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  #1021  
Old 07-30-2010, 09:09 PM
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ZeroVX ZeroVX is offline
2-Time WZCW Mayhem Champion
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FunKay: I liked what I saw in this one. The beginning was kinda funny, putting over the arrogance of your character. You also added the idea that Holmes was the thief, which will get some wheels turning, no doubt. Pretty good job.

Low_Ki Interesting promo. I liked the intro with the upper-crust party and all that, but it seemed a little out of place in regards to your character. Having said that, you put over both your previous opponent and your upcoming one, and you did it in a way that suited your "wrestler's wrestler" persona. Not bad.

The Thriz: This one was alright. You kept the spiritualistic aspect of your character prevalent even when talking about something as simple as a handshake, and you also used it to mock Becky a little. The only problem I can see is that you didn't talk about Matt Fox THAT much. I get that you're keeping this thing with Blade going, so maybe that was your intention. Pretty good.

Matt Fox: OK, understand that this is the first time I'm reading one of your RPs, so I don't really know your character. Is he supposed to be a Satanist? I guess that's an area not really explored, but as I read this promo, I kinda felt like I was reading a Vengeance or Ty Burna promo, only not as subtle. I didn't really get anything unique about your character, so this one wasn't that good.

Riaku: I'll skip the first post of the RP, because it wasn't really all that necessary, to be honest. You're putting over how pissed Baez is in regards to the title belt disappearing, which makes perfect sense. And while you not mentioning your opponent that much would usually be a problem, it makes sense here since your character is totally focused on the title. Still a little confused as to why you think it's Constantine, but whatever. Pretty good.

Leafy: I dunno, this one just seemed there. There wasn't anything particularly bad about this one, but it wasn't very good either. You didn't really give me anything in regards to your character, other than he was apparently depressed. Plus, very little mention of Dave. Not impressed.

Phoenix: This one was pretty good. You put over the fact that Dave has held the title longer than anyone else, which should definitely earn him some sort of reward. In fact, I'm surprised that you haven't already moved up to the main event scene. It seems inevitable. Very nice.

Coco: This one was...interesting. I get the feeling I've said that a lot about your RPs, so I guess that's what you're going for. But it was very good. You devoted equal time to establishing your character a bit more (uppercutting an alligator? Dude.), as well as talking about your opponent. Not to mention putting over the tag team titles, which is something a champion needs to do. All around an excellent RP.

falconsault: Pretty good one. You clearly established that you're now in the tag title picture, which is good for motivation in regards to your current feud. Overall a good job.

michigan: This one was alright. You kept your focus on the world title match, which worked for your character, as he would assume he already has the match won. You also made things with Showtime work, since he wouldn't be TOO focused on him, but just enough for him to consider him an annoyance. Nicely done.

Showtime: This one was fun. The whole time travel thing was silly, but it worked. It reflected your character perfectly, goofy and lighthearted, but it turned serious when the time called for it. Very impressed.
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  #1022  
Old 07-31-2010, 02:02 PM
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The Bearded One-Der: This one wasn't bad. There was continuity with you and your partner, which is always important. Plus, you brought up a good point about you being two singles guys who held their own against the tag champs. Solid work.

Disarray: Interesting promo. It's interesting to have your character as a semi-face while your partner is a clear cut heel. You also brought an interesting perspective to your opponent's philosophy, which can be crucial in beating him. Nicely done.

Dave: This was amazing. Your character's smarmy-politician persona is excellent here, and his interactions with the family was hilarious. I can clearly see and hear him speaking with that smug grin on his face. That's a sign of excellent writing. Wonderfully done.

Leeds Guy: I liked this one. You took a shocking moment that was played for comedy, but made the reaction more realistic. It gave your character an interesting edge and I'm looking forward to where it goes from here. Well done.

DirtyJose: Very nice one here. Your character works very well in the Mayhem Division, and is really good as a face. You're also keeping things going with Kurtesy, so I guess that's a sign that you're in a feud. As such, it's good that you're keeping focused on him. Nicely done.

