AS 126 - Vox vs Wren vs Vee ADZ
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Reinstate The Fox!
Kiss Off; I'm in Your Corner
[Vox is sitting in a make up chair in a TV studio, surrounded by his assistant Gareth and a TV director. Only Vox's head is shown]
Vox: Are you sure this is necessary?
Gareth: Oh yes! If you come out of the Elite Openweight League as champion, donations will go up at least 34%!
Vox: Not tha...34%? Wow. What if I don't win?
Gareth: Well so long as you don't finish like...6th or something like at Leth...
Vox: Greeeeeeaaaaaatttt. Gotta win. Got it. Wasn't talking about winning though.
Gareth: What ARE you talking about then, sir?
Vox: Do I really have to dress like this? (A powdered wig is placed on Vox's head, and the camera pulls out to show him dressed like George Washington)
TV Director: OH MAN! People will love it! It really fits the concept!
Vox: What exactly IS the concept again?
TV Director: You are in everyone's corner, and they're in yours. Get it?
Vox: Ok...but why George Washington?
TV Director: Because America!
Vox: I'm Irish.
TV Director: I've been meaning to ask about that...can you tone that down?
Vox: Tone what down?
TV Director: The Irish.
Vox: ...Why am I listening to you?
TV Director: Sir, I've directed 18 episodes of Honey Boo Boo.
Vox: Darn, that's a lot. Ok, you're the boss!
TV Director: So, here's the script. *Hands Vox script*
Vox: *Reading script*...This doesn't talk about my future triumph in the Elite Openweight League...at all. Or charity. It literally just says "Talk about American stuff".
TV Director: Yeah, you're a singer - improvise!
Vox: I'm a wrestler. This is a real let down.
TV director: You're not Bono?! This is a real let down. Forget it, just do what you want. Say stuff.
Vox: I don't really wanna do this...ugh whatever...Ok, count me down...
TV Director: 1, 1, 1...
Vox: Cuz you left me...
TV Director: 2, 2, 2...
Vox: For my family...
TV Director: 3, 3, 3...
Vox: For my heartache
TV Director: 4, 4, 4...
Vox: For my headaches...
TV Director: 5, 5, 5...
Vox: For my lonely...
TV Director: 6, 6, 6...
Vox: For my sorrow...
TV Director: 7, 7...
Vox: For no tomorrow
TV Director: 8, 8...
Vox: I forget what eight was for!
TV Director: 9, 9, 9!...
Vox: For a lost God!
TV Director: And 10, 10, 10, 10...
Vox, Gareth, TV Director: IS FOR EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING!
Vox: *Breathing heavy* Oh man...I feel better. Ok, let's shoot this thing...
*Vox composes himself, TV Director gives a silent count...1...2...3...*
Vox: *Staring directly into the camera* Apple Pie! Pizza! Vox! These are all things that many people think are American. They are not. But you know what is? Fortune Cookies, Orange Chicken, and Charity! We need all of your help to make this world a better place. Not just for America, but for the world at large. Regardless if it's money, your time, or your deepest and most sincere thoughts. Everything helps. Except Facebook likes, they do nothing. And I'm doing my part too. I don't just mean by having given the vast majority of the money I've made in my life back into the hands of the people who need it more than I do, or that I've given more of my time to charitable causes than many would consider logically possible...I'm also trying to win for you. I know that all of you beautiful people out there want me to hoist the Elite Openweight Championship and cheer along with me. I need you. Not just your money and donations, to help give me time I need to focus on bringing home the gold. So bring on Wren, bring on Vee ADZ, bring on Ace Stevens, Vega, and any other pretenders to my destiny that are out there. I'm not winning this title - WE are - and we are going to go all the way in this Rockin' Robin...
TV Director: *From off stage, hushed but still audible* Round Robin, you frickin' idiot!
Vox: ...Tweet, tweet, tweet tweet! Just know, I am here for all of you, and I know you're there for all of me. And rest assured, *Vox points to camera* I'm in your corner!
"Intensity: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that." - Ron Swanson.
“Welcome to the late night show. I’m your host Stephen Filbert. While we have a lot to talk about, from President Rump’s latest social media gaffe to Jennifer Flawrence’s next movie, we do have to first talk about our guest tonight. Yes, our guest tonight is WZCW superstar Wren.”
Backstage, the producer is talking to me.
“Where is Wren? The show is already on air!”
“She couldn’t make it. I’m her manager. I’ll handle the situation.”
“And here we have Wr… you’re not who we think you are.”
