T.: Introducing their opponent, from The Basement of Hikari Laboratories in Saitama Prefecture, Japan, weighing in a 120lbs, the very perfect, very beautiful Erin Toyota!
Erin walks to the stage and her start up sequence initiates. As she twirls in a circle, arms above her head, S.H.I.T. walks toward her, almost in a trance. He propositions her and she smiles shyly. She takes off skipping to the ring, obviously excited.
Saboteur: Aww. It looks like S.H.I.T. is in love. I may have to duck back under the Spanish Announce table and change into my Cupid outfit.
Saxton has nothing to add as he enjoys his popcorn. Toyota sizes up both opponents. Both Mu and Stone have recovered from the chops they suffered earlier. They look at each other and nod and form a temporary alliance. Stone runs and slides through the legs of Toyota and ties her up from behind. Mu walks up and starts to unleash some punches. She backs up and measures Toyota, before hitting a stiff chop. The crowd "oohs and ahhs" as she hits another. As she winds up for the third Toyota is able to slip free and the chop nails Stone. In the temporary confusion Toyota throws Mu into Stone. The two then turn on each other, again exchanging slaps as Toyota takes a second to recover. Mu takes a few steps back and charges for a lariat but Stone ducks under and ties up Mu from behind. Toyota then comes in with a shuffle side kick, right into Mu's jaw.
Saboteur: Fatal Error!
Saxton: What? No sucka, we already fixed S.H.I.T.
Mu goes down clutching her jaw and Stone and Toyota turn their attention to each other. They exchange a few punches before they tie up. Toyota gains the upper hand and whips Stone hard into the corner. She runs at her to follow up but Stone is able to kick Toyota in the gut and stop her momentum. Stone then charges herself and headbutts Toyota in the same location. Toyota is doubled over in obvious pain from the multiple gut shots. Stone bounces off the ropes for extra momentum and baseball slides straight into Toyota's feet. Stone then grabs an arm of the downed Toyota and starts to apply a choke hold. Scream Lock! Toyota is in trouble. She tries desperately to get to the ropes, but she is too far away. Her face is in obvious pain and she looks to be on the verge of tapping. She lifts her arm, and she she is about to bring it down Mu dives in and breaks up the hold. She stomps on Toyota a few times before turning her attention to Stone. She kicks Stone in the gut hard and grabs her in a DDT clutch. Instead of driving her opponent into the mat she lifts her up, looking to hit the Baka Buster. She strikes a pose before driving Stone down.
Saboteur: Baka Buster It's finished. Surely this must must be over.
Saxton: Damn right it's over! Who is hell is Shirley?
Mu covers Stone, and the ref begins the count 1...2...and Stone gets a foot on the ropes. Mu looks angrily at the ref. She stands and starts to argue with him. Sudden Toyota is up and rolls up Mu from behind. 1...2...and Mu just kicks out in time. Mu is back to her feet but Toyota is on her quickly. She hits a bionic elbow that puts Mu in a stopper. She hits a second, a third, and then a fourth elbow. Mu is out on her feet. Toyota hits a parallel snapmare dropkick, the Robo-Kick! Toyota taunts, signalling the end, when Stone staggers to her feet. She tries to hit Toyota with a clothesline, but Toyota ducks and nails Stone with a shuffle side kick, sending her out of the ring. Mu has recovered enough to attempt her own clothesline, but Toyota ducks again. She is able to grab Mu around the waist and she hits a Gutwrench Powerbomb. She hooks the leg 1...2...3!
S.H.I.T: The winner of the first fall, the lovely and beautiful Erin Toyota!
Saxton That robot lady hit the BSOD and advances to the next round.
Saboteur: It also appears that S.H.I.T has got himself a little metallic crush. Maybe next story time I will tell the story of where robot babies come from.
S.H.I.T: Introducing the next opponent, from the Moon, weighing in at 165lbs, and not looking as good as Erin Toyota, Sailor Celestial Moon!
Celeste enters to huge applause and immediately trips and falls over on the stage. She picks herself up and wobbles drunkenly down the ramp and slides into the ring. She climbs the turnbuckle only to slip and fall, she tries once more and flashes the victory sign at the audience.
Saboteur: Looks like Celeste had a little bit of silly juice before the match.
Saxton: Hey, that lady sucka is from the moon. That ain't fair, there ain't no gravity up there, she has a superior training advantage.