FalKon: Pretty good one. Good job in selling the injuries your character sustained from the previous match. And while you defended his status in regards to stealing the Mayhem Title, you left enough out to give some doubt. Good job here.

Father:_Polley: I'm not really sure about this one. It was good that you addressed the mysterious circumstances surrounding your character somewhat, but you still left some questions unanswered. And I guess having Vengeance's manager/valet do the talking worked, but it would've been good to have Vengeance there to say something. Alright promo.

Blade: This one was interesting. I liked the metaphor you used in regards to Vengeance and his fear-inducing ways. Still, using robotic snakes seems a little over-the-top. Where would Blade find the money to get robots of that caliber? Besides that, though, this one was pretty good.

Total Numbers Action: This one wasn't bad. You sold the injuries from last week, while keeping your character consistent. Plus, you did keep things going with Constantine. The only downside was your bit about Lights. Granted, like you said, you don't have a real problem with him, so there wasn't much you could say. Well done.

Super Crazy: Not bad. You played up your character's history a bit and how it was similar to your opponent this week. Plus, you left the option for a feud with Constantine open. The only problem I see was Lights' interaction with Kensworth. It just felt a little wooden and not very natural. Beyond that, pretty good.

Lee: Pretty good. You went into detail with regards to your character's history while addressing the sudden change your character made. I also liked the more light-hearted tone this had throughout, rather than the ultra-serious dark one the previous had. Overall, a good job.

Ty Burna: I am very, very confused. I sort of got the symbolism you were going for here, how Ty was essentially arguing with himself and berating himself for what happened against Showtime and Vengeance. Problem is, you didn't mention your opponent. At all. I mean, yeah, you said that you weren't going to let anyone get in your way and such, but you made no exact mentions of Titus. Not one of your best.
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  #1023  
Old 07-31-2010, 06:49 PM
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Numbahs
- Quotes on top of the color is not needed, but I'm sure this has been discussed before.
- The look into your thoughts is a nice touch
- Fighting champ. I like it.
- Face, correct?
- Solid all around, touched on all the issues, decently entertaining, and enough to get the win here, I'd say.

The Savior, Jones that is
- Liked the interviewers bickering. They're people, too.
- You play the badass loner who beats up random strangers character perfectly.
- Abortion and Racism? Way to speak on the issues, fella.
- Really good stuff here. I like you more and more every week. One of the up and comers of this company, I'd say.
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  #1024  
Old 07-31-2010, 07:03 PM
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Steven Holmes vs. Scott Hammond - Fantastic Rp here. The comedy at the beginning was well done and the arrogance from your character comes across well. I think your setting your character up nicely in the fed and I think Holmes has a decent future ahead with you behind him.

Scott Hammond
vs. Steven Holmes - From the offset the promo is well described and has great comedy moments. The fact that he just wants a beer was well written and the shot at Geoffrey’s wife made me chuckle. You finish up the Rp nicely speaking well about your opponent. Top notch stuff.

Phoenix
vs. Matt Fox - Nice start speaking to Becky like she is a child, typical heel move but well done here. You talk about Fox well but its very short...in fact the whole Rp seems kinda short. I also loved the paragraph about tag teams falling apart. Your character would know this more than anything after the last couple of months.

Matt Fox
vs. Phoenix - First off great description throughout the Rp. For me though it could have been laid out better as the two shades of blue don’t really mesh well together. The Rp is solid and you speak well about your opponent. The paragraph about your return was very well written. However as I wasn't here when you left it would have been good to know kayfabe why your character left. Unless of course you're keeping that out intentionally.

Wasabi Toyota
vs. Tucker Graham - Nice Rp. Well written and well laid out. I'm enjoying this interesting Face/Heel team and looking forward to where you guys can take this. I like the fact that you big up Reckless Youth while I'm sure Kravinoff will put them down. I also loved how you incorporated the images into the Rp. Top notch stuff.

