LL - EurAsian Championship – Titus (c) vs Triple X vs Keaton vs Stevens
Titus' historic EurAsian Championship reign has been like nothing WZCW has ever seen before. People have stepped up and Titus has pulled out the victories when they matter the most. Now, however, the most successful Champion in WZCW history has his biggest challenge ahead of him. Triple X, Ace Stevens and Mark Keaton have each shown their qualities in a WZCW ring and now they have the chance to make some immense history. Will one of the trip be able to wrestle the title off of Titus? Or will the Hall of Fame superstar hold onto his Championship in the hardest challenge to date?
RP deadline is Tuesday the 6th of March at 23:59 EST
Reinstate The Fox!
Ace Stevens: An Introspective Retrospective
(or The Sad Clown Synopsis: How Ace Stevens Saved My Life)
I had never met Ace before. But, in a roundabout way, I feel as though we'd always known each other. In what is, presumably, a stressful time for the surprisingly young wrestler, I found myself thinking about him even more. I want to know so much about him. Everything, really.
Who is he?
Why is he the way that he is?
Just how many leather jackets does he own?
The bell rings. I walk up to the modest, yet extremely tasteful, oak door of the hotel room. "He's early" I mutter to myself. I open the door to a note on the floor. It reads "I’m here”. My nose tingles. My cheeks twitch. I cry. I scream.
I am him.
ACE: Thank you for meeting me, Ace.
ACE: It was a contractual obligation. Stop cheesing.
Okay, great. So the purpose of this interview is to discover the real Ace Stevens. Lay you bare. Really dig down deep for the good stuff.
Of course we will get to speak about your upcoming Eurasian Championship match at Lethal Lottery. But first, tell me, what was your childhood like?
I'm sorry. Have I touched a nerve there?
No, it's just boring. Can't I just make some jokes about Mark Keaton's hair? It's blond and spiky!
I really think it would be best if we talked about your background.
Triple X looks like a virgin.
Just thought it was a rye observation, that's all.
Okay. Let’s ignore the childhood. Let’s talk about Ace now. What is your morning routine like? What is the lifestyle of a professional athlete such as yourself?
I wake up. Which, as you will know, is a recommended start to any day. Then I eat a handful of jelly beans, play 35 minutes of Frogger and then watch No Holds Barred.
Without fail, buddy boy.
Routine is important. Besides, I model my in-ring work on Zeus.
Right. How about a game?
Describe Ace Stevens in one word for me.
I would have to say bad-ass.
Is that one word?
It is if it’s hyphenated.
Interesting. Okay. I’ll throw some names out and you tell me what you think of them in one word.
I’m not a performing monkey.
That’s not what you said on one of your albums.
2008’s “I Am A Performing Monkey”.
Oh yeah. I was listening to a lot of Radiohead then.
Wonderful. So, Vega?
Keep up. These words are gold.
Sorry, I should have specified. The words she be connected to the superstar I say.
Oh. Well you really need to be clearer, I reckon.
No proper nouns, please.
Who died and made you English professor?
Did he?! I surprised that moron could even talk in full sentences.
No, I mean what are your thoughts on Tony Mancini?
That’s quite the statement.
It’s what I do, bro. You know the most important statement I’m gonna make though? I am officially entering myself into the Lethal Lottery match.
Wow! What a segue.
You know it.
And do you see yourself winning the entire match?
Hells to the yeah! The chance to become both the Eurasian Champion and World Heavyweight Champion? Who wouldn’t want that? Think about how jumpin’ Camp Nou is gonna be when I defend my titles in front of 100,000 Ace-holes.
And what about your detractors?
I don’t really do farming.
Sorry, let me rephrase the question. What do you have to say to the people who dislike you? Those who say you’re not ready for the big one?
That’s not so much a rephrasing as a completely different question. I suppose I’ll answer it nonetheless. Hating Ace Stevens is a sign you’ve given up on life. You may as well start wearing sweatpants and listening to Taylor Swift. And you should give serious thought to killing yourself.
Those who don’t like you should kill themselves?
Consider. They should consider it.
And then do it. Obviously. They haven’t got anything to offer this planet.
You seem very angry.
Can I see your psychology qualifications?
I’m sorry? I don’t have any.
Oh. Okay. Shut up then? Besides, you’re just the optimist me so balance it out if you’re that bothered.
I must say, this abrasive attitude hasn’t always endeared you to the WZCW fans.
When you debuted in WZCW all those years ago, you weren't exactly the most loved wrestler on the roster.
Well, the boos...
They loved me. They just didn't know it yet.
See? This is the thing I want to explore. You talk like a villain. You act like a villain. But you’re cheered like a good guy. Why do you think that is?
I’m not a good guy or a bad guy. I’m a real guy. That is what sets me apart. That’s why the Ace-holes cheer me on. That’s why Keaton, X and Titus hate me.
Good! Let’s talk about your opponents. Where do you stand on Titus?
Ideally the windpipe.
Nah, I’m just kidding… kinda. Technically, I should like Titus. His name is made up of my two favourite things in the world - tit and the U.S. But man, there’s something about that dude. Can’t stand him.
Is it because he’s currently at the Oscars and you’re alone in a hotel room, interviewing yourself?
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it's the widely-held belief that he’s some kind of wrestling god.
Well he is the longes-
If you tell me he’s the longest reigning champ of all-time I swear, I will end you.
He’s unquestionably a legend.
D'you know what the word "legend" means though? It means something that may or may not be true. Something that may or may not be real. Trust me. Merriam-Webster that shit. So yeah, by that definition, I guess Titus is a legend. 'Cause he ain't real. He's as fake as the diamonds on Tony Mancini's Jesus piece. He even made his name pretending to be other people. Hell, he's won awards for it. Gold ones. He's like Daniel Day Lewis. But even less likeable.
Oh man, he’s some loser pretending to be a rockstar with a fatass roadie. When I have it on good authority that he's actually just some Canadian sex pest. Which, as we all know, is the worst kind of sex pest*.
*Ace's thoughts on sex pests are, of course, well documented. Most notably in an article he guest wrote for Buzzfeed, entitled "12 Times People Reacted Hilariously to Sex Pests".
Then there's Triple "I'll name myself after a bad-ass Vin Diesel movie so people will like me" X with his stunted development and I-hate-everyone attitude. Like, who the hell has a teenage rebellious phase in their 30s? It's embarrassing, bro. Move on.
The only thing that's real in this match is me. I've questioned myself...
That's literally what we're doing right now.
Shut up. I've pulled back the wounds of existence and given my own reality a thorough inspection.
As far as metaphors go...
I've asked the question "who is Ace Stevens?" and I've answered it - "he's an awesome dude who bangs hot chicks". I've mulled over who I am, had that existential crisis and come out the other side 100% awesome, 100% of the time.
A few weeks ago, you maintained that you're the underdog in this four-way match. Do you still feel that way? Are you the underdog?
Nah, bro. I'm over, dawg!
But more specifically, yeah I am the underdog. But I ain't no Wally. Even though I'm going up against a triple threat of Cox. You see what I did there?
Clever wordplay. I like it, Ace.
Thanks, Ace. But yeah, I am the underdog. Because I'm the unknown quantity.
Despite being a WZCW superstar since 2012?
Thats the weird thing! That's what's twisting my melon, man. We've seen Keston vs. Titus before. We've seen Triple X vs. Titus. Twice. Where's my match with the champ? Is it Banks or Myles who don't want that match? Or is it an order, direct from Titty Boi himself.
I don't believe Titus has that power.
Really? You don't think a two-time world heavyweight champion has some pull? How about a former Lethal Lottery winner? A five-time Oscar winner or a WZCW Hall of Famer? Would either of those dudes have a bit sway? Better yet, how about the longest reigning champion of any kind in the history of this company? I am under no illusions as to just how influential Titus is. He's like Wilson Fisk or... or... Hitler.