Celeste stumbles across the ring and falls into the arms of Toyota. Toyota pushes her away and Celeste stumbles around the ring some more before she trips over her own feet and falls. Toyota shrugs her shoulders and walks over for a pin. 1...and Celeste kicks out. Toyota backs off and Celeste stumbles to her feet. She staggers over and wings a few wild punches, the few that do connect do little to no damage. She swings wildly and Toyota ducks under and wraps her arms around Celeste's waist. She lifts and hits a beautiful German suplex. She waits for Celeste to stand. As she staggers toward Toyota, Toyota grabs her and hits a Northern Lights suplex. She bridges, 1...2...and Celeste is able to kick out. Toyota drags her opponent to her feet and starts to hit a series of quick kicks to the legs. Celeste drops to a knee and Toyota continues with the kicks, this time to her opponents chest. After a fourth kick, Celeste rolls away and slides out of the ring. The ref begins his count as Celeste laughs at some of the cosplaying fans at ringside.
Saboteur: Looks like this one will be over quickly.
The ref reaches four as Toyota stand with her hands on her hips. Celeste stumbles around, and lets loose a loud belch that echoes through the arena.
Saxton: That lady sucka is drunk!
As the ref reaches eight Celeste manages to roll back into the ring. Toyota walks over and tries to pick up her opponent but Celeste rolls her up, 1...2...kick out! Toyota looks stunned as Celeste is back to her feet first. She charges Celeste but Celeste catches her with a belly to belly suplex. Toyota is up and charges again, to the same result. With Toyota down Celeste staggers over and starts to unleash a barrage of elbows. After she softens Toyota up, she looks to lock in Fujiwara armbar. Just as she locks it in an uneasy looks falls on Celeste's face. She quickly lets go of the hold and runs to the ropes. She hangs her head over and vomits.
Saboteur: Ewww. Don't touch it anyone, girls have cooties!
Celeste turns around, Toyota now on her feet. Toyota tries to surprise Celeste with the Fatal Error but Celeste slips on some of the vomit still in the ring. Toyota ends up with her foot hung up on the top rope. As the refs checks on Celeste, S.H.I.T walks over and assists Toyota in freeing her leg.
Saxton: Those robots are working together. Look out suckas, the robot uprising is upon us!
Celeste drunkenly stumbles over to Toyota and hits a judo take down. She rolls through the throw and slaps on an ankle lock, and Toyota is in trouble. Celeste is able to drag Toyota into the center of the ring, away from the ropes. For the second time tonight Toyota is in dire straights. The pain on her face is evident. Celeste wrenches on the hold. Toyota has no choice but to tap, when S.H.I.T again enters the ring. He makes his way to Celeste and throws her off Toyota. The ref calls for the bell as S.H.I.T tries again to attack Celeste. She drunkenly hits a thrust kick on her robot attacker, sending him tumbling into Toyota. Toyota throws him to the side and walks out of the ring angry. S.H.I.T watches her until she exits behind the curtain. As soon as his robot crush is gone he walks back over to the ring announcer area.
S.H.I.T: The winner of this fall, by disqualification, Sailor Celestial Moon.
S.H.I.T: And finally, introducing the final competitor, from Canterlot, Equestria. Weighing in at 176lbs. The Great and Powerful, Trixie Lulamoon!
Lula walks out with the crowd booing as she waves her wand around. She stands on the stage and turns around quickly, throwing her wizard’s hat into the air and pointing at it with her wand. At that moment, blue and purple pyro shoots out for a couple of seconds and the hat disappears. Lula laughs at the audience and has a smug look on her face as she walks down the ramp and gets into the ring. From there, she gives a bow and tells the audience to bow down. She takes off her cloak and puts her wand away.
Saboteur: Oh for the love of Celestia!
Saxton: You have got to be bucking kidding me sucka!
Before Trixie starts the match she produces a microphone, seemingly out of nowhere.
Trixie: Well, well, well, it seems we have some neighsayers in the audience. Who is so ignorant as to challenge the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie?
Celeste drunkenly raises her hand.
Trixie: Well then, for my first trick. With that Trixie shoots a fireball at Celeste.
Saxton: Run jive turkeys! She is a witch.
Saboteur: I just don't know what went wrong.
