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klunderbunker 02-06-2018 07:21 AM

Week of 1/29/2018 - 2/4/2018
 
Monday

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 29, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

It’s the night after the Royal Rumble where the big story was the debut of Ronda Rousey, who came out for a staredown with Charlotte, Asuka and Stephanie McMahon to end the show. Other than that we need a #1 contender, which is why the qualifying matches for the Elimination Chamber begin tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at Rousey’s debut and all the mainstream coverage. I couldn’t escape this story today and that’s a big reason why this was done.

Jonathan Coachman is welcomed back to the announcers’ booth.

There are new match graphics for the first time in what feels like forever. That’s a good thing too as sometimes you just need to freshen things up.

Here’s a dancing Stephanie McMahon to recap last night’s women’s Royal Rumble. After taking way too long to do so, Stephanie brings out Asuka to ask about which champion she wants to face. Before she makes that decision though, she needs to know that Alexa Bliss will be defending the title in the first women’s Elimination Chamber. Asuka says something in Japanese before talking about becoming champion because no one is ready for her. This brings out Sasha Banks to mock the “nobody is ready for Asuka”. Sasha disagrees and wants Asuka tonight.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Last man standing and joined in progress with the fight heading into the crowd. Strowman hits him with a chair and knocks Kane into an anvil case. That means it’s time to go to the announcers’ area, sending the announce team bailing in a hurry. Kane gets knocked down in front of the table and Braun turns the whole thing over (desk and stage) on top of him for the win at 2:41. What in the world was that? A way to write Kane off TV and make Strowman look dominant? Didn’t they do that half a dozen times already?

Post match a stretcher is brought out and Strowman says he just did his job.

Back from a break with the announcers on the stage, talking about how Kane has been sent to a medical facility. Therefore, cut to the back to see Kane being rolled around on a stretcher.

Strowman is still here when Kurt Angle comes up and tells him to lay off. Strowman says he’s right…..because Strowman can do more. He’s going to be the last man standing at the Elimination Chamber and then he’ll be the last man standing over Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Elias vs. Matt Hardy

Before the match, Elias talks about taking out John Cena last week. For now though, his mind is on Wrestlemania and the song is about wanting to take out Brock Lesnar on Elias’ night. The announcers have moved to ringside as Elias takes Matt down with a headlock to start. Matt comes back with some chops and grabs a cravate while saying DELETE over and over. The Twist of Fate is broken up and a clothesline puts Matt down as Elias gets way more fired up in a hurry.

Matt gets taken down with his arm being wrapped around the post as we take a break. Back with Matt getting two off a Russian legsweep as we keep looking at the destroyed announcers’ table. People: it’s a table on its side, not the car door that Brock threw into the crowd. The Side Effect gets two and we’ve got Bray Wyatt. Well at least his lights going out thing, allowing Elias to hit a running boot to the face. Drift Away ends Matt at 9:48.

Bray pops up on screen and laughs.

Miz, doing one of those hand held promos that seem to be becoming the norm, says tonight he’ll retain the Intercontinental Title. Once he does, he’ll deserve a standing ovation like the one Tom Brady should receive on Sunday when the Patriots beat the Eagles.

The announcers now have a desk at ringside.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Roman Reigns

Miz is defending and gets punched in the face to start as the beating is on in a hurry. For some reason Miz tries a chop and is suddenly the Ric Flair to Reigns’ Sting. The champ gets knocked outside for a whip into the steps as the one sided beating continues. Reigns grabs a chair to chase the Miztourage off but Miz posts him to take over as we take a break.

Back with Reigns fighting out of a chinlock and grabbing a Samoan drop. Glad to see some things never change. Miz actually wins a bit of a slugout until Reigns hits the corner clotheslines and a big boot to take over again. The YES Kicks have Reigns in trouble and a chop block puts him down.

We hit the Figure Four for a good while until Reigns turns it over, sending Miz to the ropes. Reigns’ lifting sitout powerbomb gets two so Miz goes to the turnbuckle like last week. That’s intercepted though and Miz pokes Reigns in the eye so the Skull Crushing Finale can get two. The Superman Punch gets the same but here’s the Miztourage to interfere again. That earns them a Superman Punch and a spear but Miz grabs a rollup to retain at 18:07.

We recap the Elimination Chamber qualifying matches and Braun’s path of rage.

