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Old 03-24-2011, 04:48 PM
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Default Bashed in the USA with KB

Bashed in the USA
Host: Mr. Perfect
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes, Randy Savage, Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan

This is yet another comp tape as I continue to try to get the rest of these that I have off my books to get down to some more PPVs and TV shows which are what I like to do. This one is from late 92/early 93. Let’s get to it.

Mr. Perfect is our host and is collecting stamps here. He’s in a New York City stamp store and is looking for the perfect stamp. Oh dear.

Razor Ramon vs. Big Bossman

This is in Green Bay and Razor is a brand new heel while Bossman is a jobber to the stars who would be in WCW very soon. Boss Man had this weird thing of getting on the bottom rope to pose. They waste a lot of time to start with them staring at each other and then Razor hits the floor. Now Boss Man does the same. Not another one of these matches!!! This gets old quickly.

Also, why can’t commentators tell time? We’ve been at this for maybe a minute and Gorilla says it’s been four or five minutes so far. Razor gets the rope kicked into his balls and we waste even more time as Gorilla makes singing higher jokes. Big slap by Boss Man (and yes I’m changing the spelling every spelling here and there’s no reason for it) and Razor grabs a headlock.

They ram into each other as this is like an attempt at a bad dance recital or something. Test of strength is proposed by Ramon and down goes Boss Man surprisingly enough. Bill “Fonzie” Alfonzo is referee here. Now Boss Man takes over as this plus the stalling has taken up about 6 minutes total. A few rollups get two each for Bossman. Nightstick shot misses and it’s all Boss Man again. And never mind as Razor gets a boot up in the corner and puts his feet on the ropes to win it. E-freaking-gads.

Rating: F. Oh come on now man. This is less than 8 minutes long. 3 minutes on stalling, 2 on the headlock stuff, 2 on the test of strength and then the ending. Are you freaking kidding me? This is the best that they could find for an opener? No wonder Bossman bailed soon after this. Absolutely pathetic here.

Perfect looks for most stamps. He talks about having issues with Razor and we get a clip from Survivor Series 1992 and the big tag team main event which I thought was pretty good.

Tatanka/High Energy vs. Money Inc/Rick Martel

We’re in Canada here and this is one of those matches where you take two minor feuds and throw them together for one match. High Energy is Owen Hart and Koko B. Ware in bright baggy tights. Tatanka had one of his feathers stolen by Martel for no apparent reason. High Energy were quick challengers to Money Inc. IRS does his usual tax thing to get us going.

Tatanka is a Lumpee Indian which Gorilla says sounded like Lumpy Indian, like Chief Jay Strongbow. That was hilarious. Owen and DiBiase start which in their primes would have been incredibly entertaining match. Now they talk about someone that works for Coliseum Video who wants free stuff or something. DiBiase gets an armdrag and we stop to applaud. Another gets more applause from Martel.

Gorilla and Hayes are having a great time talking about nothing to do with this match at all. Bret is world champion apparently at this point. Everything breaks down and the faces clear the ring. Back in now and it’s Owen vs. Martel. Martel turns his back and Tatanka comes in instead to hammer away a bit. I think they had a match at Survivor Series or Summerslam over this. According to Hayes the Cornwallians (we’re in Cornwall, Ontario) have EXPLODED!!!

Off to IRS vs. Tatanka now with the undefeated dude taking over. Off to the Hall of Famer Koko now. Who would guess that of these six he and DiBiase would be the only Hall of Famers? Gorilla says Koko has put on 25 pounds. Hayes: “And they’re all in those pants.” Now we talk about suspenders. See what I mean about the commentary here? Koko gets a swinging neckbreaker to get himself out of trouble.

Apparently Hayes is eating hot dogs and French fries instead of paying attention. Now we talk about fish and chips. Tatanka vs. Martel now as the commentary here is rather interesting. We’ve been in this for about seven minutes now and they’ve talked about the match for maybe 2 minutes. DiBiase takes part of the tag ropes off to choke Tatanka.

Tatanka gets the hell beaten out of him for awhile while Gorilla and Hayes make fun of High Energy for not doing much. Front facelock by DiBiase and the referee doesn’t see the tag to Koko. Tatanka gets a suplex to break things up and it’s off to Owen vs. DiBiase again. Everything breaks down again and the legal men hit the floor. Koko knocks IRS to the apron and tries to suplex him back in, only to have DiBiase hook the foot and IRS gets the cheating pin again.