Celeste charges at Trixie but Trixie falls to the ground. Celeste leaps over and rebounds. Trixie spins and hits an elbow smash. She picks Celeste up by her hair and whips her into the corner. Trixie gets a running start, does a handspring and then launches into a back elbow. She prances out of the corner and goes to repeat the move but this time Celeste catches her around the waist. Celeste then struggles with her before running her into the ropes and rolling her up off the rebound. 1...2...and Trixie kicks out. Celeste tries to keep the offense going with a kick but Trixie catchers her leg and dragon whips her to the ground. She goes to drop an elbow but Celeste rolls out of the way. Celeste hits a few kicks to Trixie's leg as she stands, and then continues with punches. Trixie is able to tie Celeste up to stop the striking onslaught. Celeste is able to sweep Trixie's leg and flip her over, using her hip as a fulcrum. Celeste hits a few elbows to the back of Trixie's head before she looks for an arm. She grabs an arm and starts to twist it behind Trixie's back, wrenching on the kimura. Trixie is struggling, flailing her free arm around for a few seconds. She reaches into her tights and pulls out a handful of something. She throws it into the eyes of Celeste, causing her to break the hold.
Saboteur: Trixie has freed herself from that hold in ten seconds flat.
Saxton: What are you talking about?
Saboteur: I'm not sure but I think my commentary is making this match about 20% cooler.
Saxton: Where do you keep getting these lines?
Saboteur: Remember that fat guy we beat a few weeks ago? I stole his DVDs of that horse show.
Trixie shakes out her arm as she advances on Celeste, who is still trying to clear her eyes. Trixie hits her opponent with a vicious backhand slap and then kicks Celeste in the shin, taking her to a knee. Trixie takes a few steps back before she runs forward, and hits a devastating shining wizard. She goes into the cover. 1...2...Celeste kicks out! Trixie slaps the mat frustrated before pulling Celeste back to her feet. She goes for a punch but Celeste blocks it. She fries back with a punch of her own. She tries a second but Trixie blocks this time and then connects. Back and forth they go until Celeste hits a Sailor Moon Shuffle Side Kick out of nowhere!
Saxton: That kick hit out of nowhere! It makes me wonder, where is this "nowhere" where all these moves seem to come from?
Saboteur: It's just down the road from our tower in Wyoming, they have a factory.
Trixie stumbles backward into the ropes, but she comes back and hits an exact copy of the kick, but Celeste goes down from this one, as the crowd watches in awe. Trixie waits for Celeste to get to her feet. She runs and goes for tilt-a-whirl head scissors armbar, but Celeste counters it into a tilt-a-whirl back breaker.
Saxton: That was a good back breaker.
Saboteur: That move didn't really break her back though, they should call it a back hurter.
Trixie struggles her to knees as Celeste is ready to attack. Trixie begs Celeste away, begging for forgiveness. As Celeste slows up Trixie connects with a punch straight into Celeste's groin area. As she doubles over Trixie sprays blue mist into her eyes. She gets to her feet and pulls a length of tissue from thin air. She uses it to choke out Celeste. She drags Celeste over to the ropes and slaps her face a few times. She signals for the end. Here it comes, the Grand Finale. She springboards off the ropes, as she does Celeste belches in her sleep, causing her to bring her knees up. Trixie crashes into them. Trixie is doubled over in pain as Celeste stumbles to her feet. She staggers around and hits a high speed roundhouse kick, and then falls to her ass, The Moon Healing Spirit Crusher! She crawls over and drapes an arm over. 1...2...3!
S.H.I.T: Your winner, Sailor Celestial Moon!
Celeste does her best to stand under the refs assistance. She raises her arm before she has to run to the ropes and again throw up.
Saxton: The drunk lady won! This calls for a party!
Saxton: You are gonna cheer for her like that? Louder!
Saxton: Louder m'sucka!
Saboteur: Saboteur inhales deeply yay!
Saxton: Ugh. Saxton face palms.
Saboteur: Too loud?
We are in backstage area near the gorilla position where Sebastian Copeland is on the phone, half-way through a conversation.
Copeland: ... and you better hurry up about it otherwise you are going to miss your opportuni...
Copeland stops talking as he hears a bunch of angry voices coming from behind. He looks and he sees what appears to be the described group of men who attacked Doug Crashin. The camera man and Copeland get out of harm's way and hide behind some boxes with the camera taking a look at the man from behind as they look past. They appear to be heading for the ring... as they get further away, Copeland gets back on the phone.
Copeland: We've got a situation here. I think I just saw someone familiar... just get here on-time.
Copeland puts away his phone and rushes towards the ring.
Saboteur: Brace yourselves, the men who attacked Doug Crashin are coming.
