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Old 03-13-2017, 11:30 AM
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enviousdominous enviousdominous is offline
Behold my diction
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,846
enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...enviousdominous is going to make some noise in the draft...
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*Donald and Justin stand at the front door of a palacial mansion while Justin rings the doorbell*

Donald: What in God's name are we doing here?

Justin: We're here in God's name Donald.

Donald: Oh.

*The door opens, and a haggard looking darkhaired man wearing a fancy bathrobe opens the door. A pair of horns are visibly growing from his forehead.*

Justin: You start Donald.

Donald: Hi, we're here to rob you.

Justin: Donald! No, my good man, we're here on behalf of our good friend Joaquin.

*the man perks up*

Man: Joaquin Phoenix knows who I am!?

Donald: No, it's probably our stupid friend El Guzman.

Man: Oh.

Justin: Joaquin is a devout Mormon now, but he's fallen ill. May we enter your home and inform you of some of Jesus' lesser known teachings?

*The man sighs and brushes his hair back to more prominently reveal his horns.*

Man: Sure, I guess. You should know that I'm Satan though.

*Justin stands wide-eyed with his jaw open, while Donald shrugs his shoulders and enters the home*

Justin: You're....

Satan: Offering my hospitality you ungrateful bitch! Are you in or out!?

*Justin rushes into the home to catch up to Donald, who is pouring himself drinks at a bar*

Justin: Donald, we're here on behalf of our Mormon friend. You shouldn't consume alcohol, it sets a bad example.

Donald: Justin, no offense, but the only way I can deal with your company is if I'm perpetually wasted.

Satan: So, about that Mormon stuff.

*Justin pulls The Book of Latter Day Saints from the back of his pants and offers it to Satan*

Satan: No thanks. Have you ever read that thing?

Donald: Hell no.

Justin: We're here on very short notice I'm afraid.

Satan: What in God's name are you two idiots doing here!? Being around you two is bad for even my reputation!

*Justin and Donald look at each other with annoyed expressions and turn back to looking at Satan*

Justin: Just what are you supposed to be doing here?

Satan: This is my house! What do you mean!?

Donald: Aren't you supposed to be doing stuff in Hell?

Satan: The rapture was cancelled, humanity is doing its own thing in spite of me, and now I have to go back to the drawing board to figure out how my next rebellion is going to work.

Justin: Okay, free advice, maybe forget the rebellion and convert to Mormonism.

Satan: Oh God, this may come as a shock to you but there's a whole fucking universe of possibility out there that doesn't involve Christianity as an alternative.

Donald: Says the guy who just revealed that he still wants to rebel against it.

*Donald drinks a shot of vodka and loudly belches*

Satan: Fuck you, and that's different. People will be willing to swear themselves to me, it's just that I can't really utilize a generation that lives vicariously through their electronic devices.

Donald: You suck at rebellions, and you're still God's sock puppet. Maybe if you join a religion that's afraid of coffee, you'll be less of a bitch.

Satan: Shut up! You're not even Mormon!

Justin: How do you know he's not really a Mormon!?

*Donald stops drinking hard liquor for a moment so he and Satan can give a prolonged stare to Justin*

Satan: Besides the obvious, I'm all knowing.

Donald: All knowing? Then you tell us if Mormonism is legit.

*Satan pauses with uncomfortable silence*

Justin: I think that..

Satan: SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M THINKING!

Donald: I'm bored. Do you want the book or not.

*Satan sighs and takes The Book of Latter Day Saints from Justin*

Justin: You'll be at Church on Sunday?

Satan: I guess.
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