I don't think you can-
In that they're all influential men, numb nuts. And they used that influence for evil. But all this running and hiding he's been doing - it's only gonna come back and bite him in the ass. He's the most decorated wrestler in WZCW history. He has nothing to prove. But me? I've got everything to prove. This is like that movie Dodgeball and I'm like Vince Vaughan. But with the shredded bod of Ben Stiller. And the raw sexuality of Justin Long.
And who is Titus in this analogy?
You know what? I feel like we've talked about Titus too much. That's wrong. We need to address someone else.
Right, you're also facing Mark Keaton and Triple X at Lethal Lottery.
Not them, loser. Me! This whole thing, it ain't about Titus. He doesn't get to be the star of this Hallmark channel movie. All the talk is gonna be about his historic reign and I get that. But he could be holding that title for eight days or 800 days - it don't matter to me. It ain’t about that. This is about Ace Stevens being the wrestler he was never meant to be.
Keaton and Triple X – they know full well who I am and what I’m about. But I am praying – praying to any god that’ll listen – that Titus underestimates me. Because the moment he does, he’s mine. The pinfall will be mine. The title will be mine. The place in history will be mine. It’ll be the most exciting thing to happen to Australia since the release of Crocodile Dundee 3.
I’m looking forward to it.
I know you are, buddy. I know you are.
Our eyes meet for what feels like the first time. I smile. Ace smiles back, in his signature cocksure manner. We fall into each other. It shocks my system for the slightest of moments. Like missing a step on a flight of stairs. My heart flutters. We become one. I am Ace.
He is me.
Versus Titus, Keaton and Stevens
A Small Theatre, New York City
Nine Days Before Lethal Lottery
Old, worn curtains draped the sides of the stage, and a gold trim around the whole auditorium gave it a more regal appearance. The house lights were up full; with no need for them down during a rehearsal. Triple X walked about halfway down the aisle, before taking a seat and looking up to the stage. Standing there were the director and four actors (two men and two women) in the middle of discussing a scene.
‘And Tal, please, please, PLEASE remember the limp. You have it ninety percent of the time but every so often it goes and does its own thing.' The director spoke as if bored of saying the same thing. 'And remember not to make eye contact too soon, okay? It has to be hard for Laura to connect with people, and right now you're doing it too soon. Okay?’
Talia nodded. As she did, the director clapped his hands together, and those not involved with the scene moved to the sides. X smiled, as he watched the woman he loved change her body language from a confident young woman to a delicate, hunched over girl with little-to-no-confidence.
‘I was out of school for a while with pleurosis. When I came back, you asked me what was the matter. I said I had pleurosis…but you thought I said Blue Roses. That’s what you always called me after that.’ Talia’s voice was softer than normal, quiet, yet at the same time it still travelled the length of the theatre. Her normal, relatively non-descript accent had evaporated too, giving away to a soft, southern drawl. The male actor stood there, sure of himself yet a little bashful.
‘I hope you didn’t mind.’
‘No, no – I liked it. You see, I wasn’t acquainted with many people……
‘As I remember you sort of stuck by yourself.’
‘I…I never had much luck at making…friends…’
‘I don’t see why you wouldn’t.’
‘Well…I…started out badly.’ Talia turned away from the man; a convincing look of shame on her face, as she looked down to her left leg.
‘You mean being-‘
‘Yes. It sort of…’ she limped over to him. ‘…stood between me-‘
‘You shouldn’t have let it!’
‘I know, but it did and-‘
Xander sat back in awe, as for a moment he fully believed that the woman he was watching wasn’t the one he woke up next to most mornings. He smiled, knowing just how lucky he was.
He needed all the luck he could get for the Lottery.
The rehearsal continued on for a while until the director stopped them to break for lunch. Talia and the male actor exchanged a few words before she grabbed her bag from the side, and stepped down from the stage. She walked down the aisle, catching X’s eye and as she did, her face lit up.
‘What are you..?’
‘You always support me; I figured I should do the same.’
‘How did you even get in here?’
‘Oh the guy on the door is a huge WZCW mark.’
She laughed, then embraced him.
‘I know how you are after a loss. Are you sure you’re okay?’
The thought of Ace Stevens clocking him with the Punchline, and dropping on top of him with the cover for the three count still resonated with the X-Rated Superstar. He looked in her eyes, smiling back as best he could.
‘I’m not afraid to take a loss, Tal.’
The two walked out into the lobby, making their way to the stage door. The security guard who let Xander in caught his eye again and came over all excited.
‘You know, it really is a pleasure to-‘
‘Yeah, whatever Harold…’
They kept walking through. ‘My name’s Harvey.’ The security guard mumbled.
They walked up the street, but X paused as they reached the corner.
‘I’m stoked you got this part, Tal. Like, more than I thought I could be.’
She smiled. ‘Thank you. And listen, I’m sorry I can’t be there at the Lottery-‘
‘No, don’t even do that. Honestly, I’m just so happy for you.’
She grasped his hand and raised it to her lips. ‘Xander, if you need me somewhere, you never need to hesitate to ask, you got it? My acting, it never gets in the way of us. I just don’t want…‘
‘Want to what?’
She sighed. ‘I don’t want to be a distraction for you. I mean, it’s Lethal Lottery. You have a chance at the Eurasian Championship and maybe even the chance to be in the Lottery itself. I didn’t want to disrupt your prep for those opportunities.
X raised his hands up and placed them on her cold, rosy cheeks.
‘I appreciate that, but you don’t need to worry. I know since I’ve been back I’ve become very single minded. But once I’ve won the World Title, then-‘
X paused, asking himself that same question. Then what?
‘I’m sorry, I-‘
‘No, its okay. Honestly. I...I don’t have an answer right now, okay, but, we’ll work it out.’
She smiled, and placed her hand on his face. ‘I love you Xander. More than anything. But we both know this doesn’t just end with you winning the World Championship.’
‘Xander, please. It’s fine. I’m not stupid. I knew exactly what I was getting into when we got back together. I know you. Your drive. You’ll win it, I know that. And then you’ll obsess over keeping it. You’ll keep doing that. Because that’s your competitive nature. And you’ll scratch and you’ll claw and you’ll drag yourself to retaining it, just as hard as you’re dragging yourself to win it. And should the day come when you lose it, you’ll fight just as hard as you're fighting now. You’ll never stop.’
‘It’s fine. I accepted that quite some time ago. And its okay. Because I love you, Xander. I love you more than any words can say and no matter what happens, what paths you choose to take, I’ll be there with you.’
‘Yeah, because you’ll be choosing them with me. I don’t expect you to follow me blindly. You have a say. We’re meant to be a team.’
‘We are. But I made peace with the fact a while ago that wrestling was your life long before I came along. And it always will be. And I’ll be with you throughout it. Maybe you need to make peace with that fact too.’ She looked down to her watch. ‘Shit. I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.’
She kissed him on the cheek, then on the lips. ‘I do love you.’ She whispered, before walking off back to the theatre.
X's Apartment, Hells Kitchen
Two Days Before Lethal Lottery
Four names lay written in blood red on the wall, laying amongst those already crossed out. The name Titus had already graced it, twice, and twice it had a score through it. Ace Stevens was another repeat name, though one that had remained whole. Mark Keaton however, was a new addition, one that Triple X was perhaps most intrigued by.
A paper pad, full of notes made about each opponent, lay open on the floor, as Triple X sat there on the floor, sit-up after sit-up. He didn’t know how many he had done. He’d lost count. All he needed to do was keep focus solely on his Lottery opponents.