Rhyno/Heath Slater vs. Revival

Joined in progress for a change with Slater working on Dash’s arm. Wilder isn’t about to stand for someone showing up their ability to work on a limb so he takes Slater down by the arm instead. Dawson comes in for a belly to back suplex and it’s back to Wilder for an armbar. A neckbreaker takes Wilder down but Dawson comes in and cuts the ring off. It doesn’t work as Slater makes the tag anyway but it was cool to see. Rhyno comes in and hits a shoulder as everything breaks down. Dawson gets in a shot to the knee and the Shatter Machine ends Rhyno at 3:21.

Post match the Revival asks Charly Caruso how they compare to the Graham Brothers. Charly isn’t familiar with them (humbug) and Wilder isn’t surprised. She’s just like these fans who chant ECW and try to get themselves over because they’re stuck in the past. This….could be interesting.

Dudley Boyz Hall of Fame video. What do you want me to say here? This is the biggest layup of a tag team not named Demolition that you’ll ever see.

Balor Club brags about Balor’s time in the Rumble and he wants to move on to Wrestlemania anyway. Now he has to get by John Cena to get to the Elimination Chamber so that’s what he’s doing tonight. Anderson and Gallows have done wonders for Balor, though not as much as getting away from Wyatt and the Demon vs. Abigail thing.

Sasha says she’s ready to end Asuka’s undefeated streak.

Asuka vs. Sasha Banks

Banks slaps her in the face to start and takes Asuka into the corner for a ram into the buckle. That just earns her a kick to the head and a hip attack to put Sasha on the floor. Back in and some kicks to the legs set up the armbar to keep Sasha in trouble. Banks fights up with a kick to the face and running double knees as we take a break.

We come back with Asuka in trouble after the double knees in the corner, followed by the double arm crank. A headscissors into a very fast Bank Statement is countered into a rollup for two. Sasha gets it right back on but Asuka rolls out again before being sent outside. Banks’ dive is blocked with a kick to the face for a SCARY crash to the floor.

Back in and Asuka unloads with a knee to the face and some HARD strikes to the head. The hip attack in the corner sets up a missile dropkick for two so it’s off to the cross armbreaker. Banks reverses that as well and Asuka’s running hip attack misses, sending her outside in a heap. Banks follows with the knees off the apron (nearly crushing Asuka’s head in the process) and more of them off the top for a close two. The Bank Statement goes on again but Sasha tries to move it back to the middle, allowing Asuka to reverse into the Asuka Lock for the tap at 14:28.

John Cena wants to join Asuka and Shinsuke Nakamura in knowing how they’re getting to Wrestlemania. Maybe on a plane, a train or a bus, but maybe an Elimination Chamber. For everyone wondering when he’s done, he’s just getting started.

Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Titus Worldwide

The Bar is defending. Crews rolls Sheamus up for two less than ten seconds in and does it again less than a minute in. Titus comes in and forearms Sheamus down, meaning it’s time for the Titus Worldwide pose. It’s off to Cesaro, who gets chopped in the chest and tossed around with ease. A blind tag brings in Sheamus for a forearm to the back and we take a break.

Back with Sheamus cutting off a hot tag attempt and bringing Cesaro back in for a double clothesline. Titus gets knocked to the floor but chops Sheamus in the chest and pulls him throat first into the ropes. Back in and Titus hits a clothesline and the hot tag brings in Crews. A top rope clothesline looks to set up a standing moonsault but Crews has to land on his feet instead.

Crews dropkicks him down and now the moonsault get two as Cesaro comes back in to launch Crews into a powerbomb where he lands HARD on his head. Thankfully he’s back up with an enziguri but has to roll through a high crossbody for two. Not that it matters Crews is sent into the post, setting up Super White Noise to retain the titles at 12:25. Titus disappeared at the end of the match.

We recap Rousey’s debut again.

We recap Strowman’s destruction earlier. Apparently Kane sat up in the emergency room and pulled himself to his feet. Kane left the hospital and no one has seen him since. So they couldn’t catch a 50 year old man who has been banged up tonight? How bad are these doctors?

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Finn Balor vs. John Cena

Balor has Anderson and Gallows in his corner. The fans are behind Balor of course as he takes Cena down into an armbar. Balor does it again but Cena takes him down with two straight headlocks. Cena gets sent outside and points at a fan as we hit a test of strength. The fans are looking at something else, which is initially booed and then cheered. The camera cuts to the side as Cena looks into the crowd to see what’s going on. Cena punches Balor down and we take a break with Cena looking at the crowd again.