As the music hits, the crowd loudly boo's as they recognise the music to be Ace Stevens... but when they realise that the man who walks out only looks like a cheap knock-off, they boo even louder. He walks out on stage, followed by multiple other men. They walk down the ramp, shoving anyone who tries to stop them out of the way and take-over the ring.
Saxton: Who the hell are these fools?
Saboteur: I don't know but these are some of the worst gimmicks I have ever seen. I mean, having an Ace Stevens impersonator is one thing but a Sexton Tempest copy-cat?
The aforementioned person begins swinging his hips and thrusting... terribly.
Saboteur: Ugh, oh no... oh c'mon, stop it. You're embarrassing yourself.
The Ace Stevens man steals a microphone from ringside and enters the ring, surrounded by his henchmen. He goes to talk but the crowd boo him, preventing him to for a moment.
"Stevens": For those who don't know who we are, let us apologise for being rude and introduce ourselves. Most of you should know who I am: I'm Ace Taylor, the man who has a stalker known as Ace Stevens who thinks he is me. That man could never tell a joke in his life... because he is a joke. HA!
Taylor begins laughing loudly.
Taylor: Get it because jokes can't talk.
Taylor continues to laugh whilst everyone else looks at him, including his own henchmen.
Saboteur: And the Emmy goes to...
Taylor: However, tonight... the men you see here were supposed to be booked to feature on the All-Stars show but apparently, due to "time-constraints" and "lack of funds" told to us but that miserable Doug Crashin who we took care of...
The crowd boo's loudly.
Taylor: ... we were kicked off the card. But you know what? We aren't going to stand-down that easily. We are here and we are not leaving this ring until we get the appreciation and the matches that we so rightfully deserve.
The crowd boo's as Taylor taunts everyone in the back to come out and get some. Before anything happens, Copeland walks out on stage with a bunch of security guards to come out and stop the hostile take-over.
Copeland: I don't care who you are, you men have done enough damage to this show already and I will not stand here idly as you post-pone this show further. Security.
At that moment the security advance. The same time, everyone but Taylor exits the ring and makes a barrier.
Taylor: Security? Is that the best you can do? We've been demolishing them all night to get here. But we could use a warm-up for our match. Oh, I almost forgot, let me introduce my team: Ryder Strong.
The man known as Strong runs up and knocks out a security guard.
Taylor: Derrick Meanie.
As the security guards try to apprehend Strong, Meanie dives into the pack to take them out.
Taylor: "Big" Dick Davidson.
He thrusts his hips and joins the fight.
Taylor: Nathaniel Kearn
He also joins in taking down the security.
Taylor: And Tommy Gunn.
As he last man joins, they fend off the security guards and knock them all unconscious. The crowd boo's as the men celebrate the "victory" and go to advance on Sebastian Copeland with Taylor laughing.
Saxton: That's it...
Saxton takes off his headset, grabs a microphone and slides into the ring. He gets Taylor in a sleeper hold from behind.
Saxton: I've had enough, sucka's.
All the henchmen turn around and look angry at Saxton.
Saboteur: Oh God, what are you doing...?
Saxton: I've sat down and done colour commentary the entire night, watching all these other fools get to wrestle. I should be mad that I'm not wrestling and I should've probably kicked Crashin in the sack for making me doing colour commentary but to see you guys waltz in here when you're not even on the card and get some action? Nuh-uh, Saxton ain't gonna take that sitting down. So if you sucka's want a match, I'll take on all you jive turkeys!
All of them start nodding in agreement and begin to make their way down to the ring. As they do so, they begin to surround the ring as Saxton still has Taylor hostage.
Saboteur: Oh... crab-baskets!
Saboteur takes off his headset and gets past the henchmen, sliding into the ring to help protect his friend. Saxton tosses Taylor through the ropes where he drops to the floor, only to be assisted by his men. The WZCW Tag Team Champions stand their ground before they advance until S.H.I.T. gets into the ring too, causing the entire crowd to cheer.
S.H.I.T.: I am the greatest destruction machine in WZCW, not any of you!