There was a knock at the door, followed by Andrey walking in with a newspaper and a sports bottle.
‘I thought a drink would be handy.’
He placed it down next to Xander. ‘Thanks.’
‘Don’t mention it.’ Andrey leaned back into a nearby armchair and took out a hip-flask, taking a swig of it.
‘...do you ever...not drink...vodka..?’
‘Vodka makes life fun.’
X chuckled. He pulled himself up one last time, before collapsing in a heap.
‘I've sorted a car to the airport too. Remember, we leave at 6pm, flight is at 10pm.’
‘Thanks.’ He took a swig of water before easing himself to his feet, as Andrey looked on at the wall. 'It’s not gonna be that easy, right?’
‘Worthwhile things rarely are.’ Andrey stood up and took a look at the notebook.
‘I’ve beaten Titus twice. Once in his match-‘
‘…and you know as well as any that he enters a different gear in Championship matches.’
‘I’m not ignorant of that.’
‘Then Ace Stevens. He beat you on Meltdown.’
‘A mistake. It won’t happen again.’
‘And then Remarkable Mark-‘
‘The only thing remarkable about Keaton is that he thought that was a good nickname.'
'I like that nickname. But the question, Xander, is what do you have that they do not. What helps you win this match over all of them?’
Xander stared deeply into the three names. They stood between him and a Championship he didn’t really want, but one he needed in order to continue his path.
Three dangerous men; the unbeaten legend, the fan favorite, and the former tag team specialist. All with something to prove and, more importantly, something to lose. The EurAvison Era could come crashing down, and the only thing keeping Titus relevant vanishes into thin air. Stevens, under that goofy exterior, still longs to prove he’s more than just a Mayhem Division wrestler, and Keaton, who’s just as cookey in his own way, has to prove he can do it on his own.
‘I should already be World Champion. I should have been three years ago. I’ve already proved myself, time after time. I have NOTHING to lose and everything to gain. None of them can say that. And that’s why I’ll walk out of there the Eurasian Champion.’
Andrey smiled. ‘And what of the Lottery match itself?’
X sneered. ‘I made my name in that match. It earned me my first ever title shot. And what happened? I won it. Elite X Champion, when no-one thought I was ready. Imagine what happens, all these years later, now I am ready. I’ll tell you what; I go out there, throw all twenty nine other assholes over that top rope and I will, WILL go to Kingdom Come as Eurasian Champion, and I don’t care if it’s Batti, Taylor or even Kagura, the Queen herself, I will be the World Champion. I don’t care who stands in my way. Give me Lynx. Give me Wren. Give me Mussell. Hell, give me Blades. I literally do not care what I have to do to each one of them; I will be the last man standing in that ring.’
X’s voice had risen to a shout without him even realising. Andrey looked taken aback, yet also confident.
‘One challenge at a time, my friend’
Andrey picked up a towel, handing it to Xander. ‘You seemed…distracted…when I came in. I don’t normally need to talk you into thinking about a match. You're still thinking about your lovely lady, correct?’
X tried to no-sell. ‘You don't know what you're talking about.'
Andrey paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully.
‘You think she is wrong?’
‘Honestly, I don’t know.’
‘But you came back solely because of the World Championship. That is why you are here.’
‘…but…then you fell in love again, yes?’
X turned to Andrey. ‘Yep.’
‘You want my advice? Stay away from love. I have two ex-marriages that cost me a lot of money. Too much trouble if you ask me.’
X shot him a discerning look.
‘Let me ask you this. Will you still be chasing World Championship in ten years time?’
‘What does that-‘
X stopped himself, and took a breath. He hadn’t really thought about it. In ten years he’d be around his forties, and in all truth had never ever looked that far ahead.
‘And in ten years, do you see yourself with your Crimson haired Cinderella?’
‘Fuck yes.’ The response was almost instant.
‘There you have it.’
X took a second, and then smiled. ‘Thanks Andrey.’
Andrey smiled and nodded.
Xander picked up his notebook, flicking back through to the beginning. He reached the first page where, rather childish for some, was a sketch of the World Heavyweight Championship. He smiled, before snapping the book shut. On the desk at the side was his ticket to Talia's show; The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams. Talia had booked it for the week following the Lottery. He stared at them, thinking of their conversation the day before. He smiled again, as he ripped up the ticket.
‘Do me a favour, Andrey. Cancel that flight.’
‘Book one for the morning instead. Tell the office I won’t be available for local media in Sydney, either.’
‘And what reason should I give for such a change?’
‘Tell them I’ve got a play to go to.’
With a smile, Xander ran out of the room towards the bathroom.
‘Just make sure you shower first. You stink!’
LATER THAT EVENING
X walked across the front row, until he reached the seat that wa pon his ticket. He sat down, noticing the people around him looking in his direction, moderately confused. He couldn’t tell if it was from recognition, or whether his bizzare hair didn’t match with the black suit he was wearing. The thought of people’s reactions to it did make him chuckle.
The lights went down, and a spotlight illuminated a man, dressed in a suit that could have easily come form the twenties. He lit a cigarette, took a drag, then began to speak.
‘Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion with the appearance of truth. I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion...’
As he spoke further, three more spotlights came up; a woman who looked to be in her mid forties, in a smart dress for the period, another gentleman; the one Talia acted with in the rehearsal, in a brown suit, and Talia herself, in a light blue dress and with a very convincing brown wig. While looking out, Xander caught her eye, winking at her. Talia, clearly not expecting to see him, blushed, even through the make up, and couldn’t hide even a half smile.
The throngs of people were exiting the theatre, and X battered his way through them until he could make his way to the stage door. A large number of people, as is theatrical custom, held their Glass Menagerie programmes in their hands to be signed. First the lead male came out, mobbed by na==many of the females in attendance. Then the older woman, playing Taila’s characters mother. Then finally Talia. Like those before her, many asked for photos and autographs, and she embraced it, before spotting him away from the crowd.
Talia was beaming. She came over and kissed him firmly, gripping his hand at the same time.
She pulled back and smiled more. ‘Thank you.’
‘You’re kidding right? I wouldn’t have missed this for anything. And who knew you'd look really great as a blonde.’
‘Funny! Don't get used to it.’
‘Too right.’ He laughed, then kissed her back. ‘You were amazing.’
She pulled back a second. ‘Wait, you’re meant to be on a plane, why aren’t you-‘
He kissed her again, with very little protesting on her part. As he did, a guy came from round the front of the theatre, programme in hand. Not only that, but it was Harvey, the guy who’d been working security the day before.
‘Hey Tal, can I get a pic?’
‘You can say please first, Harold.’
‘Who asked you?’
‘I’m her boyfriend, dumbass.’
‘No, he was rude. He can use his manners.’
‘Manners? How about you get my name right next time you piece of shit. Yeah, why don’t you fuck off and go be a fake wrestler, yeah? And lose another big match like you always seem to do-‘
Triple X saw red. Before he knew it, he had both of the mans collars in his hands and pinned against the wall.
‘Xander, leave it!’
‘Hey man, I just wanted-‘
‘I don’t give a FUCK what you wanted. Talk to her like that, your head gets caved in, and the path is stained with your blood, and you wake up with a tube down your throat helping you breathe. Got it?’
‘Fuck, okay. OKAY! I’m sorry-‘
‘SORRY, I CANT HEAR YOU.’
‘I’m fucking sorry, alright!’
Xander held him there for a few moments, before letting him go. The kid ran, probably faster than he ever had in his life. Talia stood there, slightly in shock. ‘You didn’t need to do that.’
‘No. But he won’t fucking do that again, will he.’
‘Xander, what if he’d had a knife, or gun. You’ve got your match to think-‘
X reached up and placed both hands on each side of Talia’s face. ‘You. You are all that matters. I’ll win that World Title no matter what, but nothing comes between us.’
