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Old 03-29-2018, 06:51 PM
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Lee Lee is offline
WZCW's EurAsian champion (Still)
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Yemrez Reqonic

Lethal Lottery is the biggest opportunity everyone in WZCW gets. You win this you have a chance at the world title. You do well you can make a name for yourself. Look at the past winners.

Now thinking of that your RP was an insult to the match writers as well as the others who wrote RP's. I would rip the RP to shreds if it was a MD/AS RP but for Lethal Lottery? Awful RP, I didn't mark it bottom at the time but I've just re read it there and it's close. Where's Yemrez' zeal to want to win? She's a medal winner, she knows how to win yet can't in WZCW why is that?

For example I'm going to take the first four sentences of your RP to show you something:


We see Yemrez standing in the balcony of a hotel.
- This is quite a common place I have Titus but if you want description build to it. Which hotel? There's plenty in Sydney. Can you see their shitty bridge of the Opera House?

The air was cold yet they felt soul-soothing to Yemrez. - Poorly written and doesn't make sense. Change they to it, that makes sense. "The air was cold, yet that comforted Yemrez. The cold reminded her of home" there we go reason to care.

She drinks a full bottle of water.
Imagine a promo in WWE where someone just drank a full bottle of water, not a sip but a full bottle. A bit absurd right?

There was a bunch load of stress.
Why is there stress? You get to it later but as a description it doesn't work.

The sad thing is this is one of your better RP's and it's awful. The wording is all over and it's not coherent at all.

Tell us about the Godless Pikne. I know Pikne's an Estonian Godless, but not many others do. Expand that in your RPs. It's no wonder your lottery showing was bad. It's more upsetting that you don't bother taking feedback on board when you really need it.
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