Meltdown 126: Dr. Zeus & Ramparte vs. Bearded Ants
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Batti: "HHMMmmm what do we have here?"
The hyperactive maid stumbled upon a small brown box. In her curiosity, she threw her feather duster down, dropped to her knees, and dragged the parcel out from behind the desk. She was sent in to tidy up Ramparte's study, but The Recluse had taken residence in the attic. Perhaps mulling over whatever ancient books were hidden in there.
Batti: "Naughty, naughty. This little kitty can get caughty."
She laughed at herself for making such a rhyme. It's not like she wouldn't be able to hear Ramparte from a mile away. He had started communicating again with Alice, his cane, and was probably blathering about a damn Jane Austen novel for all she knew. Batti liked imagining that the former tag team champion bitched at Alice about how movies weren't as good as the books. It tickled her to death.
The box was taped. Do Not Open was written elegantly across the flap.
Batti Otaku dug her nails into it and ripped it apart, spilling out letters.
Batti: "Eh? Love letters?!?"
At least, that what it seemed like to her at first. Upon closer examination they were to and from her employer, and when she saw who was corresponding with him, she aggressively plopped her size 6 ass onto the floor and frantically shifted through them.
Batti: "I SHIP IT!!! MY GAWDS JESUS ALIVE I SHIP IT!!! HAPPY DAY!!! BATTI MUTHAFUGGIN OTAKU DON' HIT THAT SWEET ASS JACKPOT!!!" XD
For every door that closes, another opens. I congratulate you on such an exceptional victory at Kingdom Come 7. It proved to be a magical number for yourself and your followers, the Children of the Damned. Remarkable outing against the schizophrenic game addict Theron Daggershield. Truly what he needed more than anything else was a doctor willing to give him the adequate treatment. Sick, sick man. I am sure with such a thrilling performance, the both of you will seek war again at Apocalypse. He rather deserves a fitting end to his little crusade, don't you agree? I myself am content with watching from the sidelines like Bilbo Baggins observing the Battle of Five Armies. But alas, it's not necessarily in my nature. I'm more Hemingway than I am Tolkien.
I'm ill, doctor. As you may have caught word, Cerberus was "put down". The fault lies with Eve Taylor, a Hell-sent harlot of a wrestler. For months she pulled my partner and I further and further apart until I had no comfort in my team but to see it die. That of which I came close to killing, until my wrath and pride fused together in cold arrogance. Imagine my humiliation. This is why I write to you now. Cerberus was my refuge. Now I am adrift with no sign of a lighthouse. How I yearn for the possibility of returning to a group with potential.
Your army, your John Doe and your Fallout...I wish to join their ranks. I have a knack for gathering power. Weren't Eve Taylor and Flex Mussel barely scraping by until I gathered them under my wing? I am a rare bird among a menagerie of commoners, Good Doctor. I am not saying you do not have a powerful army at your disposal. I am saying that Lucifer needed Beelzebub as well as Moloch and Belial in Paradise Lost, didn't he?
I humbly offer my hand at an allegiance. If you do not write back, I will respectfully accept no alliance and there would be no ill will on my part. I'm just a man hunting a purpose.
Batti: "Oooo. Rammy-chan looking for a senpai. Sexy."
Even now, where do I start? I watched your struggles from the back. It's a loyal trio that you sorely lack. I saw gold in your eyes and they shined so bright, but with defeat comes the dying of the light. But do not feel sorrow and do not fret. The Doctor has a prescription he needs to get. I think your anger is best of use on a certain someone if you decide to choose.
