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  #11  
Old 06-29-2013, 10:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Mr. J. O'Material View Post
1. Can you be too "nice" when you're courting someone.
That would depend on if you're being yourself. I admit to suffering from being a nice guy but I'm that guy 24/7 not just when I'm trying to get into some girl's smalls. As a result of this I have found myself in the 'friendzone' with some girls, I've also found me having girls who I'm not interested in in my 'friendzone' and I've had relationships out of it too.

I'm me, if that means a girl finds me too 'nice'; hey, that's her problem - I ain't changing.

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2. What are your thoughts on the "friendzone"?
I've no problem with the 'friendzone', if I like you as a friend - why the hell do I need to take my ball and go home just because you're not interested in me that way? In the same way as I have girls who'd have liked to have had more than a friendship with me that are still friends.

The 'friendzone' should just be 'friendship', if it is more than that... maybe you shouldn't be friends.
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Old 07-01-2013, 07:56 AM
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The "friendzone" is a nice way of saying rejected. That's about it. If someone "just wants to be friends," what they're really saying is there's no attraction from their side of things. Rare is the occasion that someone, generally a woman, legitimately wants to stay just friends in fear of ruining what they already have.

This does bring up a better, more intriguing quesiton though. Can men and women really be friends? Now that's a thread someone who's much more articulate than I should address.
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Old 07-02-2013, 05:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Fire Marshall Bill View Post
This does bring up a better, more intriguing quesiton though. Can men and women really be friends? Now that's a thread someone who's much more articulate than I should address.
The answer to that question is no. Anytime guys are hanging out with a girl most of the time they have some sort of attraction to the girl. It could be the way she looks, acts, believes but he is not hanging out with her because he just want to be cool with her. He wants more
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Old 07-02-2013, 06:10 PM
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Originally Posted by WWEvsJosh View Post
The answer to that question is no. Anytime guys are hanging out with a girl most of the time they have some sort of attraction to the girl. It could be the way she looks, acts, believes but he is not hanging out with her because he just want to be cool with her. He wants more
Why?

Why can't that be the case? I've had plenty of platonic friends who are women, so have many friends.

What, exactly, do you have to back up this opinion?
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  #15  
Old 07-02-2013, 06:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Mr. J. O'Material View Post
Why?

Why can't that be the case? I've had plenty of platonic friends who are women, so have many friends.

What, exactly, do you have to back up this opinion?
My best friend is a girl. I can't speak for her, but I look at her as almost more like a sister than anything else. Just the thought of dating her is incredibly weird and almost uncomfortable.
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  #16  
Old 07-02-2013, 06:58 PM
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The "friend zone " is unquestionably a real phenomenon, but that's not to say it necessarily has to be a bad thing, although it can be. However, if you do want to spin it from a negative perspective, the simple truth of the matter is, guys who are there are there for a reason and frankly deserve to be there. It's got nothing to do with being "too nice", that's a bullshit copout. However, it has everything to do with lacking the self confidence, the self esteem, the "balls" to attempt to move things along to the next level if in fact that's what the dude is interested in doing. I don't believe that guys end up in the friend zone because they are too nice and the object of their affection doesn't realize it. I believe the girl moves on to the next guy because the guy in the friendzone often doesn't act upon things in a timely fashion and opportunity passes him by.
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  #17  
Old 07-04-2013, 05:41 PM
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1. Can you be too "nice" when you're courting someone.

Well, it depends on the person but, in short, I think the answer is yes. There is such a thing as being too "nice" in the eyes of a lot of people when it comes to wooing a girl. How do I know? I've been in the situation before and it's not fun. We're taught to respect women, treat them nicely, behave properly and all this & that; but you can take it too far. The only problem is that, most of the time, you have no idea you're going too far until it's far too late.

In my eyes, the whole thing falls under the umbrella of "what do women want" in which it's one of these situations that can drive you nuts and even make you start to question yourself. For instance, how often have you heard a gal bitch & moan about guys who treat them like shit, cheat on them, blow them off to always do something with their friends and how much they generally dislike guys like that? Probably more than you can count. That's all well and good until you see those same gals choosing to go out with exactly those same kinds of men that they were complaining about. While I don't believe that "every" girl likes a "bad boy", I do believe that most of those who do have this fantasy about being the one who can "change" him into a good boy. When it doesn't happen, they'll go on a tirade about how they're done with "those" kinds of guys before the whole process starts all over again.

2. What are your thoughts on the "friendzone"?

If you're someone who has genuine feelings for someone, and when I say feelings I do mean emotionally deep and something beyond carnal lust, then it can be EXTREMELY difficult to be friends. What makes it even more difficult is if you tell this person how you feel and they simply don't feel the same way about you. Aside from the general awkwardness it can cause, especially in the initial stages of revealing your feelings, you have to deal with seeing the person you want to be with go out with other people. It's completely natural to feel hurt by the rejection and your mind can even start to play tricks on you. For instance, the person could be having a grand old time while they're out dating someone else and it can be easy to convince yourself that they're actually kind of throwing it in your face. It's only made worse when you compare yourself to who they do go out with. Jealousy can cloud your vision of these people but sometimes, you honestly can't see why they'd want to be with someone that genuinely might not be as "good" for them as you would be.

At the same time, though, at least you'll have said your peace but dwelling on the fact that you still want to be with this person when they're not interested in you is only going to make you feel worse. Anyone ever gotten the "I think of you like a brother" remark? Your heart sink into the hollow pit where your stomach used to be and your guts are churning like a broken down Maytag on the rinse cycle. If a gal says that, then it's most definitely time to work on getting over her and moving onto greener pastures.

