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Old 03-09-2018, 05:31 AM
Rainbow Yaz's Avatar
Rainbow Yaz Rainbow Yaz is offline
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I wanna do this.

The scorching African heat had been beating down on us all day. It was mid afternoon when we reached the outskirts of the town of Katsina. Most of the roads in the area were in poor condition, as had become increasingly normal as we traveled further north in our journey. The camels we used for travel were visibly tiring as we approached a stable just inside the city proper. I still recall some of the jokes the inexperienced team made when we were told camels would be our means of transportation for much the remaining journey.

Nigeria had a rich history if breeding powerful pack horses, among the strongest and most durable in all of Africa, but our main financial backer, Maxwell Hunter insisted we were spreading our budget too thin at this point. So he labored on, for the better part of two weeks in the region. The proper cities in the northern part of Nigeria were more spread out than most other areas, so we took ample time to rest and recharge each time we stopped. The terrain was not as rough as other parts of our journey. We were in an elevated region, but the major mountain ranges were far rougher than this. Most of the thick tropical jungle we encountered was along the border with Cameroon. The issue was this region was so arid, water was scarce. It sounded like a bad infomercial for Save The Children or Action Against Hunger, but unless you had the pleasure and good fortune to live in a populated area, you often had to travel miles for fresh water.
That is all accurate. This RP was a pain in the ass to write, because I fact checked it. Learned lots of cool shit about Nigeria.

We helped a couple of the stable boys unload our gear and were pointed in the direction of an inn where we would be staying overnight. This is where we would meet our local guide and translator, Ode. Most of the people we encountered spoke very passable English. Not to the level of a native speaker in Britain or America, but education had come a long way in civilized regions of most of Africa. Ode was there because many of the people in isolated regions of Northern Nigeria and Southern Niger, where we would be for the next few weeks, instead spoke some variant of the Hausa language. It was one of the many native languages of Africa that was slowly being replaced by more modern languages.
This was another one of the things I fact checked. English and French are becoming more common place, but a lot of the native African languages and Arabic (if you don't consider that native) still dominate the landscape.

All I knew of Ode was that we was a native of the region, actually being born in one of the many isolated villages. His mother died when Ode was young and he grew up in an orphanage in Kano after being found by missionaries. He had a US college education though, and was interested in film, which made him far more qualified than the vast majority of the film crew.
My original idea with Jabari never included Ode. I was looking for a picture for an interpreter and Lee sent me Shaq in Kazaam as a joke and I said fuck it and ran with it. To pass off being able to use Shaq, I came up with the story, revealed later in the RP, that Ode got a basketball scholarship in the US. Also Ode's mother died because death equals wins.

"Do you know De-Wey?" The man asked as I sat down my bag.

"Yes, I am Dewey. Dewey Westbloom. Film maker."
This is another joke Lee helped with. I was trying to think of a name for the filmmaker, and as a joke Lee pitched Dewey so I could make Ugandan Knuckles jokes. I am an awful person.

"Yes, it is my goal to allow those all around the world to view the life of traditional tribesman in their day to day lives. To dispel the notions of rampant cannibalism and savagery."

The man stopped, then turned to face me.

"I respect your goal, to show us as people just as anyone else, but the myths of tribal life were not built on nothing. They are more than tales of epic white men who tamed the wild African savages of the eighteen hundreds/ However, like all myths, there is some truth to the stories told."

"My journalistic integrity drives me to uncover truth, no matter how outlandish the truth may appear."

"Much of the African wild remains a mystery, tall tales still abound. There is one, rooted locally, of a man who is more god than man. A giant in the flesh. Maybe your journalistic integrity will lead you to the truth about him."
This might be my favorite piece of the dialogue. Dewey wants to dispel the notions of isolated tribes as uncivilized, but the unnamed man mentions that while the tales of great hunters on the African Planes or Allan Quatermain type characters may be exaggerated, all myth is based on some truth. That line of thought has always driven my interest in the paranormal, cryptozoology, UFOs, and all that cool shit. The second bit by the unnamed man mentions the giant man, giving us our first hint of Jabari.