Rating: D+. This was just a six man match at a house show. It wasn’t horrible or anything but it’s nothing worth a damn at all. DiBiase and IRS were decent champions but Ted was clearly not what he used to be. High Energy never was worth a damn and the feud with Tatanka and Martel never clicked at all. Still though, it filled in 15 minutes and wasn’t horrible.

Perfect finally finds an employee and is a dick to her. She doesn’t seem to mind and/or notice the camera, nor does she seem to question Perfect looking at it to tell us it’s time for a profile on Shawn Michaels.

Shawn is IC Champion here and is with Gene. He’s going to kind of fill in the gaps before the matches. He doesn’t want to be a zoo keeper when he’s facing Kamala. Is that the Truth Shawn?

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Kamala

This is during the KAMALA IS A MAN period which never worked at all. Alfred says Shawn is the wrestler of the 90s (1-1) and that he’s been looking forward to this match for a long time (1-2). The belt is like a teal color here. And yes I saw someone else call it that color. I have no idea what teal looks like. Nor do I care. Slick is with Kamala. Shawn tries to juke and jive a bit which gets him nowhere.

He slides between Kamala’s legs and then stares at Kamala again. A handshake gets Kamala punched in the jaw because he’s kind of stupid. Kamala’s answer: run Shawn over. Slick distracts Kamala for no apparent reason and Shawn hammers away on him to take over. Bearhug goes on for about 3 seconds and then Shawn can’t slam him. Gorilla: “You didn’t have your Wheaties!”

Corner splash misses and Shawn gets a top rope cross body/forearm to take Kamala down and he hammers away. Kamala, an actual musician, hits Sweet Chin Music (it didn’t exist in its more famous form yet) to Shawn and dumps him to the floor. And Shawn takes a walk for the count out. Kamala follows to make it a double. Well that was pointless.

Rating: D. Other than Kamala being rather surprisingly athletic out there, this was pretty pointless. I guess they wanted to make Shawn look good…so they had him get destroyed by Kamala. Uh…sure. Not much of a match to say the least but I’m assuming the next match will be an improvement. I mean it’s Shawn Michaels. They’re figure something out.

Kamala beats up Shawn post match. Hayes says Kamala has the makings of one of the best of all time (1-3).

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Skinner

Dude really? Also heel vs. heel? Skinner has an alligator skin cowboy hat which JR critiques. Skinner slaps Shawn to start as maybe he’s a face here? I don’t remember that at all but he might just be face by default here. He knocks Shawn to the floor and back in, punches him a few times. Swinging neckbreaker gets two. Ross thinks Skinner is like a guy from Deliverance. I’ll let you make your own jokes there.

Shoulderbreaker puts Shawn down for two again. What is with Shawn getting beaten up in back to back matches here? Shawn hits the floor again and is in big trouble. He avoids being rammed into the post as Skinner goes into the post instead. Horrible looking dropkick puts Skinner down in the ring as Savage talks like Yoda. Some headbutts by Skinner put Shawn down. And then Shawn hits the superkick to retain the title. Totally out of nowhere there but at least it’s a pin.

Rating: D+. What is UP with this tape? Shawn got beaten up for the most part here and then won at the very last second. He’s still champion at least and he got the pin but why is Shawn losing until the very last minute only to either cheat or hit a quick move to win? I’m not sure what’s going on here but it’s kind of stupid.
of stupid.

Intercontinental Title: Virgil vs. Shawn Michaels

Somehow this is the best match on paper. Shawn is billed as the new IC Champion here so this would be late November/early December 92. Savage pops Heenan for whistling too much. Shawn gets a snap mare to start as Heenan talks about Shawn chewing gum during a match. Virgil knocks the gum out of Shawn’s mouth and takes over with a nice dropkick for two.

A nice spinning cross body gets two but Virgil walks into a HUGE superkick to put Virgil down. Since Virgil is currently on the planet Bob thinking he’s a half human/half quail, Shawn hammers away on him. You can see the ceiling of this place which is something rather weird when you think about it. Shawn with a snapmare and we hit the chinlock.

Heenan thinks Yogi the Bear said It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over. Now we’re talking about tennis and the Houston Oilers. Commentary back then was always uh, interesting let’s call it. Shawn gets a suplex and talks to the cameras for a bit. Virgil makes his comeback as the crowd is actually really into this. Middle rope clothesline gets two as this is getting good. Virgil misses a charge and his knee hits the corner, allowing Shawn to hit the Teardrop Suplex (more or less a two handed Angle Slam without spinning) to retain.