The three competitors in the ring stand their ground as all six men climb onto the apron and slowly enter the ring. As soon as everyone is in the ring, Saboteur goes to unsheathe his katana's but they appear to be stuck... he curses as all six men pounce on the three. It has become a massive brawl with Saboteur/Saxton/SHIT defending the hoarding attack with multiple strikes, taking down the attackers. Taylor slides out of the ring and lets the five men contend with the announce team as he finds himself a weapon... sledgehammer. Taylor gets back into the ring and gets behind a distracted Saboteur and smacks him with a hammer into the back. Saboteur clutches his back, stopping him from attacking as Taylor hits a crushing blow to Saboteur's back again. Saxton hears the screams from Saboteur and turns around, going to check on him but now with Saboteur down, more of the henchmen begin attacking Saxton to keep him busy. Taylor then goes behind SHIT who is about to Head Chop one of his men and hooks the hammer around the "throat" of SHIT from behind, causing SHIT to be immobile. SHIT cannot get out of the position as Meanie, who has battling with SHIT, goes underneath the ring and pulls out his dentistry kit. He brings out something electrical, slides into the ring and stabs SHIT with it... causing it to go haywire and unable to move as Taylor lets go.
The crowd boo's as all six men charge onto Saxton, eventually able to hold him back with four men and have the other two lay shot after shot into his face. This happens for quite some time with Saboteur trying to help but the 6 keep throwing him out of the ring and keeping distance. When all seems lost...
The crowd roars as Leonard Pierce, along with Yellow (the men from Saxton's "dream"), come bolting down to the ring and slide in, fending off the attackers. This causes Saxton to be released and he jumps up, joining back into the fight. Saboteur is able to get back into the ring and the four men begin taking down all six... with Taylor exiting the ring and fleeing the scene. Pierce has Strong and delivers a Rib Breaker to him. Yellow kicks Meanie in the stomach and hits the Rainfall DDT. Saboteur manages to gain some steam and takes out Kearn with the Death Blow. Saxton deals with the two remaining men and hits a double Black Lightning on both of them. All five of the henchmen are knocked out thanks to the five men in the ring and they all tell the fleeing Taylor to get back into the ring. He shakes his head and goes to exit through the stage area but he is met by Sebastian Copeland who stands in his way. Taylor laughs in his faces and asks what he is going to do... Copeland kicks Taylor in the gut and gives him a devastating stunner!
The crowd is going mental as the six men who attempted to take over the show have been stopped thanks to the defenders of WZCW. Copeland stands tall over Taylor as Saboteur/Saxton try to fix SHIT, who eventually springs back to life. They turn around to thank Pierce and Yellow but once more, they have completely disappeared without a trace as if they were never there. Saxton and Saboteur pat each other on the back and keep an eye on SHIT. Copeland picks up a microphone.
Copeland: Alright... now that this has been taken care of, its time for the main event!
We come back to see order being restored with SHIT waiting in the ring to announce the last match with Saboteur/Saxton on the commentary, setting their headsets back up.
Saboteur: Well, that was fun. At least we got to stretch our legs a bit.
Saxton: Yeah, you need to lose some weight.
Saboteur: I'm pretty sure SHIT was the one who called you fat...
Saxton looks directly at Saboteur.
Saxton: We will never speak of this again, sucka.
S.H.I.T.: The following contest is the last scheduled match of the evening, therefore being the MAIN EVENT. It is a 6 Man Tag Team match.
A major strobe-light effect fills the arena as his music starts playing. The crowd roars as Thunderbolt flies out of gorilla, with his finger in the air, enthusiastic for the match ahead. He takes a moment to take in the electricity of the arena, and makes a run for the ring... at least, the slow-motion-esque kind of run only possible out of one of the biggest Sumo wrestlers Japan has ever seen.
S.H.I.T.: Introducing first, from Japan, weighing in at 175 p... scanning for possible miscalculations... 650 pounds, Thunderbolt!
When he finally makes it to the ring, he may or may not be up to attempting to make it to the top rope to address the crowd.
Saboteur: Before the SHIT correction, I was going to say that was the biggest 175 pounder I've ever seen!
Saxton: How do you know that correction was terrible, sucka? You suck at math.
Saboteur: Shut up... don't remind me. Stupid pi...
A small ring comes out with a very short man on it (as the walk down to the ring is comparable to about 3/4 of a mile for a regular sized man). The crowd cheers for the little man as he is carted out to the ring.
Saboteur: *giggles like a schoolgirl*
S.H.I.T.: Next, from the flattest flat ever built in the world, located in St. Louis, Missouri, weighing in at 94 pounds; "The World's Strongest Midget" Arthur Short!
Saxton: Big introduction for such a small man. Saxton is intrigued.
He climbs through the middle and bottom rope, joining his friend in the corner.