I rummaged through my bag, to find a journal I had kept. I opened to a page I had marked with a dog ear. This legend of a giant who roamed the land, this was not the first I had heard of him. I traced back the notes, the first mention was when we arrived in Nigeria in the southern city of Lagos. The same myth popped up in the cities of Kano and Jos. As we moved further north, the legend of a literal giant became more frequent, but the crew and I wrote them off as ancient myth. Surely with so many mentions of a legend, they were trying to cut a scathing promo on a historical champion.

I pulled out my satellite phone, hoping to make a call to Maxwell before my meeting with Ode. The conversation was quick and one sided. The budget was empty and we didn't have enough material for the full film. We had to find something to recoup costs soon, or the plus would be pulled and the entire trip would be for naught.
Now that first paragraph was so clever to me. It was based on the bit I talked about on the podcast and what Lee covered in his RP. How people keep mentioning the legend of Titus Avison. Ergo, Dewey and crew heard the legend of Jabari so much, they linked it to Titus' opponents. Titus fits in because his agent, James, knows Dewey from the Hollywoods.

The bits where Ode keeps calling Dewey, De-Wey, are just me killing off a joke and running something that was once funny into the ground Live Mas style.

I looked over the menu and settled on some beef Kilishi, a local favorite of mine, and Luru soup. I also asked for an order of funkaso to be delivered to my room later. The local take on pancakes was a sweet dish that I had never experienced elsewhere.
Nigerian food sounds hella nasty other than funkaso. Literally just pancakes and honey.

Soon I saw a man who had to duck to fit through the door frame walk in. he smiled when he saw me and took a seat across from me.

"Mr. De-wey, pleased to meet you. I am Ode, I was hired by Mr. Maxwell Hunter to accompany you on this portion of the trip."

I shook his hand, a powerful grip. He was a large man and though I tried to avoid the cliche, I instantly knew how he had achieved a college education.

"Pleased to meet you Ode. I'm sure your inside knowledge will be a great help along the way. So I must ask, what position did you play?"

Ode smiled before he spoke.

"While I was not particularly good, I was center for the varsity team. Being blessed with such height made up for a lack of even basic basketball skills."

Ode was indeed tall, his hands much larger than mine. I noticed he wore open toed shoes, likely a product of the difficulty in finding appropriately sized footwear.
This is basically just me going to a bit of detail on Ode being tall and playing basketball. It also is the first mention of Ode not being very good, which is why he took an interest in film.

"It was actually at Notre Dame that I was introduced to Mr. Maxwell. He was my sponsor when I arrived in America. He always spoke of my greatness on the court, but those American players, they are so much more skilled than those from my village. I was a big fish in a small pond, literally. I think my failure to develop into a serviceable player, especially after my knee surgery, did not sit well with Mr. Maxwell. He still continued with, what phrase did he use....under the table? Yes, under the table gifts during my four years though."
Some meta info here. I decided to be a bit topical and include something with the current FBI investigation into college basketball. I then realized Dave and Lee are from the UK, Ech and Jeff aren't into basketball to my knowledge, and KJ, Dagger, and Milenko have little interest in sportsball. I picked Notre Dame because 1) They are an upper echelon college for academics and athletics 2) Very people know they are an Indiana school and 3) Sly is a big fan and even though there is a 0% chance he ever sees this, it is me needling me about a team he likes and I dislike.

My food arrived and I decided to take it to go, so I would have more time to chart out our course.
I wanted to highlight this one sentence for a reason. Dewey ordered his food before Ode showed up. When Ode leaves, there is no reason for me to continue the scene in the dining room, but I mentioned that Dewey ordered food. I can't just have him walk out and leave before it arrives, that is sloppy writing. A simple bit about him taking the food and leaving allows you to transition the scene and not just leave something hanging. I don't believe in strict adherence to Chekhov's Gun, but I do try to tie up all ends when I can.