“Yes, I’m Gale, Wren’s manager. Unfortunately, she’s sick and couldn’t make it here. But I’ll more than compensate for her.”
“You can try.”
Get outta me head, Ellie.
Stephen Filbert doesn’t seem thrilled.
“Alright. We understand. But then how am I gonna ask all those spicy questions I had on my mind?”
“Lay all that spice on me. I can handle the spice!”
“If you say so! The audience definitely doesn’t seem pleased, but may be you can change their minds.”
“I am not sure I can change anybody’s mind, but I’ll definitely try.”
“Change minds..pfff. she can’t even make up her own mind.”
“So how’s Wren doing?”
“She’s better now. Seems like food poisoning.”
“Not that. As a performer.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I mean, she can’t be happy right now. From being the queen of Japan, to having one of the best matches with one of the legends of the sport in Titus Avison, to now being the first to be eliminated in Lethal Lottery match without any fanfare. That’s a downward spiral if I ever saw one.”
“Because she’s not Wren. How do these people not get it?”
“It’s just a bad patch. She’s determined to do better.”
“I’m sure she is. Otherwise the biggest show of the year could be without her.”
“It IS going to be without her.”
“Could you please shut up!?”
“Sorry? I didn’t say anything wrong. It’s a distinct possibility she doesn’t make Camp Nou, the home of Barca.”
“I wasn’t… I didn’t mean to…”
“See, I know you are her manager and all, but you don’t seem to be able to manage her. Anyway, tell us something about yourself. We hardly know you. I remember seeing you doing one interview last year where you spoke for Wren, but that’s about it. You don’t seem to accompany her to the ring, nor do you seem to manage her media appearances. In fact, this is supposed to be only her 2nd ever public appearance, though it’s not now that she’s not here. What exactly is your role?”
“Stephen, I’m not sure what you’re trying to insinuate. We have been strategizing for the coming weeks. The Elite open weight tournament is where Wren makes her mark again.”
I’m running out of lines to feed. He is relentless.
“We’ve all heard that. But the truth seems like something else. Wren doesn’t seem to the same performer she was some time ago, and honestly, I don’t see that changing.”
He’s getting on my nerves now.
“How can you say that? Everyone goes through a bad patch. This is Wren’s. But she isn’t going to sit back and let the time pass by. She is going to remind everyone how good she is.”
“But how? What’s the strategy? Because it’ll be damn shame to see someone as lovable as her to miss out on the big occasion. All those fans that look up to her are very disappointed in her performance.”
“See, she doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone. Not to WZCW and not to the fans. Everybody knows how good she is.”
“Does she believe that honestly?”
“I believe that. I’m sure she does too. Fans can be ungrateful bastards who’ll turn their backs as soon as the good times end. Wren doesn’t need these fans.”
The audience seems shocked, but I don’t care anymore.
“What are you even saying? Wren has always cared about her fans.”
“I’m telling you the truth. I am sick of these fair-weather fans like you and the ones in the audience. You can see the fan’s adulation for the ‘good little hand’ that Wren is. These fans will abandon her in droves as soon as she fails again.”
I don’t know if this is the right idea, but I feel so liberated.
“But the fans have stuck by her through thick and thin.”
“Have they? Cuz if they have, I have missed it. Where are the petitions from the fans demanding a rematch with Titus for the EurAsian title, which Wren unfairly never got another chance at? Where are the fans clamoring for a shot for her at the top prize? I don’t see them, do you?”
Whatever I’m saying, I feel damn good about it.
“There are no buts. I thought this interview was about Wren and her future opportunities. But this is just a hatchet job to downplay her as a performer. I’m glad we did this interview. Because I wanted to make a few things very clear. Wren doesn’t care about these fans. ‘The fans who stuck by her’ could give two hoots about her. Wren may never personally admit to this, but here’s the truth. These fans do not matter. Their contribution to Wren’s success or lack thereof is zilch, nada, shunya. They can cheer for her all they want, but it doesn’t matter. Look the longest reigning champion in WZCW right now and tell me how much the fan contributed to his success.”
The whole studio is silent.
“This silence is your answer. Wren is done with all this bull shit. This Elite Openweight tournament is dawn of a never seen before Wren. And whether the ‘fans’ like it or not, they’ll stand in awe of Wren.”
I simply get up and storm off the set without waiting for any last word from Stephen.
“So you’re going to simply burn all the bridges I took ages to build?”
“No, I’m going to show you how things work in this dog eat dog world. I will win the Elite Openweight title whether you or these fans like it or not.”
While I wade through the file of flabbergasted people backstage, I can’t care less. I am free. There are no strings on me.
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