Eve Taylor is wicked, there no deny. But what if I told you that was all a lie? It's not with her your vengeance should be had, but against those that robbed you, that turned Cerberus mad? I speak of Mikey Stormrage, and Matt Tastic too. The fat gamer is busy, so the former World Champion would do. He helped cripple the Hounds of Hell, did he not? Isn't that what you want- to stir the pot? You will make a name for yourself, my young friend. Not only that, but gain my hand. Oh yes I want you to be a part of my circle. Don't lie on your back like a dying turtle. Strike where the iron is hot and burn the place down. For Theron it's over, but for Mat it's Apocalypse, now! This may be the last for Fallout I'm afraid, but with you I can see a Trinity made. Ramparte, the world is yours. With me you'll stand tall; with Cerberus you were on all fours. Time to rise ahead of the class. Beat Tastic and your initiation is a pass.
Sweet adieu and forever prosper,
Dorian, The Good Doctor
Batti: "Sweet adieu? Tsk Tsk never knew Dr. Zeus was such a romantic."
Otaku started clutching herself. She giggled to herself maniacally, twitching on the unswept floor. The thought of Ramparte calling out for Zeus just struck her as hilarious.
Batti: "Aww my poor Ramparte...I coulda took your mind off of Eve Taylor. Ifyouwouldagavemethetimeofday..." :/
Ramparte: "Believe me, no force on Earth would make me want to."
The obsessed fan leapt up in a cry. The Recluse sauntered into the room, eyeing everywhere Otaku had not dusted. He let out a sigh.
Ramparte: "Did I hire you to rummage through my things?"
Batti: "N-no Rammy-chan."
Ramparte: "I see. Did I ask for this room to be cleaned?"
Batti: "Y-yes Rammy-chan." :'(
The new Trinity member closed his eyes, praying to a God he did not believe in.
Ramparte: "AND didn't I kindly request that you would stop calling me 'Rammy-chan'??"
Batti: "Yes Rammy- Ramparte sir."
Ramparte: "There's a good girl. You're fired."
Horror fell in Batti's eyes. She quickly started putting the letters back, including the unopened ones. She shoved the box back underneath the desk, stood up, and brushed herself off. Relief washed over The Recluse. It felt like Christmas. That was until his cane mumbled to him.
"You will need her soon. Otaku is of value."
Ramparte: "No she's not, Alice! Can't you see she's making my life a living Hell?!?"
"You will need her. It's written in the stars."
Ramparte: "To Hell With The Stars!"
"You cannot fulfill your destiny without Batti Otaku."
The bookworm stared at the maid. Batti bit her lip, her anime eyes glowing against the setting sun. He sighed again, heavily.
Ramparte: "I want to trust you."
Batti: "Are...are you talking to me now, sir?" -_-
Ramparte stiffened. He never means to talk to Alice in front of people. He thought on this, and smirked at the teenager. In his mind, she wasn't people.
Ramparte: "Indeed. I changed my mind. You are re-hired. Under the condition that you won't go through my things. There are many a dangerous line to be read in this house, understand me? Don't want you doing something foolish, do we?"
Ramparte: "Good, now if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare myself for this week's tag team match. I haven't teamed up with anyone since...well, nevermind. It does not do well to think on the past, don't you agree, Miss Otaku?
Batti: "Yesh. You and Dr. Zeus will be a much stronger duo than Cerberus.
The Recluse cringed at the name, but regained his composure in the blink of an eye.
Ramparte: "Yes...Bearded Gentlemen 2.0...Bearded Ants...whatever they christen themselves this week will see that the mastermind behind Trinity and the dark horse of Cerberus makes for a twisted combination."
Batti: "Wasn't The Beard once on Zeus's team?" :O
Ramparte: "Well, yeah, but that wasn't the Trinity, but the Pale Riders-"
Batti: "Oh yeah! That! Why not call yourselves Pale Riders? That name was cool."
Ramparte: "And what exactly is wrong with Trinity?! There's three of us. Pale Riders had more and that's what was its downfall."
Batti: "Beard is still a World Champion. elegANT has held gold, too. You haven't held any gold on your own, have you, sir? >.>
He looked at Otaku in stunned disbelief.
Ramparte: "Now is not the time for semantics. Clean this place or I'll throw you out in the goddamn street."
With a turn of his heel, he started for the door. Ramparte rested his hand over its frame and gazed at his maid.