Tucker Graham vs. Wasabi Toyota - Interesting start with Tucker feeling the loss and beating of last week. I'm not sure if your a heel or face however as you are all buddy buddy with Leon but I really disliked the ''Toyota BETTER respect us and Kravinoff will learn after Steele beats him'' comes across very heelish. The rest of the Rp is decent however and it sets up nicely for the match.

Baez
vs. Chris Jones - Not really sure why you needed 2 Rps here and I got to be honest the layout for the first Rp was horrible it was much better looking in the 2nd Rp. The first Rp has nothing to do with anything and would have been served better in the random Rp thread. That being said, the second Rp was better. I like how Baez is still pissed at ''losing'' the mayhem championship and I think it's good that he is looking outside the box that it really could be anybody (IE Blaming Constantine) Much better but I think the original Rp harmed this.

Constantine
vs. Chris Beckford - Awesome. I said in the discussion thread how awesome this Rp was. Firstly the description is fantastic, the comedy is great and the arrogance of your character is there for all to see. If I have one criticism it's that you didn't talk about Beckford much. But that's just nitpicking. Just an exceptional heel Rp. Also having only Rp'd twice as Constantine you seemed to have picked up directly where you left as Karnage.

Gordito
vs. Dr Steven Kurtesy - Fantastic stuff here man. The interaction with Gordito and Stacey is well written. You speak about the Mayhem division well and your opponent at the moment the Mayhem division suits your character but I can see him going onto to bigger things if you consistently write how you have been writing. Great stuff

Dr Steven Kurtesy vs. Gordito - The description as always is fantastic. Nice working putting the injury into the Rp. I'm also enjoying how you’re innocently playing down the fact that you were involved in the mayhem situation but there’s that nagging feeling that you're hiding something. Usual awesomeness from you here.

Blade vs. Vengeance - Robot snakes??? Fair enough. A strange one from you here. Your interaction with Leon was well done and scaring the living piss out of him is always fun to see from a heel. I like how you speak about Vengeance comparing him to the robot snakes. I also love the closing segment leaving an unconscious Leon behind typical Blade. Nice stuff

Vengeance
vs. Blade - Nice opening. Keeping the theme going. Well written stuff here although I'd have liked to have seen more Vengeance in the Rp itself however you seem to have an angle here that I'm sure will all become clear soon enough. The rest of the Rp is just your run of the mill crazy speak from Tarja. Good stuff though.

Jordan Lights vs. Austin Reynolds - I skimmed through your Rp at first and realised straight away that there was no mention of Baller. Seems kind of strange as you were building up a feud with him before his ''death'' Nevertheless the rest of the Rp was solid. Nice interaction with Leon and I liked how you compared your past with Austin. You're a bit of a wildcard here because you could easily insert yourself into the Elite X picture. Good stuff

Ty Burna vs. Titus - Interesting cryptic stuff here. I'm not exactly sure what's going on in the Rp so I'm going to keep this short. The layouts great and the way you speak about your return was done very well.

Titus vs. Ty Burna - Reliving the history of Titus. I thought this was fantastic as I really didn't know much about Titus history and this filled me in. The Rp feels emotional as if it's leading you to your big goodbye. Really good stuff here.

Big Dave vs. Mark Hancock - Great description in the intro and good interaction with Klamor. I love the fact that Dave has realised to go any further he needs to lose the Eurasian championship and you capture the realism and frustration very well. Usual awesomeness from you.

Mark Hancock vs. Big Dave - Not bad. I would say you need to add more description into your opening however. We kind of see a bit about your character with his drinking which is a unique way to go. You didn't speak about your opponent at all though. Keep going though you'll get there after a few more Rp's just unfortunate that you’re against Dave this week.

Alex Steele
vs. Hunter Kravinoff - Nice way to go with the dates fairly unique. The phone call seems to insinuate that you're getting along well with Tucker. The second part of the Rp is well done. I loved the fighting talk about Hunter. Overall good stuff

Hunter Kravinoff
vs. Alex Steele - Nice comedy in the Rp and you seem to be building somewhat of a relationship with Leon which is strange considering you're a heel. I love this character though. So so strange, but you write him very well. You also finish up very strongly. Great stuff.