She smiled. ‘Nothing comes between you and anything you want-
X pulled her in close by the waist .‘The Eurasian Championship. The Lethal Lottery. 'We're close, Tal. And I don't plan on letting this chance slip by.'
Talia smiled. 'Line them up...'
X kissed her. '...watch them burn.'
Hey, I'm just sayin'.
We are 5,474 miles from the Tokyo Dome and 7,497 miles from Sydney, Australia. Los Angeles, California is our location and so we go to the office of Titus' agent James Montana. Titus enters his office as James waves to him, he's on the phone. Titus sits down.
James: I understand that Dewey and it's a big risk but think of the accolades you could have. Just go for it, stay safe and enjoy Nigeria. Okay, bye.
Montana spins in his office chair to face Titus Avison. He puts the phone down and smiles.
James: I wasn't expecting to see you for a few weeks.
Titus: Who was that?
James: Some guy doing a documentary in Nigeria. That's irrelevant, what you doing here? Where's that assistant I gave you?
Titus: I was in the area thought I'd pop by. And she's at the Brentwood house setting up her office there. Can't a friend say hi to another?
James: You're supposed to be in Sydney. Goddammit we need to maximise your brand and keep you at the front.
Titus: Do you think I did a 13,000 mile round trip to just see you? What's happening Sunday?
James looks confused.
James: It's the fourth March. It's Mrs. M's birthday. Thanks for reminding me!
He buzzes on the intercom
James: Susie, order a bouquet of Mrs. M's favourite flowers for Sunday. No I don't know what they are, yes that's your job to find out. Thanks Susie!
Titus shakes his head.
Titus: It's the Academy Awards James. You're one of the best bloody agents in the world and you forgot about the Oscars?
James: Ah frick! So you going?
Titus: Of course I'm going! I can't let Meryl Streep upstage me. It's the 90th one so they're making a big effort. You think not being there would extend my brand? Titus Avison will be talked about. Don't you worry.
James: Well I can't come with you, It's Mrs. M's birthday after all.
Titus: You're not invited. I'm taking Rosie.
James: You're taking your assistant? Why would you do that?
Titus: She's my assistant, why wouldn't I?
Titus looks exasperated at Montana. He stands up.
Titus: I'm going to go but you need to get some rest. Enjoy the weekend with your lady.
Montana looks a bit taken aback by this.
Titus: Well not your lady, more your wife.
Both men chuckle.
James: Before you go. I need your opinion on this band. I'm always on the look out for new clients and I liked this cover they did.
James picks up his remote, hits play and a very familiar song plays.
Welcome to the jungle we've got fun and games
We got everything you want honey, we know the names
Titus walks over to the desk, picks up the remote and switches it off. He throws the remote across the room in anger.
James: Guessing you're not a fan?
Titus is red in the face and screams at Montana.
Titus: ARE YOU FOR REAL?!
James: What? They're called the Three Smokes band.
Titus breaths deeply to calm himself down.
Titus: Their full name is Mark Keaton and the Three Smokes Band.
James: Mark Keaton? Is that Michael's brother? Or is he related to Buster? Or fricking Diane?
Titus: He's a piece of shit.
Montana points to the chair to invite his esteemed client to sit back down.
James: Then I'll not chase him as a client then. Care to explain further?
Titus: He's one of my opponents at Lethal Lottery and you bring this crap up? Come on man. I thought better of you.
James: You know I don't actually watch wrestling. It just seems fake, to me.
Titus: It's 100% real. I once faced off against a robot man made of cardboard, it is 100% real.
This makes Montana chuckle but he looks up to see the Hall of Famer has a very serious expression on his face. James is looking both at his computer and at Titus.
Titus: So yes, Mark Keaton. The last remaining member of Vis Imperium. They are a team who made my life in WZCW hell for months. Wherever I was they were there so you know what I did?
James: You put on a mask, attacked them during matches and then aligned yourself with the Hollow Ones?
Titus: How did you know?
James: I've just read your wikipedia page. Damn you've done a lot!
Titus: So now you know why.
James: Not really, I can see you and Blades ended VI at Unscripted but why hate Keaton? I can read the facts but there's more than facts. What about the emotions?
Titus: On Ascension 124 he disrespected me. He interrupted ME when I was in the ring addressing the fans. HE caused a mass brawl with the other two ingrates who will also be in the match. He took my...
Titus almost looks like he is going to be sick.
Titus: He took his horrible greasy, skinny hands and put them on MY belt. MY belt that I have held for 830 days! Then he...
Titus pauses again, his disgust at what happening turning him green.
Titus: Then he played it like a guitar! Like he was Ted "Theodore" Logan. Do you know how long it took me to get that cleaned? Do you know how many wrestling belt cleaning companies there are in Hawaii?
James: There's Boris's Brass polishing in Honolulu.
Titus: I know that now! Then to make matters worse he stuck his fricking nose in whilst I was in Japan too. Encouraging the crowd to shout “Titus is Trash” was bad enough but then trying to corner me in the ring? Who the hell does he think he is? Of course he needed help from Ace, Triple X and Big Roadie. That's what frustrates me the most about him.
James: What frustrates you?
Titus: He just can't do it alone. Every single step of the way he's had someone else. Whether it's Cooper holding his hand. Constantine using him to get his tag belts. His Dad who decided to leave him in the worst place possible by dying right before his EurAsian shot. Yeah well done Papa Keaton! But Mark picks Big Roady who will no doubt let him down in the future as well. Just what's he going to do? He's only in the title match because Banks put him there before Blades made him take a step back. What's he done to achieve it? I beat him at Unscripted and I will beat him at the Lethal Lottery.
Cooper and Papa Keaton, the only two people to believe in him, won't be there to see it and it will be worth it.
So that James, is why you should not pursue Mark Keaton and the Three Smokes band as a future client.
James: Okay Jeez I get it. You done here? You do know I'll be charging for this meeting?
Titus: You always do. You always do.
Titus stands up and shakes his agents hand and leaves the office.
Brentwood estate, LA, California.
Titus Avison' LA accommodation is shown as we go inside. Titus' assistant Rosie is walking around pacing. Titus enters. Rosie runs up in excitement.
Rosie: Where have you been? I was worried sick. I...
Titus steps back, holds his hand up and waits until she calms down.
Titus: You are like a little puppy. Do I need to remind you that you're my assistant? Where I've been doesn't really concern you. What have you been doing?
Rosie: Well I unpacked my stuff and set up the office to do the research.
Titus: Research into what?
Rosie beckons Titus to the office, where a projector is set up again.
Rosie: I have watched every single match you've had with the EurAsian belt on the line.
Titus: Wow I bet that took a long time.
Rosie: Well yes but I also watched the promos from before the match and what I've established is EVERYONE has the same layout.
Titus: So you're saying you know what Keaton, Stevens and Triple X will say before they've even said it?
Rosie: Exactly. So to start.
Rosie starts the presentation.
They've heard legends of that man
The words appear on the screen as various wrestlers appear saying their quotes.
Rosie: Yeah they've heard the legends, they hate the legends but damn do they love your reign.
The presentation continues.
Your reign is something special
Rosie: In one.
It's going to end now
Titus: What's that look on your face?
Rosie: Aren't you going to say it?
Titus: Well I would say thanks but I don't have my Goddamn cappuccino.
Rosie: You didn't ask for one, Mr. Avison.
Titus: You're supposed to know Miss erm...
Titus: I'm not concerned what your surname is Rosie. Just get me the cappuccino and let me use your office. I need to make a call.
Dejected she walks off, closes the door and leaves Titus to make his phone call.
Titus: Rosie Danvers is the best assistant I've ever had.