Back with Cena tossing Balor into the corner a few times but stopping to look at the crowd. The announcers say the fans are getting to him, which is a weird way to go with Cena. The finishing sequence is initiated but the Shuffle takes WAY too long, allowing Balor to move. Balor gets two off an Eye of the Hurricane and scores with the Pele.

The Sling Blade sets up the shotgun dropkick but Cena is right there with a clothesline to take him down. Cena grabs the AA for two and goes to the apron….where he tells Coach that he’s just trying to go to Wrestlemania. He takes way too long to go up top and Balor kicks him down, setting up the shotgun dropkick. The Coup de Grace misses and Balor bangs up his knee. We hit one of the worst looking STF’s Cena has ever put on but Balor makes the rope. Balor takes too long going up and it’s the Super AA for the pin at 17:48.

Results
Braun Strowman b. Kane when Kane couldn’t answer the ten count
Elias b. Matt Hardy – Drift Away
The Miz b. Roman Reigns – Rollup
Asuka b. Sasha Banks – Asuka Lock
The Bar b. Titus Worldwide – Super White Noise to Crews
John Cena b. Finn Balor – Super AA

Tuesday

Smackdown
Date: January 30, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

It’s the final night of the Philadelphia Story and Smackdown is in a very different place than Raw. The blue show has the men’s Royal Rumble winner and as a result, the World Title match for Wrestlemania XXXIV is already set. There are a lot more details to get through though and that starts tonight. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Rumble winner Shinsuke Nakamura to open things up. He talks about kneeing everyone in the face and is ready to do it to AJ Styles at Wrestlemania. This brings out Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn to interrupt with Sami ranting about the loss in their title shot. Owens was never tagged in so he couldn’t be pinned. Owens: “YEP!”

Therefore, they deserve the next shot at the title, which they’ll take at Wrestlemania. Nakamura calls them losers and here’s AJ Styles to interrupt as well. AJ agrees with the losers comment and suggests the dream match become a dream team against Sami and Kevin tonight. Kevin and Sami: “NOPE!”

Post break Daniel Bryan makes the tag match. Owens and Zayn are livid but Bryan gives them another chance. Next week, it’s Owens vs. Zayn in a #1 contender match with the winner getting a shot at Fastlane.

Kofi Kingston vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev vs. Zack Ryder

The winner gets a US Title shot next week and champion Bobby Roode is on commentary. It’s a brawl to start with Kofi and Jinder trading rollups for two each. A knee to the head cuts Kofi off though and Ryder low bridges Mahal to the floor. After a brawl near the announcers’ table, everyone gets back in with a double Irish whip setting up Kofi’s dropkick to Rusev.

Back up and Kofi hits a big dive over the top onto Ryder and Mahal, meaning it’s time to throw pancakes. The Singh Brother cuts off Rusev’s dive (this is completely against Rusev Day tradition) so Aiden English shoves him into New Day, meaning the PANCAKES ARE DROPPED! All four seconds are ejected and we take a break. Back with Ryder hitting the Broski Boot on Rusev but Mahal throws him outside to take the near fall for himself. The SOS gives Kofi two but Rusev is right in to break things up. The Stackalade is broken up so Rusev settles for the regular version on Kofi for the tap out at 12:44.

Ascension is helping Fashion Files answer some Twitter questions (including some about hair conditioner) when Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable come in to call it stupid. They turn over the table and we have a match set up for later.

Here are the Usos for a chat. They talk about cleaning out the tag division, including listing off each team, causing a jail graphic to come up on the screen. There’s no one left for them to face so of course here are the Bludgeon Brothers.

Bludgeon Brothers vs. ???/???

Jobber #1 is sent hard into the corner for a running charge in the corner from Harper. The jobbers are sent into each other and it’s a full nelson slam/powerbomb combination to #1. The double spinebuster ends #2 at 1:50.

Daniel Bryan announces a superstar ranking system which will be starting soon. This was announced earlier in the day.

Shane McMahon is in his office when Tye Dillinger comes in. He’d love to talk about the ranking system (there are ten names on it after all) but he’s not happy with what happened at the Rumble. Baron Corbin comes in to yell about not getting the title shot and questions Shane’s McMahonhood. Dillinger mocks Corbin for losing Money in the Bank (a bit behind the times there buddy) but Shane says they’ll settle this in the ring tonight.