The lights go black. When the riff kicks in a huge row of flames engulfs the stage and Facecrush comes sprinting out. He runs as fast he can all the way to the ring. He leaps onto the apron and over the top rope. He charges at the everyone in the ring who exits the ring, just in case. He reaches in his loin cloth and starts eating a piece of beef jerky until his opponent comes out.
S.H.I.T.: How very rude of you... however, their partner, from The 7th Level of Hell a.k.a. Your Mothers Ass, weighing in at 400 pounds; Facecrush McSpinesmasher!
Saboteur: ... if I may Saxy... BAMF!
Saxton: I want to fight that sucka.
The two partners, SHIT and the referee all enter the ring as they wait for their opponents.
Brock comes out to the arena in his MMA attire. Once on the entrance ramp Brock punches and kicks the air once or twice. He gives out an intense stare at the ring, before walking towards it.
S.H.I.T.: And their opponents, first, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, weighing in at 266 pounds; Brock Edwards!
Saxton: Another bad-looking mothasucka! I've never seen these fools in my life.
Instead of climbing the steel steps, Brock jumps up to the ring and gets in through the middle and top ropes. He then decides to go towards the ref and tell the ref he will be victorious. He then punches the turnbuckles until the ref comes over and tell him to stop.
Saboteur: Hey, c'mon man... what did the corner ever do to you?
Hollywood Jameson emerges from behind the black curtain and pauses for a while when he reaches the top of the stage as he sucks the remains of a fried chicken from his fingertips. Hollywood then slowly walks towards the ring while attempting to flirt with the female fans who sit alongside the entrance ramp.
Saxton: Damn, that sucka got fat.
Saboteur: I think the correct term is "Ah Hell Naw!"
S.H.I.T.: His partner, from Manhattan, New York, weighing in at 497 pounds... scanning for possible miscalculations... no miscalculations found, he does weigh 497 pounds; Hollywood Jameson!
The bottom rope of the ring has been removed to accommodate his wide frame as he rolls into the ring from the apron. Hollywood stands up, wipes off the traces of his snack from around his lips and then poses for the audience.
Saboteur: Yeah, this ring isn't going to hold these guys. Although I find it highly amusing that Thunderbolt can enter the ring much more ease than Jameson!
Saxton: That's cause he 175 pounds, remember? SHIT just talking... well crazy.
The five men in the ring seem ready to compete but since this is a 6 man tag and the original last man is not here, everyone waits a short moment before a decision is made by the referee to begin this match. Before he can ring he bell...
Copeland: Hold on one second!
Copeland comes out from the back with a microphone and a smile on his face.
Copeland: Do not start this match as a handicap as I have found someone to replace Doug Crashin... we can still have this as a 6-man tag! Ladies and gentleman, please welcome: from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 245 pounds; Jack "The Enforcement" COHEN!
The crowd stands on their feet, in massive adoration and respect as the WZCW colour commentator walks out in his old ring gear, alongside Catherine Connors who is acting as his valet for the match. The entire crowd is chanting for Cohen's name as he makes his way down the ring.
Saxton: I don't believe it, sucka.
Saboteur: Isn't Cohen like, 87? How can he wrestle... and for the last time, can you using "sucka so much?"
Saxton: It ain't me fool. Does it look like I'm the one typing my lines?
Cohen makes it to the ring as Connors walks up the steps, lowering the rope down for Cohen. He enters the ring and raises his hands in the air, receiving a massive applause from the crowd. We see Sebastian Copeland walk down to ringside as well, taking up a headset and sitting next to Saboteur.
Copeland: Can you believe it? Cohen has returned for one more match!
Saboteur: I just hope he doesn't break a leg or something, Seabass. Otherwise he'll be needing you as a crutch.
Saxton: I think that's why Cat is out here tonight... damn, she's looking fine.
Saboteur: She can unsheathe my katana any day.
Copeland: Dammit Sabsy, keep it PG.
We see that the referee has gotten it down to Jack Cohen starting for his team and Thunderbolt for the other. The referee asks for a clean fight as he signals for the bell.