Titus walks over the phone, he presses the speaker option (for our convenience, it would be silly if we couldn't hear the other side) and it rings.
Titus: Chuck it's me, I'm in LA before you ask and yes I'll be there for the Lottery. I need a favour.
Chuck: Why would I owe you a favour?
Titus: You bloody well put WZCW in the hands of Ty Burna. I believe everyone is owed a favour after that.
Chuck laughs down the phone at this.
Chuck: Fair enough, what is it?
Titus: I need you to stop someone from entering the lottery.
Chuck: The only people I would let you stop entering the lottery are Gabi Clark, Dean Miles, Daniel Dela Cruz, Gino Galucci or Amber Wa....
Titus: Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it. It's Triple X.
Chuck: Oh because he beat you, twice?
Titus: What? No. I hardly think twatting me over the head with a chair counts as beating me.
Chuck: It does, and so does the Pure Rules. So that's why you want him out of the Lottery?
Titus: No, I'm just looking out for him. He had a big injury and was out for 3 years, two matches on the same night may be enough for him.
Chuck: Well when you put it like that then it does make sense. Although I trust him enough that he can cope with both matches, thanks though.
The phone cuts off.
Titus slams his fist on the desk.
Titus: He wants to win my belt and win the lottery. If I had have taken him out the lottery one dream dashed there, he loses focus on the other and instead of Triple X he's just Xander. He'd also not be the first Xander I beat for the belt.
Titus begins to pace up and down the office, half worried, half angry.
Titus: Who does he think he is? He's trying to rid of WZCW's heroes because he hates the fans? The fans would love it the EurAvison era ended. They hate me, so I'm not sure what his game is. You want the fans to be punished so you give them the thing they want? It's almost like you're putting on a front. I see how it is.
Titus chuckles, an angry chuckle but still a chuckle.
Titus: You're still a good guy at heart. You still want to make amends for your ex Abigail. You hope that she's looking down on you encouraging you to live your dreams when really she's looking up realising the embarrassment that you are. At least your Dad Alan has the right idea. He doesn't give a shit about you and that's why Momma Rachel worries about you. You're someone who wants to be the best, who wants to make amends and you're putting on this front.
Titus pauses, and looks at the poster for Meltdown 144 which is on the wall. He sees the picture of Mancini.
Titus: Here you are running around with the Russian mob. I'd much rather trust Mancini's guys to get the job done. They've seen results. You? It's like you've just watched Arrow and thought it seemed cool without realising the basics that you're in over your head son. You're not a bad guy. You're a lost kid who wants to be loved and thought the way to do that was to copy me.
Titus nods to himself as if to say “that's right”.
Titus: Multi titled hero leaves the fed to better himself, returns and decides to turn on the fans. Gets an opportunity to cement a legacy and does it. Is that what you're thinking you'll try? I never turned on the fans, they turned on me. Every waking fricking moment they were there, they wanted me to push better and better and better and I realised I just couldn't do it. You, however, are using them as a tool. They're not tools, you're the tool for thinking they can't see through your facade. I can, they can and even Frank your sponsor knows that.
Titus walks over to the desk and sits down.
Titus: So instead of blaming the fans for your failures, for how you never broke free of that middle shackle. How you failed to beat Ricky Runn. How you got injured. How you're a disappointment to your parents Rachel and Alan. How no one gives a shit about you. Abigail was smart to get out.
Let's be real Xander, no Triple X bullshit. Let's see the real Xander Knight enter that ring at Lethal Lottery and I will show you who's really to blame. It's not the fans. It's you.
The door to the office knocks.
Titus: Come in. Wait this is your office, why are your knocking?
Rosie: You just sounded like you were busy. I've got your cappuccino.
Titus takes the cappuccino and drinks it.
Titus: Thanks. I've a question for you though, are you excited for Lethal Lottery? This will be your first major show while you're more than a fan. That must be something, right?
Rosie: Yeah I'm quite excited, especially when it's a time for the women to show what they can do.
Rosie: Kagura. She's the first female world champion. That's exciting for someone like myself.
Titus: Oh yeah Kagura is the world champion. All eyes on her for sure as the world looks to their champion. Do you want to know a fact about Kagura?
Rosie's face lights up at this.
Rosie: Sure thing Mr. Avison.
Titus: She's one of the Twelve.
Rosie: The Twelve what?
Her excitement comes crashing down with Titus' reply.
Titus: She's one of the Twelve different people to face me for my belt. She failed. Yet somehow she's now seen as the World Champion? Surely that makes my prize the grandest in WZCW and not hers. So when I win the Lottery she'll really see at Kingdom Come what will happen.
Titus laughs as Rosie looks slight uncomfortable at this.
Rosie: Well what if Batti wins?
Titus: What if Batti wins? I've beaten her before, I'll beat her again. I've also just spent a while with her BFF Blades, so I know how her mind thinks. What if Batti wins? You're a funny one Rosie, did you know that?
Rosie: Or Eve, you've not beaten her have you?
Titus: Alright Rosie, time to change the topic eh?
Rosie: But I...
Titus: Is the WZCW universe ready for the first two time Lottery winner? Best way to win is the get in late on, sit in a corner and wait. Stuff running around trying to powerslam Manzo over the top rope. It's about self preservation. It's something I've gotten pretty good at.
Rosie sighs realising she won't get to find out Titus' thoughts on Eve Taylor.
Rosie: Shall we go over the strategy for Ace?
Titus: Please, just call him Stevens. There's one true Ace in fed history and that's David. He failed short against me so surely Stevens will too. What you got for me then?
Rosie: He's a bit out there, isn't he? He thinks he's a comedian. So you could go with a joke. I've got one. How do you kill a vegetarian vampire?
Rosie bursts out laughing as she's telling the joke.
Titus: Oh dear goodness no.
Rosie: With a steak through the heart!
She slaps Titus on the arm, tears rolling in laughter.
Titus: That was awful.
Titus' assistant composes herself.
Rosie: There's the fact that he really is out there. He's probably going to get involved with some kangaroos or something in the outback. Maybe go to Steve Irwin’s Zoo.
Titus: Maybe he'll hang out with Bruce Irwin?
Titus: No one important.
Rosie: So can you do crazy?
Titus: I'm the man who dreamt I went back in time 3 years when facing Flex. I'm the man who followed El Guerrero in the desert for Lethal Lottery 2. I'm the man who published a create your own adventure book to keep onto the EurAsian title. I can do crazy.
Rosie: Ah so you definitely...
Titus: I'm the man who picked a random city in the arse end of nowhere, put on a Red Mask and decided to become a superhero. I'm the man who when a terrorist was running around the fed and no one said anything decided to come out and destroy Mohammed Hasheem's ass. I'm the man who climbed a cage, did a red arrow and won the match. I can do crazy.
Rosie: I erm get the...
Titus: I'm the man who did a promo in a zoo first. I didn't need acid. I'm the man who found two soap stars from Australia, went on their show and no one knew what was happening. I'm the man who sent someone to hit a missile alert button in Hawaii. I can do crazy.
Rosie in a last roll of the dice shouts.
Rosie: MISTER AVISON! Snap out of it, I get it. You can do crazy. Maybe that's what you need.
Titus: I'll let you off this once, it was needed. The best way to beat crazy though is not to out crazy them but to reign it in. Do you think going crazy at the Sydney Opera House is going to make you win a match?
Rosie: No, but what will?
Titus: Stevens needs focus and he doesn't have that. He's like a kid who has just had a full syrup slurpee. It may get him the odd win here and there but this is more than that. This is an elimination match, he can't get lucky by pinning Xander or Mark. He needs to also pin me to win. I could have you and the TMZ stand in the crowd shining flashlights around the arena to distract him. A laser pointer on the wall. A balloon just floating in the wind. He can't keep focused and to do that against the greatest champion in history? It's not going to cut it.