Video on Ronda Rousey debuting.

Here’s Charlotte for a chat with Renee Young (in what looks like Danny Davis’ old ring jacket). Charlotte wanted to be in the ring on Sunday to see if she could come in at #3 and survive like this guy she knows. Then the moment happened that broke the internet and she was in the ring with Alexa Bliss, Asuka and Ronda Rousey. She’s walking into Wrestlemania as Smackdown Women’s Champion and wants to know who she’ll be facing.

This brings out the Riott Squad with Ruby saying Charlotte’s ego is as big as her father’s. Charlotte doesn’t seem to mind so Riott talks about how she’s met people like Charlotte throughout her career. If it’s up to Ruby, Charlotte won’t even make it to Wrestlemania. Charlotte holds off the attack for a bit but the numbers get the better of her. The parade of finishers ensues….AND HERE COMES CARMELLA! She hands the referee the briefcase but accidentally dropkicks him to the floor before the match is on. Charlotte is back up so Carmella changes her mind. So Carmella is now a klutz?

Styles goes to talk strategy with Nakamura but Shinsuke only wants to talk about the Wrestlemania match. They’ll be fine tonight if Styles listens to him, which doesn’t sit well with AJ.

Carmella wanted to remind Charlotte that the danger is real.

Tye Dillinger vs. Baron Corbin

They fight outside at the bell with Corbin being sent into the barricade. Back in and Corbin unloads on Tye with right hands before throwing him outside as we take a break. We come back with Tye fighting out of a chinlock and getting in some right hands to the ribs. Corbin does his slide underneath the ropes but the clothesline misses. Instead Tye sends him shoulder first into the post, followed by a boot to the face. The Tyebreaker is broken up though and Corbin hits him in the back of the head. The chokebreaker sets up End of Days to give Baron the pin at 6:38.

Aiden English sings about the upcoming Rusev Day title change.

Roode has Rusev Day marked on his calendar. He circles it, but turns the circle into the O in glorious. That was clever. I’m not wild on these handheld promos but I am a fan of promos being used to set up matches. It worked for years and I have no idea why it was decided that they can’t work again.

Sami and Kevin are in the back talking about how they’re ready for tonight. Kevin implies that he’ll win next week and Sami doesn’t seem pleased.

Wrestlers are speculating on who will be the 205 Live General Manager.

Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable vs. Breezango

Fandango chops away at Shelton to start but walks into a spinebuster. Chad comes in to start on the arm but makes sure to knock Breeze off the apron to keep control. Back up and Fandango gets something like a backbreaker, only to get caught with a rolling Liger kick for two. Breeze comes in off the hot tag as everything breaks down but it’s a quick powerbomb/top rope clothesline to put Tyler away at 3:40.

Wrestlemania XXXIV ad.

AJ Styles/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

AJ wastes no time in headscissoring Owens into the corner so it’s off to Sami to work on Nakamura’s arm. Styles comes back in for a few kicks before Nakamura is back in, only to be taken into the corner for the double stomping. Nakamura fights back with some shots to the head and we hit the front facelock. Sami gets thrown outside but Owens uses the distraction to shoulder Nakamura down.

That leaves Sami down on the floor so Owens yells at him, meaning it’s time for the big argument. That’s too much for Sami and he takes the walk up the ramp as we go to a break. Back with Owens holding Styles in a chinlock as Sami watches from the stage. AJ’s belly to back facebuster gets two as Sami runs back in for the save. Sami comes in for two off a backdrop and it’s quickly back to Owens for two off the backsplash. Owens chops Sami for a tag but that’s not cool with Zayn, who does the same to bring Owens right back in.

They get knocked into each other so Sami leaves again, leaving Kevin to break up the Phenomenal Forearm. A Vader Bomb elbow gets two but the Pop Up Powerbomb is thwarted. Instead it’s off to Nakamura for some kicks, only to have Owens bail before Kinshasa. AJ throws him right back in though and it’s a spinwheel kick to the head, followed by Kinshasa to give Nakamura the pin at 15:25.

An unpleased Sami is watching in the back but says that’s not the end of their friendship. This is about Sami getting his chance because it’s his time to be champion.

