AS 120 - Obi Okafor versus Vox [Number One Contendership: Mayhem Title]
RP Deadline Monday 11th September 23:59 (Central).
Extensions available upon request.
[Vox is driving down a winding highway at night in a black Cadillac. The only lighting is Vox's radio instruments and his headlights. The camera is shooting from behind Vox, his face can be seen as a reflection in the mirror.]
Vox: This town is forever and a half away. Flying probably would have been a better idea. Whatever. My problems are small. Thankfully, with the money I'm setting up for hurricane victims, their lives should be made a little better.
[The camera focuses on the road]
Vox: Wow, there are a lot of clothes on the road. What the hell is going on? This place is forever away from nowhere.
(Vox sees smoke coming from the side of the road, about 1 mile ahead)
Vox: Oh dear lord, no.
(Vox pulls off to the side of the road. He sees a Cherry Red 1958 Corvette upside down, the head of the Corvette is jammed firmly into a green and brown 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88.)
Vox: SWEET JESUS!
(Vox goes to see if any people are around, alive or dead.)
Vox: Please be ok. Please God, be ok.
(Vox can't find anyone around.)
Vox: Hey, uhhhhh, Voice That Sounds Like Patricia Clarkson, if this is a dream you can just skip to the stupid message part.
Girl(Off-screen): Where is my purse?
Vox: Girl! Hey, girl! Are you ok?
(A young woman, 20 years old, walks into frame. Her face is covered in blood. She looks dazed and unaware.)
Vox: Holy mother of pearl! Girl, are you ok? What's your name?
Girl: I have to find my purse. My boyfriend Bobby got it for me, and he's gonna kill me if I can't find it. He goes ballistic about stuff. Flaming mad. It has all of my credit cards, my phone, and my little notes. He's gonna KILL me. I swear to God! Where is my purse? And where is my mascara? My friend lent it to me, and I don't wanna get another one. It was a special release from MAC. I don't even know if they'll have anymore. Where is it?
Vox: We've got bigger things to worry about. Come on, let's get you to...
Girl: WHERE IS MY PURSE?! Ricky is going to kill me. Oh my God.
Vox: Girl, hey Girl. What's your name? Maybe I can help you.
Girl: Do you have my purse?
Vox: We gotta get you outta here. Come on.
Girl: Where are we going? Do they have my purse? What about my mascara? WHERE ARE THEY?! DID YOU STEAL IT?!
Vox: No...I'll help you find it. Come on. Get in.
(Vox opens the door for Girl)
Vox: Keep tight, it's ok.
Girl: Look for my purse out there, please.
Girl: I'M SERIOUS! DYLAN IS GOING TO KILL ME!!! His Mom gave him that purse. Then he gave it to me.
Vox: Yeah. We'll find it...
(Vox closes the door. He looks for the purse in vein for a minute, and heads back to the car.)
Vox: I couldn't find your purse...
Girl: (Bawling loudly) ANDY IS GOING TO KILL ME!
Vox: No one is gonna kill you. Maybe it'll be where I'm going. Your purse. And the mascara. And whatever the heck else you can't find. Ok? But we gotta go now. Ok?
Girl: Ugh. Ok. But we gotta find it, otherwise Sam...
Vox: He's gonna kill you. Got it.
Girl: Sam is a girl.
Vox: Okie dokie.
*Vox pulls out a cellphone, dials Assistant Gareth*
Gareth: Good evening, Vox Donation Service. How can Vox Save Us Today?
Vox: Dang it Gareth, I thought I told you that we don't use that tagger anymore every since I stopped being a total douche. Anyway...hypothetically...if I found someone on the side of the road who had been in a severe car crash, is speaking irrationally, and bleeding profusely, but DOESN'T know they're knocking on Death's door...should I tell them?
Gareth: Uhhhhhhhhhhh, hang on. Let me check the manual that Dorothy wrote about victims 3 years ago.
Vox: This is in some manual?
Gareth: Yeah, it's more common than you'd think.
Girl: Where's my hairbrush?!
Vox(to Girl): Uhhhhh, probably in your purse. Which we are driving to go pick up now. Hooray, purse!
Girl: MY PURSE IS GONE?!
Vox: No...it's around...
Gareth(through the phone): NO!
Vox: "NO!" what?
Gareth: Definitely do not tell that hypothetically dying girl that she's about to be a non-living person.
Gareth: It's in the manual. Also, don't let her go to sleep.
Vox: Ugh. Fine. Thanks. (hangs up phone)
(Vox looks over at girl, she's nodding out)
Vox: WAKE UP!!!
Girl: Why?! I'm tired and my head kinda hurts. Probably drank too much or something.
Vox: Uhhhhhh, because my radio is busted and it's hard for me to drive without noise.
Girl: *Makes a fart noise with her hands and her mouth* Ahhhhhh, the cutting of silence.
Vox: Heh...that's funny...so...what do you do for a living?
Girl: I don't know.
Vox: Fountain of conversation there...uhhh
Girl: What do you do?
Vox: I'm a philanthropist, a professional wrestler, and I work as a last minute fill-in for the Blue Man Group.
