"The name's Studd, Randy Studd."
The girl stared at his face, unimpressed.
"I don't care who you are, I just want to take your order."
Studd wasn't going to give up that easily.
"I order you to give me your telephone number."
She was still pretty resolute in her manner, clearly very bored with the pathetic man in front of her.
"Look, I'm not interested in you, I'm 19 years old, you're about 45"
Studd was furious.
"I'm 29 years old, you cheeky wretch!"
She didn't really seem to buy this...
"And how many months?"
Studd's shrivelled, simple voice meekly replied.
A smile crossed her face, but it evaporated as quickly as it came when Studd continued in his efforts.
"..but you know I've got experience you could only dream of. I've been learning the fine art of pleasure since you were learning your times tables..."
She had reached the limit of her patience.
"Look, I'm not interested."
"Oh I get it, you have got a BOYfriend! Time to upgrade to a MAN."
She winced. Then winced even more as he started to gyrate his hips. Behind him in the queue, a bald man began to tap his foot impatiently. The pretty girl in the branded polo shirt was forced to interject.
"No, I don't have a boyfriend."
Studd was puzzled, but then clocked a colleague of a similar age at the adjacent cash desk, where the bald man now stood getting his order.
"Ohhhh I see, your friend likes me and you don't want to create tension. Well there's enough Studd for two, if you know what I'm saying. I can be with you in the daytimes, and with her all. Night. Long."
He was still gyrating, and she was still mortified.
"No, she doesn't want that either."
Studd was baffled. But then finally he realised the presence of the bald man, who was just about to leave. He whispered to her.
"Oh, this guy is your dad and he wouldn't approve of his little girl taking a ride on the S'Express."
The bald man just shook his head, having heard Studd's pathetic attempt to keep quiet. The girl wanted the ground to swallow her up. Or swallow Studd up.
"No, that's not right either, I just don't want to go out with a man like you"
A light bulb lit up above Studd's head.
"Ohhh... you're a lesbian. I'm here to convert you."
The girl was now red with embarrassment and rage.
"No, I'm not a lesbian. If you don't make an order soon, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
And so, three minutes and twenty seven seconds into the conversation, Studd realised that it was a losing battle. Approximately three minutes and twenty six seconds after everyone else. He got down to business.
"I'll have a Big Mac please."
She thought she must have misheard him.
"I'm sorry, what?"
He repeated his order.
"I'll have a Big Mac, please."
She had heard correctly, and was flabbergasted.
"I'm sorry, could you repeat that order?"
Studd could accept she wasn't going to go out with him, but this level of insolence was infuriating to him.
"I. WANT. A. BIG. MAC."
"This is BURGER. KING."
Studd being Studd, he had no shame at this sequence of events.
"A whopper please."
As she entered the order into the till, he continued.
"Not that I haven't already got one."
More gyrations ensued.
Burger King prides itself on a 45 second delivery time from point of request to point of service. Today, it took 4 seconds for the food to be in Studd's hands, and the relief to wash over the young employees face.
Study took the food and started to talk to nobody in particular.
"King Obi. Royalty does not phase me in the slightest. I sit here and I eat this Burger King and I devour everything it has to offer. It's a lot of food. It has a lot to give, like you against Tyrone Blades last week, but the reality is that no king is a match for me. I will eat you alive, Obi. You can keep coming, but I'm the Kingslayer, and just as I slice this burger with my teeth, so will I slice your skin with the weapons that are not only encouraged, but legal in this match."
He was pretty proud of the analogy, so he continued to an audience of empty ketchup packets.
"You see, you're in this match as a champ, so you should have the advantage, but you're not really the champ. Tyrone lost to you because he was beaten by Vis Imperium, and now you've got me to contend with, and those guys don't dislike me. They don't even talk to me. You're no champ, you're a chump and I'm going to chomp you like a chimp."
He laughed to himself as he thought about how clever he was.
"Remember, you're here because of fluke, I'm here because I beat 4 men for the opportunity, including you. You can't and haven't beaten me and I will ensure that the king's reign is nothing but a brief shower..."
He thought to himself how much of a genius he must be with this word play. If only the girl behind the till could hear this now, she'd surely repeal her rejection. He finished his food.
"See, I'm going to destroy you like I've destroyed this Burger King, and then I'm going to beat you up and digest you like the piece of shit that you are. And when that's done, like this burger, you'll end up in a Royal Flush."
Study bowed before his audience of none and left the restaurant.
WrestleZone Tournament, 2015