Rating: B. Now THIS is more like it! Wow did I really just say that about a Virgil match? Either way, good stuff here as the crowd got WAY into this at the end of it and the result was a good match. That’s probably too high a grade but on this tape where we’re almost an hour in and it’s starving for a good match, this was like manna from Heaven. Good stuff.

Shawn doesn’t want to talk about his social life. Chicks dig him, enough said.

Perfect looks for the perfect stamp some more.

Battle Royal

Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels (can these two ever be apart?), Sgt. Slaughter, Tatanka, Tito Santana, Virgil, Kerry Von Erich (he had a job at this point???), Barry Horowitz, Jim Powers, Repo Man (missed by the announcer), Kato, Skinner, (she gets Repo Man here), Dale Wolfe, Brooklyn Brawler, Brian Costello, Reno Riggins, Barry Hardy, Dwayne Gill, Chuck Casey, Tom Stone

Colonel Mustafa (Iron Sheik), Crush, Burt Spears, George Anderson (announced as Chuck Casey to mess my numbers up even more), Ron Cumberland, Bill Melky (might have missed the name but does it matter?), Ted DiBiase, IRS, Beau Beverly, Blake Beverly, Knobbs, Sags, Animal, Hawk, Owen Hart, Koko B. Ware, Earthquake, Typhoon.

There are 40 people in this and since a lot of them are jobbers and not mentioned by the announcers, I’m sorry if I don’t know their names but it’s not like they matter. This was a record for biggest battle royal in WWF history until the 2011 Rumble tied it and is still a record for most people in the ring at once. I count 38 but I’m not counting them again. One is named Donny apparently so that’s 39. Don’t even ask me who is still in there or going out here as it’s impossible to tell.

A mob takes out Earthquake almost immediately. Typhoon is out seconds later. Everyone stands around throwing punches for awhile and there goes a jobber. A few more jobbers go out as Slaughter is in trouble. There’s another jobber as there’s a bit of room in there now. Hawk and Sags go out. Animal and Knobbs are on the floor now so they’re out. I’m missing eliminations but it’s not like it matters.

A pair of jobbers go out on opposite sides. There’s another one out. Repo Man is gone too, as is Von Erich. Bret and Shawn go out at the same time. It’s almost scary with those two at times. Owen goes out as they fight up the aisle. Skinner is gone. Horowitz is out. We’re down to about 15 now. Slaughter does his over the corner bump to be put out. Powers is gone at the hands of Sheik.

DiBiase and Kato put Crush out. Sheik is gone, getting us down to 9. Make that 8 with Koko going out. Jobber gone. Ok so it’s Kato, Tom Stone, Beau Beverly, Blake Beverly, Tatanka, Ted DiBiase, IRS and Virgil. There goes Stone…through the ropes. Then he does it again. Kato is gone as are Virgil and DiBiase. Stone gets tossed and it’s down to IRS, the Beverlies and Tatanka.

They triple team the stereotype and drop elbows on him. They try some double teaming and one of the Beverlies is put out. I think it was Beau but does it matter? They try to throw Tatanka out but he low bridges them, sending IRS out. A chop gives the win to Tatanka.

Rating: C. I’ll go right in the middle because there’s nothing at all you can really say about this that you can’t say about the vast majority of others. The 40 man aspect here was a little novelty and Tatanka winning keeps them from having to deal with the whole “well it was a battle royal so he’s still undefeated” thing. Not bad but just a big battle royal.

Perfect destroys a 2 million dollar stamp.

We get a feature on Bret Hart and how he draws cartoons. He starts with one of Undertaker which isn’t half bad actually. They’re caricatures mind you but that’s fine. He throws in Paul Bearer also. Yokozuna apparently has Fuji coming out of his ass. Money Inc is drawn in fast motion. Hogan has a beard the size of a small dog. These were actually pretty good. They’re not masterpieces or anything but they’re not supposed to be. Cool little segment.

Intercontinental Title: Bret Hart vs. Rick Martel

This should be good. The arena looks rather small here for some reason. I love that kissing the belt that Bret does. It made him seem like the belt was important to him which is something you only hear about today instead of seeing it. Quick stalemate gets us nowhere. Battle of the pink here. Martel throws in a cartwheel which Macho gives a 6.5.

