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Old 05-22-2011, 02:41 PM
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Thumbs down WCW Bash at the Beach 1998 Review

Bash at the Beach 1998
Date: July 12, 1998
Attendance: 10,095
Location: Cox Arena

So WCW is moving the Heavyweight title out of the ongoing nWo feuds by putting the belt on the almighty Goldberg. For anyone who hasn’t seen the whole episode of Nirto where the Hollywood Hogan and Goldberg match takes place, I suggest you do as it would have to be the best moment in WCW history. 40,000 fans were going absolutely nuts and even to this day, still sends shivers up my spine. Chris Jericho is the Cruiserweight champion, set to defend his title against Rey Mysterio after Dean Malenko snapped and cost himself his shot.

We also have sporting celebrities with Malone, Greene and Dennis fucking Rodman set to appear in the ring tonight. Can I just say, why would anyone pay to see sporting personalities in the ring, for not one match but two? It makes no fucking sense whatsoever. I'm really not looking forward to this.

Your commentators are Brain, Mike and Tony. Tony is wearing a Hawaiian shirt this is really bringing out the largeness in his breasts.

Raven’s Rules: Raven vs Saturn

I'm surprised they are beginning with this but I can’t say I'm complaining. This should be good. Saturn wastes no time by pouncing before Raven even enters the ring and Irish whips him into the barrier. Another very hard whip into the rail before things finally head back into the ring. Saturn moves up top to attempt a high risk manoeuvre and falls off the top rope but luckily enough he lands on his feet and is able to connect with a dropkick. Perry once again moves to the top but misses a leg drop which allows Raven to go after the tables. YEAH BOY!

Goes for a suplex from the apron but Saturn is able to recover and sit him balls first on the top rope. Goes for a springboard but lands on the floor and receives a Russian legsweep straight into the rail. OUCH! Saturn is sporting some actual wrestling attire tonight. Back in the ring and Saturn bounces back and delivers a huge T-bone suplex before going for the chair. Sits it on Raven face and delivers a Hogan leg drop for a very close near fall.

Riggs and Lodi are in (my word, Lodi is even getting into the Hawaiian spirit haha) but a double back body drop has Saturn working the momentum. Stands the chair upright and launches into the corner but kicks Nick Patricks teeth down his throat, which is then followed by some of the best selling of a ref bump you are likely to see. Things are back on the outside and there is now two table positioned with Raven lying on the first one but Kanyon comes out and moves Raven. Saturn still jumps for some idiotic reason and commits suicide. Kanyon takes Raven to the ring and delivers a flatliner on the upright chair. Saturn is rolled by Riggs and Raven covers but gets another near fall! Raven picks up the chair and receives a standing side kick but the pin is broken up by Riggs. Saturn picks him up and delivers my favourite finisher, THE DEATH VALLEY DRIVER, but turns around and walks straight into an evenflow DDT for the 1-2-3.

Rating: **¾ – It wasn’t fast, there wasn’t as much weapon usage as I expected and wasn’t given enough time but it was pretty entertaining for a first up match. Too many people were involved all at once but they need to keep this feud fresh and they have a much better outing further down the track.

Mene Gene is out with Eddie Guerrero and yadda yadda yadda, I’ll cut his hair and he’s not all there, yadda yadda yadda. Who cares?

Kidman vs Juventud Guerrera

Hell yes! One of the few things WCW did right was push Kidman to the moon and back to an extent (He never went past the Cruiserweight division until feuding with Hulk Hogan in one of the more ridiculous angles put together).

They lock up in the centre of the ring and after some running and dodging, Juvi nails him with a flying head scissors that sends him to the floor. The juice then prepares to launch to the outside but Lodi is quick to react and drags him to the other side of the ring. My boy Billy Kidman then sets sail himself but connects with Lodi as the crowd is really behind this ... as they should! Juvi springboards off the top rope and launches himself on to both competitors! My lord Lodi is one funny character.

Back in the ring and Kidman gets hold of Juice and nails him with that whiplash German suplex before heading outside and jamming Juvi’s throat on the guard rail. Nice! Kidman prepares to re enter the ring but Juvi is up and flips over the top to powerbomb him onto the mats on the outside. Back in the ring and Juvi takes Kidman up top and seems to be preparing for a frankensteiner but Kidman low blows him and almost spine busters him off the top but only a two! You know when Heenan groans, you have done something pretty cool like that.