For me personally, it was too hard to stay friends with a gal I had romantic feelings for. I know she wasn't rubbing anything in my face or being callous towards my feelings, but she was simply doing her thing and it was just too painful to hang around and watch. I'm sure some people can get past it. Hell, some people can draw some sort of closure out of it and ultimately move on in search of someone who feels the same way for you. Usually though, you have to tough out those feelings of disappointment, rejection and just generally shattered confidence. It's easier for some to do than others, but pining for a gal that knows how you feel but simply isn't interested and still being in her life can be awfully damn masochistic sometimes.
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  #18  
Old 07-05-2013, 11:53 AM
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Of course a person can be too nice when courting a person. Nothing wrong with being nice but if you are overly nice it can come off as trying too hard. Often when a person tries too hard it makes others weary of that person because you don't really know what that person is like. If a person is naturally too nice it can come off as them not having much of a spine therefore you don't respect the person and I don't believe a relationship can really work if there is no mutual respect between the 2 people.

The reason guys acting like assholes to girls often work is because it shows they have a spine, in essence they come off as a man instead of a boy, most girls want to be with men. For example there was a girl in my teens that would bend backwards for me, not to the point of being nice but to the point of being a doormat. Although I appreciated all she did for me (and she did a lot) I couldn't date her because of it, the fact that she was such a doormat was a complete turn off for me. I've also been the guy being too nice in order to get with a girl and it never worked for me, not once. When I said fuck it and started being myself was when it started working for me. I'm usually a nice person but I definitely have an arrogant, douchebag side to me as well that will rear its ugly head when I get mad. People often don't like this side of anyone but at the end of the day you at least respect the person for standing up for what they believe in(as long as they don't go too overboard) and ultimately people can usually put that douchbaginess behind them if they like that person. If anything I think it helps in the long run.

Sometimes being in the Friendzone can be a bad thing but sometimes it can be a good thing. It all depends on the situation. If you are emotionally deep in with the person its not a good thing because it will drive you insane every time the girl that you are friends with dates or hooks up with another guy, you take it more personally than you should and ultimately it can turn to a point where you hate that person, or at least can't be around that person.

On the flip side it can be awesome, as a matter of fact one of my best friends started from being in the Friendzone. I was interested in her, wasn't a doormat but was nice and mostly natural. We got along tremendously and her attraction grew over time until one night we got physical. For whatever reason we didn't click in that way but we still got along great. After that I stopped being in the Friendzone and we just became friends, to this day she's one of my best friends. I found a girlfriend I love and have a kid, she found a guy and is getting married this year, we're both friends, we're both happy in our own lives but it all started with me in the Friendzone.
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  #19  
Old 07-06-2013, 03:40 AM
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The girl I sleep with most frequently is a friend, we should probably be a couple, and everyone that knows us says it too me all the time. The problem is that she is a serial monogamist and always has a boyfriend, which, barring about three days when we were 17, is never me. I think the problem as she sees it is that she never really believed that I wanted her, and I'm just settling, so as a result she'd never take the plunge, and here I am, 'in the zone'.

However, I don't really think it's something to whinge about because I have her in my life, and if things are meant to happen then they will do. The more I think about it, the more I think there's probably two ways you end up in the friend zone, for want of a better term, and it's all about feelings. The first, is like Mrs. J. O. Material's friend here (obviously what follows is a series of unsubstantiated speculation, but it's probably correct) - he's ended up there, because she is too polite to say 'I'm not interested in you and never will be, but I enjoy you're company.' He stays there because he thinks he'll change her mind. Plausible, but seldomly happens.

The second is my situation, where she's doing it to protect herself. She thinks that my feelings for her changed when I had no other cards on the table. This isn't true, I've always had a thing for her, but I can tell that she doesn't really believe it. Here, again I'm happy to be here, because I started here, and I know we'll probably end up back to square one again in due course. Whatever happens, we have a close relationship, and I am genuinely content with that.

There's no such thing as being too nice, there's just a variety of things that different people find nice. Nice doesn't mean calling someone every five seconds, nice means being the person that makes the other happy, this can include giving space.
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  #20  
Old 07-09-2013, 03:59 PM
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Ok, I just spent a couple of days (yes, DAYS) reading up on the subject because although I do get "friendzoned" a couple of times it doesnt affect me emotionally nearly as much as it does my buddies. Heres what I gathered and I suggest you read the articles on Jezebel.com to fully grasp the idea because it never sounds as good coming from a man's mouth (keyboard...yeah, whatever) than it does from a woman's:

Being nice doesnt automatically grant you access to a woman's heart or genitals. Women expect kindness from all living creatures and your reward for being a decent human being and not hurting the object of your affection isn't sexy time, its friendship and staying out of jail. Women are biologically attracted to confidence, which so called bad guys seem to ooze from their pores because they're arrogant and have no shame which can often be confused with confidence. Real nice guys have low confidence because they're humble and they know their shit, in fact, does stink, sometimes horribly.

However, kindness is its own reward. Women, believe it or not, are humans, and just like when you're nice and considerate to someone of the same sex you're rewarded with friendship, women reward friendship with, you guessed it, friendship. These romantic comedies where the shy and clingy looser gets the hot chick into a pity relationship are lying to you son. Also, friendship with a woman isnt a death sentence. Its friendship. If she genuinely values your friendship, it might become stronger now that you've become used to opening up to her. This chick I liked rejected me and well, she's become my closest female friend (besides MOMMY *creepy smile*). If you're interested in a woman make it know from the beginning. Treat her like one of the guys, meaning recognize she has bad attributes so you dont put her on a pedestal. And never, ever, think that being a nice human being to someone, gives you access to their body, it doesnt.
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