Showtime Cougar
vs. Everest - great stuff. Comedy segments keep on coming. Very good stuff and you utilize the talk show very well. You mix the comedy up with a serious ending and speak about Everest very well. Really really good Rp.

Everest
vs. Showtime Cougar - Nice Rp, you speak about Cougar well and set yourself up very nicely for the match. The back and forth with Becky is done well and it will be interesting to see what will happen. Good stuff.
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  #1025  
Old 08-19-2010, 09:15 AM
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Holmes

I don't get why Holmes needs bodyguards, he's just joined the most ruthless faction going at the moment and is scared of Baez so much he needs body guards? Just seems a bit odd to me.

The photo bit was a good way to show your different sides. Though what I don't get is the line "the man is simply a disgusting human being...wears a mask" (yeah I missed a bit out) but that seems rather out of place for a man who's just spent the past month or so running around in a mask with the Mayhem belt.

Now the ending to the RP was flawless, I like the emotion of it, the answer as to WHY you joined, what match you want. I like how Holmes was in this RP, he understands that he's now part of the Crashin movement however he has also kept his individuality, something which some stables severely lack. I look forward to seeing what's in store next for the movement.
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  #1026  
Old 08-19-2010, 10:44 AM
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Titus:

Nice idea for an RP that not only creates the top face aurora surrounding you, but also allows you to dig into your opponent on a comedic level whilst still maintaining your dominance. I loved how Titus isn't doing this for himself because he knows he can take Dave on... but he is doing it for the fans. It's short and sweet... but the pictures are worth a thousand words anyway so (funny ones too)...

Great babyface RP.

Holmes:

I laughed a bit at how all the photo's of you all seem to be the same yet Holmes has a different description for each... but when you get to the one that isn't indifferent (Baez), you shit all over it. I can see why you used the bodyguards to protect you from your crazed opponent, essentially putting him over and giving you that heel cowardice/resourcefulness idea. The attack at the end came off quite strong too, swaying the voters to pick a match style. The explanation is quite good to as to why you joined.

Good RP here.
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  #1027  
Old 08-19-2010, 03:33 PM
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Beckford

Rarely would I say an RP was perfect. But bah God this had it. It had the emotion and nerves you're facing, as well as the excitement of being a mid-carder who may get an elite x title shot on the night that potentially two of WZCW's biggest ever stars may retire. This was conveyed in such a good way mixed with the confidence/nerves of the voting needing to happen.

Spot on man, spot on.
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  #1028  
Old 08-20-2010, 05:14 AM
Low_Ki Low_Ki is offline
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FunKay/Steven Holmes

Simply brilliant RP here dude. The use of the photos and Becky's reactions were gold.

I marked out a little bit when you pulled off the 'I'm giving the Mayhem Division one last outing before I put a bullet in its head'. That capped a really, really top RP here. Very much looking forward to see how Baez counters here.
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  #1029  
Old 08-25-2010, 03:36 AM
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Baez
Really good RP here. I liked the references to comic books (Though I think a Gwen Stacy reference in place of a Mary-Jane one would have been better). I do find it odd that it was quite light-hearted. Not the way I would have gone but it was interesting to see. My biggest problem; Spider-Man not Spiderman. There's a hyphen. I know it's nitpicking but it does annoy me (Just me being a nerd I guess).

Titus
An epic three part odyssey. The first part was a nice little way of making Dave look foolish by going through Dave's history via a child's book. You segued nicely into the next scene with Becky, and Titus' angst came across well. The final part gave a somewhat fitting end to this, and if it's the end of Titus' career, you sent him out in style.

Big Dave
The use of St James' was great. I didn't see that coming. The idea that he would go on a rant at the home of Newcastle United was great (except, where was the security?). The follow-up interview with Johnny worked well. I thought the fact that Dave showed no remorse for what he was doing worked really well, especially in a wrestling world where it seems that faces should retire faces. Good RP.

