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  #11  
Old 02-16-2018, 08:31 PM
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Nu Sexier Noun Nu Sexier Noun is offline
Is a thin rope
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I feel the need to add DDT to the pile of things to watch. Japanese indie where Kenny Omega and Kota Ibushi came from.
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  #12  
Old 02-16-2018, 09:31 PM
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Hard Hit Prince suggested DDT already. Not going to lie, on reputation alone that and Progress are the ones I look forward to the most.
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  #13  
Old 02-16-2018, 10:44 PM
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Nu Sexier Noun Nu Sexier Noun is offline
Is a thin rope
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Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...Nu Sexier Noun is getting some looks on Smackdown...
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I'd say not progress for no other reason than the entire fucking Britwres scene needs to be doused in petrol and torched right now. By which I mean it's full of pedophiles and rapists.

Progress is no exception, seeing as they book Strangler Davis on a regular basis.
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  #14  
Old Yesterday, 06:20 PM
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Default Hoodslam via Twitch



Hoodslam: This Is Real

Stoner U Presents Ultimate Alliance (Running Time: 2 hrs 27 mins)



Current Roster (via Cagematch)
Click for Spoiler:

Anton Voorhees
Bat Manuel
Berkeley Brawler
Big B
Brittany Wonder
CAUTION
Cereal Man
Drugz Bunny
Ean Hancement
El Chupacabra
Funny Bone
Johnny Butabi
Ken
Manny Faberino
PONG
Richard Shhhnary
Rob Hands
Ryu
Scott Rick Stoner
Shotzi Blackheart
Virgil Flynn III
Zangief
Anthony Butabi
Coach Nuggs
Doc Atrocity
FONG
Gregory Iron
James C
Jean Pierre
Joey Nuggs
Katarina Leigh
Laura James
Nurse Ratchet
Paul London
Steven Tresario
Super Beast



Current Champions
Click for Spoiler:

The Golden Gig Champion: PONG

Intergalactic Tag Team Champions: The CAUTION (Anton Voorhees & Ean Hancement)


Other Accomplishments

The Best Athlete in the East Bay: Cereal Man

The Dixie Carter Memorial Lethal Lottery Battle Bowl Tag Team Tournament Trophy: Ken (w/Stoney Montana)




Cold open to a static shot of the ring and the crowd. Somebody is welcoming the audience to the show, but since it's on Twitch and it's live it is sorta muffled. This set is everything you'd expect from an underground event: seedy venue with graffiti adorning the walls. Plenty of cigarette/weed smoke from attendees. Sloppy ring with a canvas that seems made of cut up garbage bags with the center all duct taped. After ROW and CWFH, this is a refreshing change. Guy brings out another guy (it being live, and their equipment being one step above cups on a string, I'm surprised I could understand anything they said). His music is the theme to the forgotten 80s TV sitcom Perfect Strangers, a lovely upbeat rock ballad. He tells everybody it's fucking good to be back home in Oakland, California. The two have a drink and a chaser before starting the show properly. If anybody has a question, raise their hands. So a few did. One asks what kind of weed Perfect Strangers likes. Silver Planet I think he says. This is clearly what would happen if Cheech and Chong had a wrestling show. Few more bits of Q&A that doesn't really add anything but does tell me that this is not going to be a serious ordeal. I expect a laid back "get high" kind of thing here, and I'd toke to get more out of this, but I'm dry so...

Auctioning a few books for $1. One is about cats. This is by far the weirdest start to a show I've seen, but it's amusing. Gets bumped to $3...$4...FIVE DOLLARS?!? Sold to a man in a nice leather jacket.

Match begins by introducing a referee first. He's wearing a green and black striped shirt. Aight the refs here have some personality. Cool.



Coach Joey Nuggz vs. Richard Shhhnary

Coach comes out with a "I'm a Nuggs Guy" t-shirt (Paul Heyman Guy parody?) and literally has a discussion with commentary while he's in the ring. Coach has this aging pothead thing going for him while Richard is a librarian, complete with a strap of books, even shushing fans. Commentary is audibly heard throughout the arena, opposite of what modern mainstream promotions do. Oh shit Shhhnary hits Coach in the head with one of his books...he's down and the ref is counting the pin...he's up at two. So one thing is for certain: this wrestling isn't an athletic endeavor. It's more performance art than it is a combative sport. This made the Studd vs. Tempo match from ROW look like an NXT main event, is what I'm getting at here. Referee doesn't call for a disqualification but did go for a ring count when they went to the outside. Coach Nuggs uses Shhhnary's stack of books by positioning them near the fallen Shhhnary, stepping on them and somehow using them as leverage for a diving elbow drop that ends the match. This would have been the absolute shittiest thing I've seen if it weren't for how commentary and the crowd were treating it like such a dangerous stunt. Gotta give them credit, I laughed way harder than I should have for this.