Cohen offers a friendly handshake to his opponent with a smile on his face. Thunderbolt smiles back and bows with his hands clasped together. Cohen facepalms and asks for a handshake. Again, Thunderbolt bows instead. Cohen just skips the fake sportsmanship and rakes the eyes of Thunderbolt, eliciting a mixed response from the crowd (some going for the hometown favourite, others cheering for nostalgia). Cohen measures his opponent and hits a few jabs to Thunderbolt to the face. Normally, a man his size doesn't feel it but considering this sumo wrestler is "175 pounds," he sells the shots like a cruiserweight. Cohen winds up his final blow and punches Thunderbolt across the face who goes staggering to the ropes, almost making Cohen lose his balance. Cohen is okay though and he goes over to Thunderbolt, hitting a couple more jabs before he lifts up the arm of Thunderbolt. Cohen is trying to figure out where he has to hit to deliver a heart punch but instead shrugs and slaps the fat, making it ripple like Hollywood Jameson. Cohen moves back and runs at Thunderbolt with a running knee strike. Thunderbolt clutches his stomach as he goes over to his corner and tags in Brock Edwards with Cat cheering on Cohen as he gets on the apron.
Saboteur: I'm actually very surprised at Cohen thus far.
Copeland: He might be annoying but he has still got it.
Edwards enters the ring and immediately goes to Thunderbolt, hitting a headbutt. The impact damaged Brock more than it did Thunderbolt but he recovers and manages to stand back, hitting a big boot to Thunderbolt. The big man staggers back on the ropes. Edwards goes to Irish whip Thunderbolt and to his surprise, he has done it quite easily. He is proud for a moment but it turns to a little concern when he realises that a 650 pound man is running as fast as humanly possible at him, knocking him down with a thunderous clothesline. The crowd cheers as Edwards gets up, allowing Thunderbolt to hit a stiff kick to the stomach and deliver a standard suplex. Thunderbolt does his best to roll through to the cover but ends up rolling around with some of his fat doing the pin... 1... 2... Edwards manages to kick-out. Thunderbolt takes his time getting up, going to his corner and tagging in the Facecrush.
McSpinesmasher simply steps over the ropes and looks at Edwards who is on his knees. The two men size each other up as both are considered to be the powerhouses of the two teams, eliciting a huge reaction from the crowd from anticipation. The two simply stare and breath heavily for a long time, looking into each others eyes and veins popping from their necks. The laces on their boots begin to untie themselves as the sweat from their bodies throw themselves out of the skin, like two pirate ships firing cannonballs at each other. Steam rises from their heads and the lights cannot fathom how red they are. The...
Saboteur: Okay, we get it! It's an intense showdown.
Saxton: SO MUCH BRUTAL!
The showdown ends with a headbutt by Edwards, causing the crowd to cheer in relief. Facecrush responds with a headbutt, then Edwards with the headbutt. It turns into a game of tennis where the fans are turning left and right at the two men delivering headbutts to each other with cheers for Facecrush and boos for Edwards. The pace changes when Facecrush goes for a big boot, knocking Edwards back. He responds with a big boot, then a big boot response and then another! My God the repetition is intense! But again, pace changes again (shockingly) to where Edwards scoop slams Facecrush. Guess what he responds with? Seriously, go to the Applications thread and figure it out. What move would Facecrush use to retaliate?
Saboteur: I'm going to guess Scoop Powerslam. No idea why.
Saxton: Black Lightning!
Saboteur: That's not on his moveset. See, it says here on WZCW.com.
Saxton: It should be in everyone's movesets.
Copeland: What the hell are you two talking about?
Saboteur: The narrator asked us a question. Didn't you hear him, Seabass?
Well, if you guessed Scoop Powerslam, you were wrong. In fact, Facecrush decided to use clothesline because he was bored.
Edwards gets up and is met by a backbreaker, almost cracking it completely. Edwards is tough though and fights through the pain, getting up to a standing position using the ropes for leverage. Facecrush goes to run at him with a clothesline but Edwards runs at Facecrush with a shoulder-block. This knocks Facecrush to his knees and allows Edwards to hit a series of elbow shots to the head followed by a dropkick to the knees. Facecrush faceplants... yay for four letter alliteration... 1... 2... kick-out. Edwards is getting a little pissed and picks up Facecrush, going for a powerbomb. However, Facecrush reverses and lifts Edwards up for a military press. He puts him high in the air, the crowd taking photos as Facecrush throws Edwards out of the ring. Amazingly, Edwards lands on his feet almost untouched and calls for more. Facecrush goes to the outside of the ring, following Edwards up the ramp. He continues to coax him up the ramp until Facecrush decides to run up, causing Edwards to sucker punch Facecrush. The two of them brawl up the ramp, on the stage and to the backstage area where they are no longer seen. Meanwhile, the referee has counted up to 9... and 10, calling for the bell.
