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  #171  
Old 03-04-2018, 11:21 PM
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Told Lee I would get this up a couple days ago. Not as detailed as my Unscripted review, but I hope it helps.

Meltdown 148

Opening the show with the Mayhem Title is a nice call. Guys in the WHC scene or long term members often get this spot, so giving the lower card guys a shout is nice. The segment was much too short for an opening though. Becky speaks, we get all Mayhem guys in the ring to speak a single sentence, and then its over. We don't need twenty minute McMahon segments, but you need more substance than what was here.

The triple threat had highs and lows for me. The commentary during the entrances was solid, it gave you a little insight into the character and their recent history. Cohen did call him Seabass a lot though. One issue I had was that in the entrances, the song playing was mentioned. Since we post the YT video of the theme, listing the name of the song is redundant. Also, I like when there is something to signal the start of the match. The standard *ding ding* is all you need. The content of the match was okay for an opening match. The move to move to move with no real story isn't really a good read, but in a triple threat curtain jerking match, it is passable. I'd suggest more action in each paragraph, each was 3-5 lines. Also, each pin attempt doesn't need to be written like -

As soon as she hits the move she quickly goes for the pin

1..2

Vee kicks out as soon as the ref counts two. Unless it is a dramatic moment, it flows much better if you write *move sequence* 1....2...kick out *move sequence*

The Lynx/Tastic segment was fine, but why is Josh Browning getting so many mentions? He is a character NPC, not an official NPC. There is no need for character NPCs with so much mystery around them getting on shows.

The next match, the Vox entrance was okay, and the Callie bit with the ripped sign was fine, but what even was that commentary? It was borderline racist on Cohen's part. Also Copeland is super professional, he shoudln't be laughing at jokes by Cohen. At least he admonished Cohen over the African child quip. Time to donate a loss to Vox and Callie! That might be the worst line I have ever heard.

Action wise, thanks for the bell ringing to start. I also liked the little bit before the bell, with the teams having a quick chat. The story with Tastic and Lynx being at odds was good, it added to the match. Don't write like this though -

Quote:
Lynx jumps in the air, he twists and flips into a phoenix splash right on Callie!

1.

2..

Callie kicks out!
Unless there has been a sweeping change since I left, the matches were written *moves, pin* 1....2....kick out *moves*

That aside, I liked this match. The animosity between the four told a fine enough story.

I liked the gist of the Triple X interview. It did a good job of painting Triple X as a dick, but, Ace should have been given more credit. He was a fine Mayhem Champ in his original run.

Who the hell fed him that line?. One of the better Ace intros ever. The Triple X intro did that redundant thing I mentioned earlier. Content wise, the match was good, the finish was good. I just can't get over the way the pinfalls have been written each match so far. On a similar note, countouts. I prefer this-

1....2....3....

*Line of guy crawling*

4....5....

*Commentary*

To me that flows better than what was done here.

The Studd/Vox segment was fine, but I feel like at some point Vox is going to need to be given something big or stop being given segments. None of the segments he is in mean anything in the long run. They are fine segments that usually work with their character, but I'd rather segments mean something as opposed to throwing guys on TV just to give them TV time.

The Mayhem match was weird. War Zone fucked off, but the finish came so suddenly. Something about Mancini stealing the win off of Studd's finish works, but I hope the LL match ramps it up.

I will have Ascension soon.
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  #172  
Old 03-05-2018, 03:29 PM
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Yaz Worldwide Presents: Ascension 125 Review
Paid for by the Titus Avison Corporation with special consideration from the Re-elect John Constantine Campaign

Right off the bat, the opening to AS was much better than MD. It was longer without being obscene and it had good content. One small issue
Quote:
Cohen: Absolutely, Cat. You have hit the nail on the head right there. What a card we have on offer here tonight in Asia. The Lethal Lottery is only days away and, on a night where anything can happen, you can bet that extends to tonight!
That bold part is a bit confusing to me. Is Cohen saying anything can happen on LL night and that sentiment extends to this episode, or is he being redundant? Could have been worded better, but a small blip on a good opening.