Results
Rusev b. Kofi Kingston, Jinder Mahal and Zack Ryder – Accolade to Kingston
Bludgeon Brothers b. ???/??? – Double spinebuster
Baron Corbin b. Tye Dillinger – End of Days
Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable b. Breezango – Powerbomb/top rope clothesline combination to Breeze
AJ Styles/Shinsuke Nakamura b. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn – Kinshasa to Owens

Wednesday

NXT
Date: January 31, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Percy Watson, Mauro Ranallo

It’s time for another of the pre-Takeover shows as we haven’t had time to do more tapings, meaning we have some dark matches from this weekend’s Takeover: Philadelphia. This includes a match between Roderick Strong and Tyler Bate with the winner getting a UK Title match against Pete Dunne at some point in the future. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap package from Takeover, including a focus on the incredible main event.

Opening sequence.

Nikki Cross vs. Lacey Evans

Nikki is all over her to start but gets kicked out to the floor. Evans gets tied in the ring skirt and the fans are WAY behind Nikki as she forearms Laces in the chest. Back in and Lacey hits a slingshot Bronco Buster in the corner and is booed out of the building. That earns her a kick to the chest and the swinging fisherman’s neckbreaker is good for the pin on Evans 2:35.

Video on Saturday’s Tag Team Title match.

Video on the Women’s Title match, including Shayna Baszler choking Ember Moon out after losing.

Baszler says that went as it was supposed to because Moon only survived instead of beating her.

Video on Moon being in the Royal Rumble.

Video on Aleister Black vs. Adam Cole.

Undisputed Era took Cole to the back as he swore vengeance on Sanity.

Next week: Undisputed Era defends against Sanity.

Video on Velveteen Dream vs. Kassius Ohno.

Velveteen Dream says read his trunks. “Dream Over.” Dream to the interviewer: “And now you know too. Good talk.”

TM61 vs. Ealy Brothers

Uriel Ealy jumps Shane with forearms to the back but everything breaks down in a hurry with Thorn hitting a running Fosbury Flop onto both Brothers on the floor. The Brothers switch though and Miller gets kicked in the jaw. The beatdown lasts all of a few seconds though as a clothesline gets Miller out of trouble, setting up the hot tag to Thorn. Everything breaks down and Miller hits a moonsault for two with Gabriel making the save. Thunder Valley (the double gorilla press into a sitout spinebuster) is good for the pin on Uriel at 3:18.

Recap of the 2017 Year End Awards.

TM61 says they’re a better team than they used to be because they’re now mighty, and the mighty don’t kneel.

Long video on Johnny Gargano vs. Andrade Cien Almas, including Tommaso Ciampa attacking Gargano after the match.

Post match Ciampa wouldn’t answer questions, including “where have you been”. Uh, rehabbing his knee, as everyone knows?

We look at Almas in the Rumble.

Zelina Vega says this was her plan all along and there’s no Gargano in sight.

EC3 (Ethan Carter III isn’t mentioned) has signed with NXT.

Cole was in the Rumble and faces Killian Dain next week.

Roderick Strong vs. Tyler Bate

The winner gets a UK Title shot at some point to be announced. They fight over wrist control to start with Bate kicking him in the arm to twist out of a wristlock. Bate scores with a dropkick and nips up into a mustache pose. The airplane spin is countered into a double underhook backbreaker and Strong tosses him HARD into the corner for two.

Back from a break with Strong bending Bate over his back (kind of a bow and arrow with Bate bent over the back instead of the knees). Bate slips out and hits a big boot to the jaw, followed by a middle rope knee to the side of the head. Bate’s Liger Kick is followed by a crucifix for two and a rebound clothesline gets the same. The Tyler Driver 97 doesn’t work due to the variety of backbreakers and Strong hits the jumping knees to the face. End of Heartache is good for the pin on Bate at 13:38.

Results
Nikki Cross b. Lacey Evans – Fisherman’s neckbreaker
TM61 b. Ealy Brothers – Thunder Valley to Uriel
Roderick Strong b. Tyler Bate – End of Heartache

Thursday

Impact Wrestling
Date: February 1, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

It’s time for a new fresh taping cycle but also a fresh regime in charge of things. I mean, to be fair it had been a few months since everything was shaken up. This is the start of the taping cycle to take us all the way to the next pay per view in April, meaning it’s likely time to shake up a lot of things. Let’s get to it.

Someone’s legs arrived earlier today. As usual, panning up is out of the question.

Opening sequence.

