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  #2311  
Old 08-26-2017, 10:29 AM
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WZCW's Tony Mancini & Milenko
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Titus Avison
(Lee)

Had we not talked on Discord or the show already been posted I would have been a bit confused with this one. As it stands I really enjoyed this one and couldn't find anything wrong with it.

It was a standard TV interview but it was the best I've read. I enjoyed it immensely the 3 times I've read it. It's not every time I reread an RP and enjoy it just as much.

My favorite part regardless of whether it was confusing the first time was how you buttered Ty up and then tore him down. Again a lot of people do this but not many can do it tho good. You're RPs are some of my favorite to read and this one is no different.

I'd say good luck in our match coming up but it looks like I'm going to need the luck.
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  #2312  
Old 08-27-2017, 10:39 PM
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Tony Mancini - Anniversary Show RP (Milenko)

You won the feedback contest this round and had two RP's for the show, so here are some thoughts on your Tony Mancini RP. Did I vote for you? No, however you came close to getting my vote. I liked that you tried something new here with the journaling. Another RP with Tony seeking advice from the pastor would not have been the best idea. You did good with the setting and how Tony addressed his opponents within his thoughts as he journaled was realistic. Try the journaling thing again, maybe expanding on it a bit. Which brings me to things that could have been done differently.

Ok. The first thing I'll tell you is this.... Tony's been a Christian for multiple cycles. I know old habits die hard, but he is swearing way too much for someone in a Christian lifestyle. I can understand maybe one or two curse words here or there. The guy would at least have tried to cut down by now. You spelled "past" wrong and put "passed". Try to proofread to catch these typos. You turned in this RP 4 days in advance. Waiting another day and reading it again would likely have caught the typo. When you turn in an RP this early, it makes typos look a lot more sloppy than they otherwise would. Something else I might have done differently is include the text message from Xaitlyn as its own piece of dialogue, maybe in a quote box with the magenta color. Make the reader read the message itself, seeing it how Tony saw it. Another thing I would have added would be some kind of timestamp that Tony himself wrote. Sure we can see when you posted the RP, but if Tony is journaling, wouldn't he want to write down the date and maybe even the time so that he can look back on his journal in a future season of life? Most of my friends who journal do this.
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  #2313  
Old 08-28-2017, 12:42 AM
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Tony Mancini

10TH ANNIVERSARY SHOW RP!!

Did I vote for you? Yes

My voting wasn't as close in my mind as others. Obi Okafor and Vox were closer at your heels had you slipped up a little and messed up. But I don't think you messed up, it was a solid RP with all the little boxes checked off, medium in length and unique to Mancini. Only thing I would've added was one time stamp at the top like Dagger said to make it seem more like a journal. It was refreshing to see Mancini away from the priest who knows about wrestling and the baby. Good job and good luck vs Titus Avison.
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  #2314  
Old 09-12-2017, 12:45 AM
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Anthony Mancini

I had already seen this RolePlay, thanks to you. I liked it. But I will vote for Ace Stevens as far as I'm concerned. This looked very short to me. I can understand that you wanted to show that Anthony isn't taking his next opponents any seriously which Gino favors but Xaitlyn opposes. The difference in the views of those two is always fun to watch since it's so varied. But again, I would've liked some more by you especially on your opponents. Building up is right but you shouldn't do any less for other matches like this one. Anthony sort of ignored that Ace Stevens lost his return match to World Champion. Not just to anyone. Xaitlyn making Anthony remind this could have helped. That's all I can say.

Best Of Luck for Titus.
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  #2315  
Old 09-14-2017, 10:21 AM
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Milenko

I really liked the RolePlay but my only problem was use of less commas and long sentences which made it very annoying to read. That's the only problem I've with this RolePlay. The story is very good but the narration of the story needed some help. That's all I can say.
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  #2316  
Old 09-14-2017, 10:56 AM
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Yemrez Reqonic
(ShinChan)

I liked it but a few things popped out at me.

First how did he not earn the title? It was a Mayhem Rules match where anything goes so he did in fact earn the title under the rules.

Second the grammar. You put woman itself when it should be herself. There are a few other instances where the flow is a bit messed up because f how you worded things but that's the biggest one. If you want I'll proof read your RPs for you like you do mine.

Do I think you'll win? Anything is possible but I'm not sure. Tasty is a world champion class RPer and his opponents need to be at the top of their game and I'm not sure if this RP was good enough.

Good Luck
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