Moving onto Keaton/Consty. Keaton jumping before the bell and King Kong Roadie running interference were solid points. The match itself was fine as, end of the show aside, it gave the WHC a solid win over a decent midcard name in fairly short order.

The Vega segment was fine. It did its job in showing Vega was back. If I had a dime for every guy who came back and talked about winning the big one, I'd have a shit load of dimes.

The old theater reel bit.....well I was confused until I thought about it long enough, best part of being on creative for so long. If this is what I think it is, holy shit! I'm so excited you could cut glass with my nipples.

I have mixed feelings on the Tyrone/Kagura segment. It is always a bit difficult to get non verbal or non English speaking characters into segments, especially one of this length with a respected talker like Tyrone. This one worked well enough because Tyrone can speak Japanese, but that won't always be the case for those interacting with Kagura.

Tag match, again this issue.

Quote:
The lights dim again. The soft sounds of "Intro" by The Xx begin to play
There is no need for that when the theme music is two inches above. Also, this bit of commentary isn't good.

Quote:
Connor: Vega is back in WZCW Jack and his second task is in a tag team contest against two of the hottest wrestlers we have in the company right now!

Cohen: I wouldn't be too worried about that Cat! Vega has a dangerously fast tag team partner that the crowd is really behind for some reason, she's from an unknown place so I don't get it! How do they know her?!

Connor: Well, my sources say she has a history fighting over here and....

Cohen: Wait just a minute! When did YOU get sources?! I know what your sources are, it's the same source as everyone else on the planet, it's called Google Search Engine! Admit it!
Cohen heels it up in the second line, fine, but the first bit he shows a rooting interest in two faces. That shouldn't happen often, if ever. The entrance description on team two were better.

Quote:
A thunderous applause as her music plays, pink lights begin to swirl around the stage in a circular pattern
That bit was much better. It cut out the unneeded listing of the song name. The positive though was quickly erased by this.

Quote:
Connor: Wow! Have you EVER seen such a positive reaction from any WZCW fans like this Jack?! The welcome of our QFAD is absolutely mind numbing!
Yes, Cat favors the women, and yes, Kagura was going to cash in later, but she isn't John Cena returning at the 2008 Rumble. This is no disrespect to Ech, but Kagura is a career midcard act who had yet to win the big one, she would not be anywhere near this reaction level.

Much like the MD tag, I enjoyed that Jeff included a little bit before the bell of both teams having a chat about strategy. Actual in ring action was fine, but again, I take issue with commentary.

Quote:
Connor: That wasn’t just your normal ending Jack! That is what you would call some real overkill on Tyrone and Kagura’s part, wow!

Cohen: You’re not kidding Cat! What were they thinking? A Click Clack is bad enough but they combined that with Kagura’s Fifth Dance too, they’re looking to kill people out there! I hope Wren is feeling good enough to continue her career here, maybe she should sue these two dangerous workers.
Both guys hit their finish, that isn't unheard of or even uncommon in a tag match. Then to suggest Wren may want to retire because of it, it is the worst kind of hyperbole.

Truth be told, I wasn't feeling the Eve segment. Eve showing fire is fine, but the choker label has been bucked I feel. After her brutal verbal RKO on Logan in her Unscripted RP, I think she buried that trend. She dispelled the notion, but frankly it should not have been brought up in the first place, especially by Leon, who should be the most professional of backstage staff.

Titass vs Neckbeard. Big props out the gate for this in Beard's entrance.

Quote:
The lights fly on and Beard throws his hands in the air encouraging the crowd to chant "Beard! Beard! Beard!". He hurries down the aisle slapping hands with his fans.
I don't mind crowd chants if they are used sparingly, but this did a good job of not adding extra length by making the chant separate from the rest of the description. The Titus entrance was well done too, as Cohen getting super hype over Titus is always good. Connor's line was a bit meh, she should have just said 'Not my Champion" instead of mentioning Constantine. I think it fits the joke better.