We look back at last week’s show, showing every result including Matt Sydal winning the Grand Championship, Laurel Van Ness cheating to retain the Knockouts Title, Lashley losing to Moose and destroying Dan Lambert in retaliation and Eli Drake retaining the World Title in a triple threat. Only the triple threat involves someone who hasn’t left the promotion since the matches were taped.

Opening sequence.

The four sided ring is back, thank goodness.

Grand Championship: Matt Sydal vs. Fallah Bahh

Sydal is defending and it’s just a regular match again. Before the match, Matt gives credit to his new unnamed spiritual adviser. Bahh shoves him around with ease to start and knocks Sydal away for daring to throw some kicks. Sydal tries a sunset flip but is smart enough to pull himself up before he can be crushed. A sliding dropkick puts Bahh down and a spinwheel kick does the same.

Sydal starts in on the leg and it’s a YES Kick into a standing moonsault for two. Bahh gets back up so Sydal hits some top rope knees to bring him down again. Back up and Bahh scores with some big fat chops and a Samoan drop despite not being Samoan. That rolling splash gives Bahh two but Sydal kicks him over the top to break up a Banzai drop. Back in and Bahh misses another drop, setting up the shooting star press to retain Sydal’s title at 7:34.

We look back at Lashley turning on American Top Team, including spearing both KM and Dan Lambert. About time but that’s kind of an anti-climactic ending to the story.

Trevor Lee assures Caleb Konley that he’s five steps ahead of everyone so the team will be fine. I just want to know what was up with the semi-Hawaiian shirts.

KM vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley slugs away to start and let’s plug that list of people you can’t see in TNA anymore but CAN see if you buy their Network! KM talks some trash but gets taken down twice in a row. An early spear attempt sees Lashley go shoulder first into the post and we take a break. Back with KM grabbing a chinlock and demanding the referee ask for a submission a few times.

Lashley misses another charge and falls to the floor, allowing KM to actually hit a running flip dive. KM misses a slingshot splash back inside though and gets taken down by a crossbody of all things. Lashley’s powerslam gets two but he walks into a pumphandle slam for the same. Not that it matters as Lashley spears him down for the pin at 11:58.

We recap Kongo Kong destroying Chandler Park two weeks back.

Joseph Park is on the phone with Grandma Jenny when Jimmy Jacobs comes up to say he wants Abyss back to face Kong. As usual, Kong is worthless.

Lashley is going to focus on wrestling and MMA but blows off Eddie Edwards.

Laurel Van Ness vs. Kiera Hogan

Non-title. Laurel works on the arm to start and pulls her down by the hair. A right hand gets two, followed by a running forearm in the corner for the same. Hogan actually gets in some right hands and a low superkick for two, only to eat a curb stomp. The Unprettier is loaded up but here’s Allie for a distraction, allowing Hogan to grab a rollup for the pin at 4:14.

The mystery man is now in the building.

Alberto El Patron thinks he should be in the main event as champion but his partner tonight, Ethan Carter III, says follow his lead.

Here is LAX for their first comments since Barbed Wire Massacre. Konnan says they’re still the revolution and you can’t stop that. As for Sami Callihan (Konnan: “The guy was midway through a sex change operation when the doctor said just leave him like that”), they’re always ready for a fight so here’s OVE. Egads FIND A NEW TEAM ALREADY!

Callihan hits the mic against his own head and says they hate everything. They do respect LAX though and things need to end before one of them winds up dead. Sami promises to get the titles back at some point but for now, they have more important things to worry about. Konnan follows them up the aisle and says there are no bigger fish to fry because “we are the whole d*** tuna”. As I ponder the meanings of that line, Konley and Lee jump LAX and beat them down. They’re not exactly a great team but they’re different at least.

Moose and Johnny Impact (who Moose almost calls by all of his old names) are ready to win the tag match.

This week’s old clip: Drew Galloway debuts and beats up Ethan Carter III. Again: STOP SHOWING THE PEOPLE WHO DON’T WORK HERE ANYMORE BEATING UP YOUR (then) CURRENT TALENT!

Eli Drake thinks Chris Adonis brought the mystery man but Adonis says no. Tonight is all about the life of Eli though.

Cage is coming.