Rosie: I'd also suggest being careful against the Punchline. Even if he's not focused, with two others in the ring it could come out of nowhere. So I've got you something to help.
Titus: What is it?
Rosie: Close your eyes.
Titus does that as Rosie pulls a present from her desk draw. Titus opens his eyes:
Click for Spoiler:
Rosie: That will absorb any power from him. It'll throw him off and in turn you, being the focused champion you are, can utilise this.
Titus: Do they have it in blue?
Rosie: I'll sort it.
Titus fails to pick up on her disappointment, again.
Titus: I knew you would, thanks Rosie.
Rosie smiles as Titus leaves the office.
The scene cuts to the back of a limo. In it is Titus Avison wearing a tuxedo and next to him is Rosie who is wearing a periwinkle blue dress. The camera is handheld and the quality not as good as the rest of the promo.
Titus: Well to the TMZ in Sydney I hope to see you at Lethal Lottery but for those in the Titus Mile Zone in Los Angeles we're here. Are you excited Rosie?
Rosie goes bright red as she smiles at the camera.
Titus: I'll take that as a yes.
Well I'll update you all on how it goes tomorrow but look out on the red carpet, a special award and of course there's the afterparty. Who would you like to meet most Rosie?
Rosie: Vin Diesel.
Titus: Vin Diesel? Isn't she funny?
The limo stops as the handheld camera cuts out. A few seconds of blackness happens.
Titus: Don't worry. You'll be fine. This is normal. Just avoid Ryan Seacrest. Let's go.
The camera switches to the normal one we've seen for the rest of the promo. Titus steps out of the limo full of confidence, Rosie sheepishly steps out behind him. Camera's are flashing everywhere as the five time Oscar winner waves to the crowd. There are shouts of “TITUS, TITUS” from journalists as he heads over to them. A few clips seeing him interviewed, pictures being taken and explaining who his guest is for the night.
[This is the part of the RP in which Titus attends the Oscars. Nothing of note happened so I won't bore you with unnecessary details. If this was a Triple X RP you'd know how many sequins Jennifer Lawrence had on her dress. If this was a Mark Keaton one we'd be fully focused on the hotdog guns like Armie Hammer. If this was Ace Stevens he'd pretend Mr. Baller won instead of Kobe Bryant.]
The crowded afterparty has celebrities here there and everywhere. Titus can see Vin Diesel in the distance. He beckons him over.
Titus: Hey man how's it going?
Vin Diesel: Hey dude, it's been a while. Who's the chick?
Titus: That chick is my assistant Rosie, she's a huge fan.
Shyly she offers a handshake.
Rosie: Pleasure to meet you Mr. Diesel.
Vin Diesel: Please call me Vin.
Rosie giggles like a schoolgirl.
Rosie: I'm a huge fan. I love all your movies, well most of them.
Vin Diesel: What's your favourite?
Rosie: Guardians of the Galaxy by far.
Vin Diesel: Oh most people say that.
Rosie: Though I dislike that movie you did with Samuel L Jackson. What was it called?
Vin Diesel: xXx.
Rosie: Yeah I hate xXx.
Vin Diesel: Most people hate Triple X.
Titus: None more than me.
Rosie laughs as Vin Diesel looks rather confused. The camera zooms out as the three continue chatting to end the biggest non wrestling night of the year for the Hall of Famer.
Well, hello there. Welcome to a Mark Keaton RP. It looks like Jeff is using you as a character in his RP and he's not even pming you to ask your permission! Please select your gender...
Click for Spoiler:
What's that? Not enough options?! Well how about....
Click for Spoiler:
Now let's put some hair on you....
Click for Spoiler:
Click for Spoiler:
Alright, throw some clothes on and lets go.......
It's a chilly minus 6 out at 6:35 PM on a deserted side street in downtown Toronto, you pull your sweater over your chest a little tighter as you look for a warm place to duck in. You're not really sure why you're here as you had to cancel your dinner reservations earlier because you suddenly ended up in an RP. You wonder how it's even possible as you shield your face from a brisk gust of cold wind. You find a little bar at the end of the street and decide that this place will be a suitable spot to warm your hands. Welcome to Canada, wimp.
The smell of grease assaults your nostrils as you enter this little bar, it seems to be packed with regulars as they look at you like you're an intruder from another land....I really don't blame them with the sparse options I gave you for hair...sorry about that. You take a stool at the bar and rub your hands. The fat bartender asks you if you want anything, you decide you might as well have a beer, good choice! Over at the far end of the seedy bar, a small stage is set up and a spotlight turns on, you ignore it and look at old men at the bar, leaning on each other and acting really drunk. A fight could easily break out at the drop of a hat.
The musician belts right into Ragdoll by Aerosmith sounding exactly like the band. You immediately raise your eyebrows and perk your ears up as the place suddenly comes alive with rock and roll. Everyone stops what they're doing and watches the stage. You turn to see Remarkable Mark Keaton, shirtless and already sweating as he wails on his electric guitar and screams into the microphone, his muscles bulging and his blonde hair sticking straight up. You realize that this is the man you're going to have to hang around with for the duration of the RP, you wonder why you didn't have to sign a waiver before all of this.
"I love you Mark!" A young woman screams and struggles to take her panties off in her pantsuit. You watch as she screams and tears the panties up and out of her belt line, then throws the terribly ripped panties on the stage.
"Thank you Terry's Bar and Laundry Mat now with Room Rentals! That's all for tonight! Rock out!" Mark waves and puts his guitar in a case, you see the huge Big Bad Roady help him carry items and clean up. You wonder why he cut the song off 45 seconds in but it doesn't bother you much as you stand up. You are approached by Mark as he struggles to pull on a Van Halen T -Shirt, he's smiling wide and he offers his hand to you. You shake it and notice that Mark rudely squeezed too hard, hurting your hand.
"What is goin on, you?! I heard you were a special guest in this RP, glad you could make it." Mark slaps you hard on the chest with the back of his fingers. You're not quite sure if he's doing it intentionally, but his roughness is starting to get under your skin.
The fat bartender slams his ham sized fist on the bar, shaking every bottle and spilling a bowl of peanuts,"Hey ASSHOLE! I paid you five hundred dollars for three minutes on stage tonight! What gives eh?!"
"You paid me five hundred but I charge one thousand for three minutes, fat ass! You're lucky I gave you that 45 seconds up there.This dive has never seen so much talent on stage!"
"This is bullshit! You're not getting out of here without a few lumps, dickhead! Sorry." Terry, the owner, bartender nods at his bouncers, three well built men stand up from a nearby table.
You gulp as the tension rises, Mark smirks and cracks his knuckles. You take a few steps back and stand behind an old man nursing his beer at the bar.
"No hard feelings man, we're sorry about this." One of the bouncers says to Mark, the others agree,politely.
"I'M SORRY TOO!" Big Bad Roady growls as he pushes the bouncers head at the end, it causes all three bouncers to clash heads and fall to the floor, knocked out.
"Hey! You jerk! I went to school with that guy and he used to talk to me at lunch! Sorry about this!" A man says as he jumps to his feet, he grabs a pool cue and others gather behind him, ready to apologize while they fight.
Mark raises a boot and catches a charging man right in the jaw, he does a backflip and lands on his stomach. BigRoad absorbs a pool cue shot as it snaps over his shoulder, he grabs two men by the scruff of their shirts and throws them over the bar, smashing beer bottles and mugs everywhere. Another punch noise is heard and a Toronto Maple Leafs hat flies right by your head. It's getting louder and louder now as BigRoad and Mark are cleaning house, kicking ass left and right. BigRoad grabs a table and takes out three attackers with an overhead fastball throw with it. Terry jumps over the bar and nearly knocks you over, he apologizes and throws lefts and rights at Mark, who easily dodges the punches and gives Terry an uppercut. Terry's wig flies off and he falls on his back, knocked out. BigRoad grabs another man by his arms and flings him like a ragdoll right out of the main window! CRASH!!!
