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  #11  
Old 01-14-2016, 09:51 AM
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If it's illegal than of course it is. Anyone above the legal age has any right to have sex with whoever they want, but a 13 year old having sex with a man in his 20's is completely wrong no matter what.
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  #12  
Old 01-14-2016, 04:52 PM
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"If I know what I'm doing and I'm not harming anyone else, I should be allowed to be with whoever I want."
A lot of mental maturity is needed within a person to make a statement like this stand ground and at 14 I have serious reservations that DJ is smart enough to make these decisions, stand behind them and live with them for the rest of his life. I question if he's smart enough to know the ramifications of having a relationship with someone 3 years removed from high school when he at best is just starting high school. He may think he's smart enough, he may think he's got it all together but it doesn't sound to me like he does at all, he sounds like so many other teenagers I've met who think they know it all until reality slaps them in a face down the road.

It sounds to me like he wants a serious relationship so bad that he will do anything and I mean ANYTHING to get it even if it means putting himself in danger. From reading your post Phenom it really sounds like he just wants a relationship and he isn't putting too much thought into who he's dating or what could potentially happen to him as a result. He's not thinking about the other side of the fence, he's not thinking things like why in the hell would a 21 year old want to go out with a 14 year old when he could most likely date a person who is legal? Could this guy be a creep? Could this guy be dangerous? Is he a pedophile? If we get caught what are the ramifications? Is he manipulating a 14 year old because he can? How will this guy react if I decide to break up with him?

I'm just saying everything you've said all revolves around him "doing what he wants" and "it's between him and that guy", I didn't see one word spoken about who this guy is and what's he like. He sounds like the 9 year old "Whateva, I do what I want" girl from that South Park episode.

Overall though, a 21 year old has NO BUSINESS being with a 14 year old. I don't care how mature that 14 year old is, if they are actually stupid enough to put themselves in that situation then they obviously aren't mature enough (both the 14 and 21 year old). This dude could be very dangerous and as much as DJ and your sister might hate it the best course of action is most likely getting the law involved. I agree there's a lot of laws that are stupid but laws like this exist to protect kids from themselves because as smart as they think they are their brain isn't fully developed and they don't have enough life experience to understand all the avenues.

You tell me man, what is the right thing to do here?
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  #13  
Old 01-14-2016, 07:48 PM
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I believe the right thing to do is what I have planned to do Saturday. Which is when DJ comes over, his mother and I are going to go out for lunch and I am going to tell her everything that DJ has told me and I'm going to let her decide on what the best course of action might be. At the end of the day, DJ is not my kid nor my family and getting myself involved by contacting the police is something that I'm not going to do. Not only because I don't feel its my place to make that decision but also because I don't want my sister to lose her best friend because of me. My sister is at that age now where she doesn't want to tell me things and she shuts me out more and more. I don't want that. I might not be her father but I am her guardian and I don't want her to feel as if she can't come to me with anything.
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  #14  
Old 01-14-2016, 07:57 PM
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Originally Posted by I Am Phenom View Post
I believe the right thing to do is what I have planned to do Saturday. Which is when DJ comes over, his mother and I are going to go out for lunch and I am going to tell her everything that DJ has told me and I'm going to let her decide on what the best course of action might be. At the end of the day, DJ is not my kid nor my family and getting myself involved by contacting the police is something that I'm not going to do. Not only because I don't feel its my place to make that decision but also because I don't want my sister to lose her best friend because of me. My sister is at that age now where she doesn't want to tell me things and she shuts me out more and more. I don't want that. I might not be her father but I am her guardian and I don't want her to feel as if she can't come to me with anything.
By telling his mother what's going on, you are getting involved. There's nothing wrong with that, he is a child and he is exposing himself to risk through his behavior and something has to be done. I might suggest that you encourage him to speak to his mother himself, but I doubt he'll do that. Perhaps encourage his mother to seek counseling with him and/or individually. If he has been doing this since the age of 8, we could be looking at parental neglect here and maybe even authorities might need to be contacted. Your heart's in the right place but you must be prepared that your actions in helping DJ might not be well received, initially, if at all. Prepare yourself for being hated for doing the right thing and trying to save this child. Best of luck to you and DJ.
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  #15  
Old 01-16-2016, 08:44 AM
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A rational 21-year old wouldn't ethically want to get physical with a 14-year old. But to the guy's defence, when you love someone, and that person insists you to make love with them, probably every other day... you will eventually give in. You wouldn't want to hurt your partner every time (and teenagers get hurt easily) by saying stuff like "I can't do this, you are too young," or "Let's wait four more years." It will just destroy your relationship. In that case, you have to make a choice between ethics and the person you love, and it's hard to pick the morally high ground. Also, not all days are similar; there will be times when you would want to be physical... and during times like these, it will be tougher to resist the urge, especially if you have committed the act before and it didn't feel bizarre or wrong after it was over.
Phenom, bro, if you haven't talked to his mother yet... don't keep an aim in mind. You have decided to let her know, and that's where your role ends in the matter. Don't say things like "you know, it's wrong and it's illegal..." or make her react the way you want her to react. Anything more, and you will be doing more than splitting the two. The 21-year old would be f***ed, we all know that, the 14-year old would be badly hurt emotionally, that is something you will have to think about as well, and your sister would keep matters (even those involving her) away from you because you are not someone that listens and suggests, but someone that reacts the very way that the person confiding in you doesn't want you to react.
Anyway, good luck to you, and do let us know how everything went.
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Last edited by Reflection : 01-16-2016 at 08:56 AM.
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  #16  
Old 01-16-2016, 09:10 AM
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Although I still have plenty of doubts, he has a point. If nobody forced him to do something he didn't want to do. If he wasn't tied down, drugged, or beaten. If he truly wants to be with an older guy and he truly understands the gravity of what he's doing and the consequences; is it wrong?
Yes, it is wrong. And its not just from the law point wrong(because it constitutes as rape), its wrong because before a certain age you dont get to decide whats right or wrong for you because you are not mature individual to make that call. You may think you are, but no you arent. I mean, cmon, he was 8 when he had sex first time and now he is 13 and thinks he is mature individual who can make calls on his own.