Guerrera is up and tries to hit a missile dropkick but goes through the ropes and onto the floor. Kidman heads up top but Juventud is up very quickly and sits him crotch first on the top rope before a springboard head scissor fetches him a close two count. Some awesome technical abilities on show as Juvi and Kidman exchange in a series of bridges and reversals but Guerrera comes out on top with a Juvi Driver, Kidman is out at two. Kidman up and a spinebuster gets him set for the 7 year itch (shooting star press) but Juvi moves out the way. Goes up top and nails him knee first with the 450 splash for the win.

Rating: ***¾ - Brilliant stuff in this and I was really hoping WCW would give them sufficient time to work a high flying and quick paced match-up which they did. Possibly two of the hottest prospects at the time being around 20 and 24 years of age respectively and the great things is, I think their movesets are so large that they’d be able to take it to another level next time.

Stevie Ray vs Chavo Guerrero Jr.

I have no idea why Chavo is wrestling two matches tonight, especially against this fat, slow, piece of shit named Stevie Ray. Why would you put a luchador with someone who can barely move?

Well thankfully Chavo is a smart man as this is followed by the Hair vs Hair match and he just grabs Stevie Ray’s hand, gets on one knee and taps out instantly so he can save himself for Eddie. THERE IS A GOD!

Rating: ***** - No moves and Stevie Ray going home after around one minute in the ring is one fucking high quality minute of PPV television.

Hair vs hair: Eddie Guerrero vs Chavo Guerrero Jr.

We even have a quick change of ref for this match as Chavo begins by biting this shit out of Eddie’s arse (no pun intended) as stalling takes up the majority of time in these early stages. Eddie puts his hand out and is clotheslined before running to the corner and grabbing the ref. Chavo is right behind and begins biting the other cheek. HAHA! I don’t know what they are doing but it is working with the crowd.

Eddie begins working his way on top and its not long before the Gori special in all its glory is locked on. I wonder what Grandma Guerrero thinks about all this? Chavo is able to slide out but turns straight into a clothesline and Eddie is able to put on a Steiner Recliner in the middle of the ring. Chavo powers out again and fights back with a monkey flip, a couple of chops and then a tiltawhirl backbreaker which takes both to the floor. Eddie moves all the mats on the concrete floor and goes for a suplex but receives one himself before being scoop slammed in the centre of the ring. Chavo heads up top but Eddie is quick to respond and is floored with a superplex (remember when that move was done like once a month? Now its every match). Chavo moves to the top and tries to complete a Eddie frogsplash but Eddie gets the knees up. Eddie takes him into the corner and hits him with his own Tornado DDT before going for the scissors and trying to cut the hair. Turns around and walks into Chavo’s Tornado DDT and makes the same fatal mistake. Eddie with the inside cradle for the 1-2-3. Chavo begins shaving his own hair off in the centre of the ring. Nice touch!

Rating: *** - Pretty funny stuff in this and the match wasn’t that bad either. Shame they let the beginning take up so much time, time that could have been put into an even better outing. Instead I reckon we’ll have Dennis Rodman stalling and stealing time away from the true athletes in this promotion.

Disco Inferno vs Konnan the Barbarian.

Oh no. Anyone but that bald fuck please! Disco and Alex Wright begin going bowdy bowdy and rowdy rowdy on the San Diego crowd which gets quite a few laughs. Heenan: “HERREEEEEE’s K-DAWG! AREWWWWWWWWWWWW!” He really is that good!

All these shanadigans are coming out as Big Sexy is now on the mic. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Kevin Nash really is overrated on the mic. Anyways, this one doesn’t take long as the Wolfpac begins distracting the ref and Nash makes his way in to powerbomb Disco. Konnan puts on the Tequila sunrise and this one is all over.

Rating: ½ – Absolute waste of time for a ‘PPV feature match’. What is the point of even putting it on the card? This is what I don’t understand with this company: they load up their card with a few good matches and then ruin it by putting bouts that no one gives a crap about and bouts that mean absolutely nothing with no storyline.