"Sorry! Come on you, let's get out of here before the cops come." Mark punches you in the shoulder as he nods at Big Bad Roady to get ready to go. You run behind them towards a station wagon with illegal racing tires on the back. You open the door to get in and the smell of stale pop and cigarettes hit you in the face. You swipe potatoe chip bags and McDonald's bags off of the seat and reach for the seat belt, it snaps off in your hand.
"Yeeeehaw! Typical Wednesday, right Meatball?!"
"Right on Boss!"
You feel the vibration of the car as it takes off down the street, nearly giving you whiplash. You gulp nervously at the speed and wreckless nature of Mark's driving, he's passing cars and going on the sidewalk, ramping over curbs and blaring AC/DC on his tape deck. You can hear the sirens in the distance, but it looks like you will be safe as it fades. But you notice that doesn't stop this idiot from driving like a crazed maniac. He takes his hands right off of the wheel to reach under the dash, he pulls out some VHS tapes and waves them at BigRoad.
"What do ya think Meatball?! Ghostbusters marathon tonight!"
"Yaaaa! Let's start with Ghostbusters 2 first this time boss! Then Ghostbusters, let's hit KFC first and get a bucket of chicken for me."
You close your eyes as the car ramps off of a curb and down a grassy hill towards a park. Mark is still playing with the VHS tapes as the car races towards a chain link fence. You reach over his shoulder and steer sharply to the right, the car slides sideways on the grass, digging up dirt and slush. The car comes to a stop next to a pond. Mark turns and gives you an impressed look.
"Radical moves, you!"
The night before Lethal Lottery....8:45 PM
You're sitting on a cheap couch in a two bedroom apartment in downtown Toronto. The beer in your hand has gone warm from boredom, you take a sip of the beer and watch Mark Keaton dose off a little across the room. He's sitting in a small love seat chair with jeans and a loose fitting dress shirt on. The Ghostbuster's are fighting ghosts in a courtroom on the 27 inch television, Big Bad Roady is in the half kitchen, digging around at the bottom of his KFC bucket, a sad expression on his face as he see's there's no chicken left. He burps loudly and goes to the washroom. You see Mark's eye's open a little wider, he leans forward, making sure BigRoad closed the bathroom door, he then sneaks over and sits on the couch next to you. He lights a smoke and speaks quietly to you....
"You know something, I'm starting to suspect that he's trying to get in a WZCW ring. I was messing around on the WZCW website earlier and I found an article about Justin Cooper, it totally went against what Meatball told me. Constantine had nothing to do with Cooper leaving, Justin opted to not renew his contract for personal reasons. You see what I'm saying...you?Big Bad Roady lied to me, he lied so I'd get pissed off and declare war against Constantine and stay in WZCW so he could keep his job and continue to persue his dream of climbing in a ring."
You watch Mark take a long drag of his smoke, he then grabs your beer and drops his butt inside it.
"You were done of that eh? Anyway, I totally don't want to be standing in the ring against this huge dude, ever watch him in a fight?"
You shrug and shake your head incredulously, did he really not remember you were there at the bar fight?
"I mean the past few weeks, we've really become good friends, maybe even better pals than Cooper and me. At least Meatball doesn't act like a dick all the time. Part of me wants BigRoad to fulfill his dream, but a bigger part of me doesn't want to lose his services. Having a 452 pound Demin wearing bear watch my back has been a real comfort since I lost Vis Imperium."
You stand up, walk across the small apartment, open the fridge and grab a cold beer, you walk over and sit back down next to Mark.
"Ya, go ahead you, like I wasn't talking or anything eh,rude much?! Anyway, that's another thing. Vis Imperium used to pay BIG time dude, I mean perks, bonuses, mansions, unlimited everything, I ask for a gold toilet, boom, I get a gold toilet the next day. It was really fucking awesome man. But now that was snatched away from me, and now I'm just like the common wrestler on the card. Blowing my meager pay, having to work extra gigs for snack money. Life on the road is tough."
- KNOCK!!!- KNOCK!!!- KNOCK!!!-
The loud knocking on the door startles you, the toilet flushes at the same time and you see the bathroom door swing open, BigRoad walks out, curses and walks back in to shut off the bathroom light.
Mark jumps up and answers the door, he starts making a big deal about the mailman at the door, he doesn't want to pay the shipping cost for an item, some Mailman named Jeff is telling him that it's not Canada Post that's charging him, it's the border. Mark doesn't understand and starts arguing with the poor guy.
Big Bad Roady walks over and sits next to you, you can hear the couch scream in agony and tilt downwards, you almost have to hold on so you don't fall over towards the big man.
"I'm startin to think that the boss suspects me about tellin lies about Constantine. Earlier he was on that website and sent me a text asking me if I was telling the truth about it all. I sent him this back...
Big Bad Roady shows you his cell phone screen...
"Bahha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!"
You watch the bald bear spit all over himself laughing, he seems a bit drunk to you.
"Alright dudes, I got it. I had to pay an extra 18 bucks but it's here.
Mark shows you a small bag, it looks like its filled with sand.
"Hidden White Sand 8000! This is going to give me a huge advantage at Lethal Lottery!"
"Right on boss! I'll get to work stitching in a hidden pocket inside your ring gear! I love stitching stuff!"
You nearly fall off of the couch as Big Bad Roady jumps up. Mark is still standing there, holding his Hidden White Sand 8000 like he just opened a chest in a dungeon in Zelda. In the background, the Ghostbusters are making a toaster dance with emotional slime on the television.
The Night of the Lethal Lottery...7:21 PM
You're seated in between Big Bad Roady and Mark Keaton on the way to the event in the back of the limo. Both men are silent and perhaps nervous about the night. You cough, but nobody reacts to it. The limo stops at the entrance to the building. Hundreds of fans are lined up on either side of the barricades and react when you open the door. You can hear a - Who the hell is that? - at your appearance. Big Bad Roady and Mark Keaton exit the limo....
The crowds react, some throwing garbage, calling names. There's a surprising amount of women cheering and calling out Mark's name, you see some people waving Canadian Flags too and wearing RMK T-shirts. Mark takes his middle finger and pulls down his shades, he gives people an uninterested gaze then pushes the glasses back up his nose. He pops a wad of gum in his mouth and starts walking in the building. Big Bad Roady has a bunch of luggage in each hand as he walks close behind Mark. They make their way down a long hall to the locker rooms.
After an hour of getting ready, Mark asks you and Big Road to let him finish putting on his ring gear. You both step out of the dressing room. After a few moments, Mark pushes his way out, sunglasses on and his trademark leather jacket and leather pants with the -RMK- in jagged letters on his rear. He walks confidently down a busy corridor towards the Gorilla position, you and Big Road just a step behind both sides of him. There's an air of excitement around as WZCW staff yell commands, catering is going over the spread layout, there's agents and some Grand Prix League wrestlers still hanging around after their dark matches. It's an experience you are really glad to be part of.
A nearby door swings open and suit wearing Chuck Myles hurries out, a cellphone pressed to his cheek as he talks in rapid fire while waving his hands.
"Hey Chuck! Stop for a second dude! CHUCK!!!"
Chuck says something into his cellphone and presses a button, he flips the phone and puts it in his pocket.
"That was an important call Mark, I hope you have something equally important to ask me." The GM doesn't look to be in a forgiving mood at all.
