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  #1  
Old 02-27-2017, 11:23 AM
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enviousdominous enviousdominous is offline
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enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...
Default The Odd Couple (of former heads of state)

On November 13th 2018, Justin Trudeau was asked to remove himself from his nation of residence. That request came from his constituents. Deep down, he knew they were right, but he also knew that someday he would return to them.

With nowhere else to go, he traveled to Mexico and appears at the apartment of his friend Donald Trump. Several months earlier, Donald Trump's constituency had thrown him out, requesting that he never return.

Can two deported former heads of state share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

*scene opens with Justin in the living room frantically trying to tie his tie while also fixing his bed hair*

Justin: Are you almost ready Donald?

Donald: Maybe, I don't know.

*Justin sighs with frustration and pulls his tie loose to start over with tying it*

Justin: What do you mean you don't know!?

*Donald is shown sitting on the sofa wearing a wife-beater and boxer shorts, watching a Mexican soap opera*

Donald: I'm sorry, I should have said that I didn't care.

Justin: I need you to drive me to my sister's wedding.

Donald: You drive! You can drive!

Justin: Mexican roads make me nervous, we went through this last night.

*suddenly the doorbell rings*

Justin: Can you get that?

Donald: No, I have a guy for that. Go get the fucking door Justin.

*Justin angrily opens the door, and his expression changes to one of horror*

El Chapo: Prime Minister Trudeau!

*El Chapo embraces Justin Trudeau in a warm hug*

Donald: Oh good, some garbage just blew in.

*El Chapo releases Justin*

Justin: I don't understand, why are you here Mr. Chapo?

*El Chapo opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by Donald*

Donald: He found religion or some stupid garbage. Either way, he's lucky I'm too busy watching Sortilegio to kick his ass.

El Chapo: I have converted to Mormonism, and I am a much happier person.

Justin: That's wonderful!

Donald: Yeah, he's afraid of coffee now.

Justin: Can you give me a ride to my sister's wedding please?

El Chapo: I suppose I can, but why can't Donald..

*Donald interrupts*

Donald: Because that's what morons named El Chapo are for.

Justin: He's just a little cranky since being impeached, and deported.

Donald: And your sister is a cow.

Justin: My sister isn't a cow Donald, and she didn't appreciate the gift you sent to her.

Donald: It was clearly marked as a back massager.

Justin: You didn't have to say that it was from me!

Donald: Sorry, I was just trying to upset her for being a stupid cow.
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  #2  
Old 02-28-2017, 10:50 AM
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enviousdominous enviousdominous is offline
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enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...
Default

*scene opens to show Donald driving a 1972 AMC Gremlin with El Chapo in the passenger's seat and Justin Trudeau sitting in the middle of the backseat*

Donald: How did I end up here?

El Chapo: You saw the err of your ways and chose to be virtuous unto your...

Donald: Fine, whatever. I must have blacked out from being so drunk.

Justin: Do you remember the way to the Lighthouse Church?

Donald: I have no idea what I'm doing right now.

El Chapo: You just need to get on the 180 main.

Donald: Who's talking!?

*suddenly Donald is nearly side-swiped and cut off by a BMW*

Donald: Oh Hell no!

*Donald floors the gas pedal and chases after the speeding motorist*

Justin: You're not mentally equipped to perform a citizen's arrest at the moment Donald!

El Chapo: I got his plate number, we'll report him later!

Donald: Shut up! Nobody disses Donald Trump!

*Donald recklessly speeds after the motorist who had upset him until the two cars stop in a Walmart parking lot*

El Chapo: You really need to mellow out main.

Donald: I'll mellow his out!

*Donald throws open the car door and storms toward the BMW*

Donald: Why don't you say that to my face bitch!?

*The driver's door for the BMW opens slightly, only to be pushed shut by Donald*

Donald: What's that!? Your mom's a cow!? What!?

*The door is forced open, and an angry Kim Jong Un steps out*

Kim: YOU SHOULD NOT SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT MY MOTHER!

*El Chapo exits the gremlin and Justin frantically manages to squeeze out of a tight gap as the gremlin has no passenger doors, as he does his sister Sarah steps out of the BMW*

Donald: Is that your mother!? You must have been a terrible birth!