As for match content, the chants were written without being disruptive. Commentary could have been better, it was very generic, but it wasn't bad and it wasn't taking the characters down a path they shouldn't go. Much like with the Constantine match, Titus scoring a victory without much trouble is fine. Beard is a part timer so losses won't kill him, and Titus dispatching a former WHC in relatively short order gives him a boost. I also like that Titus didn't try to out muscle Beard and wrestled smart, My only issue was Beard got a rope break after a long ankle lock, hobbles to his feet, and his first move is a spinning back kick. Yes, Titus avoided it, but doing a fancy kick literally seconds after being put in a leg based submission doesn't make sense.

The post match with TMZ was fun.

I've covered the Flex segment elsewhere.

Given the end of the show, Constantine had purpose being at the desk, so no complaints there. I would have preferred a color that wasn't blue since I see blue commentary and think Copeland, but it isn't the end of the world.

Quote:
Connor: I can't stress how important this match is. This is the first time in over 5 years that a woman will be guaranteed a world title shot. Isn't that exciting?

Cohen: I don't see gender Cat. What I see is two people who are fighting for the top spot. It's the way of WZCW.
I love this for two reasons. 1) Y'all know how I feel over the whole "first female to do x" praise. I don't feel it should matter if the character is male or female as both have been on equal footing for a long time here. There have just been less females. 2) Cat marks over girl power, and Cohen shut her down. It fits the profile of both. Good on ya.

My personal preference is the *DING! DING!* to signal a match start, but writing the ref calling for the bell works. Just make sure something is there to signify the start.

I like the false finish, as it showed Eve was at one point capable of putting Batti down, but it wasn't some BS with outside interference that saved Batti. She still had the presence of mind to get the foot up so she doesn't look like a complete loser.

In ring wise, the size difference was played up well. Eve towered over Batti and used that to her advantage. I also enjoyed the nod to Eve's ankle issues. This match wasn't some flip fest bingo hall show, nor was it an epic KC main event. It did a fine job of giving two upcoming WHC contenders a couple of moments and played well to each respective character.

Quote:
Batti rolls out of the ring once again but Taylor follows her. The begin to trade kicks and punches on the outside as Katie Shepard begins to count. 1. Taylor is hit in the ankle again by Batti. 2. Batti goes for a second hit but Taylor throws her by the hair into the barrier. 3. Taylor delivers some stomps on Batti. 4. Boo's reign down on Taylor as she poses. 5. Taylor picks up Batti and whips her into the steel steps. 6. Taylor waits for Batti to stand. Designer Clothesline! The Pendulum Lariat knocks Batti flying. 8. Taylor picks Batti and goes for another delayed Saito Suplex. Batti is in the air! 9. Eve Taylor's ankle gives way and both ladies crash to the ground! 10! The bell rings!
That bit was certainly a different way of doing a count out. I wasn't sure how I felt at first about it, but it did flow well. Reading the entire match and considering the previous Eve segment, I think it worked. You did forget to put in 7 though. Overall I think the countout worked here. At times when we need a draw we try to come up with something cool and unique. Hole in the ring, crash through the barricade, wild brawl through the crowd. This did its job, with a fired up Eve getting too carried away with hurting Batti, losing track of time, and having her previously worked over ankle go out. The psychology leading up to that were 10/10 would bang again.

Quote:
Myles: This can't be the way that Ascension ends, damn it! Curve-balls and lack of resolution might be what Becky Serra is trying to achieve on Meltdown but it will not happen here! Mark my words!
I also liked this bit of Myles speech. The two GMs are technically try to outdo each other with their show, so having Chuck take a shot at Becky works here.

The best part of the cash in, was the copyright info fake out. That has been a big hit for NXT and Gargano getting blitzed by Ciampa lately, so no issue borrowing something from real life and putting our stamp on it.

This go round, Ascension beat Meltdown, thanks to better writing throughout.