"I'm just wondering if you have that entrance ready like you promised!?"
Chuck lets out a huge sigh, "If my memory serves me right,it's the entrance where you come out standing on a spike covered Dunebuggy, playing a fire shooting electric guitar."
You see Mark nod enthusiastically, "Yeah dude, that's the one, tell my new friend here the whole thing!"
Chuck Myles looks at you and continues, "Then the floor opens on both sides of the ring and huge, titanium arms come out and join over the ring to make a large hoop, that catches fire, at the same time a ramp raises on the end of the entrance ramp in front of the ring, the Dunebuggy then races down the ramp, jumps over the ring, through the fire hoop, Mark jumps off of the vehicle, lands in the ring and all four ring posts shoot out fireworks while Mark shoots more fire out of his guitar."
"Best entrance EVER!" Big Road gives Mark a hard high five.
You try not to laugh at it all.
Chuck gives Mark a hopeless stare, "Let's start out with cost,I'd say a modest 2 million dollars for it all. There's STRIKE ONE. Next is where the dunebuggy actually lands after it goes flying through the fire hoop, I'd say probably in the fifth row, then rolling through hundreds of people to the twentieth row, killing and maiming as it rolls. STRIKE TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE! WZCW gets sued, we shut down forever because we could never recover from that tragedy...do I even need to go on at this point?!"
Chuck has shifted his attention back to Mark.
Mark shakes his head, he then pops his gum, "That's if you have a shitty driver. A moron could land that thing between the barricade and ring."
Chuck throws his hands in the air and takes his phone out, he continues his conversation as he walks away from you.
"Well, I guess me parashuting to the ring in the Lottery match is a NO too then!?"
You watch Mark spit his gum on the floor and take a chicken wing off of the catering table, he eats it and throws the bone on top of a perfectly made white cake. BigRoad grabs the rest of the wings and shoves them in his pocket. Mark continues his walk towards the Gorilla position.
Johnny Klamor spots Mark after walking around some WZCW staff.
You keep pace with Mark as he tries to ignore Johnny and keep walking. Johnny is now keeping pace with you guys.
"Hey, hey Mark! You know you owe me right? You owe me a NORMAL interview for once! No motorcycle interviews, no sprinklers at a mansion, no car chase interview! I want a normal, chaos free interview with you Mark, you OWE me that much!"
You stop when Mark stops, he nods and Johnny calls for his camera man. BigRoad gently grabs your arm and pulls you out of the shot, he directs traffic immediately afterwards so no person walks right through the interview. A quick light set up is mounted and a large WZCW tarp is quickly taped to a nearby wall behind Mark.
"Wait! Is he really doing that interview with that ugly checkered shirt on?"
"This is Johnny Klamor, backstage at The Lethal Lottery! I have with me, at this time, Remarkable Mark Keaton who is about to fight for the EurAsian Championship in a moment!"
"That's right J Man, I'm all geared up and ready to fight,dude!"
"Tell me Mark, what do you think it's going to take to stop Titus Avison on his legendary streak he's on with The EurAsian Championship?"
"What is gonna take? Its.....can I help you, man?"
A WZCW staff member is standing just behind Mark, chewing on a slice of pizza. He looks startled as Big Bad Roady chases him off camera, a large thump is heard, Mark makes a fake concerned expression. BigRoad walks back in the shot....
"Got him for ya, boss." BigRoad takes a bite out of the pizza slice and walks over to you, he offers you a bite but you politely decline with a hand wave.
"What is it gonna take Klamor? It's gonna take the effort of THE GREATEST WRESTLER OF ALL TIME! Who am I talking about?! I'm talking about ME! There's no more second guessing, no more doubts or last minute planning, I'm feeding the evil wolf inside me, the good wolf can starve for all I care! This is without QUESTION, the most important match ever in my life! I'm not about to blab about The Streak anymore dude, we've heard enough of that crap over and over and over and over again, I'm completely SICK of talking about it. It's time to SHUT UP and go END IT!"
"You also have to deal with Triple X, the newest returning threat in WZCW has risen really fast and some experts are calling him the favorite in the match tonight. How do you respond to these experts?"
You watch Mark rip his sunglasses off and throw them, he takes a step towards Klamor and grabs the front of his checkered shirt, Mark rips a big chunk of Klamor's shirt off, revealing a nipple for all to see.
"What the hell are you doing? This shirt cost me 25 dollars!"
"Time to stop shopping at Wal-Mart dude, you see what I did there? I'm too unpredictable for the likes of Triple X. So these so called experts can suck it Klamor! Triple X, what kind of stupid ass name is that anyway? Is a porno star coming to fight tonight? This guy just sucks, next question!"
Klamor tries to adjust his shirt so it's covering his nipple, "He HAS defeated Titus Avison in a chairs match and Titus's specialty match, pure rules."
"So what?! I can do the same thing, except I'd do it faster and more sexier. What's his special move anyway?"
"He uses a claymore kick."
Mark walks over and rips the rest of Klamor's shirt right off, revealing Klamor's fish pale skin and fat gut. "There, that's an improvement over that damn eyesore of a shirt. Ya, a DROPKICK, Klamor! Everyone and their fucking dog does a dropkick nowadays. I mean I bumped into Pablo down on Queen Street the other day, I accidentally knocked his taco out of his hand in line and HE threw a dropkick at me! I think even my mother tried to dropkick me last week when I went to visit her. It's a regular move and I'm not worried about him one bit, man."
Klamor (Now with a towel around his shoulders) looks nervous as he adjusts the mic and asks his next question, "The other competitor in the match is Ace Stevens. What is your opinion on this star?"
Mark grabs the towel off of Klamor and wipes his face, he bunches it up and throws it off camera, "Ace Stevens is cool. There's my confession Johnny K-Mart, I like Ace Stevens. There's nobody on this entire roster that comes close to matching my coolness factor, except Ace Stevens.You saw him beat Triple X, took him to the limit and defeated him. You see, even as the second coolest wrestler on the roster, he still lost to me a few weeks ago. BOOM! Voltron Suplex! Match OVER! He doesn't have what it takes to defeat me, the Greatest Canadian Hero, Remarkable Mark Keaton!"
Mark flexes his biceps.
"The Lethal Lottery match is....."
"What the fuck dude? You're still asking me questions? I have an extremely important match coming up here in what, three minutes?! We have to wrap this up before they start playing my entrance music, man! So hey cameraman, zoom in close, right here. Zoom right in on my eyes like an old Clint Eastwood movie. Got it? Does he have it K-Mart?! Good. You see these blue eyes Titus, Ace and Porno man? These are the eyes of a wrestling master, a wizard of Wallop Street, a Commander of Concussion. These are the eyes you'll be looking into before the clobbering noise, the blood and teeth flying left and right, they'll be the eyes that look at you after you've been pinned, the eyes you'll see with glory in them, these are CHAMPIONSHIP EYES! You will be broken and beaten and LAY at the FEET of REMARKABLE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK KEATON!!!!!!!!"
You laugh as Mark throws the mic. He nods to Big Road and you follow them towards the Gorilla position for the last few feet. Johnny Klamor quickly grabs Mark's hand and shakes it vigorously, overjoyed that he finally got a normal interview with Mark. Big Bad Roady slips Mark the White Sand 8000 that RMK positions in his pants. He smirks and nods at him. Mark turns to you....
"Thanks for coming, you. The next time you see me, I'll be the EurAsian Champion AND Lethal Lottery winner!" Mark gives you a hard hand shake and walks off. Big Bad Roady throws you a black T-shirt and follows after Mark. The first thumps of Mark's Entrance music can be heard in the background.
You open the T-shirt to see - I survived a Mark Keaton RP - written in bold white text right across the front.
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