Ramparte: "The Japanese comic book...how is the story so far?"
Batti: "Umm it's totes good. The manga is about a young man that finds a book called Death Note and when he writes people's names in it, they die. He's the protagonist, and yet he's the villain. Isn't that interesting?"
The literature buff faltered a little, expecting some basic plot that had strange tentacle monsters and half naked magical girls.
Ramparte: "It is. Err when you finish the volume, lend it to me please. I'm curious myself as to why a picture book is so popular."
And with that he left. She could barely contain herself once she was left alone.
Batti: "Wowie. First I find their love letter, the next I'm fired and then he has a change of heart...finally he wants to read my manga!!! OOoooo Batti girl you got this boy all kinds of in lurve with ya. Good for you, Batti. Good for you." :$
Doctor Zeus ponders over his desk, slowly revolving a goblet of whiskey as he continued to write his letters. Still holding his WZCW championship proudly, Zeus takes a sip. Maker's Mark meeting his lips, Dr. Zeus gasps out an exaggerated release, as he took the drink. He pondered down at his letter, intended for Ramparte, his partner.
"Doctor?" a silence is broken, as a deep voice resonates in the room. Dr. Zeus' eyes shot up, but saw nothing. He returned to his letter, goblet of whiskey swirling in his hand. Again, the voice bellowed out, this time louder. "Doctor?" Zeus could hear the voice, but this time wasn't broken from his concentration. He continued on his letter, now feeling a resounding loneliness. Once more, the voice called out, this time in a plaintive cry.
The sound caused for Zeus to rise from his desk, and look around. The alert eyes darted across the room, as Zeus now made his way around his office. He desperately searched the room, as a swirling feeling of darkness surrounded him.
"And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon..."
Dr. Zeus' fists clenched, and he soon realized he was alone no longer. The darkness of a cloud hung over Zeus, and materialized as the demon Alistair "So, when you coming home, dad?" Zeus turned away from the demon and walked back to his desk. "Oh, sure, ignore me. Because ignoring the truth has worked out so very well for you-"
Dr. Zeus throttled the demon, and while usually his attempts at violence at the demon flounder, Zeus went right for the jugular. He lifted Alistair up, and the smirk that usually embodied Alistair's face turned to sheer horror.
"I wiped the face of good off the face of the Earth,
I destroyed Theron Daggershield, with no hint of mirth.
I sent him back to you, and the fires of Hell.
So I'm sure you'll find leaving me alone will suit you well."
Alistair's face turned an unusual tint, as Zeus gripped harder on the throat. Blood started to drop from the mouth, down to the chin. "And risk never seeing Ellie again?" Zeus' eyes widened, as he set Alistair down. His feet hit with a thud as he settled himself. "I mean, I don't know about you," Alistair coughed out, still choking on blood. "But I do enjoy family reunions."
Zeus' eyes narrowed in rage, as he spoke through gritted teeth.
"you know nothing of my family,
Away with you, back to Hell, so you may leave me be."
Alistair's smile returned as the blood continued to drip. "Oh, you're right. I haven't had the chance to meet your lovely son, yet. Probably because you've kept your distance from him." Dr. Zeus brandished his blowtorch, and shot flames at the demon. Alistair disappeared into black smoke, only to reappear right behind Zeus. "Let's get to the point, Doctor. When you want someone close to you, you have a real funny way of showing it. You have this habit of abandoning the ones you love. Doe was just the start; remember the Pale Riders?"
Dr. Zeus' eyes widened, as he sat back in his chair. Alistair smiled, as he placed a hand on Zeus' shoulder. "Beard remembers. You ruined his life, and he remembers how you walked away with him. Just like you plan to leave Doe."
"I will never leave my son!"
Zeus stormed up from his chair, and caught himself before keeping his cool.