I hope that these last two bits can help answer any questions y'all had and help you moving forward.
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Last edited by Rainbow Yaz : 03-05-2018 at 03:42 PM.
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  #173  
Old 03-07-2018, 05:21 AM
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As a general note for both shows, I love that we've got the graphics and five pyro introduction to kick-off the shows. Feels good, man. However, there double graphic feels a bit weird. I think just having the Ascension/Meltdown graphic is enough. Also, what happened to the theme songs to open the show? I miss that.

Anyway, onto the reviews:

Meltdown 148

Not much else I can provide about the opening that Yaz hasn't already mentioned. It was great to get the Mayhem guys as the opener but it was way too short for an opening. If the intention was to have a short exchange for the Mayhem competitors then why not mix it up by starting off with a match and have a small segment in the middle of the show? Or even just a generic opening explaining the show before heading into the next post/match.

The opening triple threat was good for an opening. A match was had. Wrestlers got their stuff in. Winner was decided. Vee got given a small nod at his return. Cool. It definitely did its job. Unfortunately, unless I'm one of the three competitors in this match, I don't see the point of this match. It felt like an exhibition match. I guess it is very difficult to do something because the Lethal Lottery is the next match for these wrestlers but just a little something to give this match substance would've made it perfect. Makes the reader invested in the match, the losers get something to work with and nothing is taken away from the winner. Also, in this situation, doing something like having Logan win dirty gives a reason for Vee/Yemrez to go after him in the Lottery. Mini-stories are fun! Let's start seeing some.

The segment between Tastic/Lynx is an example of a mini-story I'd like to see. Some interaction between wrestlers who are lynxed (get it, linked, haha) by something but aren't currently feuding. And a nod to what someone said in their RP always makes that RPer excited. Gives off the impression you actually read their RP.

Reading the segment and then reading the start of the match, I didn't think they were aligned as well as they could. The Lynx/Tastic segment was tame but the match ramped it up by Tastic growling at Lynx. I thought it could've started a little more friendlier (the match) or the segment could've been a bit more fiery. The ending also was a bit weird, giving Lynx a nice word after all that animosity. A bit too friendly. Apart from that, nothing else to critique about the match. Solid enough. There is some fluff between moves that gives the reader a sense of how the characters feel. I always like that. Move-to-move-to-move is generally bad.

Triple X shows a little character and directing anger at specific characters he isn't feuding with but is affecting X's personal story. I like that. Creates a universe that feels alive.

The commentary was pretty generic throughout the match. The commentary feels added just to break up the paragraphs of black text... although there is a line about Triple X and Ace Stevens fighting back almost 50 episodes ago. Fair enough. I'd probably throw that in the pre-match commentary somewhere to give the reader something to care about before the match begins. Throwing it in the middle feels like a late attempt to get people to invest. Invest them at the start with these facts. Again, another solid match but it was just a match Ace Stevens won. Sure, Triple X got a segment so he can build from that a bit but I'd rather see some mini-story happen in the match. Give X & Ace a reason to win the match other than them just being scheduled to face each other.

The Studd/Vox segment was great.

Champions coming out first in a title match annoys me. I'm one of those sticklers for tradition, I'm afraid. As for the segment that wrote off War Zone, that could've been handled better. Formatting-wise, I personally would segregate that from the actual match with ------------------ lines to make it look like a segment, or maybe even quote tags. Also, why was that the majority of the match? Just a short mention could've happened and then host a match between Mancini/Studd. Do a regular Mayhem match with a few spots, have it so Studd goes to win but War Zone makes his appearance! Studd handles him by wrecking his face but Mancini comes in for the steal. Easy. Mancini gets the title, Studd has a legit complaint, War Zone is out and you can re-visit those spots for the Lottery match and call back to them. Like, Studd hits Mancini with a specific chair shot sequence and nails him perfectly. For the LL match, Studd goes for it again but Mancini sees it coming and reverses it. Bam, story-telling. Easy.