Kim: THAT IS MY NEW WIFE!

El Chapo: Please keep your voice down main, I'm a Mormon.

Kim: MORMON!? TELL YOUR WIVES TO BEHAVE!

Justin: I'm not his wife, I'm your new brother!

Sarah: Oh God, I came to Mexico to get away from my family and this happens.

*Donald violently pushes Kim Jong Un, causing him to fall onto the hood of the BMW*

Kim: I AM GOING TO KICK ALL YOUR ASSES! EXCEPT YOURS DEAR!

Donald: Why are you defending her!? She started it!

Justin: Don't you speak to my dear sister that way!

Sarah: Shut up Justin.

El Chapo: Can we just talk about this main!?

Donald: We're don't talking, now I'm pushing.

*Donald pushes Kim Jong Un a second time, and is promptly punched in the face by Sarah Trudeau*

Donald: What the hell was that for!?
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  #3  
Old 03-13-2017, 11:30 AM
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enviousdominous enviousdominous is offline
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enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...
Default

*Donald and Justin stand at the front door of a palacial mansion while Justin rings the doorbell*

Donald: What in God's name are we doing here?

Justin: We're here in God's name Donald.

Donald: Oh.

*The door opens, and a haggard looking darkhaired man wearing a fancy bathrobe opens the door. A pair of horns are visibly growing from his forehead.*

Justin: You start Donald.

Donald: Hi, we're here to rob you.

Justin: Donald! No, my good man, we're here on behalf of our good friend Joaquin.

*the man perks up*

Man: Joaquin Phoenix knows who I am!?

Donald: No, it's probably our stupid friend El Guzman.

Man: Oh.

Justin: Joaquin is a devout Mormon now, but he's fallen ill. May we enter your home and inform you of some of Jesus' lesser known teachings?

*The man sighs and brushes his hair back to more prominently reveal his horns.*

Man: Sure, I guess. You should know that I'm Satan though.

*Justin stands wide-eyed with his jaw open, while Donald shrugs his shoulders and enters the home*

Justin: You're....

Satan: Offering my hospitality you ungrateful bitch! Are you in or out!?

*Justin rushes into the home to catch up to Donald, who is pouring himself drinks at a bar*

Justin: Donald, we're here on behalf of our Mormon friend. You shouldn't consume alcohol, it sets a bad example.

Donald: Justin, no offense, but the only way I can deal with your company is if I'm perpetually wasted.

Satan: So, about that Mormon stuff.

*Justin pulls The Book of Latter Day Saints from the back of his pants and offers it to Satan*

Satan: No thanks. Have you ever read that thing?

Donald: Hell no.

Justin: We're here on very short notice I'm afraid.

Satan: What in God's name are you two idiots doing here!? Being around you two is bad for even my reputation!

*Justin and Donald look at each other with annoyed expressions and turn back to looking at Satan*

Justin: Just what are you supposed to be doing here?

Satan: This is my house! What do you mean!?

Donald: Aren't you supposed to be doing stuff in Hell?

Satan: The rapture was cancelled, humanity is doing its own thing in spite of me, and now I have to go back to the drawing board to figure out how my next rebellion is going to work.

Justin: Okay, free advice, maybe forget the rebellion and convert to Mormonism.

Satan: Oh God, this may come as a shock to you but there's a whole fucking universe of possibility out there that doesn't involve Christianity as an alternative.

Donald: Says the guy who just revealed that he still wants to rebel against it.

*Donald drinks a shot of vodka and loudly belches*

Satan: Fuck you, and that's different. People will be willing to swear themselves to me, it's just that I can't really utilize a generation that lives vicariously through their electronic devices.

Donald: You suck at rebellions, and you're still God's sock puppet. Maybe if you join a religion that's afraid of coffee, you'll be less of a bitch.

Satan: Shut up! You're not even Mormon!

Justin: How do you know he's not really a Mormon!?

*Donald stops drinking hard liquor for a moment so he and Satan can give a prolonged stare to Justin*

Satan: Besides the obvious, I'm all knowing.

Donald: All knowing? Then you tell us if Mormonism is legit.

*Satan pauses with uncomfortable silence*

Justin: I think that..

Satan: SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M THINKING!

Donald: I'm bored. Do you want the book or not.