Even if you disregard the law, its just wrong. Because nobody is that mature when he/she is 13-14 year old. Thats why your parents are responsible for you before certain age and thats why you have some guidelines when you are suppose to do some stuff. Because that guidelines do mean something and if you cross them you do that on expense of your own safety.
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  #17  
Old 01-16-2016, 09:48 AM
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This is crazy...

He is a victim of Child Abuse... anyone who has sex with an 8 year old, is a Peado pure and simple and needs locking away. His reactions are different to the stereotypical guilt but still symptoms of the trauma. "Had that person NOT done what they did when he was 8, he might not be gay today" is a legit question that he should be asking.

It's easier to be more cut and dried about it where its a young boy and a man. Where it's a hetero relationship however the waters do get more murky... how many of our parents and grandparents would have been seen as "Peados" by today's standards? My own parents would be, my dad was 18 and my mum 15 for a few more weeks when I was concieved, heard the story a million times... technically it was illegal but there was common sense used. They were in a stable relationship, my dad was earning and could support her and the parents on both sides, while not thrilled, accepted that they would likely have gotten married within a year anyway. Had she been 14 or lower, then yes, I'd be horrifed myself... but if it's reality it's reality. Laws are different everywhere and muddled... in the UK you can marry at 16 but buy a drink at the wedding... in some US places it's 15 but you can't drink till 21... yet you could legally have a 5-6 year old kid by that time...

Today - it's not acceptable at all, but people need some perspective that this "norm" of aggressively penalising those who do this is in reality less than 25 years old and could yet disappear. I knew a girl at school who had kids at 12 with a much older man... he was never locked away, nor the kids taken away... Today both would happen, regardless of the trauma that would cause to the girl.

The lad you're talking about needs help, now... it probably needs reporting if only because of the worrying nature of how it all started. At 14 he can't make that call... might piss your sister off, but ultimately it's a safeguarding issue... if that guy is in your house, you know, and don't report...it can come back on you. Even if he hates you it's better it gets dealt with now (being gay is fine, being abused since 8 isn't) and he can then get the help he needs to have a proper perspective on relationships...
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  #18  
Old 01-16-2016, 11:06 AM
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Originally Posted by THTRobtaylor View Post
This is crazy...

He is a victim of Child Abuse... anyone who has sex with an 8 year old, is a Peado pure and simple and needs locking away. His reactions are different to the stereotypical guilt but still symptoms of the trauma. "Had that person NOT done what they did when he was 8, he might not be gay today" is a legit question that he should be asking.
I may not have been clear enough in my original post for this thread, however, he wasn't having sex with men at the age of 8. He was messing around with boys his own age and friends that would come over to his home or the ones he would go and stay with. Not men. Older guys didn't come into the picture until he was 13. I thought I mentioned that. I'm told that boys messing around with other boys is completely normal behavior whether the child turns out to be gay or not.
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Last edited by SSJPhenom : 01-16-2016 at 11:11 AM.
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  #19  
Old 01-17-2016, 04:39 AM
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When he was 8 he was having sex? That is all kinds of fucked, he's manipulating people to be doing that shit at that age. DJ's scenario is not right because the law says its not.