Girl: Aren't they bald?
Vox: Special effects.
Girl: So, are you on tv doing your wrestling?
Vox: Yeah. I'm driving to a show right now that I have tomorrow, as it were.
Girl: Neato! Who are you gonna beat up?
Vox: Obi Okafor. I hope. If I win, I get a shot at the MAYHEM title.
Girl: Why did you say it like that? Have you been hit in the head or something?
Vox: Dramatic effect, I guess.
Girl: I'm kidding! Also, Obi Okafor, what a weird name. Sounds like a guy who wrote me an email about helping him out of a jam, and that he'd eventually give me LOTS of money because he was a billionaire.
Vox: I GOT THAT MESSAGE! That guy still hasn't come through with that check. That's weird. Oh well, he must have gotten into more trouble. Crazy billionaires. Sometimes they become trapped, sometimes they become President. Nutty fellows. Obi's not one of those guys, though. He doesn't have billions of dollars. He wouldn't even donate to the Cake Walk we did for Osteoporosis research. He said "If I can't have any of the cake, why would I buy it? I don't want some fat kid to get it because he won some game where they play a stupid song, and you walk around. GET OUTTA MY FACE!"
Girl: What a jerk. I hope you kick his ass.
Vox: Me too.
Girl: Why is my hair all sticky? (Her finger is pressing against exposed brain and blood)
*Vox pulls off of a freeway exit, and pulls into a hospital.*
Vox: Uhhhhhh, you poured red make up in it...?
Girl: I'm so silly! Why are we at a sick people place?
Vox: Uhhhh, y-you left your purse here, remember?
Girl: MY PURSE IS GONE?!
Vox: Yeah, but only kind of. Let's go get it.
Girl: Fine. Just don't let Matthew find out. He'll kill me.
Vox: Of course.
(Vox gets out of the car with ease. Girl falls down as she gets out, unable to walk.)
Girl: Oh my God. What's wrong with me?
Vox: Uhhhh, nothing. You're just tired. Here, I'll carry you in.
(Vox picks up Girl. As he turns around to close the door, he sees his passenger car seat and the door covered in blood. He looks down at Girl, and she's very pale.)
Vox: Come on, Girl. We gotta move.
Girl: Yeah. That mascara is special from MAC.
Vox: Yes it is.
(Vox enters the emergency bay with Girl in his arms. He goes up to the receptionist.)
Vox: This Girl needs help, asap. Please. I'll tell you everything I know later, but she needs...
Girl: I need my purse! Where is my PURSE?!
(The receptionist stares at him, nonplussed)
Vox: If we could please get this girl to go see her PURSE, that would be great.
(Two hospital orderlies come, and place Girl on a gurney.)
Girl: WHAT THE (A pan crashes in the background) IS GOING ON?!
Vox: They're taking you to a spa. At the spa, you'll find your purse.
Girl: MY PURSE IS GONE?!
Vox: Not for long. (Vox smiles)
Vox: I'll stay here until I hear you've gotten your purse.
Girl: Ok. But don't stay too long. You gotta beat up a billionaire that is selfish about cake. Man, my hair is sticky!
(Vox sits down in the waiting room. There is a well dressed man sitting next to Vox.)
Well Dressed Man: Did I hear something about a purse?
Vox: Yeah...long story...
Well Dressed Man: Well tell it, quickly.
Vox: I saw a car wreck, and she was there. She kept yelling about her purse being missing. And...you saw her man...she needed help.
Well Dressed Man: What kind of purse was it?
Vox: I have no idea. Must have been nice, though. She said her boyfriend Bobby would kill her if she lost it. And, a lot of other boyfriends...who also gave her the purse...and some mascara or something. I don't know. I'm no doctor, but even I know that she's suffered severe cranial trauma.
Well Dressed Man: She lost the purse I gave her? My mother gave me that purse, and I gave it to her. And she lost it?
Vox: What the crap? Seriously, if this is a dream...please be over?
Well Dressed Man: THAT DOES IT! I'M GONNA...OHHHHH...I'M GONNA!!!!
Vox: You're gonna chill out, is what you're gonna do.
Well Dressed Man: No I'm not. I'm gonna get flaming mad!!!
(Well dressed man grabs a can of hair spray out of his jacket, sprays himself, and then lights himself on fire.)
Well Dressed Man (Who is Now on Fire): NO ONE IS TO LOSE PURSES!!! THEY'RE VERY IMPORTANT!!!!
[Vox and two orderlies tackle the Well Dressed Man(Who is Now on Fire) down to the ground, and beat him with blankets. The fire is extinguished.]
Girl (From off-camera, in another room): MAYHEM!!!!
Well Dressed Man (Who is No Longer on Fire): Well, I feel better now.
Vox: What in the fu...(Vox's phone rings) Hey, what's up?
Gary Busey: Oh man! I've had the craziest day!
Vox: Hey Gar, have uhhhh...you had any work lately?
Gary Busey: Nope! Just at home making finger sandwiches and Whopcorn!
Vox: Great...(Drops phone and heads back to car.)
"Intensity: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that." - Ron Swanson.
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