Giant vs Kevin Greene

Giant not smoking a dart on his way down, I'm slightly disappointed. And here is the first of our sporting athletes in the ring for what I thought was a ‘wrestling PPV’.

Greene begins by kicking the top rope while Giant is making his way into the ring before pouncing on him in the corner for some punches and getting planted in the middle of the ring. Reallllyyyy slow stuff and ‘Goldberg’ chants go around the stadium. Yep, this is interesting alright!

Greene begins to get some offence in but wears a headbutt to the floor and they are finding ways to drag this one out to meet the time-limit. Back in the ring and Greene jumps off the top with a flying clothesline but gets a one count before going after the knee. Backs Giant into the corner and begins his NFL style charge at the big man but runs into the giant mits and CHOKESLAM! 1-2-3.

Rating: ½ – Just a junk time match and this will probably be the end of Kevin Greene so the point of this was? Giant gets a squash on PPV but the squashee was Kevin Greene? Is that meant to put him over as a monster or something?

We get a recap of the whole Dean Malenko and Chris Jericho situation and why it is a Chris Jericho vs Rey Mysterio title defence tonight.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho (c) vs Rey Mysterio Jr.

Jericho is out and wants to sing a song but ‘Jo Jo’ Dillon is out and says he would offer an apology if he knew the real situation that is with Chris Jericho. He is disappointed that Chris isn’t defending his title tonight and wants to know if he is willing to defend his title in a No DQ match against a random opponent. Jericho obliges and Rey Mysterio is the one, looking very fit I must say.

Very quick stuff to begin with as Mysterio is all over him in the early stages. Springboard legdrop and that fetches a very close two count as things head to the outside where a head scissor takes him head first into the rail. Rey takes him to the entrance ramp where there are all types of objects and he decides to climb the lookout tower to perform a flying head scissor! NICE! Back in the ring and a top rope powerslam by Jericho has him on top. Goes and grabs a chair and a couple of shots on the bung knee before attempting a high risk move ends in him eating some dirt. Rey is now all over him with the chair but a quick reversal has Jericho going for the Liontamer which Rey escapes. Malenko begins making his way to the ring which steals Jericho’s attention and a quick role up from Rey gets us a NEW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION. After the match, Jericho tries to escape from Malenko but walks straight into Arn Anderson backstage which allows Malenko to take him away for another backstage brawl.

Rating: **½ – This actually wasn’t that great at all with a couple of great moves but looking back, didn’t think it went all that long. I was probably expecting a lot more offence from Jericho but it never really came through and this was a bit of a disappointment. Being Rey’s first match in over six months may have something to do with it and I'm pretty glad he got the victory, he deserves it.

TV Title: Bret Hart vs Booker T

This came basically out of nowhere and was never met with an explanation as to why Hart is interfering in Booker’s matches. Hopefully they get this out of the way and we can all move on.

The T is on top early with a flying lariat before tossing Bret to the floor and using the guard rail to his advantage. Hart bounces back though and drops him neck first on the rail and takes things back into the ring where he begins to work on the legs. The proceedings don’t last long in the ring as Hart again goes to the outside and exposes the ring post, and it meets the back of Booker. Into the ting they go again and Bret jumps off the top rope but is greeted with a very slow two count. Heenan: “Bret’s wondering what he has to do to beat this man!”. That match had been going 3 minutes Bobby boy, relax!

Booker begins working his way back into it and plants him with a sidekick and then an axe kick as the spinarooni is out in all its glory. Goes up top and lands his missile dropkick for the 1.....2...... foot on the rope. The ref really is counting that slowly. Hart roles out the ring and as Booker springboards to the outside, chair shots come to the fore from Hart and this one is thrown out. Whadddddashame! The pounding continues with more chair shots on the knee before the figure four on the ring post. Stevie Ray walks out and does little to stop the beating.

Rating: * - This was such a poor way to end it after the momentum and rhythm was beginning to head in the upward direction. They seriously should have kept the Nitro finishes as far away as possible from their PPV broadcasts, it is such a cheap way out. Why would people pay money to see that when they will perhaps see it the next night on Nitro?

We get a recap of the Goldberg World Title win. When he is holding up both the US Title and World Title up to the sky, it really is a sight for sore eyes.