*Satan sighs and takes The Book of Latter Day Saints from Justin*

Justin: You'll be at Church on Sunday?

Satan: I guess.
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  #4  
Old 04-22-2017, 10:21 AM
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enviousdominous enviousdominous is offline
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enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...
Default

*Donald Trump wakes up in unfamiliar surroundings on a metal slab while wearing a white suit and tie. Futuristic electronic panels display unfamiliar symbols line the walls.*

Donald: Thank God, for a second there I thought I was at home.

*One panel on the wall explodes off the wall, and from the smoke Steve Bannon emerges wearing a Darth Vader costume without the helmet*

Steve: Hello Donald.

Donald: Why did you blow up that panel Steve?

Steve: We... built this room, and the entire space ship, around you.

Donald: Oh. That was pretty stupid.

Steve: No Donald, what's stupid is that you thought that I was your friend Steve Bannon this entire time.

Donald: Are you really Rosie O'Donnell?

*Rosie O'Donnell enters the room wearing a Darth Vader costume without the helmet*

Rosie: Where in the Hell am I?

Donald: Hell, apparently.

Steve: I'm not Steve Bannon of Earth, I'm Steven Bannon of The Galactic Federation.

Donald: Didn't I fire you?

Rosie: Why did the Galactic Federation kidnap us?

Steve: The Galactic Federation annihilated beings from the other planets so that Lord Xenu could avoid a coup, and now it's apparent that he went a little overboard with that. I'm the new Lord of the Galaxy, and I need you two to make a baby.

Donald: Make a what now?

Rosie: Good one Steve.

Steve: We need more human beings throughout the Milky Way, the Vogon's are taking over and...

Donald: You're serious!?

Rosie: Why did you pick two people who hate each other!?

Steve: We don't really know how this works anymore, so I picked two people who have a lot of passion for each other.

Donald: Doesn't it take a long time to make a baby?

Rosie: You expect me to carry an abomination spawned by that thing for nine freakin' months!?

*Steve shows a look of surprise*

Donald: Don't you have kids?

Steve: I barely even knew that I had a wife most of the time, being leader of the Galactic Federation kept me busy.

Rosie: With you as leader of the Galactic Federation, humanity is screwed.

Donald: Seriously, couldn't you have gotten me a supermodel?

Steve: We decided that someone with wide hips would be ideal, so we figured the wider the better.

Rosie: Sound logic, but sex is about love Steve.

*Steve and Donald both turn and look at Rosie with looks of disbelief*

Steve: I'll take you both back and...

*Suddenly another panel explodes off the wall and several women enter the room wielding phasers while wearing short skirts which indicate that they're Star Fleet officers*

Donald: Now that's what I'm talking about, humanity is saved.

*Justin Trudeau enters the room wearing a multicolored leotard uniform which indicates that he's a Star Fleet Admiral*

Donald: Nevermind.

Justin: Admiral Justin Trudeau, Kolob Starfleet officer, celebrating Kolob Day by...

Steve: This is a Galactic Federation ship, you have no right.

Justin: I forgot what I was talking about.

Rosie: Something about Kolob day.

Donald: I was just about to get laid Justin.

Justin: Oh yeah, Donald doesn't have to repopulate The Milky Way because I already did.

Rosie: Oh thank God.

Donald: I don't want to remember this, do you have one of those devices that erases memory?

*Steve pulls out a small rod*

Steve: You mean one of... OH SHIT!

*Steve drops his memory erasing device causing it to explode with a bright flash*

Donald: Who am I?

Rosie: What in the Hell is going on!?

Steve: Which one of you kidnapped me!?

Justin: Duhhhhh.
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  #5  
Old 05-30-2017, 02:02 PM
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enviousdominous enviousdominous is offline
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enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...
Default

*Donald and Justin are sitting in the food court of a Mexican Costco, enjoying life*

Donald: This is what life is all about Justin.

Justin: I've never been happier than I am right now.

Donald: Oh and, sorry about before.

Justin: That's quite alright my friend, this more than makes up for it.

Donald: Did I say before? Because I meant ten seconds from now.

Justin: Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll be happy too...

*Russian paratroopers crash through the ceiling of the CostCo and surround Justin with their guns raised*

Donald: Good luck buddy!

