Alright, i'm gonna try this out. Not the greatest reviewer ever, but hopefully I can guide some people into improving their RPs, even just a little bit.
I'm going to start by getting the elephant out of the room early: Shinchan, your RPs have a problem. It's not the biggest problem I've seen, but I do feel it has an effect on your standing in WZCW.
It's not that your RPs are bad per-say, they're usually well-written and give us detail on Yemerez herself. But I feel like with this RP especially, that it needs to be said.
The problem you seem to have right now is that currently, there doesn't seem to be much of a personality with some of your more recent RPs.
Now, in your defense: This is a problem most RPers tend to have sometimes, we create a character and we give them the necessities needed to succeed, a distinct look, an interesting personality, a backstory and most importantly character development. Right now, you have the look and you have the backstory. I think what's been missing recently has been the development of the character.
Right now, we have a character that fights to get evil out of WZCW: Simple enough. A bit of a throwback to the 80s good guy with a hint of superhero-ish tendencies to her. That's a good character already.
So, why hasn't the character...you know...progressed onward? Right now, it feels like we've been hearing the same story told in different lenses. While this isn't the worst way to go about things, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's good either.
What can be done about this? Well, first off; I would recommend looking at Titus as an example, for a while Titus was a movie star who lived the good life. Then one day, he won the Eurasian title and his character took off in terms of development. We grew to learn even more about Titus than we ever did before and because of this, Titus is now one of the most complete characters in WZCW not just right now, but perhaps of all time.
Does this mean you should hold onto a title for an insanely long time until it becomes the gimmick? No. It means that there needs to be a spark that adds into your character, an added edge that makes the character hold more 'weight' let's say.
Your RP right now opens the possibilities for such edges to be added, maybe Yemerez begins to doubt herself, whether or not she really belongs; maybe the recent slumps and trials she has been having end up with her becoming even stronger than she already was. Maybe more cynical, more powerful, who knows? Maybe even better than ever before. Yemerez has potential to do great things, what needs to happen now more than ever is character development. And I promise, if you try to advance her character's personality (with the right amount of pacing mind you), it will pay off for you in dividends.
Now, there's also the problem with clunky dialogue: But in fairness, a good lot of that is to be expected given where Yemerez lives. However, as an added critique; try to use the right words at the right time and it will help with flow of the RP better. There were times where the flow was disrupted with 'And' and 'Oh. Yeah'.
Ok, that's everything that needs working on. But what about what worked?
Well, for starters: I like that you mentioned your recent struggles. Like I just said, Yemerez is currently going through a rough time because she has been defeated quite a lot recently. To a point where Yemerez has seemingly replaced Eve Taylor as a 'Choke Artist' may seem much to some, and admittedly, there were better choices out there than that: But I could understand what it was you were going for there.
I also like how you did it in the style of a letter/blog post. It was very creative and I would like to see this type of RP done more often. But if I had to choose what I liked the most about this RP is that there seems to be a lot of passion with the character overall, you can tell that Yemerez is dedicated to her craft and what she wants to do with her career. And it's because of this, you can establish a connection with her. This is where she shines the most, you're able to connect with her, relate with her even. And that in turn makes Yemerez a likable character even with the lack of development she has received.
In conclusion: Again, it's not a bad RP, far from it actually: I'd go as far as to say that it was a needed one. Because this now gives you the opportunity to develop and mold Yemerez into like you said a 'improved, introspected, more focused than ever' star than we've seen before.
You granted yourself an opportunity to move Yemerez forward as not just a wrestler, but also a competitor. The question is: Will you?
That's all up to you. Hopefully, I have given you the tips to do so.
Cat of Controversy, Writer of Wrestling