Ethan Carter III/Alberto El Patron vs. Johnny Impact/Moose

Johnny and Ethan start things off with Impact spinning out of a wristlock and into one of his own. Moose does his pose and comes in for a dropkick to keep Carter in trouble. The double teaming begins, setting up Impact’s breakdancing legdrop for two. Alberto gets in a cheap shot from the apron, allowing Carter to get in a knee to the ribs so the villains can take over.

Carter drops an elbow and grabs a chinlock for a few seconds before throwing Moose outside. That means a few rams into the barricade, followed by a double suplex for two back inside. The solo suplex is reversed though and it’s a lukewarm tag to Impact. It’s way too early for Starship Pain so Impact settles for the Flying Chuck. Unfortunately that only knocks Carter into his own corner, allowing Alberto to come right back in.

We take a break and come back with Alberto sending Impact into the corner over and over to keep him in trouble. Carter pulls Moose off the apron before coming in for the TK3 and a near fall of his own. A top rope ax handle gives Alberto two but Johnny reverses a belly to back superplex into a crossbody to put both guys down.

That’s enough for the hot tag to Moose, who comes in with a series of running corner dropkicks for two. Alberto ducks the Game Changer and scores with the Backstabber for two of his own. Johnny gets caught in the Tree of Woe and the top rope double stomp connects. Not that it matters as Moose is right there with a hard clothesline to put Alberto away at 18:53.

Here are Drake and Adonis for the big closing segment. Adonis has a few facts for Drake, starting with Drake being the greatest champion ever. We see a quick highlight reel, followed by the second fact: Drake is greatest dresser to ever live. Finally, we have fact #3: Drake is the greatest friend that ever lived.

For some reason the clip is from Thanksgiving where Adonis had to wear the turkey suit and he’s not happy. Drake says the pie from Thanksgiving was delicious and Adonis rocked the turkey suit. The champ adds up the facts that Adonis laid out and there’s only one conclusion: Drake is the greatest man that ever lived. I think you know where this is going.

Cue the returning AUSTIN ARIES (with banana) to interrupt, earning a loud WELCOME BACK chant. Aries says he missed the fans too but he heard Drake refer to himself as the greatest man that ever lived. After listing off his own resume around here, Aries throws the challenge out for anywhere anytime. Drake takes off his jacket and says the best thing that Aries has ever done is sit behind a desk and talk about the matches. There’s no match right now but Adonis cheap shots Aries with the belt. That’s enough to change Drake’s mind and the title is on the line RIGHT NOW.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Austin Aries vs. Eli Drake

Drake is defending and covers for a very quick two. After an argument with the referee, Drake misses a charge into the post, setting up Aries’ corner dropkick. The brainbuster gives us a new champion at 50 seconds.

As expected, the announcers soundly undersell the title change to end the show.

Results
Matt Sydal b. Fallah Bahh – Shooting star press
Bobby Lashley b. KM – Spear
Kiera Hogan b. Laurel Van Ness – Rollup
Johnny Impact/Moose b. Alberto El Patron/Ethan Carter III – Clothesline to El Patron
Austin Aries b. Eli Drake – Brainbuster

Friday

Nothing.

Saturday

Nothing.

Sunday

Nothing.

Quick Results

Monday Night Raw
Braun Strowman b. Kane when Kane couldn’t answer the ten count
Elias b. Matt Hardy – Drift Away
The Miz b. Roman Reigns – Rollup
Asuka b. Sasha Banks – Asuka Lock
The Bar b. Titus Worldwide – Super White Noise to Crews
John Cena b. Finn Balor – Super AA

Smackdown
Rusev b. Kofi Kingston, Jinder Mahal and Zack Ryder – Accolade to Kingston
Bludgeon Brothers b. ???/??? – Double spinebuster
Baron Corbin b. Tye Dillinger – End of Days
Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable b. Breezango – Powerbomb/top rope clothesline combination to Breeze
AJ Styles/Shinsuke Nakamura b. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn – Kinshasa to Owens

NXT
Nikki Cross b. Lacey Evans – Fisherman’s neckbreaker
TM61 b. Ealy Brothers – Thunder Valley to Uriel
Roderick Strong b. Tyler Bate – End of Heartache

Impact Wrestling
Matt Sydal b. Fallah Bahh – Shooting star press
Bobby Lashley b. KM – Spear
Kiera Hogan b. Laurel Van Ness – Rollup
Johnny Impact/Moose b. Alberto El Patron/Ethan Carter III – Clothesline to El Patron
Austin Aries b. Eli Drake – Brainbuster


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