*Donald hastily runs out of the CostCo*

*Justin stands up and fixes his tie*

Justin: Can I help you fine gentlemen?

*One Russian soldier steps toward Justin, and removes his mask to reveal that he is Vladimir Putin*

Vladimir: So, I've found you at last Justin Trudeau.

Justin: We literally just met two years ago!

*Vladimir raises an eyebrow as an expression of confusion*

Vladimir: Well, you weren't important back then. Now you are, I am to understand that you arranged the theft of twenty tons of Uranium from Russian stockpiles.

Justin: Did I do that?

Vladimir: Yes you did, and unfortunately for you it is going to cost you your life.

*Vladimir readies his fist and takes a hard swing at Justin, who casually swats the fist to the side*

Justin: I'm sure one of your men would rather...

Vladimir: Shut up, I am expert in hand-to-hand combat.

*Justin sighs and casually swats away Vladimir's attempts at strikes with only one palm*

Vladimir: ENOUGH! I will settle this KGB style.

*Vladimir takes out a knife and presses a button designed to eject the blade. The blade launches for Justin's neck, and he casually catches it between two fingers*

Justin: Was that a ballistic knife? That's so cool. Where did you get that?

*Vladimir scowls and raises a fist, which signals the Russian special forces to form a line all holding ballistic knives pointed toward Justin*

Vladimir: Can you catch this?

*An up-armored Humvee crashes through the wall of the CostCo and rams into the line of Russian special forces, leaving Vladimir as the only one standing. Donald Trump steps out*

Donald: I found a truck.

Vladimir: Donald my friend, help me dispatch this cretin.

Donald: And goodbye.

*Donald hops into the Humvee and speeds off*

*Vladimir charges at Justin. Justin calmly steps to the side causing Vladimir to clumsily crash into a food court table*

*Barack Obama walks into the CostCo and stands beside Justin*

Barack: Have you seen an up-armored Humvee and a set of keys for one?

Justin: Not now Barry, I'm fighting with Vladimir Putin.

*Vladimir charges once more toward Justin, and is tripped by Barack causing him to crash into another food court table*
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  #6  
Old 06-02-2017, 10:40 AM
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enviousdominous enviousdominous is offline
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enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...
Default

*Donald Trump stops by a local Mexican barbershop, takes a number and sits down.*

Donald: I shouldn't have waited so long, this hair is out of control.

*Vladimir Putin leans over as he's sitting in the seat that's next to the seat that's next to Donald Trump's seat.*

Vladimir: Donald, is that you?

Donald: Oh hey Vlad. Yeah, I've been needing this.

Vladimir: What are you here for? I thought that you wore toupee.

Donald: What am I here for? You're bald!

*Vladimir nervously looks back and forth.*

Vladimir: I have some hair, which I like to comb over. Where is your little friend Justin?

Donald: He's sitting right next to you.

*Justin turns and smiles at Vladimir, who is startled to see that Justin had been sitting in-between himself and Donald the entire time.*

Justin: Hello Mr. Putin, it's great to see you.

*Vlad freezes in horror*

Justin: I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry for earlier, I don't know what...

Donald: Shut the fuck up Justin.

Vladimir: Are you not bald Donald?

Donald: Would you like to tug on my hair?

*Donald leans his head over Justin's lap, and Vladimir pulls a handful of hair so hard it rips off of Donald's scalp.*

Donald: OUCH! YOU SON OF A BITCH!

*Donald throws a punch at Vladimir while still sitting, which is easily swatted away by Justin.*

Vladimir: YOU ARE SON OF BITCH!

*Vladimir throws a punch at Donald while still sitting, which is easily swatted away by Justin."

Justin: My friends, you're making the other customers uncomfortable!

Vladimir: Kiss my ass!

Donald: Yeah, kiss both of our asses. Who the hell do you think you are?

Justin: I was just...

Vladimir: You are numbskull!

*The barber calls to Vladimir and motions for him to take a seat in the barber's chair*

Barber: Senor!

Vladimir: You are very lucky man.

*Vladimir sits in the barber's chair, where the confused barber scans his head trying to find any hair left to cut.*

Donald: Is that Richard Simmons?

*Justin turns his head excitedly, only to have Donald hit him over the back of the head*
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