Commentary is running down a list of various tag team match types (6-man, etc) and says this year they're going to focus on tag team wrestling. Okay then.



Stoner Brothers Segment

Commentary Guy wants to bring out his brother Rickie to the ring because there was an incident at the last show Stonerversity. I think I'm figuring this all out. Guy at commentary is Scott Rick Stoner and his brother is Rick Scott Stoner (these names are great). They're identical twins. They ask Big B to come out as well, and he does to a cool Ozzy(?) song. He's wearing one of those black faceless ghost reaper-like masks. He rips it off to get the crowd amped, though it does so with minimal effect. He's clearly on something. Stoner Bros also ask for Stevie T (Steven Tresario) who has some sweet trap music and a banded up goatee. The Brothers give fans some backstory - 4 years ago they set the two up as a tag team, and they've done well. Their names are on some whiteboard but they're going to get bumped because they've graduated. They're given Stoner Letterman jackets, and it's exactly what you're imagining. They chant in unison, and strike a "raise the roof" pose. There's a shaking of hands and the Brothers leave. Stevie T & Big B are about to as well but "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson plays. "That Handsome Devil" Riv and Junk Yard Cat come out . Riv is oozing charisma - practically pole dancing on the ring post as he gets in the ring. They want a fight. "Your accent changed three times in that promo!" - Stevie T.



"That Handsome Devil" Anthony Rivera & "Junk Yard Cat" Joey Smokes vs. Hayward Heat

The referee this match has an orange vest on because he's here for community service. Chuckled in spite of myself. Silly exchange between Big B and Riv: "I AM BIG B!" "WELL I AM BIG D!" "I DON"T CARE FOR YOU, BIG D!" Riv chews up the scenery unlike any wrestler I've ever seen, doing the most extra provocative taunts imaginable. One funny spot was Riv trying to make the tag...to Stevie T. Welcome To Hayward - tag team finisher is some weird Gutwrench + Cutter combo on The JYC is good for 3 as Big B & Stevie T are the winners. Way more athletic than I was led to believe with the show's opener, but probably way too many tags being made to stay completely interested. Standouts were Anthony Rivera and Stevie T for sure. I'll be damned...Booker T's theme music is played as they celebrate.


Commentary shoot the shit til announcing Picture Time!!!



Coach Nuggz Is Back In The Ring For Picture Time!!!

He takes pictures for the fans. What did you expect for Picture Time?



Manny Faberino Comes To The Ring

Manny comes out to "Seventeen" by Winger. Manny is billed at 17 years old and living at his Mother's House. Has this intriguing "I'm my mom's favorite wrestler" gimmick about him and I dig it. He takes a moment of silence for his savior, Guy Fieri. There's even a fucking ringbell going off for this segment despite Fieri being alive. Poor taste, but eh it's what you'd expect in this place. He wore a cowboy hat to the ring (got a Tremors chant), and told the crowd he was supposed to face Cowboy Sam Owens, but it's not going to happen. "We were going to have a duel, and I was gonna shoot him, and he was gonna die, and then I was gonna say Bury Me With My Money, and two people were gonna laugh, just like they did just now..." Funny stuff.

He admits he's there to kill time...but Cowboy Sam Owens's music hits. He doesn't come out, but Manny dances along, getting a "DAN-CING" chant (you'll never get that in any of the dozen Dance-Offs WWE does). New music plays and it's an old Russian diddy. Manny does this hybrid Texas Two-Step followed by the Can-can and now I know I'm staring into another universe. "Holy shit!" chants. He goes to do a flip, lands directly on his head, and he sells the pain. I'm adding that to the Flippy Counter anyways. It gets blamed on Charlie Chaplin, an invisible entity in Hoodslam. "Charlie Chaplin" chants makes me wonder if I did hit a joint before watching this, and I just can't remember. Anyways the green striped referee is there wearing the cowboy hat, checking both Manny and Charlie for foreign objects to start the match.



Manny Faberino vs. Charlie Chaplin

"I'm only 17 and you're like 200!" Crowd starts clapping in unison, and by some divine decree this match has changed to a Dance-Off. A man is dancing off with nobody there. Camera sells the ghost by jerking side to side, up and down erratically. The crowd is eating this up, with another chant "Charlie's Dancing!" Manny is jealous and lashes out with a Cutter, and pins him..for a two. "You Got Served!" chants now. "Wanna see somebody get served?" Manny does Scotty 2 Hotty's The Worm, Charlie strikes. Commentary does A HELL OF A JOB selling all the rapid fire reversals, missed clotheslines, etc. Camera sells Charlie Chaplin dive to Manny "I hope he doesn't dive on me!". "You sick fuck!" chants for Chaplin. Both Charlie and Manny to the top rope..and Many executes a Superplex to the outside, his back hitting the ring apron loudly. "What the fuck!" chants. Double Count Out to end the match.