The match ends in a stalemate because I couldn't be arsed writing anymore. This show is as late as it is and I want to get this show out because people will complain about how late the shows always are and whatnot... so that's it. No-one wins and everyone goes home.
Copeland: Now wait just a second here, we can't end this PPV like this!
Saboteur: So now you hear him.
Copeland: Sorry, I was wearing the kayfabe headset... anyway, we aren't leaving until there is a definite winner. Facecrush and Edwards want to fight over there, fine! Let's restart this match with no count-outs! Go!
The crowd roars in approval as the referee rings the bell once more. The only thing not happy with the result being SHIT, who takes some time to process the information.
Short enters the ring, eager to wrestle and calls out for an opponent. Cohen wants in but Jameson tells the old man to stay back. It takes a while for Jameson to enter the ring but he eventually does, sizing down the little man. Jameson tells him he is going to eat him as apart of his usual 36 course dinner because he looks like a Hershey's bar. Short laughs at him then kicks Jameson in the shins before moving back and spearing him in the shins (Watch Your Step). Jameson bends over to grab his shins but cannot reach them properly and it looks like he is going to fall over.
Before Jameson hits the ground, everyone clears out of the ring and off the apron except for Short, who unfortunately couldn't get away in time and goes flying into the air as Jameson hits the ground. We do not see Short for a few seconds, prompting the referee to allow Thunderbolt to enter the ring. Thunderbolt looks to the corner and points to it, wanting to go the top. Cohen and the referee take refuge on the ramp as this happens with Thunderbolt taking his time to get up there. The ring almost lifts from the ground but Thunderbolt manages to get to the top. He jumps off... TOP ROPE SPLASH... SMASH!
The entire ring busts apart with turnbuckles and ring ropes flying everywhere. Luckily, this is a fantasy wrestling federation so no NPC's were harmed in the making of this spot. However, the devastation in the ring and the carnage laid out everywhere causes the crowd to chant its biggest holy shit chant ever.
Copeland: Good thing Jameson was the one he was splashing; his body fat absorbed all the pressure.
Saboteur: Unfortunately for the ring, the pressure couldn't hold Jameson.
Moments after this happens, Arthur Short falls back down from the sky and lands on Thundebolt/Jameson. Due to how small he is and how big they are, it acts as a cushion on impact although the falling damage did take its toll (like a normal bump, say a backbody drop). Cohen looks at the referee and asks if its still okay to wrestle despite the lack of ring and he nods. Cohen enters the carnage behind Short who is getting to his feet. He locks in the SEABASS (body breaker/inverted bearhug) from out of nowhere. Cohen locks the hold in tight and the pressure is too much for Short, causing him to tap.
The referee rings for the bell and raises the hand of Cohen, who gets a mixed reaction from the crowd for the win.
S.H.I.T.: Here are your winners: Brock Edwards, Hollywood Jameson & Jack Cohen!
Copeland: He's done it! Cohen has won the main event of All-Stars!
Saxton: Yeah, after that sucka fled from the best part of the action.
Copeland: Nonetheless, a legend of wrestling has proven that he still has got the gas rolling. He's won the match and I couldn't be more proud of him.
Saboteur: Neither can Cat.
We see a short of Cat giving Cohen a peck on the check for his efforts. Cohen smiles and raises his hands in the air shouting "finally!"
Copeland: Well kids... it has been fun but unfortunately, due to the overall destruction, we've got to go. Thank you everyone for tuning into All-Stars 2 and I will see you on Meltdown. This is Copeland along with the WZCW Tag Team Champions, signing off.
Who Wrote What:
FalKon - Opening, Segments, All-Stars Brawl & 6 Man Tag
Yazloz - Vixen's Gauntlet Match
Echelon - Nathan vs. Krypto
TBK - El Genio Verde vs. Hrafn
Joe Mason - Yellow vs. Pierce (in Saxton's "dream")
JGlass - Morality Minders vs. Dance Party '95
forums.wrestlezone.com - Rush Hour vs. Tempest/K-Oz
Killjoy - Triple Threat
Rep all these men for their hard work.
There would have been more appearances but I decided to cut it down due to irrelevance. I wanted the surprises I had planned initially to be bigger reveals and more nostalgic, rather than having everyone show up and people being less enthusiastic for the main people.
However, that was All-Stars 2. Hope you enjoyed.
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