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Old 11-27-2017, 02:55 PM
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Default Hallmark Movie Tropes

Unusual Hallmark Movie Tropes

Wittled it down to Top 5. Leaving a few off of my list, like how the movie is almost always named after a Christmas song, as that's too obvious. Also ignoring parts where the protagonist doesn't believe in Santa/Jesus/Christmas because that makes up for a majority of yuletide movies, not just ones from Hallmark. I'm gunning for things that are oddly specific, ones that don't really have a rhyme or reason to them.

In no particular order:

5. Protagonist Is A Workaholic That Can't Survive On Their Own

For clarity, let's say the protagonist is a woman here. She works at a firm, in a hospital, or anywhere where her career takes over every other facet of her life. No time for the holidays, busy yadda yadda. But when she's put in a situation where she has to do something every other person can, in this case we'll say cook, she can't even boil water. Somehow being a professional at Hallmark Bank & Trust left her no time to do the things she'd regularly do as that strong, independent woman. Can't cook, can't chop wood, can't fix a tire, can't do anything your average worker can.

This is up for the love interest/family to do to show her how she's become too much of a city girl/workaholic/high and mighty. More on that later.

4. There Will Be A Brief Discussion On How Having A Fake X-Mas Tree Makes You An Asshole

It's there, though it tends to last a full three seconds. Someone makes a remark about going out to pick/cut a tree down, here comes someone with the normal idea of just getting a fake, and it turns into a weird patriotic stance. Real trees are American and wholesome and plastic trees are corporate commie symbols that killed Jesus so fuck you. Hallmark is huge on sentimentality, and nothing screams sentimental more than a piece of dead foliage in your home.

3. If There's A Fiance, They're Upper Class And Evil

Workaholics come in pairs. If for some reason the protagonist managed a relationship, it's to a person that was just like them at the beginning of the movie. The fiance is rich, or at least high maintenance. They represent everything the protagonist's family isn't. Urban. Liberal. Non-Religious. And, most importantly, the Upper Class, which after half a dozen Hallmark movies I am comfortable in saying is the devil incarnate. They threaten the small town way of life somehow, maybe Big Business is moving in, or just being there pisses off the natural order. Who knows. But whatever the case is, if there's a fiance, they're either the antagonist or pretty fucking close.

2. Small Town Beau Is Quirky, Yet Perfect As They Manage To Be A Jack Of All Trades AND Unemployed

Take everything the protagonist is and flip it. In this case, he's a good ol' country boy who either was an old flame of the protagonist or knows the protagonist's family to some capacity. He is a chef, mechanic, electrician, plumber, super handyman but he doesn't really have a steady, financially-stable job. Often laid-back and a wise crack. Oh and he did attend college/is educated, because the protagonist and him HAVE to have something in common.

How he manages to be adept at so many things but still can't make ends meet is a weird combo for sure.

1. Spot The Poinsettias - AKA They've Overdecorated

I get that poinsettias are a holiday staple as much as wreaths and candy canes are, but those things happen to be everywhere when you stop to look. Many scenes have them in the background, and they tend to show up in the most damning places. One movie there were at least a dozen casually arranged in the snow itself. Just weird.

I'd also chalk this up to another type of trope, and that's how holiday movies are crazy overdecorated. The fireplace has several strands of garland. The mantle is poinsettia, stocking, poinsettia, stocking, Santa, poinsettia, candles. Somehow the tree has poinsettias. Seriously it can't be just me that sees that. Nobody goes apeshit over the poinsettias. Stop making poinsettias happen.

Originally Posted by Hunter S. Thompson
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
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