I do not. All I know is that it is one of the few villages along the border that still practices Dambe as a mean to prepare for war. Many of the villages have turned it into a traveling spectacle. They play up the event to entice crowds to pay money.
One of the reasons I came up with Jabari is because Dambe always fascinated me. The way warriors would just beat the shit out of each other to prepare for actual battle, it just is a concept I can't grasp. The traveling spectacle bit is sort of a nod to the people who turn their tribal and cultural customs into an attraction, sort of selling out their heritage for a quick buck. Ode looks down on this.

One of the elders was particularly interested in the chocolate bar I had, so I broke him off a piece. He shoved it in his mouth and a smile broke out on his face. This caused those of us around him to laugh.
This bit was written for my own amusement. The image of some tribal leader in full ritual gear enjoying piece of chocolate like a child was funny to me.

"I have never actually witnessed a tournament, this is a lucky occurrence for us."

"Was this a common sport in your village?"

"Not as common today as it once was. I have heard stories of a death in one such contest before my birth. This lead my village to reduce to number of fights."

"How did he die?"

"My father, he was a respected fighter with an impeccable record. One day, he was to fight a rival. Tradition says you are to wrap your lead hand, the spear hand, in a thick cord wrap. My father's rival, without anyone knowing, dipped his spear hand in resin and rolled the wrap in broken glass. An illegal practice."

"Ode, that is awful, I am sorry that...."

Ode burst out into a fit of laughter. "Haha, I got you Mr. De-Wey. It was a joke."

"Very funny."

"My father was killed before I was born though."

"My condolences."

"Yes, I still have the head of the lion that killed him on my wall."

I shot a crooked glance at him. He smirked.

"Actually, my father was the one who wrapped his hand in the glass."

I looked at him, he was still smirking. It was clearly a joke to him.
This was added for two reasons. 1) I needed to get the death of Ode's dad out of the way to explain why he was orphaned. Since Ode is an NPC, his dad isn't important, so I didn't give a definitive answer as to how it happened. 2) This was just sort of me taking the piss out of the cliche of people dying for dramatic effect in RPs.

Ode was a little nervous as he spoke.

"In Nigeria, we have a sport called Dambe. Put simply, Dambe is the literal translation of the Hausa word for boxe. While exact rules vary from region to region, it is essentially bare knuckle boxing. It dates back to the days of tribal warfare and was originally used to prepare tribal warriors for combat. Two men, know in traditional Hausa as daśmaśnga, start by wrapping their strong hand, known as the spear, in a thick clothes wrap. They then traditionally wrap a knotted cord around the wrap. This is their primary means of offense. The off hand, known as the shield, is held open and can be used to grab and hold an opponent. In many tribes, the daśmaśnga will also wrap a heavy chain around their lead leg as a means of both offense and defense. Though originally only a boxing event, the sport has evolved into more of a pure striking sport with more and more men using kicks. Violence is expected, with the referee only stepping in to end the fights. Fights last until one of the two men if knocked down, known as a kill. If at any time either fighter has their hand or knee touch the ground, a short break will be called by the referee to allow the fallen man to regain himself. While the violence is expected and the goal is to essentially knock your opponent out, the men typically have no desire to do long lasting damage."
This serves two points. 1) To simply explain in detail what Dambe is so creative doesn't have to look it up themselves. 2) To start to build that Ode is a bit uncomfortable with how his people will be portrayed. It is touched on a little later as well.

He took a deep breath. "I am proud of my people Mr. De-Wey. I would not change who I am for anything, but my time in America showed me that not everyone views my people as equal. I am no savage. I am educated, I have degrees in both Film Production and Sports Science from Notre Dame University. I have value in this world, but many of these people, my people, they are nothing more than savages. In my time at Notre Dame, I saw many people in Indiana are not good people, quick to judge those that are different. Many Americans, hell, many people all over the globe, are quick to judge what is different. I do not want my people painted in a negative light."