Fight continues to the parking lot, and the fans follow. Manny climbs a big rig and throws Charlie Chaplin off. Crowd is unglued. Manny is downright remorseful acting like he just killed him. He looks visibly sick, and high tails it back inside and through the curtain. Charlie Chaplin is on an invisible stretcher with an invisible ambulance (crowd makes Weeooo Weeooo noises) but He's Back Up!!! Gets a round of applause. This was...a lot. A lot of fun? A lot of cringe? Yes.


Rob Hands & "The SideShow" Joe Killmeister vs. "The Master" Ken & Victor von Richter

Rob is ripping off Psycho Sid, complete with music, attire, and mannerisms. Joe is a bearded clown. Ken is Ken from Street Fighter and Victor is a DBZ fighter, complete with scouter. Court-appointed referee has returned. Killmeister stepped completely on top of Ken and gave him an elbow drop + pin and I don't recall seeing that combination. He also has a creepy clown laugh, so bonus points there. Rob Hands sold an invisible "Fireball Ki" from Victor. Victor also gave a good Spear to Hands, followed by a Jackhammer. Killmeister with a Double-Armed DDT, commentary referencing Cactus Jack. Samoan Drop to Rob Hands ends the match with Ken holding Victor down onto mini-Sid for the win.

This time is probably as good as any to point out nobody is a face or a heel on this show. They're just doing their thing. No story, or minimal at best. Just characters. Admirable, but I'm not into the guys nearly as much knowing that.

More shooting the shit, referencing Bill Nye getting high. They have no idea what the next match is, but they'll wait for the music to hit. It's Tony (???).


This Guy Has No Tag Team Partner

So somebody named Tony, Joey, whatever gets on the mic to tell the crowd he was ready to fight tonight but he has no tag team partner. Sort of the same setup they did with Rob Hands not knowing who he was teaming with, but this way is a bit more of a mystery. "Everybody in the fucking back already paired up." Says he'll be back March 15th in gear, inviting somebody to team with him. Says he doesn't want a loser though. Leaves. This felt like a colossal waste of time, getting no reaction from the crowd.

Commentary tries to get the fans interested by asking them if they're all high yet. They're quite awake, raising what looks like blunts and the like. This show is a trainwreck. Anyways, on to the next tag team match.



The Deacon Barista & The Berkeley Brawler vs. Boyz N The Hood & Big Baby Powder

Hey green/black striped ref is back and holy hell Barista is a Starbucks employee equipped with a thermos. He came out to a slow acoustic version of Saliva's "I Walk Alone". Berkeley Brawler looks like a caricature of an Upper Class white classic hipster complete with scooter, glasses, and manbun (ehh I'll put him higher than ROW's Startek but way, way lower than CWFH's Bateman). Truly a marvel. Sings along to his music in a Pee Wee Hermanlike way. Barista sings with him long after the song is cut. Hood is a gangsta type with a mask and Baby Powder looks like a sleazy Vegas manager pimp hybrid...who is shilling baby powder. They come out to a remix of the COPS theme. Berkeley & Barista have matching cummerbunds (a sash) and they raise it up in the air like they're tag team titles. So apparently the cummerbunds are on the line now, the commentary says. Ref wears Bruce's bling. Oh, Big Baby Powder's last name is Johnson, as in Johnson & Johnson, lol. Barista to do a Barista Bomb...but needs help from Berkeley. Berkeley Brawler puts Baby Powder into a sitting STF move called The Brawlerer and gets the submission win.

Commentary talks about Hayward Heat doing well against Junk Yard Cat & Riv. They're just going over who won the previous matches. I assume they do this because the fans are all kinds of fucked up and probably forgot. More shooting the shit, which is fine because 1. This place can't afford backstage segments I guess and 2. Interactive. Fans like it.



