-Where We Are Now: It's Wrestlemania X. Tonya Harding has won the hearts of America with her gritty determination in the face of accusations of having her rival in figure skating mercilessly beaten; Vince is clearly going through tax season because he fires a shot at the Democrats every few shows. A former meat salesman and future beer salesman has risen through the ranks to become Executive Vice President of WCW, and somewhere in Pennsylvania a couple of men are thinking quietly to themselves that professional wrestling has gotten somewhat stale.
-Snarky Vince: Jim Ross, "and there goes Oscar!" Vince, "Yeah, he's not going to be around long."
-RAW still lacks a permanent replacement for Bobby Heenan, so we continue the succession of one-week guest announcers- and holy shit, has the quality of talent taken a nose dive. Before the Royal Rumble, the worst guest announcer was Shawn Michaels. That's not to imply he was bad, but they brought out some gems in that short time. These past few weeks, we've had Crush (ugh), I.R.S. (his schtick works a lot better two minutes at a time), Bastion Booger (this one almost fucking broke me), and Doink (see note for I.R.S.). On the more positive side, we also got Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Ted DiBiase for some of those weeks, so it's not all terrible.
-So you remember that bit from Southpaw Regional Wrestling, where they get a female wrestler but don't have an opponent for her? That's Alundra Blayze right now. The only other woman who wrestles in the company right now is Luna Vachon, who can't wrestle Alundra at WrestleMania. She's booked into a mixed tag with Doink (Vince: who is a great technical wrestler) and Dink. Alundra Blayze's WrestleMania opponent is given the "already in the ring" treatment.
-Marty Jannetty Is A Schnook: RAW is pre-empted for the Westminster Dog Show, with Vince telling us as we go off the air that next week, we'll get Marty Jannetty and Razor Ramon vs. The Quebeccers for the Tag Team Championships. When we come back, the 1-2-3 Kid and Razor are walking to the ring, with no other explanation besides "and the 1-2-3 Kid has stepped up to replace Marty Jannetty". Google says there was something about a court case at this point, and Marty Jannetty will leave the WWF for a couple of years.
-Things That Never Happen Today: Tatanka is presented a special headdress by Chief Jay Strongbow and representatives of one tribe or another, or perhaps someone from central casting. No one interrupts or interferes, and the segment ends.
-More Things That Never Happen Today: Almost all of the matches at WrestleMania have been built to for months or even years. Bret's about to face Owen and Yokozuna, Lex Luger is getting his "no rematch ever" rematch, Randy Savage and Crush are in a Last Man Standing match (long before those things were used for the 9pm turnover), Shawn and Razor in something involving a ladder, even Bam Bam Bigelow and Doink has been built since SummerSlam. Right now, the WWE is busy desperately trying to convince us that of COURSE they aren't going to go with Roman Reigns and Brock, when that's been the obvious plan now for a year.
-Things That Definitely Still Happen Today: Everyone without a program is crammed into a ten-man tag announced a couple weeks before the event. The ten-man tag is dropped from the show at the last minute.
-Correction: Last post I mentioned something about Kwang and a chest protector. So far as I know D-Lo Brown was never Kwang, and all I can say is I spent most of the week watching those shows all fucked up on cold medicine. Kwang would do a lot better for himself as the well received mystery replacement for Shawn Michaels in a match later down the line.