They hit the floor and Martel is sent into the post to shift the momentum over to Hart again. Back in the ring and Martel hits the post again. This hasn’t been a good night for him so far. Bret, a thinking man’s wrestler, goes after the arm. Backslide gets two and it’s right back to the armbar. This is basic psychology but that’s all you need for something like this. Savage even compliments Heenan’s thought process here. When will you ever hear that again?

Attempted Thesz Press by Hart results in a hot shot and Martel chokes away. Off to the chinlock now for a bit. Sunset flip gets two for Bret and a gutwrench suplex gets the same for Martel. You know Savage doesn’t really answer anything Heenan asks him. Such as: “what are each guy’s strengths?” Savage: “I got respect for both of them.” Heenan: “Would you rather face a 300lb guy or someone Hitman’s size?” Savage: “In the WWF you have to be ready to wrestle anybody at any time.”

O’Connor Roll doesn’t work for Bret and here comes the champion anyway. Five Moves of Doom time but Bret throws in a small package for fun. Sharpshooter is attempted but Martel grabs the referee’s leg to take him down and avoid the hold. A shot with the Arrogance sprayer puts Bret down and it’s the Boston Crab. Shawn Michaels comes down for no apparent reason and punches Bret for the curious DQ. This would set up Martel vs. Shawn at Summerslam where they couldn’t punch each other in the face.

Rating: C+. Why in the world was there not a DQ on the ref pull? This wasn’t bad but with the two guys you had in there does that surprise anyone? Pretty good match but given what we’ve had on this tape that’s something I’ve been wanting to be able to say for an hour and a half. Either way decent stuff here.

Beverly Brothers vs. Natural Disasters

I still want to know what the Beverlies’ gimmick was. I guess they’re just brothers that wear purple. This was a mild feud in late 92 which never went anywhere due to the Brothers being boring as hell. They jump the Disasters early but get do-see-doed for the troubles and taken down with clotheslines. All Disasters here as you would expect.

Genius throws his scroll to Beau who pops Typhoon in the head with it to take Typhoon down for a bit. The problem here is simple: the Beverlies had NOTHING to stop the Disasters with. Heenan thinks Typhoon should be a ride at a park once he retires. That’s kind of funny actually. The Beverlies do the World’s Greatest Tag Team move where one jumps over the other and lands on Typhoon’s back.

We hit the chinlock just after that as we need to waste some time. Off to the other Beverly and Earthquake after nothing of note happens. Quake destroys him of course and it’s time for the Earthquake from Earthquake. He rolls to the floor and it’s a big brawl. Blake rolls back into the ring to win it though at the last second.

Rating: D. Another weak match here. Why in the world are we seeing so many weak finishes and bad matches on this tape? Nothing worth seeing at all here as the Disasters were never in anything resembling danger at all and yet they went with the stupid ending either way. The Beverlies were boring and everyone knew it. Weak match which is a running theme here.

Perfect still can’t find the perfect stamp so he introduces the last match instead.

Yokozuna vs. Undertaker

Yoko weighs 505 so he hasn’t been around long. He might even still be wearing extra padding. We’re in San Antonio here which means nothing but I need to fill in space. The announcers say we need to go to house shows to see Yoko which is a sign they’re in financial troubles. You could hear them doing that a lot back in 97. This was when they just threw Taker against random monsters because they had nothing else to do with him which would continue until about 1996.

Taker no sells some punches and then does the same with a chop. He hits a running DDT to take Yoko down for no cover. Taker winning would be an upset apparently. Fuji distracts Taker and Yoko rams him into the steps. We’re in a big man brawl here it seems. Corner splash and a leg drop result in Taker sitting up. Belly to belly puts Taker down but he sits up again. Yoko hits him with the salt bucket for the CHEAP DQ! No rating as this was nothing at all.

Taker beats him up post match and avoids a Banzai Drop.

Perfect shows his perfect stamp collection which is one of his face.

Overall Rating: F+. This was terrible with nothing at all that was any good. Actually scratch that as there were some watchable matches but at the same time they certainly don’t make up for the constant uninteresting matches and bad finishes. This was a weak tape and the name makes no sense at all. Other than referencing a Springsteen song, what is the significance of it at all? It’s 1993 WWF so why am I thinking about it so much?
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