World Heavyweight Title: Curt Henning vs Goldberg (c)

There isn’t a man I would have wanted to knock Goldberg off more than Curt Henning. The man definitely deserved a world title run but he doesn’t stand a chance in this one.

Goldberg begins by dominating early as always and catches Henning straight off the top to nail him with a gorilla press slam. Henning though is straight back into it and is using the tactic of working on the legs. We haven’t seen that before *rolls eyes*. Both men back on their feet and Henning lands a skimming clothesline before the HENNING PLEX but it fetches only a two. I smell the end. Goldberg lands a clothesline of his own, spear and jackhammer for the 1-2-3.

Rating: * - Nothing to note in this really. I'm surprised by the lack of offence that Curt got in as I thought they really could have put Goldberg over as a man who can not only squash his opponents, but triumph when tested in a 15-20 minute match. Instead Henning got a couple of leg shots in and that was all she wrote.

And it’s the match I have dreaded all fucking night.

DDP and Karl Malone vs Hollywood Hogan and Dennis Rodman

Michael Buffer is out again and I just had to laugh. “A tag team match, like no other in professional wrestling history”. No shit, because it is ‘wrestling’ and we have ‘basketballers’ wrestling in a match you have also described as being ‘bigger than any title, trophy or championship belt’. This is ridiculous.

It’s good to see that piece of shit the Disciple is out as well and I'm guessing he will take no part in this mega match of the titans.... yeah right. Typical Hogan stuff here as he refuses to get in the ring. But it looks like Malone and Rodman are going to kick things off but Rodman keeps resorting to the ropes for safety. Malone presents the hand for a test of strength but some more stalling. For fuck sake just charge at him and bite his leg or something. Finally a side headlock but is shrugged off by Malone and Rodman heads straight to the floor. And after 5 minutes of absolutely nothing happening, Hogan is tagged in. THAT IS WHAT YOU CALL A QUALITY PERIOD OF WRESTLING PEOPLE!

Anyways some more wasted time on a headlock or something that is broken up when Malone powerslams him. DDP tagged in to take on Rodman now. Again there’s some more stalling. Seriously, what would happen if a basketballer got in the ring with a UFC fighter? They’d have the living shit kicked out of them. In this case, they are telling us there is no difference between a ‘professional’ wrestler and a ‘casual’ wrestler and that having a wrestling background means very very little. Oh well what can you do?

We get some leap frogs now by Rodman which leads to them just colliding in the ring which is probably due to the fact he has no wrestling background at all. Malone and Hogan Part II now as Hogan distracts the ref which allows Rodman to get a cheap shot to the back of Malone’s head. Dennis is tagged in to dish out a couple of elbow drops before heading back to the apron.

This is just terrible. Hogan goes for the Leg Drop of doom but misses and allows DDP to get the hot tag to Malone. A couple of power slams are applied before nailing Hogan with the big boot. DDP is then instantly tagged in and nails the diamond cutter which is then followed by a diamond cutter on Rodman from Malone. The Disciple then manages to enter the ring without the referee even noticing and nails the Stone Cold Stunner and gets Hogan the pin. Oh boy!

Rating: ½ – BORRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG. I never seem to want to turn the TV off before a PPV is over but this one was perhaps the most ridiculous main event I have ever seen. It had more standing around and doing nothing than actual wrestling moves. That being said, there was precisely ZERO actual moves performed and it ran for an amazing 25 minutes. That is just ridiculous and whoever decided this was a good idea (probably Bischoff the smart arse fuck), are absolutely kidding themselves.

We go off the air with the nWo at the entrance saying they’re just 2 SWEET! No, it’s just 2 fucked upppp.

PPV Rating: E
This absolutely sucked arse. Walking away, I actually have no interest in watching the Nitro episode that followed this PPV, which makes me wonder how people were feeling back in 1998. I honestly don’t know where they go from here and I have already said what they should have done, but it’s all too late now. And if any more bad news could ruin this PPV some more, it was the fact they’re off to Sturgess for the hillbilly redneck motorbike PPV, Road Wild next month. Get fucked WCW.
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Old 02-10-2015, 08:47 AM
Cub McCallister Cub McCallister is offline
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The main event for this match should of been Sting Vs Hollywood Hogan for the title with Sting being screwed out of the title and having Hogan win back the title only to drop it to Goldberg at Starrcade.
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