I know you guys didn't want to blow your load on this match in favour of writing a good Mayhem title match for the LL. However, nothing is stopping you guys from going simple, writing spots to set-up the match for the LL and ramping it up for the finale with a gruesome match. Saving the match feels like we'll be seeing the match for the first time rather than these two competitors having a legit gripe with the other and wanting to hurt the other.

---------------------------------------------

Ascension 125

Actually, I do prefer the picture of the "WZCW: A decade of excellence" on top of the show gif rather than two gifs on top of one another. The two moving pictures are distracting. One still and one moving is nice.

I felt as if Constantine spoke too much about Justin Cooper and not enough about the future ahead of him. I get that Cooper/Prophet has done a lot for WZCW but the time dedicating to thanking him was too much. The show must go on. Consty should've quickly addressed it, moved on and looked toward the next match. Not even one mention of Taylor or Batti... or heck, even Kagura, was a bit of a mistake. I understand Kagura but Taylor/Batti are literally scheduled for a match which Consty explained.

The Keaton/Constantine match was good but I don't get why Constantine came back out. Why not have him stay in the ring and only have Keaton make his entrance? Better yet, why not have Keaton come out to interrupt Consty and begin the match? The pacing feels off when you do that. The match would've felt a bit more personal, too, if Keaton would've interrupted/attacked Consty. Plus, given their history, it would make sense for something like that to happen.

I liked how you used the Vega segment to promote him and correct a situation. Not sure what to make of the video clip, though.

The Ty/Kagura segment had some Lucha Underground feel with two characters speaking to each other in different languages. I love that. Removing language as a barrier is cool and allows both characters to retain their images.

For the tag team match, I don't feel like I have much really to say that hasn't already been said by Yaz or just general comments throughout my review so far. Only thing I can say is that I'm a little sad Wren didn't get something before the match, considering Vega/Kagura/Tyrone all had speaking pieces. It would've allowed everyone to have a voice, y'know?

Unlike Yaz, I was cool with the segment. Having Leon interview Eve is a bit weird considering the Stacey/Eve friendship but it helped in writing my RP for the Lethal Lottery, so for me personally, the segment did well. No complaints from me here.

The Beard did not get a formal introduction from Selena Anderson (probably because she was drunk). The match was fine. Commentary, as Yaz said, could've used some zest to make the match a little spicy. Also, what about something to motivate Beard in this encounter? With Beard being a part-timer, it could've been cool to have a segment or speaking part saying he came back to Japan (cheap pop) only to challenge the reign of Titus and give him a run for his money. Since he is a part-timer, it wouldn't hurt Beard to lose if he built himself up as he can come back and be refreshed. Plus, running down Titus wouldn't hurt him either because A) he won and B) he's a legend who has held the title for so long.

The Flex segment was great... but it was on the wrong show. This should've been on Meltdown. The only reason I say this is because of what happened later in the night overshadowing this announcement. Considering the way Meltdown ended with the Mayhem match, this Flex return could've closed the show and got people talking. If the end of Ascension did not happen the way it did, I'd still put this on Meltdown because figuring out the new number one contender would've been a big reveal to rival the segment.

And for the final match, once again Yaz has covered many points that I would've said. Outside of that, everything was great here. I'd honestly be nitpicking. Maybe this match could've been a lot longer with Batti & Eve going a little further and not giving up at all. Possibly not ending with a count-out that has both Batti and Eve just roll into the ring like nothing happened. I felt there could've been more tension between Batti/Eve throughout the match and the post-match stuff. Build it up a little more with how much each competitor wants that World title shot. That little extra emotion would've made this perfect. However, this was the best piece out of both shows and I thoroughly enjoyed how it all went down.

---------------------------------------------

The shows did well enough to set up the Lottery. I'm surprised there wasn't a little more in the way of hyping up the Eurasian title match. It definitely lacked in that department to build it up.

Also, referees. Sometimes there is one. Sometimes there isn't. I know style changes based on each writer but a little consistency with the referee situation is needed. Either use the generic "referee" term or start assigning referees for the matches.

I hope all this was helpful.
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