"At any rate, Beard wants his vengeance. Demanded one more chance at redemption. And he isn't alone. Someone else who we know you abandoned," Alistair sidled next to his ear, as he whispered the words Zeus feared most. "Ty Burna" The very syllables brought Zeus to a slumping seated position, as his hands shook. "Ty is coming. In fact, so many want to be the ones to bring you down. You've grown too powerful, and I think we all know just how much of a wanted man you are. Why...your own wife has decided she wants to have a little chat."
Zeus' eyes widened, as the thought of Ellie made his heart beat. Don't get too excited, lover boy. I'm telling you as a warning..." Zeus looked about, craning his neck to meet Alistair. By the time his head turned around, Zeus was again alone. Zeus was discomforted, but returned to his work, writing to explain to Ramparte what they shall do to Beard and elegANT. But as he did, the small flicker of flame that lit his desk blew out. Zeus reached for a flame, and lit the candle next to his desk. As he did, he saw a blood dripped image that horrified Zeus. Zeus' eyes widened, as he saw the this word dripping down the side of his office wall.
The preparations are already underway for the annual Valentineís Day party, much to the unhappiness of the partyís host, elegANT. Typically, this party was quite possibly his favorite one of the year. Out of all the things that exist in the world, love and parties happen to be two of elegANTís favorites, and a Valentineís Day party manages to combine them both. This year, however, he is unable to get excited for the festivities. No matter the reason, elegANTís moping is really interfering with the decorating efforts of the worker ants. After nearly being beheaded by a glass statue of Cupid in the ballroom, elegANT makes his way down into the wine cellar, followed closely by Antfred.
Sir! Please wait!
elegANT takes a seat on the bottom step. Antfred hurries down and sits next to him.
I just had to get away from all the decorations, Antfred. They were upsetting me.
Antfred realizes he is carrying a small teddy bear holding a heart that reads ďI wuv u!Ē and quickly tosses it away.
Why is that, sir? The Valentineís Day party is always one of your favorites.
Everything about Valentineís Day is so happy and pure and definitely not driven by commercial interests. Seeing all of it reminds me that Iíve been kind of down lately. I havenít had much success in WZCW as of late. Not to mention that itís another Valentineís Day where I donít have a romantic other to spend it with.
Well thatís just completely unnatural for our species. I mean, itís typically the queen having nonstopÖ
Antfredís soon-to-be explicit explanation is interrupted by loud sobs and wails from elegANT. He puts his arm around elegANT, trying to think of a way to comfort the seemingly inconsolable ant. elegANT manages to get his composure back after a few moments, wipes his eyes, and stands up in front of Antfred.
I believe the underlying reason behind both of these failures is the same, Antfred. I am weak. Ants are supposed to have superinsect strength, but Iíve never had that. Thus, it is time for me to work to gain the strength required to have both professional and personal success. To help me out, Iíve placed a call to my cousin.
DamiANT, that lives down the street?
No, although it has been a while since Iíve given him a call.
ANThony, from across town?
Nope, not ANThony.
Jeff, who happens to be an ant despite the word ant not being in his name?
Heís been dead for three years, Antfred.
*Weíll skip ahead many hours and names that contain the word ANT later. Ants have large families due to the breeding practices that Antfred didnít get to explain earlier.*
Well, Iíve named every cousin of yours that I know of. Who is it?
He should be arriving any minute now from New Mexico. When I called, he was telling me about this WIPP thing he lives near.
The doorbell rings, and the two ants head toward the front door. The door opens, and there stands an ant that is at least three times the size of either elegANT or Antfred. Antfred has a look of pure terror on his face.
Antfred, meet MILITANT.
Antfred collapses to the floor, the look of terror still glued to his face.
Donít mind Antfred, he loves being dramatic. Iíll show you to your room, then weíll head to the sporting goods store to pick up some equipment for the gym I will install for our training.
MILTANT nods and steps over the body of Antfred.
The Beard and I are facing Ramparte and Dr. Zeus this week, so I will need to get to work right away. Especially since they are both quite frightening.
The two ants head up the stairs as the scene fades to black.
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