As for scenarios involving two people who are both underage having consensual sex is fine. But as soon as someone is taking advantage of someone thats not on.
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Old 01-17-2016, 09:54 AM
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Before I go into the points that I want to make, let me tell all of you a story.

My sister who is 14 has a best friend who comes over all of the time. His name is DJ. He's also 14 and he's gay. So last night, I over hear the two of them talking and DJ exclaiming how he's ready for a serious relationship; including sex and the whole 9 yards. After hearing this I think to myself; "It's time for me to join in on the conversation and set this boy straight (no pun intended)". So I do. I tell them both all of the societal norms that you always hear. You're too young, you're still kids, you have all the time in the world, live your lives, sex is dangerous, I know you think you want this stuff but, and so on. My sister seems to listen and soak it up, which I love because I'm not ready for her to get to that point. DJ, on the other hand, retorts and begins to tell me his story and how he feels.

As I said, DJ is 14. According to him, he's been having sex with boys since the age of 8 and with men since last year (age 13). He wants a steady relationship and has been going out recently with a 21 year old guy who he met online. Now in my eyes and more importantly the eyes of the law, DJ's partner is a pedophile and DJ is a victim of child abuse and statutory rape. That's not how DJ sees it however. "I want a boyfriend", DJ says. "It's my choice. No one's abusing me. Why should we be treated like criminals?" Again, I tell him all of the societal norms. You don't know what you want or what you're doing, this guy is only after sex with boys, he doesn't love you, blah blah blah. I find myself talking to DJ as if he's a child. In the eyes of the law, he is a child and that should be enough. Is he really just a little kid though? He assures me that he is not just a child. Plus, his sophisticated gay image makes him look older than 14. I mean, he comes across as bright, articulate, sure of himself, and above all else, mature beyond his years. It's hard to imagine anyone getting away with taking advantage of him.

So we continue to talk (honestly this is the best conversation that I've had in years and it's with a 14 year old) and we get to the law breaking part of his relationship. DJ is concerned with the law, which in Nevada states that men over 19 who have consensual sex with guys under 18 are classified as dangerous sex criminals on par with child rapists. After serving their sentence, they would be required to register their address with the police for minimum of five years and could have their identity revealed to the public. Needless to say, this is a huge problem for DJ. Not only because his current partner is 21, but because he prefers older guys as opposed to guys his own age. He said: "I don't like guys my own age. They're too immature. I like men in their 20s to early 30s. They are more experienced and serious. With them, you can get into a closer relationship than you can with a teenager." Now I had him. "If other guys your age are too immature for serious relationships, what's the difference with you", I asked. "If they're too young for that sort of thing, aren't you?" "No", he said almost angrily. "Not all guys my age are immature like that but most are. Some kids mature faster than others." He continued with: "I don't consider guys who's balls have dropped as mature. I'm talking mentally mature. Some guys around my age have jobs and help support their families while still being on the honor roll at school. Yet the law still says they're too young." "The law is stupid", he exclaimed. "If I know what I'm doing and I'm not harming anyone else, I should be allowed to be with whoever I want."

Although I still have plenty of doubts, he has a point. If nobody forced him to do something he didn't want to do. If he wasn't tied down, drugged, or beaten. If he truly wants to be with an older guy and he truly understands the gravity of what he's doing and the consequences; is it wrong? Same goes for women and straight people in similar situations. I used to think that underage relationships were wrong no matter what. Was I wrong? I'm not saying that people go out and find an attractive 15 year old and get them to say yes or anything like that, however, if an underage teenager is truly in love with an older person, they understand everything that is going on, and they are a willing participant in the relationship; is it still wrong?

What do you guys think? Underage relationships are wrong no matter what? Depends on the situation? They're still kid? I'd like to know your opinions on such a taboo subject. I told DJ that I'd be posting this topic on here, so please be respectful.
I am gonna say this in one word for you.

WRONG!

We all know its legally wrong! But more importantly its wrong emotionally, mentally & physically. The guy is just 14 and his mind is really immature. As much as he can say that he is mature, he is not. His body & mind is not developed enough for such a relationship.
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