Main Event: The CAUTION vs. The Squad: Hip Hop Harry, D-Rogue, and Kenny K

I wish I knew what the ref did to be doing community service. If commentary told me, they did so with alcohol in their mouths. Here is a very strange ensemble of cats, Anton Voorhees and Ean Hancement aka The CAUTION. They carry around a giant plastic trophy and have a "valet" with them, Khan, a guy dressed as Britney Spears in her flight attendant costume (and he's killing it, to be honest). He rips his clothes off and is in somekind of semi-nude glittery bodysuit ensemble and this is the loudest reaction so far. They all dance and commentary talks about how these are his life decisions, motherfucker so take it how you want. Sorta progressive for a show I totally expect tits to pop out at. The Squad are thugs but not exactly gangstas, and they're getting in people's faces and flipping them off. Commentary did a shit job here saying their names, pretending they're Bruce Buffer with stressing syllables. Your audio is an abortion guys, please keep in mind you're streaming on Twitch.

The Squad jump The CAUTION to start. Looks like the flippy counter is going to get a workout because there are already 4 flips in the first minute of this match (yet somehow they don't come off as athletic, weird). Bunch of Superkicks and I'm finally seeing the indy that gets a bad rep. Oh Hip Hop Harry has a Zack Gowen thing going for him, and I'll let you guess what I mean by that. The CAUTION have a cool spot where they grab hold of one guy and "Britney" gets on top of him to strike a pose ("It's Britney, Bitch!"). Series of elbows by The CAUTION and the ref has no idea how to handle this match so they're just doing their thing. (Side note: Twitch has a chatroom, and one of the guys stated that Hip Hop Harry won a Battle Royal in this fed due not being able to be eliminated...I shouldn't laugh, but I am.) D-Rogue ...he looks like Manny Faberino...actually I'm sure he is but he's wearing a hoodie..I can see how this could be a jab at wrestlers with alter egos.

Nice rollup spot where individual break the cover by rolling one guy over, making the pin change for the opponent. A ball of humanity. D-Rogue Manny rolled Ean Hancement up in a backslide pin for the win though I'm not even sure he was the legal man. The CAUTION lost their trophy cup though it was never up for grabs.

Britney is asked to sing. Said he didn't know they had a title. It was just a prop. Says they'll be back on top next time and now for some singing. Antony takes the mic. "Please sing, Ean!" chants. Ean will sing...wait no. He's too upset "He's lost his smile!" and walks out. Kinda kills the mood as the other two walk out right after. Weird note to end on, but commentary cracks jokes and makes it a bit better. They plug their program which was a fantastic idea for something this underground.

Ends with Perfect Strangers theme playing.






First Impressions

Venue: Now we're seeing something different. Looked like some kind of warehouse, with chickenwire behind the commentary team showing a few wrestlers waiting in the wing, the ring composed of garbage bags and duct tape. Art on the walls is mostly video game logos and references. Standing room only, with dead arcade machines and various boxes strewn around. Cannabis flag acted as curtains in a doorway for the wrestlers to enter/exit. Eh, this place has its own identity.

Crowd: Alive. They were definitely into this show, chanting on the guys they liked and booing appropriately for the ones that aren't meant to be liked. Say what you will for how awful hardcore wrestling is, but its fans don't need a beach ball to be entertained. They were drinking, toking, what else have you. Not a large crowd (fifty people at most), and not necessarily a rowdy one, but vocal enough for me to want to join them. There were no barriers between them and the performers.

Wrestling: It was abysmal, but everybody including the wrestlers were in on how bad this was, so how the hell can I judge something this self-aware?

Characters: Even the referees were characters here. Standouts for me were Manny Faberino, Anthony Riviera, Joe Killmeister, and The Deacon Barista. Place was packed with colorful characters, to be honest.

Production: Two cameras were present- one held by a guy near the ring, a little shakily, and the other static bit farther from the action. The music from the "wrestlers" were songs people have heard before, glad to see some familiarity. Lighting was horrendously blinding in some parts, making the more Caucasian wrestlers look like the ghost of Sheamus. Audio was the worst part, it being in a small building with commentary muttering through microphones. I think they did a stellar job killing time between segments and matches without commercials, but still wasn't their best feature.


Flippy Counter: 10


If you're a traditionalist, leave Hoodslam alone. It's tongue-in-cheek humor, poking fun at wrestling while being a wrestling show. It's for adults who are into weed culture and video game characters. Surprisingly, I didn't really get an old-school ECW feel for this program. There was barely anything hardcore in it, and nobody bled. Tits did not come out, and neither were there any women there to be eye candy or moan through a match. Worst it got was Fuck Bombs. They do have Katarina Leigh aka Katie Lee Burchill aka Winter on their roster, and I'd be lying if I wasn't curious to what her role is in this place. All in all, I did have fun watching this. It's not a serious program. Expect the worst wrestling imaginable, so bad that the people doing it know its bad. But it was entertaining for a stoner show. I think this was a B event, and there are bigger events than this scheduled, so will I journey back to this weird universe? Not sure. We'll see.



Up Next: The West Coast Wrestling Connection
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