The Past The Future and Everything In Between
Hey guys, it's been a while.
I think I owe a bit of an explanation of what has been going on. Kingdom Come, which seems like forever and a day ago, represented a turning point for me. I had finally accomplished my final dream, main eventing the biggest show we have. I was gutted that I lost, who wants to lose the World Title? After a day or two of grieving over the result, I got back into the swing of being Head of Creative. With the help of the great team I had, we put together one of the best show in WZCW history and I wrote, in my opinion, two of my best matches ever. Getting to write Austin Reynolds' send off was a big deal for me because Numbers was really the first guy in the fed to take notice of my potential. Getting to write Matt Tastic taking a bloody beating was very surreal to me. Tastic and Stormrage, and by extension, KJ and myself were known as two solid Midgard guys who had s couple bright spots, but never really broke out until we decided to feud and then team together on a whim.
After the mental tax of writing two hard hitting matches and writing a World Title defending RP, I needed a little time away, so I decided to take a round off. Dave, who has done a wonderful job of not only keeping this ship going, but checking in on me from time to time while I was gone, agreed it was for the best. I came back, and while I felt mentally refreshed, I felt creatively drained. I never thought that Mikey Stormrage, a character that was essentially just an exajerated version of my real life self, would make it to the top of the mountain, let alone go there enough times to carve out what will likely go down as a Hall of Fame career.
I struggled with my most recent RP. Sure, my mom ended up in the hospital on the due date, but the truth was I struggled to even come up with a rudimentary idea on where I wanted Mikey to go post World Champion. Then, my computer failed me.
For over a month, I was without a computer. What they thought was initially just a bad hard drive, turned into a power supply issue, which turned into a mother board issue, which resulted in me taking my computer back to the repair shop twice. Then the repair shop decided they were no longer going to work on the computer until I paid extra for their services. A short standoff ensued, the police got involved, and eventually I got my computer back and fixed.
I had fully intended to come back, ready to roll, but I kept finding excuses to not log on. Then my girlfriend decided she needed to get back into League of Legends, so my computer usage went way down.
Then, two weeks ago, I had a mental health relapse. Those who are Facebook friends know a little about what happened, but long story short my girlfriend came home from work one day to find me sitting in my car with a bottle of sleeping pills. I truly don't remember even getting into the car, but texts on my phone showed I had been ignoring my phone for a couple of hours. A few days later I broke down and confessed to her that I was having thoughts of hurting myself, that I wanted to end my life. She drove me to the emergency room, which wasn't much of a help, but they did give me some information on local therapists.
I'm not going to sit here and say I'm better. Without lecturing everyone, people who suffer from depression as severe as mine never truly recover from suicidal thoughts, we just learn to manage and cope and do our best to get on the right medication to manage whatever chemical imbalance we have. I haven't had a day in the last two or three weeks where I haven't had a crying fit. The good news however, is that I am getting help. It's a slow process, but I'm taking steps to learn to deal and manage.
On top of all of my own issues, both of my parents went to get biopsies done this week, and the fear of both my parents potentially having cancer has me nearly crippled with anxiety.
My life isn't all bad. The 26th of this month, my wonderful girlfriend and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary. I know it sounds cheesy and lame, but for the first time in my life I have someone who is happy to be with me for the person I am, and not the person she thinks she could mold me into. Hell, she even surprised me with tickets to Raw next month, the first time Raw has been in my area since 1996. Watch for us on TV on June 19th, we will be wearing Bayley shirts. Yes, I'm such a loser I'm coordinating my outfit a month in advance.
In the eight or nine weeks I've been away, I've thought hard about what I feel I can contribute to the fed. Sadly though, I don't come up with much. Dave and the team have been generous and saved my spot, but the truth is that after two months away, I don't deserve to walk right back to the throne. Hell, I truly feel I don't deserve to even be RPing. I've gotten onto guys for less in the last than the crap I've just pulled.
So it is with a heavy heart, that I am publicly announcing my resignation from not only my position as Head of Creative, but stepping away from the fed for the time being. The truth is, I just don't know where I want to take Mikey. He has done so much and accomplished more than I ever thought possible. I can't deny though, that those last few cycles I was running on fumes. I mean I wrote an RP where Mikey went to the dentist and pissed out a window and somehow managed to win that round, so for now I think I need to step aside and let other talent get their chance to shine.
I apologize in advance for not mentioning you all, but I have a few people I want to say thanks to.
Killjoy- My brother from a Latin mother. The things we did for each other, the things we managed to get away with, I can never repay you for agreeing to most of the crazy shit I suggested. You were a great partner in character and in the back room. You never fail to put a smile on my face when I check your wrestling posts on Facebook. I'm so happy you are doing what you are doing. You're a good man, and I'm glad to call you friend.
Dave- The fed is gonna be in good hands as long as you are around. You are a damn legend. I seriously mean it, how many guys can say they have won gold with multiple characters? I can't wait to see Constantine in the HoF where he belongs. You're PMs suggesting ideas were rarely bad, and more than once I stayed up into the late night so we could bitch about the things we hated in the fed, all in an effort to make this crazy place better. Thanks for checking in on me from time to time.
Ty- Man, if I have one regret, aside from the fact that I used to be absolutely terrified of you, is that these issues came up just as we were discussing some great stuff. I can never apologize enough for failing on my end. Be it RPing against you, teaming with you, or just working with you on creative, you always managed to make me up my game. Without Ty Burna, the fed would be a drastically different place.
Lee- Aside from the thanks you deserve for dragging the fed back from the depths of Hell, you have my thanks for being one of the most passionate guys I've had the pleasure of meeting here. You are full of great ideas, both for yourself and others. It was a pleasure to work with you while I could. I'll never forget the random Facebook messages you would send anytime someone did something laughable, and we would have a laugh about between us.
Prophet- You stole my title. I hate you with a passion. In truth, I could not have asked for a better dance partner for our feud. The way we would work ideas into reality, the passion you brought to making us both look good. Then, you still managed to have something left in the tank for other people. Plus it was cool to have the occasional MMA talk. You took one of the most despicable heels in WZCW history and made him into a picture perfect face. The Justin Cooper redemption story will always hold a place among my favorite sorry archs.
Falk- I don't think you get the credit you deserve for the work you put into the fed. You started as the worst of the worst and worked your way to having not only one, but two great characters, you helmed the fed, you were the first to give me a chance to show what I could do on creative, and you were just a solid dude. We will always have Equestria.
To anyone else, you are all great. Each and everyone of you are like family to me. My life is honestly better because of WrestleZone and WZCW. It's just time for me to let someone else be the daddy around these parts. I'll still be around, and Mikey will be back in the ring eventually. So this isn't goodbye. More like a semi colon. It goes on.
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