Constantine
The idea of a campaign HQ works well. It makes sense with the voting aspect to this situation. The running down of your various potential challengers worked out nicely as well. I understand he's a mad cocky heel but would he really call The Crashin Movement glorified jobbers, especially with two of them being in title matches (one being in the World Heavyweight Championship match)? I don't see that. Overall all a very nice RP.

Scott Hammond
I liked the idea of them being in a casino. That worked. I'd think Becky would be a tad more offended by the threesome joke. The running down of opponents is a strong point of yours and you once again showed why. Overall, Solid.

Doug Crashin
Okay, taking away some spelling mistakes etc...(Use word for spell checking, it works wonders), this was another good RP. You set your scene up well, you ran through your opponents well and it was reasonably well written (apart from that one thing Dave pointed out in the Discussion Thread). Nice Job.

Gordito
You went through the T.V segments from the previous week and it worked out very well. Using the internet worked well here (because the fans are meant to vote online, you see?) and you addressed the Mayhem situation as well. You hit all the bases and it looked good. Thumbs Up.

Steven Kurtsey
The whole RP was very well constructed. I always enjoy your descriptions and again, you did that perfectly. You kept in mind that you're part of a larger unit and addressed the other concerns of the faction first, dealing with the Mayhem Situation and the Constantine one. It was interesting to see where you took the character in relation to the World Title, making him seem a bit on edge and yet, madly excited to enter the Cell to capture the World Title. Very Nice RP.
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  #1030  
Old 08-25-2010, 12:41 PM
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I'll try to get to everyone, cause I'm just that kinda guy, ya dig?

Holmes

- That is a lovely watch.
- Tumor, ya damn Brit.
- Not a big fan of the "&s." More of an and guy, myself. Personal preference, I suppose.
- Recruiting other members, perhaps? Could be interesting.
- If you hate the Mayhem Division so much why are you trying to win the title? I can only assume you'll change it to some other spiffy name.
- Pretty good stuff here, you highlighted your importance with the Crashin Movement and all. Not sure if it's enough though.

iMPACT Player Baez Killjoy Riaku Death Agent Morales

- Always a fan of your fonts. I should get back to doing that.
- The fuck are break necks?
- I'm not an Ironman fan, personally
- I like the sentences that start off with the "..." Fun stuff.
- I'd think you'd be focusing soley on regaining your title at this point. It's always good to have high expecations, though.
- It really picked up from the abdominal part onward. Vintage Baez. I think this should be enough to retain your title. It was a little lacking on the Kickassery side of things, but still was a quality effort.

Beckford

- Like the whole opening parts with your thoughts and all. Not many people go that route.
- Like your realism about being set on fire. It probably would, uhh, hurt like hell.
- Good insight into the thoughts of your opponent, well done.
- Way to promote the rest of the company, guy. Tag Division FTW.
- A few typos here and there. No biggie, certainly.
- Your last few RPs have been quite good, you're in line for something positive to happen at some point.

Reynolds

- "The metallic tastse of blood." That's imagery if I've ever read it.
- Way to keep the neck injury going. Storyline continuity, man. I like it.
- A typo or two here as well. No harm, no foul, though, that's what I always say.
- A few miscues on your colors as well, not that hard to follow though.
- Pretty good overall, I'd say. Not sure if it's enough to beat Beckford though.

Constantine

- Perfect choice of setting.
- Talking down to the public, while not entirely original, always works.
- The disrspect to Hammond and William Wheelbarrow is disgusting.
- Well played with the revealing of the separate opponents. Going abouta RP logically never fails.
- You should be victorious here. Interesting to see where former tag team champion Anthony Michaels goes from here.

Crashin

- Good choice of setting, Dougy boy. Way to get under that man mean's skin.
- Your spacing seems to be off.
- Once again logic bites you in the ass. You should play it off as a memory disorder, or something. Would do wonders for you character.
- Gordito
- I would've focused more on the stable, really. It's your biggest positive at the moment.
- Not terrible overall, but you're still not going to win. But if you work on a few things, I'm sure you'll pull a victory out of your ass at some point.
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