*Donald and Justin stand at the front door of a palacial mansion while Justin rings the doorbell*
Donald: What in God's name are we doing here?
Justin: We're here in God's name Donald.
*The door opens, and a haggard looking darkhaired man wearing a fancy bathrobe opens the door. A pair of horns are visibly growing from his forehead.*
Justin: You start Donald.
Donald: Hi, we're here to rob you.
Justin: Donald! No, my good man, we're here on behalf of our good friend Joaquin.
*the man perks up*
Man: Joaquin Phoenix knows who I am!?
Donald: No, it's probably our stupid friend El Guzman.
Justin: Joaquin is a devout Mormon now, but he's fallen ill. May we enter your home and inform you of some of Jesus' lesser known teachings?
*The man sighs and brushes his hair back to more prominently reveal his horns.*
Man: Sure, I guess. You should know that I'm Satan though.
*Justin stands wide-eyed with his jaw open, while Donald shrugs his shoulders and enters the home*
Satan: Offering my hospitality you ungrateful bitch! Are you in or out!?
*Justin rushes into the home to catch up to Donald, who is pouring himself drinks at a bar*
Justin: Donald, we're here on behalf of our Mormon friend. You shouldn't consume alcohol, it sets a bad example.
Donald: Justin, no offense, but the only way I can deal with your company is if I'm perpetually wasted.
Satan: So, about that Mormon stuff.
*Justin pulls The Book of Latter Day Saints from the back of his pants and offers it to Satan*
Satan: No thanks. Have you ever read that thing?
Donald: Hell no.
Justin: We're here on very short notice I'm afraid.
Satan: What in God's name are you two idiots doing here!? Being around you two is bad for even my reputation!
*Justin and Donald look at each other with annoyed expressions and turn back to looking at Satan*
Justin: Just what are you supposed to be doing here?
Satan: This is my house! What do you mean!?
Donald: Aren't you supposed to be doing stuff in Hell?
Satan: The rapture was cancelled, humanity is doing its own thing in spite of me, and now I have to go back to the drawing board to figure out how my next rebellion is going to work.
Justin: Okay, free advice, maybe forget the rebellion and convert to Mormonism.
Satan: Oh God, this may come as a shock to you but there's a whole fucking universe of possibility out there that doesn't involve Christianity as an alternative.
Donald: Says the guy who just revealed that he still wants to rebel against it.
*Donald drinks a shot of vodka and loudly belches*
Satan: Fuck you, and that's different. People will be willing to swear themselves to me, it's just that I can't really utilize a generation that lives vicariously through their electronic devices.
Donald: You suck at rebellions, and you're still God's sock puppet. Maybe if you join a religion that's afraid of coffee, you'll be less of a bitch.
Satan: Shut up! You're not even Mormon!
Justin: How do you know he's not really a Mormon!?
*Donald stops drinking hard liquor for a moment so he and Satan can give a prolonged stare to Justin*
Satan: Besides the obvious, I'm all knowing.
Donald: All knowing? Then you tell us if Mormonism is legit.
*Satan pauses with uncomfortable silence*
Justin: I think that..
Satan: SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M THINKING!
Donald: I'm bored. Do you want the book or not.
*Satan sighs and takes The Book of Latter Day Saints from Justin*
Justin: You'll be at Church on Sunday?
Satan: I guess.
There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. - Hamlet