I put my hand on his shoulder. "The world will always be home to terrible people Ode, it is simply the way humans are. My goal however, is to show that these people, your people, may be different, but they are still human. How is this ritual any different than the UFC or professional wrestling?I give you my word, I will not allow your people to be painted as ignorant bloodthirsty savages."
Again, this is mostly to set up Ode's future. I also take a shot at the hicks in my own home state. Dewey's answer basically says, yes your people may be barbaric, but so are "civilized" people.

Suddenly, as the elder introduced the men by their names, something that had not been done before, Ode laughed.

"Something funny?"

"The man on the left, his name is Akachukwu. His name means 'the hand of God' and he is in a fist fight. How can he lose?"
This was another one of those jokes just for me.

The giant man, who stood even taller than Ode, was the largest man I had ever seen. I couldn't tell from where I was sitting, but he stood well over seven feet tall. Some of the crew pulled out their phones and began to film.

"That is one big nig...."

"Dude! You can't say that!"

I got jokes.

he giant threw a single punch and sent Akachukwu to the ground. The giant stood over the fallen man, before glancing at the shaman from before. The shaman gave him a look, and the giant placed his foot on the neck of Akachukwu. Akachukwu struggled, arms flailing as the life began to be choked out of him. The rest of the fighters realized what was happening and rushed at the giant. With ease, he threw them aside. Multiple men tried at once to attack the giant, and all failed. In the commotion, Akachukwu managed to crawl away. Soon the giant stood tall over the bodies of the fallen men.
Ham fisted Lethal Lottery reference inbound.


"Hi, this is Dewey Westbloom, I was told by Maxwell Hunter to call this number."

"Ah, Mr. Westbloom, I was expecting this call. You are prompt, I like that. My name is Kenneth Banks. Mr. Hunter and I have a business deal in the works and we need you to help us complete it. Before I go any further, I need you to make sure you are alone."

I motioned to Ode, who nodded and went back to the crowd.

"What I am going to propose is unconventional, but it will make all of us involved a lot of money."
On the surface, this is just to set up Jabari coming to WZCW and shows Maxwell, who arranged the call, to only care about money. I actually included it because I wanted to see if creative would punish me for using Banks without permission, and while he is supposed to be on hiatus. I do what I want.

So yeah, this ended up longer than the actual RP.
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Old 03-09-2018, 08:01 AM
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Davie Broon Davie Broon is online now
Used to be somebody...
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Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...Davie Broon is an ECW Champion...

I'd try to commentate on my RP but it'd just end up as an exercise in translation honestly.
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Old 03-09-2018, 11:34 AM
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Dmbfantomas Dmbfantomas is offline
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Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...Dmbfantomas scored a win over Santino Marella...


The only one I need to explain (and I probably don't, but whatever) is "It's All Over Now, Baby Blue". That's a song by Bob Dylan, it is awesome. Vince Gilligan wanted to use it at the end of Breaking Bad, but Bob Dylan wanted like $1,000,000 to use it apparently and the show went with Baby Blue by Badfinger instead. Silly Bob.

I used it because a 4 year old kid probably shouldn't know it, but for some reason I did when I was that age. My Dad listened to a lot of Dylan, and that was a song that got played A LOT, along with the rest of Bringing it All Back Home. Go listen to it. Now. Right now.
"Intensity: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that." - Ron Swanson.
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Old 05-23-2018, 08:49 PM
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Remix Remix is offline
Is a thin rope
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Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...Remix is getting some looks on Smackdown...

In my latest RP:

Greenway refers to the Greenway Centre - the GUM clinic at Newham hospital.

Penicillin in the arse refers to procaine penicillin - an intramuscular injection often given into the buttocks used to treat syphilis.
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